Should Those With Homosexual Preferences Serve Missions?

[HeatherAnn]

Just wondering what your thoughts are about those who know they have homosexual preferences, serving missions.

How would you feel if you were a missionary with a companion with homosexual preferences?

How would investigators feel? Maybe they would never know, or would they?

Can you sense or discern whether someone has hetero or homo sexual preferences?

Edited September 27, 2011 by HeatherAnn

[KevinG]

Just wondering what your thoughts are about those who know they have homosexual preferences, serving missions.

How would you feel if you were a missionary with a companion with homosexual preferences?

It would disturb me only if they chose to confide their attraction to me. Otherwise any confession of behavior should be made to the Mission President.

How would investigators feel? Maybe they would never know, or would they?

If the missionary is doing his job investigators will know more about the Gospel, not the missionaries personal details.

Can you sense or discern whether someone has hetero or homo sexual preferences?

No. As Freud said, sometimes fondness for musical theatre is just a fondness for musical theatre.

[HeatherAnn]

Thanks for your comments, DaddyG.

So, you think they should go, as long as they keep their preferences secret, to themselves?

Would spending such time & in close quarters with someone of the same sex be appropriate for someone with homosexual preferences?

Missionary rules are to avoid dating... & it's not allowed for a single man-missionary be companions with a single woman-missionary.

Someone I know well, was living with someone of the same sex.

Her brother told me "She's gay."

I'd never seen her show interest in guys.

Within the year, she's now serving a mission.

I know it's not my business... but I don't feel good about it.

Edited September 27, 2011 by HeatherAnn

[KevinG]

Thanks for your comments, DaddyG.

So, you think they should go, as long as they keep their preferences secret, to themselves?

Would spending such time & in close quarters with someone of the same sex be appropriate for someone with homosexual preferences?

Missionary rules are to avoid dating... & it's not allowed for a single man-missionary be companions with a single woman-missionary.

Someone I know well, was living with someone of the same sex.

Her brother told me "She's gay."

I'd never seen her show interest in guys.

Within the year, she's now serving a mission.

I know it's not my business... but I don't feel good about it.

I would take any information from the brother with a grain of salt.

Being attracted to someone the same sex as you does not mean you are attracted to all people the same sex as you. If she struggles to reconcile her sexual feelings with her faith it is a private mattter unless her behavior detracts from her mission or her struggles begin to overshadow her ability to complete her mission.

Single men and women don't serve together for propriety sake. It is not impossible for singles to live together as friends but it could add another layer of complexity and temptation.

[Senator]

Absolutely!

However, in order to make everyone else feel comfortable, the individual should probably postpone "coming out" until after the mission.

I'm expanding my post to say, homosexually inclined individuals should probably avoid ever publically identifying as such, if they desire to have place in the church.

Edited September 27, 2011 by Senator

[Calm]

Since no one is omnisexual (attracted to everyone), as long as a missionary is committed to chastity and honest with him/herself I see no inherent problem. If someone becomes attracted to their companion, they can choose not to act on it, also in order not to be distracted from the work they should inform the mission president who can arrange for transfers if necessary or whatever else is appropriated. It is likely that attraction to investigators is a common occurrence and yet we allow eligible bachelors out in the field. If we allowed possible problems to dictate who was sent out, missionary ranks would be completely empty.

Deal with problems when they arise, don't fret about something that may never happen...waste of resources.

Edited September 27, 2011 by calmoriah

[Duncan]

I had a companion who has that and unfortunately It all came out in all the wrong ways. I didn't care if he is attracted to men, what I did care is he wrote down a list of the elders he was attracted to and I made the list...not so much that but that I didn't know he was gay until I had lived with him for quite sometime, once it was all out in the open it didn't bother me-he wasn't one of my fav. comps but it didn't have anything to do with his sexual preferences

[KevinG]

Absolutely!

However, in order to make everyone else feel comfortable, the individual should probably postpone "coming out" until after the mission.

That was tasteless. My children are in a singles ward where one young man decided to admit to his pre-mission drug use and fornication after he returned home. Meanwhile other young men who freely confessed to not being ready were delayed or did not have the opportunity for a mission. Somehow I think knowingly serving under false pretenses (unconfessed sins or no intention to avoid sin after-mission) does not jive with a testimony of the Gospel or worthiness to have the Holy Ghost as a constant companion.

I would give this sister the benefit of the doubt that she had determined her mission was more important than her sexual desires (if she is indeed gay or experiences same sex attraction in the first place).

[elguanteloko]

Just wondering what your thoughts are about those who know they have homosexual preferences, serving missions.

How would you feel if you were a missionary with a companion with homosexual preferences?

One of my companions in my mission was gay and I took it to be more funny than anything else. The only problems that are more likely to arise are the ones that result from a lack of understanding towards them. Who cares if they are gay? In my experiences, there were much more 'problems' with heterosexual elders than with homosexual ones. This is expected due to the rate of homosexuals to heterosexuals but, still, if you worry about chastity problems, the place to worry the most is with heterosexuals.

How would investigators feel? Maybe they would never know, or would they?

Some may notice but, again, what's wrong with that? Let's say the investigator WAS gay too and having a gay elder may ease a potential feeling of rejection that they find with many other Christians.

Can you sense or discern whether someone has hetero or homo sexual preferences?

lol Well, sometimes.

Edited September 27, 2011 by elguanteloko

[Calm]

Duncan, the whole list thing reminds me of junior high.

[elguanteloko]

That was tasteless. My children are in a singles ward where one young man decided to admit to his pre-mission drug use and fornication after he returned home.

Let me guess. He was, at least in the minds of everyone honest enough, one of the most interesting guys in the ward. Just keeping real here. Too bad that happened and all.. but...

Edited September 27, 2011 by elguanteloko

[Duncan]

Duncan, the whole list thing reminds me of junior high.

oh, he and we weren't the most mature then! I generally liked the guy but I wouldn't send him a Christmas card or anything, but it wouldn't have anything to do with him being gay

[KevinG]

Let me guess. He was, at least in the minds of everyone honest enough, one of the most interesting guys in the ward. Just keeping real here. Too bad that happened and all.. but...

In the minds of anyone honest enough it was tasteless to confess sins in Sunday school after the fact (he was kicked off his college sports team) when he should have sought counsel from the Bishop prior to the mission. He didn't do himself any favors among those who placed integrity above appearances prior to getting caught.

[Senator]

That was tasteless.

How so?

Pehaps my use of the cliche "coming out" was ill used. I changed that to "publically ever identifying as such". "Coming out" perhaps carries the connotation that one is publically self identifying and intending to enter the "gay lifestyle". Which is not what I meant.

I still hold to my position, that if one wishes to have place in the church with the least amount of friction, that individual should never publically self indentify.

[KevinG]

How so?

Pehaps my use of the cliche "coming out" was ill used. I changed that to "publically ever identifying as such". "Coming out" perhaps carries the connotation that one is publically self identifying and intending to enter the "gay lifestyle". Which is not what I meant.

I still hold to my position, that if one wishes to have place in the church with the least amount of friction, that individual should never publically self indentify.

Sorry- I misunderstood you. I agree with private struggles remaining private as long as one can live up to the behavior requried by their faith.

[Sky]

There is no doubt that this could be a major barrier to serving a mission. It’s not impossible, but it certainly makes it more difficult. I would say it depends on individual circumstances.

If the person has been in a full-blown homosexual relationship, the likelihood of them being able to go on a mission is very slim.

If they have experimented with their own gender but the last ‘incident’ was over 3 years and they have demonstrated sufficient and sincere repentance, my understanding is they could be approved for full-time missionary service. It’s still not easy, though.

If a person has SSA but has never acted on it, this gives them their best chance of being able to go on a mission.

There are also alternative ways for people to serve missions, such as serving in a Church cannery, among other things.

[Senator]

If they have experimented with their own gender but the last ‘incident’ was over 3 years and they have demonstrated sufficient and sincere repentance, my understanding is they could be approved for full-time missionary service. It’s still not easy, though.

Is this church policy, or your own policy?

There are also alternative ways for people to serve missions, such as serving in a Church cannery, among other things.

This is true, but why should people with SSA be relegated to "other" service.

[Daniel2]

I'm puzzled by the question...

I would think the answer to the OP would be the same as the answer to, "Should Those With Heterosexual Preferences Serve Missions...?"

According to Gordon B. Hinckley, as quoted on www.lds.org:

""People inquire about our position on those who consider themselves so-called gays and lesbians. My response is that we love them as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain inclinations which are powerful and which may be difficult to control. Most people have inclinations of one kind or another at various times. If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church.

and

As I said from this pulpit one year ago, our hearts reach out to those who refer to themselves as gays and lesbians. We love and honor them as sons and daughters of God. They are welcome in the Church. It is expected, however, that they follow the same God-given rules of conduct that apply to everyone else, whether single or married.

Daniel2

Edited September 27, 2011 by Daniel2

[Sky]

Is this church policy, or your own policy?

If you must know, I’m speaking from personal experience. To the best of my understanding, this was church policy. But that was back in 2001, so things could be different now.

I don’t think it’s gotten any easier, though. Remember when the Brethren ‘raised the bar’?

I also say these things so people who might find themselves in this situation will know. You could always ask your Bishop, too.

This is true, but why should people with SSA be relegated to "other" service.

I know how much it hurts. But there are also other reasons why somebody could be relegated to ‘other’ service or not be able to serve at all – among them being obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), severe anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, or sins such as fornication. I’m sure there are more.

[annewandering]

No one even knows if she is homosexual so why all the bother? Not dating or chasing after guys is not a very clear indications of anything much except they have other things on their mind or are shy. Homosexuality isnt the top thing on the list or at least I wouldnt think anyway. People are just too interested in other peoples sex lives in my opinion. Not even going to wonder why.

[frankenstein]

Just wondering what your thoughts are about those who know they have homosexual preferences, serving missions.

How would you feel if you were a missionary with a companion with homosexual preferences?

How would investigators feel? Maybe they would never know, or would they?

Can you sense or discern whether someone has hetero or homo sexual preferences?

Plenty of persons who are attracted to persons of their same gender have served missions. Missionaries are directed not to divulge past trangressions, and I would such a directive would include not to divulge one sexual preference.

Do some people have "gaydar" I am very confident some people do.

[Daniel2]

If you must know, I’m speaking from personal experience. To the best of my understanding, this was church policy. But that was back in 2001, so things could be different now.

I don’t think it’s gotten any easier, though. Remember when the Brethren ‘raised the bar’?

GA's had spoken of "raising the bar" for years prior to my own mission from 1992-1994. The standards for missionary service had been stringent for several years prior to my application to serve.

I was very forthright and upfront with my BYU bishop about my same-sex attractions when I met with him to review my worthiness to serve. He assured me that my attractions did not impare my worthiness or fitness to serve as a missionary.

Throughout my mission, I was likely one of the most (annoyingly, in retrospect) dedicated and obedient missionaries I know of. I trusted my bishop (as well as the words of my Patriarch), both of whom impressed upon me that my tenure as a missionary would be my chance to prove my love for the Lord and show him my sincere desires to serve Him and prove my obedience. Having spoken with many opposite-sex attracted missionaries and returned missionaries, since, I realize my dedication to service, obedience, and spirituality far exceeded "the norm" of missionaries--likely BECAUSE I was so aware of the need to keep my same-sex attractions in check, not IN SPITE of them.

Throughout my mission, never once did my homosexual attractions cause any problems. In fact, throughout most of my mission, I kept them thoroughly contained, having followed the advice of President Kimball to "lock my heart." (a common notion that was often discussed, by by opposite-sex attracted missionary peers, as well as Mission President).

I was intrumental in the teaching of dozens of Argentines who converted and joined the church during my mission. Many members of the church were fellowshipped. Many of my companions--and myself--were likewise further converted and grew to love the gospel more than I'd thought possible, prior to my mission.

By all accounts through an LDS paradigm, my mission was a resounding success.

I no longer believe in Mormonism, but I think any stigmatization of potential missionaries from service because they are gay or lesbian would be unnecessary and damaging.

As my Evergreen counselor once told me, "You may inherent Celestial Glory BECAUSE the Lord choose your trial to be SSA, not IN SPITE of it. It may be the thinig--not that KEEPS you from the CK, but THE thing that teaches you the necessarily humility, obedience, and subservience to Heavenly Father's will for you to attain exaltation."

Daniel2

[Flyonthewall]

Should the church institute Elder/Sister companion sets? I mean of the 19 -21year old variety, not a married couple.

Would it make a difference if one was not attracted to the other?

[Sky]

GA's had spoken of "raising the bar" for years prior to my own mission from 1992-1994. The standards for missionary service had been stringent for several years prior to my application to serve.

I was very forthright and upfront with my BYU bishop about my same-sex attractions when I met with him to review my worthiness to serve. He assured me that my attractions did not impare my worthiness or fitness to serve as a missionary.

Throughout my mission, I was likely one of the most (annoyingly, in retrospect) dedicated and obedient missionaries I know of. I trusted my bishop (as well as the words of my Patriarch), both of whom impressed upon me that my tenure as a missionary would be my chance to prove my love for the Lord and show him my sincere desires to serve Him and prove my obedience. Having spoken with many opposite-sex attracted missionaries and returned missionaries, since, I realize my dedication to service, obedience, and spirituality far exceeded "the norm" of missionaries--likely BECAUSE I was so aware of the need to keep my same-sex attractions in check, not IN SPITE of them.

Throughout my mission, never once did my homosexual attractions cause any problems. In fact, throughout most of my mission, I kept them thoroughly contained, having followed the advice of President Kimball to "lock my heart." (a common notion that was often discussed, by by opposite-sex attracted missionary peers, as well as Mission President).

I was intrumental in the teaching of dozens of Argentines who converted and joined the church during my mission. Many members of the church were fellowshipped. Many of my companions--and myself--were likewise further converted and grew to love the gospel more than I'd thought possible, prior to my mission.

By all accounts through an LDS paradigm, my mission was a resounding success.

I no longer believe in Mormonism, but I think any stigmatization of potential missionaries from service because they are gay or lesbian would be unnecessary and damaging.

As my Evergreen counselor once told me, "You may inherent Celestial Glory BECAUSE the Lord choose your trial to be SSA, not IN SPITE of it. It may be the thinig--not that KEEPS you from the CK, but THE thing that teaches you the necessarily humility, obedience, and subservience to Heavenly Father's will for you to attain exaltation."

Daniel2

Thanks for sharing your story, Daniel2.

I’m really happy that your mission was a success. I would not want it any other way. I know there are many same-sex attracted missionaries who have served and who are currently serving successfully. But unfortunately that was not my experience. Instead it hindered me from serving.

I wish you nothing but happiness and peace in your life’s journey.

[Facsimile 3]

This topic is silly. I'm guessing that the people making a big deal out of this didn't serve missions. It reminds me of people here who want everyone to go to private schools, when they themselves went only to public schools ;-) .

There are missionaries in every mission that pop up on peoples' gaydars and often times than not they are some of the most effective missionaries in their missions. Most missionaries (no matter who they are attracted to) have taken their calling seriously and aren't out looking to shack up with someone. I've met gays and lesbians in my age range who (even though they have left the Church) have only good feelings towards their missions because they served honorably (and let's face it, sexuality isn't the major thread unifying your missionary narrative).

I had a companion who pretty much everyone thought was attracted to men; he was definitely popping up on my gaydar. He was not the best missionary (think drama kid craving to be the center of attention who always wanted to play "Waterfall" on members' pianos instead of teaching lessons). I'll go ahead and break my hand off patting myself on the back in saying that he did better with me than most of his companions because A) I'm very comfortable with my sexuality and thus gay people don't make me paranoid (I figure the more people attracted to me the better ;-) and B) I understood that his need to be the center of attention needed to be given some healthy outlets which I arranged for with musical numbers in Church and late night after planning moments where he would act out some musical scene from a Disney movie in front of me.

What can I say, people are weird and I'm willing to let them roll with it in productive or at least non-detrimental ways.

Edited September 28, 2011 by Facsimile 3