Craig Paxton Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I consider my personal experience with the church as a pretty garden variety experience. I was raised in a typical, active, multi-generational, pioneer stock, LDS family along the Wasatch front. We held FHE’s, paid our tithing, lived the Word of Wisdom, attended all ward functions, watched General Conference, read the New Era, graduated from seminary and institute, served an honorable mission in a foreign country, married in the temple, served in whatever calling I was called to, including but not limited to leadership positions in both my ward and stake…in other words my experience was what I would consider quite average and very typical. Yet things did not go according to plan…While my understanding of church claims was what I would consider “traditional” in that I believed the Book of Mormon as an actual history of real people, I believed and proclaimed knowledge in God visiting Joseph Smith in the grove, I also held some what I would now consider “trusting naïve” views. I guess my views were more in line with Bruce R. McConkie and Spencer W. Kimble’s than Daniel Peterson’s. Dr. Peterson would call me a fundamentalist…I would call myself typical.I believed in a literal Adam and Eve, a universal flood, a Tower of Babel, Jaradites, Nephites and Lamanites. I also held to the commonly taught belief that all Native Americans were descendants of Lehi. I rejected evolution as a tool of Satan yet tried to balance a young earth with the realities of conflicting evidence to the contrary by putting it on my mental shelf as unimportant to salvation or something that would be sorted out later. Bottom line I believed that I was being taught truth.1985 brought the first signs of trouble for me with the onslaught of Mark Hoffmann’s yet unknown forgeries. Suddenly I had to reinvent my religion to incorporate a previously unknown paradigm…the magic world view. While I consider my attempt somewhat successful, it did leave small fissures in my testimony that I merely patched over with the same old proven technique of putting it on my mental shelf. Then 15 years ago I read an article in Sunstone regarding Book of Mormon population problems. It again created the cognitive dissonance I had experienced years earlier and set me on a path of true discovery and understanding that maybe just maybe my worldview was not based in reality.While it still took years for me to face my demons head on…with the advent of the internet I was exposed to a worldview of Mormonism that I had previously been shielded from. No longer were there unaskable questions. With this additional tool it soon became quite clear to me that the world view I had held my entire life of Mormonism was just not based in reality. It also became quite clear to me that men that I had held in the highest esteem, men I viewed as having the ability of receiving additional knowledge directly from that same God I believed had visited Joseph in the Grove were no more enlighten or had any more grasp on reality than I had been. It broke my heart to come to this realization. While I still hold many of these men in the highest regard…I no longer feel that they have any more insight into reality than any other human being. They are after all…just men.As I opened my mind to the possibility that my previous worldview had been quite naïve and in many ways completely ignorant of reality…I discovered a whole new way to interpret Mormonism. What has been termed Internet Mormonism…or Mormonism through the eyes of apologetics…or more specifically… syncing Mormonism with reality.It is in this worldview that we encounter multiple Cumorah’s, limited geographies, shrinking or disappearing civilizations, tapir-horses, spiritual eyes, Prophets whose statements are just as reliable as any corner barker, localized floods, death before the fall, acceptance of evolution as God’s tool of creation, conflicting versions of the first vision, just to name a few. In other words…a completely new religion than the one I was raised to believe in.While I contend that the majority of Church members are of the “Chapel Mormon ”variety, I, through my examination of Internet Mormonism, have lost belief in both brands.While I always hold to the thought that I could be just as wrong in my conclusions now as I once had been on my naïve views of chapel Mormonism…I no longer find any variety of Mormonism believable.It is time to move on… 1
bluebell Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 While i appreciate you sharing all this, i'm wondering, what is the point of this thread?
thesometimesaint Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Craig Paxton:Quite an Antitestimony. It is far past time to move on. Most of the Mormons I know are internet savy enough to know not to believe everything they read there.I'm a Front Row of the Chapel Internet savy Mormon 1
Mola Ram Suda Ram Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 It is time to move on…Then do it. See you latter.
Maidservant Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Craig, do you still believe that you have a Heavenly Father, and you are his son? (You don't have to reply on that, none of my business.)But if so, you're fine, He still has you and you still have Him, and you'll be led.If you don't believe that, or not sure, then that's all right too. I expect you will locate, in ever greater revelations of clarity, your own dragon scroll (a la Kung Fu Panda).For what it's worth, and I'm sure you know this now . . . the gospel of Jesus Christ, and Mormonism, and the Church, and and and . . . is only about reality. One cannot be full in these things without having their eyes opened, one way or the other, and to one conclusion or another, whether staying or going. You cannot keep your covenants fully with your eyes closed (in my opinion).So . . . enjoy life . . . and God bless . . . and I hope you stick around the board, if you have a mind to.
Craig Paxton Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) While i appreciate you sharing all this, i'm wondering, what is the point of this thread?I guess its my good-bye to this forum...I'm spending way too much time here and although it has confirmed some of my perceptions...and helped me soften others...I don't see any further point in me being here.While I'd like to stop by from time to time...I really need to move on...I think I've spent time on just about every Mormon themed board on the internet...and although my experience here started out roughly...for the most part I have found the posters and moderators here very rspectiful of opposing viewpoints and very patient. although I didn't come here to change anyones mind...you have helped me soften mine...in a way you've helped me in my desire to recover from mormonism. Edited August 23, 2011 by Craig Paxton
cinepro Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Most of the Mormons I know are internet savy enough to know not to believe everything they read there.I'm a Front Row of the Chapel Internet savy MormonFor anyone new to the concept, it should be noted that the difference between Internet and Chapel Mormons has nothing to do with where they sit on Sunday mornings or the quality of their broadband connection. It is simply a description of two generally different approaches people take to truth and doctrine in the Church. As long as Internet Mormons keep their mouths shut in Church, and Chapel Mormons keep their mouths shut on the internet, the two can coexist rather peacefully. But if an Internet Mormon refuses to play nice at Church, or a Chapel Mormon actually says what he thinks to the Internet Mormons out of Church, things can get confrontational.Being an Internet Mormon doesn't mean you have a less sincere testimony or are somehow less devout in your allegiance to the gospel (although, to be fair, some Chapel Mormons may see it that way). It just means that you have a more nuanced view of truth and doctrine, and tend to place the scriptures and words of the prophets in a "bigger picture" view of the cosmos.
Craig Paxton Posted August 23, 2011 Author Posted August 23, 2011 Then do it. See you latter.Pretty much the reaction I'd expect coming from you...you never disappoint...
bluebell Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 I guess its my good-bye to this forum...I'm spending way too much time here and although it has confirmed some of my perceptions...and helped me soften others...I don't see any further point in me being here.While I'd like to stop by from time to time...I really need to move on...I think I've spent time on just about every Mormon themed board on the internet...and although my experience here started out roughly...for the most part I have found the posters and moderators here very rspectiful of opposing viewpoints and very patient. although I didn't come here to change anyones mind...you have helped me soften mine...in a way you've helped me in my desire to recover from mormonism.If you feel like you need to move on, then i wish you well in the journey.
Senator Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 (edited) It is time to move on…Moving on, may be the very thing you need. Unlike others who might entreat you with a, "don't let the door hit in the butt", I will walk you to the door with both sorry and blessings.To some, who have been immersed in a paradigm all their life, it is sometimes necessary to leave that paradigm in order to discover (or truely understand) what was had. Like the fish analogy. How does a fish know that it is in a particular element, if it has never experienced being out the water? Perhaps, you do need to experience what life is like without the Gospel in order to appreciate it. Craig, of all that you may have come to disbelieve, I hope that you do not disown the fact that there is a great deal of good in the Church. I do hope at least that you retain that acknowledgement, and perhaps will one day seek the church for that value if for nothing else.God Bless Edited August 23, 2011 by Senator
thesometimesaint Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 cinepro:Fortunately(unfortunately) I have a big mouth, and don't mind a bit giving my opinions in church or outside of it. It does make for some "interesting" Priesthood Meetings. However I've never been told to keep quite or change my opinions by anyone before, during, or after church meetings. As I've said before I have no problem with actual Church doctrines, just someone's own interpretation of them.
Ares Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Topics We Don't AllowPersonal topics such as "Why I Left the Church" threads.
Nemesis Posted August 23, 2011 Posted August 23, 2011 Automatic generated message This topic has been closed by a moderator. Reason: See board guidelines. Kind regards, Mormon Dialogue & Discussion Board Staff
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