Abuse, the Law, and the Church.

[frankenstein]

The other day, I could hear my neighbors, crying about so and so pushed me, I heard a male voice respond "SHUT THE blank UP, JUST SHUT THE blank UP". The household is single mother of 3 (the male could have been the dad but all in all, the household does not have a male authority figure), the person being told to shut up is 8 - 11 and a very nice intelligent girl.

For a brief moment I was worried I might hear, physical punishment occurring, then I thought, "If I hear the male hitting the girl or the other two children should I call the police, call the Bishop, call the EQP"

I quickly ruled out the EQP, because I have seen his temper, and it is not good.

I debated about the Bishop, simply because, I know how overzealous the law and law enforcement is when child abuse is the issue. My thoughts were, well if called the Bishop then someone from Church might show up, things could settle, problems could be known and advice for appropriate counseling could be given.

A second incident, different family and this was at Church.

I was standing outside, when in a quick rush the Church door opened and a man was holding his wife by the elbow and leading her out. They were very rushed and is seemed as thought he was pushing her rather than walking side by side at the same pace. What seemed odd about this situation was that it gave me a vibe that the man might be abusive. I told my wife about this, and she said she got the same vibe from the man a few weeks ago.

I think this man might also be my hometeacher (I find out this Sunday).

[selek]

The other day, I could hear my neighbors, crying about so and so pushed me, I heard a male voice respond "SHUT THE blank UP, JUST SHUT THE blank UP". The household is single mother of 3 (the male could have been the dad but all in all, the household does not have a male authority figure), the person being told to shut up is 8 - 11 and a very nice intelligent girl.

For a brief moment I was worried I might hear, physical punishment occurring, then I thought, "If I hear the male hitting the girl or the other two children should I call the police, call the Bishop, call the EQP"

I quickly ruled out the EQP, because I have seen his temper, and it is not good.

I debated about the Bishop, simply because, I know how overzealous the law and law enforcement is when child abuse is the issue. My thoughts were, well if called the Bishop then someone from Church might show up, things could settle, problems could be known and advice for appropriate counseling could be given.

A second incident, different family and this was at Church.

I was standing outside, when in a quick rush the Church door opened and a man was holding his wife by the elbow and leading her out. They were very rushed and is seemed as thought he was pushing her rather than walking side by side at the same pace. What seemed odd about this situation was that it gave me a vibe that the man might be abusive. I told my wife about this, and she said she got the same vibe from the man a few weeks ago.

I think this man might also be my hometeacher (I find out this Sunday).

Was there a question in this insinuation, or are you merely gossiping about people we don't know?

Edited January 21, 2011 by selek

[MorningStar]

After witnessing what happens with abuse situations in my ward, I believe firmly that bishops, EQP's, Relief Society presidents, etc. should not be called to deal with people's domestic problems. Long story, but that happened with a couple I know and it is a huge mess. Bishops are not law enforcement or professional counselors. I think the police should be called and give abusers a wake up call that there will be consequences for their actions. This couple in my ward kept calling ward members to come over and help them calm down. They should not be put in that position.

[jadams_4242]

The other day, I could hear my neighbors, crying about so and so pushed me, I heard a male voice respond "SHUT THE blank UP, JUST SHUT THE blank UP". The household is single mother of 3 (the male could have been the dad but all in all, the household does not have a male authority figure), the person being told to shut up is 8 - 11 and a very nice intelligent girl.

For a brief moment I was worried I might hear, physical punishment occurring, then I thought, "If I hear the male hitting the girl or the other two children should I call the police, call the Bishop, call the EQP"

I quickly ruled out the EQP, because I have seen his temper, and it is not good.

I debated about the Bishop, simply because, I know how overzealous the law and law enforcement is when child abuse is the issue. My thoughts were, well if called the Bishop then someone from Church might show up, things could settle, problems could be known and advice for appropriate counseling could be given.

A second incident, different family and this was at Church.

I was standing outside, when in a quick rush the Church door opened and a man was holding his wife by the elbow and leading her out. They were very rushed and is seemed as thought he was pushing her rather than walking side by side at the same pace. What seemed odd about this situation was that it gave me a vibe that the man might be abusive. I told my wife about this, and she said she got the same vibe from the man a few weeks ago.

I think this man might also be my hometeacher (I find out this Sunday).

both instances are very sad indeed, ya know some simply dont follow the commandments; do they not see where not being obedient gets them??When we "are" truely obedient unto all things; we truely do have the spirit to guide and walk with us at all times; those who do not follow the commandments have these kind of problems. its very sad they cant put two and two together.

[Duncan]

After knowing about some situations in the Church I have come to the conclusion, as has Morningstar, to call the Police first and let the Church handle it after the Police have done what they need to do.

[MorningStar]

I wanted to add, years ago my friend was being abused and the last straw was when the neighbors heard the noise and called the police. She was finally ready to leave after that. He had thrown her against the wall while pregnant, grabbed her arm while holding their son (almost causing her to drop him), and more. When the police were called, he was throwing objects at her head. These things escalate. The abuser might want to stop, but it seems to get worse with each incident. Same with another friend of mine. First it was a shove, then it was grabbing her by the coat (causing her zipper to cut her lip), a slap, a punch, charging at her and knocking her down, and then several times he strangled her.

The police are "overzealous" because they get called to the same homes over and over again. They are the ones who have dealt with hospitalized or dead children and spouses.

[bluebell]

I agree with MS. If abuse is happening, the police need to be the first called. It's not always easy to know what to do in these situations, so i think it's great to discuss the options and what might be best.

[rpn]

When I prosecuted, the evidence was that arresting a domestic violence perp did the most to curtail further abuse. Didn't require a long stay in jail. Just the two or three days until they could be bailed out, permanently resolved a great number of the problems, almost all that were not also substance abuse related, or generational family pattern related. That research is why most departments arrest and prosecute these days whether or not the victim is interested in prosecuting.

Edited January 22, 2011 by rpn

[SeattleGhostWriter]

After witnessing what happens with abuse situations in my ward, I believe firmly that bishops, EQP's, Relief Society presidents, etc. should not be called to deal with people's domestic problems. Long story, but that happened with a couple I know and it is a huge mess. Bishops are not law enforcement or professional counselors. I think the police should be called and give abusers a wake up call that there will be consequences for their actions. This couple in my ward kept calling ward members to come over and help them calm down. They should not be put in that position.

However, if we as members of the ward know that a person is being abusive and they are called to hold a calling, we do have the opportunity to oppose the sustaining of that person. It is then that we will be asked why we oppose their calling and that is where we can voice our suspicions.