Women, Relief Society and being LDS

[mfbukowski]

I'm glad you commented GG. I was wondering how you felt. Thank you! I wonder about the vacancy of a priesthood member in the home... whether that be by choice or other circumstances and how that impacts a woman's participation in the church, considering that the Priesthood is a vitally important piece of the LDS church and in my understanding, membership. In that case, does the Bishop take responsibility for blessings?

Just a quick thought until GG responds with her actual experience--

What is supposed to happen is the home teacher - who is a member of the priesthood- and every member of the church has one, and who supposedly visits monthly, would be the first in line to take care of a needed blessing in cases like this, with certainly any other member of the priesthood and/or the bishop as back up. But the hometeaching system quite frankly is spotty at best with occasional great home teachers and mostly spotty ones who visit less than they should and consequently are viewed as less dependable and caring than they should be. But yes, the bishop is always available.

[blueadept]

Just a quick thought until GG responds with her actual experience--

What is supposed to happen is the home teacher - who is a member of the priesthood- and every member of the church has one, and who supposedly visits monthly, would be the first in line to take care of a needed blessing in cases like this, with certainly any other member of the priesthood and/or the bishop as back up. But the hometeaching system quite frankly is spotty at best with occasional great home teachers and mostly spotty ones who visit less than they should and consequently are viewed as less dependable and caring than they should be. But yes, the bishop is always available.

I concur with everything you've said and my wife has unfortunately experienced the spotty HTs. Since the bishop is a personal friend of mine, I've been tempted to talk to him on my wife's behalf to improve the frequency of the HT visits but have fallen back on just taking care of the Catholic stuff and letting my wife take care of the LDS stuff. It's still annoying for me in having my wife go through it though. She appreciates the monthly visits since it's the only time for her that the priesthood is in the home. Hmmm.....

[thesometimesaint]

blueadept:

Well put a bug in the Bishops ear.

[Wants2know]

I guess I'm not surprised that the HT visits are "spotty". I say that for two reasons. The first is that I've done home based work on and off for years, and every time I go back to it I'm reminded what it is that I dislike about it... AND also the things I love about it too... which is why I have often taken a break and then gone back to it. It's a very difficult task to do if you have even one family on your caseload (in my case) that for whatever reason does not want you there, or simply just tolerate your presence. It can be very discouraging - and I get paid to do it! HT is one of the things that my fiance does not enjoy about the church, he has been very adamant about that. Well... not necessarily about the "church"... but more in that his personal experience was not positive. Which, is really unfortunate because he's such a people person, I would have imagined it had the potential to be something he'd really like. But that's probably another thread At the same time, that is too bad that the program perhaps lacks what it should be - I can imagine that would be very challenging and disheartening for those members without priesthood in their homes. Thoughts on why the program is lacking? And do you think the HV program has the same troubles?

[thesometimesaint]

Wants2know:

Don't know about VT. But "spotty" doesn't really define our track record as concerns HT. As Priesthood we are all assigned one or more families to Home Teach. Elders nearly always get the young families, while High Priests get the older families, single members(widows, divorced, etc.), plus the less actives. We are encouraged to see our families formally at least once a month, but more if our families need it. Now of course we're not perfect at it, and a few families get missed. But that doesn't negate the responsibility of the family to say something to their HT, or if necessary the Bishop if their not getting visited.

[blueadept]

But that doesn't negate the responsibility of the family to say something to their HT, or if necessary the Bishop if their not getting visited.

Thanks for the info.

[mnn727]

Releif Society is both a class and an organization:

The class teaches Gospel Topics

The organization does much much more than just teach the class.

[Garden Girl]

I'm glad you commented GG. I was wondering how you felt. Thank you! I wonder about the vacancy of a priesthood member in the home... whether that be by choice or other circumstances and how that impacts a woman's participation in the church, considering that the Priesthood is a vitally important piece of the LDS church and in my understanding, membership. In that case, does the Bishop take responsibility for blessings?

Hello W2K...

I do miss having the Priesthood formally in my home... but I have something almost as good... a faithful Home Teacher. He brings the priesthood into my home as he meets with me each month... as he looks after my needs that I can't handle myself (coordinating help/people as needed)... his friendship and spirit bless me in numerous ways... and when we pray together after a visit I am left with a wonderful feeling because I am not alone. There is a priesthood holder standing beside me that I can turn to...

As for blessings, I just tell him (or some of my close friends) when I feel the need of a blessing and they are there for me. Like before my surgery, at the rehab center, and finally just last week at Church. I simply said to one of my brothers that I felt the need of a blessing and after Sac Mtg he and another brother annointed and blessed me, and I indeed felt the comfort and encouragement that I needed...

GG

[mfbukowski]

I guess I'm not surprised that the HT visits are "spotty". I say that for two reasons. The first is that I've done home based work on and off for years, and every time I go back to it I'm reminded what it is that I dislike about it... AND also the things I love about it too... which is why I have often taken a break and then gone back to it. It's a very difficult task to do if you have even one family on your caseload (in my case) that for whatever reason does not want you there, or simply just tolerate your presence. It can be very discouraging - and I get paid to do it! HT is one of the things that my fiance does not enjoy about the church, he has been very adamant about that. Well... not necessarily about the "church"... but more in that his personal experience was not positive. Which, is really unfortunate because he's such a people person, I would have imagined it had the potential to be something he'd really like. But that's probably another thread At the same time, that is too bad that the program perhaps lacks what it should be - I can imagine that would be very challenging and disheartening for those members without priesthood in their homes. Thoughts on why the program is lacking? And do you think the HV program has the same troubles?

I am not sure if you also know about the Visiting Teaching program which runs parallel to the HT program- it is done by members of the relief society, so ideally every woman would receive two visits, one from here home teacher and one from her visiting teacher, monthly. Both programs tend to be spotty, but typically the sisters do better than the brethren in making their visits, which is not much of a surprise.

We are the only church that I know of that does this, so even though the visits may be spotty, imo it is still better than any others I have seen. The redundancy helps, I think.

Why doesn't it always work? I think for the reasons you have cited- human nature, fear of rejection, lack of caring and just pure laziness. We have inactive members who will slam the door in your face, and of course others which will welcome you with open arms, offer you something to drink and in general be very hospitable. Which of these two would you rather visit? I think it is fairly obvious! Plus we as people just like to be around people like ourselves, so if a 21 year old newly returned missionary is assigned to visit a 50 year old who has not been to church in 40 years, chances are the RM is not going to have an enjoyable visit, and will probably be less likely to even try after a while.

Assigning home teachers to families is one of the most difficult jobs in the church because one has to be conscious of making the right matches as well as other considerations like geography etc. In Utah it is a different deal, but some wards can be 20 miles across and asking someone to drive a 40 mile round trip is rough, even if they would ideally be the perfect "match". You can't also assign a single brother to visit a single sister, for propriety concerns. Ideally the HT would have a companion, but that complicates the picture as well. And sometimes you may have say, 20 active elders to "cover" a potential group of more than 100 who need to be visited.

But I don't for one minute want to make this sound negative. The fact that it is a priesthood responsibility and the fact that it happens it all is a testimony to the commitment of rank and file members who are willing to honor their priesthood. As I said before, to my knowledge no other church even tries to do this! That fact that any gets done at all is practically a miracle imo.

Edit: and for statistics purposes I should say how "spotty" is "spotty". Our ward typically runs in the 80-90% range for home teaching. I have seen it as low as 50%, and we are now at the top range of what is usually expectable imo, but sometimes we make a "push" to see everyone, and the numbers go up approaching 100%. You can never see everyone. but if the priesthood is committed, and you include the possibility of phone calls to those you cannot physically see, you really can get very close to 100%. We have done it on rare occasions. December is always a great month because everyone likes to give their "home teachees" small gifts of cookies etc, and no one wants to see even gruff unfriendly people miss out on a visit at holiday time.

Wish it could be that way all year!

[blueadept]

As I said before, to my knowledge no other church even tries to do this! That fact that any gets done at all is practically a miracle imo.

Note to self......The list of Catholic members I possess who are shut-ins, disabled, living in retirement homes, or are unfortunately in the hospital that our group visits weekly (or monthly) and report back to the local priest doesn't count........and neither does the other church groups I've encountered while doing these assignments.....got it.

Sorry for my sarcastic comment

Bereavement ministries......

Prison ministries...........

[Wants2know]

Note to self......The list of Catholic members I possess who are shut-ins, disabled, living in retirement homes, or are unfortunately in the hospital that our group visits weekly (or monthly) and report back to the local priest doesn't count........and neither does the other church groups I've encountered while doing these assignments.....got it.

Sorry for my sarcastic comment

Bereavement ministries......

Prison ministries...........

Sarcasm aside I see your point blueadept. At the same time, I don't know of any church that has, for lack of a better word, institutionalized, a home visiting/teaching in the same way LDS does. That's my awareness, or lack thereof though. I certainly could be wrong.

[LeSellers]

I concur with everything you've said and my wife has unfortunately experienced the spotty HTs. Since the bishop is a personal friend of mine, I've been tempted to talk to him on my wife's behalf to improve the frequency of the HT visits but have fallen back on just taking care of the Catholic stuff and letting my wife take care of the LDS stuff. It's still annoying for me in having my wife go through it though. She appreciates the monthly visits since it's the only time for her that the priesthood is in the home.

Technically, you know, the Home Teachers are not assigned to your wife, but to you, as the head of the house. They are your Home Teachers as much or more than they are hers. They are your resource to help with virtually anything you assign to them, as long as it does not conflict with Gospel principles, which I cannot see your asking them to do anyway.

That you do not know this is hardly surprising ? most Saints do not know how to use Home Teachers, either.

Lehi

[blueadept]

Sarcasm aside I see your point blueadept. At the same time, I don't know of any church that has, for lack of a better word, institutionalized, a home visiting/teaching in the same way LDS does. That's my awareness, or lack thereof though. I certainly could be wrong.

I guess it depends upon the target group you're trying to keep in contact with the priesthood.

LDS tries to do it with all of its members whether its welcomed in the home or not.

Our church offers the home visits for all who wants (needs) the service. This tends to be the individuals who are going through a difficult time in their lives and we're fully welcomed into their homes at their request and not merely tolerated as can be perceived by the LDS HT program at times.

IMO, there are plusses and minuses to both approaches. The point is that other churches have similar programs to reach their members whether others realize it or not.

[Wants2know]

They are your Home Teachers as much or more than they are hers.

Please elaborate.

[blueadept]

Technically, you know, the Home Teachers are not assigned to your wife, but to you, as the head of the house. They are your Home Teachers as much or more than they are hers. They are your resource to help with virtually anything you assign to them, as long as it does not conflict with Gospel principles, which I cannot see your asking them to do anyway.

That you do not know this is hardly surprising ? most Saints do not know how to use Home Teachers, either.

Lehi

To some degree, I was aware of this since they always ask ME if there is some needs they can help with or to lead in the prayers. I guess I need to be more proactive in order to meet my wifes needs.

[thesometimesaint]

Wants2know:

We HT them as families not just as individuals.

[blueadept]

Wants2know:

We HT them as families not just as individuals.

just to add

......they fully respect the head of household regardless if they are a member or not as Home Teachers.

[LeSellers]

Technically, you know, the Home Teachers are not assigned to your wife, but to you, as the head of the house. They are your Home Teachers as much or more than they are hers. They are your resource to help with virtually anything you assign to them, as long as it does not conflict with Gospel principles, which I cannot see your asking them to do anyway.

Please elaborate.

The Home Teacher's obligation is to the head of the house. He is a resource to the head of the house, irrespective of whether the head is LDS or not. I once taught a young man (aged 11) who had been born into the home of an LDS father and a mother who was not LDS. They divorced. The court awarded their son to the mother, who remarried. The head of the house told us not to bother them any more. So, in spite of the fact that the boy was a baptized Saint, we honored the wishes of the head of the house (who had not adopted the boy) and did not "bother them" any more.

Had the head of the house called me (or my companion) and asked us to re-roof their house, we'd have done it. In fact, we did exactly that for another head of house whose daughter was the only member in this home.

Home Teachers are assigned to the family, but their primary responsibility to that family is to assist the head of the house with his job of directing and protecting that family, whether he is the father, the husband, the mother, or a single man or woman. As long as the head of the house asks for something that does not conflict with Gospel principles, the Home Teacher will do everything he can to assist the head to accomplish his God-given obligation: to direct and protect the family.

Lehi

[Garden Girl]

NOTE TO BLUEADEPT

Hello blue...

I think you have enough experience with we LDS that you know we do not ignore nor dismiss the efforts of other faiths along the lines of VT and HT... we applaud such efforts though at times I fear we don't always acknowledge them like we should.

You are well aware of our joint efforts with Catholic Charities in regard to humanitarian aid, etc., and we know that Catholics can turn to the priests for spiritual aid and comfort...

GG

[mfbukowski]

Note to self......The list of Catholic members I possess who are shut-ins, disabled, living in retirement homes, or are unfortunately in the hospital that our group visits weekly (or monthly) and report back to the local priest doesn't count........and neither does the other church groups I've encountered while doing these assignments.....got it.

Sorry for my sarcastic comment

Bereavement ministries......

Prison ministries...........

I was a Catholic for 30 years and never heard of these. Must be copying us. You know, priesthood shortage, Vatican II and all....

Joking.... just joking.....

But seriously, I wasn't aware these existed.

[mfbukowski]

See, try as hard as I can, I just cannot be as nice as GG!

[katherine the great]

Home Teachers are assigned to the family, but their primary responsibility to that family is to assist the head of the house with his job of directing and protecting that family, whether he is the father, the husband, the mother, or a single man or woman. As long as the head of the house asks for something that does not conflict with Gospel principles, the Home Teacher will do everything he can to assist the head to accomplish his God-given obligation: to direct and protect the family.

Lehi

This is interesting. What about a situation where the wife is LDS? If she wanted home teachers but her husband didn't, what would be the proper course of action? In such a situation maybe the visiting teachers would just be sure to make sure her spiritual needs were being met. I'm sure this isn't a common scenario, but I imagine it exists.

[blueadept]

See, try as hard as I can, I just cannot be as nice as GG!

IMO, the women on this board tend to come across as more caring than the men (myself included) tend to. My wife's VT are fantastic support models for my wife and always has been. Our HTs need to take some notes IMO.

[Wants2know]

This is interesting. What about a situation where the wife is LDS? If she wanted home teachers but her husband didn't, what would be the proper course of action? In such a situation maybe the visiting teachers would just be sure to make sure her spiritual needs were being met. I'm sure this isn't a common scenario, but I imagine it exists.

I'm interested in knowing how that situation is dealt with myself. Thanks for asking KtG.

[katherine the great]

I'm interested in knowing how that situation is dealt with myself. Thanks for asking KtG.

Just as an aside: I personally look forward to my visiting teachers visits MUCH more than the home teacher visits anyway. My favorite home teacher of all time almost never made regular visits, but when my husband was out of town once and I heard a mouse trap go off in my closet, I called my home teacher (at midnight) who rushed over and disposed of it's little carcass immediately! Now THAT's the kind of home teacher I like!!!!