New Friend Article: Different, but Together'

[Calm]

Thought some might be interested:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/friend/2020/07/different-but-together?lang=eng&cid=FBfriend_07_27_20_together&fbclid=IwAR0ckQ-eEDl51nfdXyihr88Dw1YbrbAuQdR8mbUpDUzWS3GqENzVpyxXqPM
 

Quote

“When we get together with family, we always say prayers at mealtime. And sometimes we talk about church, right?” Dad asked.

“Right!” Ellie said.

“Well, things will be a little different on this trip,” Mom said. “Your aunt and uncle don’t go to church anymore. And they don’t like it when people talk to them about it.”

Ellie frowned. “Why not?”

“We don’t know all the reasons,” Dad said. “But they love us very much. I think they don’t want to argue with us or hurt our feelings. So they’ve asked us not to talk about church things with them.”

Ellie nodded.

“We can still read our scriptures and pray while we’re there. But we’ll do it in private,” Mom said.

 

Edited July 28, 2020 by Calm

[Tacenda]

I love it Calm! Good for the author and the church for allowing it in the Friend. I believe this is a concern, and my being in some groups of members who have left as far as discussion and a FB group, I read stories that don't sound as nice as this story pertaining to how they are treated with their believing family members and I know this goes both ways!

Edited July 28, 2020 by Tacenda

[Calm]

I was very happy to see no proselytizing message attached as a moral, even as mild as  “we can teach the Gospel by example even while saying nothing”. Not that I don’t think that is a good message to teach, I just think we need to emphasize the “we love them and they love us and it is okay to choose not to talk about things we disagree on” quite a bit right now. 

[The Nehor]

Did they leave in the part about dusting your feet off when you leave?

[Calm]

2 minutes ago, The Nehor said:

Did they leave in the part about dusting your feet off when you leave?

That was in the footnotes. 

[Islander]

11 hours ago, Calm said:

Thought some might be interested:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/friend/2020/07/different-but-together?lang=eng&cid=FBfriend_07_27_20_together&fbclid=IwAR0ckQ-eEDl51nfdXyihr88Dw1YbrbAuQdR8mbUpDUzWS3GqENzVpyxXqPM
 

 

I think it is sad that an article has to be written to remind us to love our families, even if they are no longer members. But any convert to the Church knew that. Because most of our family members are NOT members and may not be interested. But we love them, care for them deeply and want to continue spending time with them. 

And we continue to hope because we know that love conquers all. So, love forgives 70 times 70. And is kind, and seeks not what we want but it is sacrificial. And bears all things, endures all things and at the end, it will not fail, if that is the will of God. 

[Calm]

I agree with what you said.  I also think the high push to do missionary work as well as our teaching on eternal families may cause some to feel they are failing their families or not loving them if they aren't attempting to convert them or to bring them back to the faith if they were once believers.  And this may cause conflict rather than feelings of being loved and accepted.  Even the expectation this is going to happen to one if one leaves the Church can cause unnecessary distancing from what I have seen or even lead to someone being afraid to speak about doubts at a time when perhaps they may want to talk, to get help in staying in the faith.

I think it is good to teach children we love first and give our families and friends their agency in how they want to discuss faith and belief, if at all.  A good message for parents as well.

[Tacenda]

6 minutes ago, Calm said:

I agree with what you said.  I also think the high push to do missionary work as well as our teaching on eternal families may cause some to feel they are failing their families or not loving them if they aren't attempting to convert them or to bring them back to the faith if they were once believers.  And this may cause conflict rather than feelings of being loved and accepted.  Even the expectation this is going to happen to one if one leaves the Church can cause unnecessary distancing from what I have seen or even lead to someone being afraid to speak about doubts at a time when perhaps they may want to talk, to get help in staying in the faith.

I think it is good to teach children we love first and give our families and friends their agency in how they want to discuss faith and belief, if at all.  A good message for parents as well.

I am looking back at how I was around my inactive family members and how disconnected I felt around them, since they lived a different lifestyle. I blame my mindset of feeling set apart from them in my mind because they weren't living the gospel. So I don't blame some members a whole lot because I lived it and they know not what they do. I am much more accepting now, and I often wonder if I was a "bad" Mormon, because of that idiotic mindset I had. I think there a lot of "good" Mormons like you Calm! 

It may have taken this faith crisis to shape me up! I hope members like I was are hopefully few and far between.

[stemelbow]

As a former active member who has his and his wife's entire families still active, it is nothing but enjoyable for them to talk about their church stuff ,sharing what's important to them with us.  We enjoy it.  The issue I see is found in this:

Quote

Ellie frowned. “Why not?”

“We don’t know all the reasons,” Dad said. “But they love us very much. I think they don’t want to argue with us or hurt our feelings. So they’ve asked us not to talk about church things with them.”

In my experience Mormon members are most often unwilling to care enough or engage enough to understand those who have left.  of course if they attempt a question or two, it's usually timidly put and instead of listening they often get upset, personally offended, or angry before any level of engagement takes place.  People are prone to see religion, and often other things like politics, as topics that define them so much so any disagreement is treated as personal offense.    

[Islander]

9 hours ago, stemelbow said:

As a former active member who has his and his wife's entire families still active, it is nothing but enjoyable for them to talk about their church stuff ,sharing what's important to them with us.  We enjoy it.  The issue I see is found in this:

In my experience Mormon members are most often unwilling to care enough or engage enough to understand those who have left.  of course if they attempt a question or two, it's usually timidly put and instead of listening they often get upset, personally offended, or angry before any level of engagement takes place.  People are prone to see religion, and often other things like politics, as topics that define them so much so any disagreement is treated as personal offense.    

But again, that happens because what is foremost in their minds is NOT to love their family member but "religion". 

They fail to see and understand how the Savior dealt with the doubts, failures and inconsistencies of His disciples. Peter fell in his face several times. Jesus did berated him, nor chastised him for his failures. He forgave him, again and again, and gently nodged him along until the very end. 

Agency and the will of God can not be ignored nor can they be superceded by self-impossed "pressure" to do missionary work, our desires or priorities. If my non-member or inactive family is to come into the fold, it will happen in due time and according to the will of God. One thing is clear; Christ has commanded me to love them as He loves me. That should be my focus and my priority. 

Edited July 29, 2020 by Islander