poptart Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 On 2/23/2017 at 8:40 AM, Rain said: Please don't assume that all 300 million Americans treat their elderly badly or that all nursing/assisted living homes are bad based on your experice of one or just a few. My FIL is living in an assisted living home since last fall. My closest to him BIL lived 25 minutes away and was at my FIL's home taking care of all of his needs several times a week, along with his own family, job and care for his MIL. It was very draining on him. The siblings who lived farther went as often as they could. My husband, who lives about 9 hours from his dad calls often. FIL lived for 17 years on his own. The last few years he started to repeat stories over and over again. We have offered to have him live with us, but he doesn't want to. He is a homebody and has never lived more than a half hour or where he was born except for his mission. When it started getting too much for BIL to handle they talked about living with children, getting home health, living in a nursing home. Together they decided to have him in an assisted living home close by the home he was raised in and close to some of his children. He has thrived. He loves the activities the home has. His conversations with my husband are not repeats. Mentally and emotionally he is doing so much better despite how he is deteriorating physically. Some Americans treat the elderly horribly, but many are well cared for and loved. And that is how it is going to be with church, no matter which one you go to. There will be a few people who won't treat nonmembers well, some will have arms wide open and most will just be friendly - keeping in mind that what people consider friendly varies from culture to culture. After you've been burned enough and you work a job where you see divorce decrees and parenting plans all day you tend to have a less than cheerful opinion of people.
Rain Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 2 hours ago, poptart said: After you've been burned enough and you work a job where you see divorce decrees and parenting plans all day you tend to have a less than cheerful opinion of people. I can see why some of your experiences can sour people. I just don't think it is a good thing to treat everyone in a group as if they all had the same lack of character and love. If I knew someone who had a horrible home life growing up and later routinely beat up neighbors you wouldn't like it if I said, "all people who had horrible home lives growing up are thugs" because it isn't true. When you say "all Americans" treat their elderly badly it isn't true either even if that is what you have experienced so far and I would be surprised if you truly had never seen anyone in your care treated well by their children. I really didn't mean to take this farther of topic. I just have a soft spot for my FIL right now and would love to have him in our home. Because he doesn't want to live this far from "home" we are grateful for the assisted living home where all of the children have visited for far more than just a few minutes.
poptart Posted February 27, 2017 Author Posted February 27, 2017 51 minutes ago, Rain said: I can see why some of your experiences can sour people. I just don't think it is a good thing to treat everyone in a group as if they all had the same lack of character and love. If I knew someone who had a horrible home life growing up and later routinely beat up neighbors you wouldn't like it if I said, "all people who had horrible home lives growing up are thugs" because it isn't true. When you say "all Americans" treat their elderly badly it isn't true either even if that is what you have experienced so far and I would be surprised if you truly had never seen anyone in your care treated well by their children. I really didn't mean to take this farther of topic. I just have a soft spot for my FIL right now and would love to have him in our home. Because he doesn't want to live this far from "home" we are grateful for the assisted living home where all of the children have visited for far more than just a few minutes. I dont treat everyone in a group one way, I sure suspect the majority though.
Calm Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 I think it is not a bad thing to be suspicious about a group based on your personal experiences with a subset of it as long as you are open to new individuals in the group without bringing the baggage along. The only problem really for most people in that situation (since most don't have some sort of control over others like being their employer) is allowing the group bias to get in the way of seeing the individual as they really are. If we aren't careful, our bias can start growing out of realistic bounds and turn into racism and such. What would probably be best if we begin to feel negative towards a group is to do research, look for something beyond anecdotes,that can help provide a reality check. Or talk to people one has already developed confidence in and get their opinions and stories. We may find our perceptions are consistent with the data or others experiences or we may find we need to adjust our judgment to apply to a smaller group, such as the ones we have encountered as opposed to the whole group/service in this case.
Calm Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) What are we calling "assisted living" these days? Places that provide meals and cleaning, transportation, social events, but the person dresses and cares for themselves? Or where more medical supervision is required, aid given to get dressed, bathe, get in bed, the toilet, but not bed bound. For me the first is assisted living if on a daily basis, the second is a nursing home. Edited February 27, 2017 by Calm
Calm Posted February 27, 2017 Posted February 27, 2017 (edited) An interesting article on how cultures view their elderly: http://theweek.com/articles/462230/how-elderly-are-treated-around-world I kind of winched when they referred to 60 year olds in the article given I am 58. My mom is elderly at 86, I am middle age. Since I feel better than I did 15 years ago, it is hard to think of myself as aging. If stuff goes wrong, it is my disorder, not my age causing the problem in my mind. I see elderly beginning these days at 70 or older, many 70 year olds are in pretty good shape. Trump is 70 for example and appears pretty fit. Coloring his hair and skin make a difference, not too many wrinkles though. Makes me wonder if he had a face lift. Edited February 27, 2017 by Calm
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