Chum

It is my experience that inappropriateness is marked by a lack of concern for the wellbeing of others. In contrast, Calm's reactions flowed from concern that she has for everyday mothers. A response that simply falls outside of one's expectations should still be appropriate. It may be personally disappointing, however.

I took a Mother's day cupcake and do not regret it. I did all of the mother stuff all of the time for all of the years. Except breast feeding. Unless she pumped then sorta. I earned a cupcake.

Ha we don't respect age boundaries bc that's how we roll. Our age is biggest.

Well, Nelson takes that one off the table.

I like his wiki pic. It looks like he has opinions about whoever is taking the photo. Edit: Wiki changed. Was this one:

"Pietro Parolin seems to be the favorite..." The Measured Against Francis phase could be a tough go.

I offer myself as the worst possible person to address this brother's concerns. My wife was lapsed when I met her. I met her at the drug house she was hanging out at; I had been hunting a guy who owed me money. I knocked her up and we moved up in the hills. We tried to live clean; birthed at home. Knocked her up again and 9mos later married her and joined the Church. As a reprobate, I had blessings handed to me. But I really did want to honor them. After baptism and for the next 20years, I was fully active. I was everywhere I needed to be, did all that needed doing - in Church and with my family. I was super dad and husband. I got a degree but couldn't get hired so worked for myself. Somewhere in there cause & effect broke down. Life stopped improving and slowly began unwinding. No rededication or rethinking or revamping helped. We slid into survival mode and stayed there for a very, very long time. After 20+ years, Church and marriage had became unsustainable and I stopped sending my energy there. It was more years before I really let them go, but that was when my life finally turned around. What advice would I give this brother? 1) Don't listen to me and 2) Whatever you do, don't mine my life for examples. There's nothing there that will make sense of God's plan.

I twice gave a blessing to a brother who was suffering a migraine. Once in the evening and again the following morning. Both times it came out that he ought to put his affairs in order and there was some other language to that effect. Neither time was I thinking that going in. I may have apologized after the 1st blessing, I'm not certain. Other than his headache, his health was at the better end of the never-great scale. That night he had a seizure (not unusual for him) but it was in the bathroom where the floor and walls were unyielding and he passed from his injuries. I often speculated that this brother was given some advanced warning and that speculation has always been well accepted. It's like a currency for us. Which is fine. People doing people things.

Synesthesia

The Orlando Temple is 15mi away, in Windermere. Tampa is 15mi way in Riverview. Fort Lauderdale is 10mi away in Davie. Jacksonville and Tallahassee Temples can't help but to be in their respective cities. The city of Jacksonville occupies the entirety of Duval county. Leon county is Tallahassee and not much else, typical N.FL. As an aside, Liberty county in N.FL was >10% LDS until a decade or so ago. Smallest FL county by pop + descendants of early missionary efforts.

Of course the consequences are material to my point. The principle applies to the weight the Church places upon downstream consequences - which is a cornerstone of my point, therefore pretty dang material.

So. My nightmare relationships and Brother Holland's best possible eternity are both examples of how it goes. It's a risk. And for my part, I do not regret trying. At all (tho one of my kids sometimes does). If I hadn't taken the opportunity, I'd have lifelong regret. It's not the shiniest blessing but it's enough.

I absolutely believe this, without reservation. I also believe Brother Holland has a spouse he can be happy with for eternity. A while back, I had introduced the notion of sealed families to my (recently reunited) sister. I did it poorly, it turned out because I didn't think it thru ahead of time. She was (reasonably) horrified by the idea of an eternity with our father. I was suddenly trying to unwind what I just explained, with more explanations about how choices could still prevent an eternal family. But the moment was what it was. In the end I offered to reserve his temple work in perpetuity and that seemed to restore some peace.

I absolutely believe this, without reservation. I also believe Brother Holland has a spouse he can be happy with for eternity. As much I loved my spouse and was proud of her and often woke up in the morning and thought Yeah. Smokin Hot (because that is a thing that we husbands do) She was also relentlessly, profoundly abusive. To everyone. With love allowed by great distance I objectively offer that wherever she is, it is unlikely to feel like heaven.

To be fair: As a body, we seem to thrive on speculation. ex: Testimonies that associate outcomes with actions. To pull the rug out now seems, well, unfair.

Sure. Trophy wives are typically young and attractive and all the other things the guy could only score because of his wealth. In tropes, other wives will use it as a slur, to infer the trophy wife has nothing beyond looks because they're jealous and catty. Because tropes. I was signaling how very young, attractive, etc that I knew my wife was. After 15 or 20 years of marriage, I had figured out the obvious. The funny part was the inference that I had wealth. Or any means at all.

Technically, it's simple. They aim it downward or put some guards around it to direct it downward. To make it reality, there's be a local code. Same as ever when basic courtesy is the exception.

At business functions, I would introduce my spouse as my trophy wife.

This is baffling to me. The last brother I would ever expect it from, really wanted to tell me a domestic violence joke. I kept trying to derail him but he finally got it out. At this point I set down my end of the desk we were moving and offered: "My earliest memories of mom was her in traction from the broken vertebrae, thanks to dad's handiwork with a bakelite phone." Which is true. Brother looked like I gutpunched him. Not my intent but hopefully it got him re-thinking that bit of his humor.

I feel when conditions are too lawyer-flavored for too long, it's hard to introduce personal sentiments like this. "That thing isn't sitting well with us. Doing this thing instead would feel like good will and make a lot of folks happy".

i want to append a thought to this. I often wonder what the Church does to protect each+all of those rights. And it may be that the Church is limited on actions it can take because there are always costs attached. Prop 8 is an example because being involved led to complex and nuanced consequences for the Church. I think what the Church does is to push us in the right direction. Personally speaking, the frequency and tone of those proddings are the best indicators I have for the thinking of Church leadership. Their absence is also an indicator, at least the best one I have.

To the First Amendment points I am reminded of Pres Oaks counsel about how we protect them. Robust and healthy protections on the free exercise of religion - they are companion to the same for the freedom of assembly, freedom of speech and freedom of the press. We best serve them when we elevate our concerns for all to match our concern for one. The Robust and healthy part comes when we find ourselves protecting the right to behaviors we disagree with, because doing so protects (the whole of) the First Amendment in a meaningful way.

In the few primitive centuries immediately after Christ in politically unstable (and sometimes dangerous) lands, without a stable supply of significant resources (I assume): Trying to establish and maintain a hierarchy as complex as the Church seems like a super tall order.

To this limited point I contend that every group thought they were correct; the group that persisted is the one that held out the longest. Was there a different dynamic that could have been in play? How would have it played out?

What about positive pressure - say, offering to trade-off another requirement for it?