Popular Post jkwilliams Posted August 16, 2022 Popular Post Posted August 16, 2022 (edited) So, some have asked me why I engender so much suspicion and animus from a few people, so I figured I'd explain it (at least my view of it). Of course, this might get me banned, but at least I will have put it out there. When I started posting here around 2002 (I think), I was very much a believer in the truth claims of the LDS church. Around 2005, I took a few months' break from social media, and during that break, I had my crisis of faith. When I returned here, I was angry and hurt and took it out on the church and some of the people here. I was a jerk. I got banned a couple of times, had a couple of sockpuppets, and generally made an *** of myself. Add in depression, a suicide attempt, and a nice stay in a psych ward, and I was not in a good place. At some point, I came across an article equating Mormon apologetics with postmodernism, which struck me then (and still does) as bizarre. So, I reread my source materials from grad school and wrote a several-part response on my now-defunct blog and on another message board. That series started a long, heated debate with Mark Bukowski, and true to form, I acted like a total jerk. I let anger and hurt feelings rule my interactions, and there's no excuse for that. I don't think Calm knows this, but a major turning point for me was reading something she said about me that made me realize just what a jerk I had been. Throughout all of my ups and downs, I always had nothing but the deepest feelings of respect and kindness for her, and I realized if she thought I was being a jerk, I must really be a jerk. Since that time, I've tried to be better about my interactions here and elsewhere. I've lost the emotional response to the church that I once had, and for whatever reason, the subject still interests me. I try to be fair and not make anything personal, though sometimes I fail. That said, I understand why some people are wary of everything I post. Am I still the jerk and just pretending to try to be kind and reasonable, or am I just a flawed man who is trying my best and often failing? I suppose some people will always assume the worst of me. I'm not going to apologize again, as I think you can tell how I feel about things I've done. Not without good reason do some people not put much stock in my apologies, anyway. To me, the bad days are in the past. I need to accept that interacting with some people is not a good idea, again because they rightly distrust me. That I can't help, but I can stop being a jerk. Edited August 16, 2022 by jkwilliams 9
Tacenda Posted August 16, 2022 Posted August 16, 2022 I relate to going through a faith crisis, right around the same time as you. I landed on this board by accident when it popped up on the internet and I didn't join until I ran out of pages while snooping on it and it said I had to open an account or something, can't exactly remember. Didn't want to because posts I'd read seem way beyond my educational and creative abilities. I had nearly an identical experience with Calm as far as keeping me in check, kind of like a very wise mother. She's the calm in our storms, haha! I think I remember your posts over on NOM too, but correct if wrong, maybe it was even StayLDS.com. I enjoy when you come back to post on this board, seems you take breaks often, unlike me...probably should take one.
jkwilliams Posted August 16, 2022 Author Posted August 16, 2022 1 minute ago, Tacenda said: I relate to going through a faith crisis, right around the same time as you. I landed on this board by accident when it popped up on the internet and I didn't join until I ran out of pages while snooping on it and it said I had to open an account or something, can't exactly remember. Didn't want to because posts I'd read seem way beyond my educational and creative abilities. I had nearly an identical experience with Calm as far as keeping me in check, kind of like a very wise mother. She's the calm in our storms, haha! I think I remember your posts over on NOM too, but correct if wrong, maybe it was even StayLDS.com. I enjoy when you come back to post on this board, seems you take breaks often, unlike me...probably should take one. I did post on NOM for a while, as some friends invited me. I honestly don’t remember how I found this place. I don’t know what motivated me to post this, just that I didn’t want people to think I’m being unfairly maligned.
Tacenda Posted August 16, 2022 Posted August 16, 2022 4 minutes ago, jkwilliams said: I did post on NOM for a while, as some friends invited me. I honestly don’t remember how I found this place. I don’t know what motivated me to post this, just that I didn’t want people to think I’m being unfairly maligned. We all have pasts. And very kind of you looking out for those that may not understand your posts fully. I remember conversations with several posters on the board that don't post any longer.
jkwilliams Posted August 16, 2022 Author Posted August 16, 2022 2 minutes ago, Tacenda said: We all have pasts. And very kind of you looking out for those that may not understand your posts fully. I remember conversations with several posters on the board that don't post any longer. Yeah, I’ve made a lot of friends here. Lots of folks have moved on.
Nemesis Posted August 16, 2022 Posted August 16, 2022 I leave the post showing but locked, as we don’t allow personalized threads. We all know this is for good reason. Nemesis
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