Safety and Being Too Nice

[Yirgacheffe]

1 hour ago, Meadowchik said:

Yes but also, in general I do think that women may have trouble rejecting aggression simply because we believe so much in kindness, we condition ourselves to be soft and sweet.  Can you imagine spitting in someone's eye, urinating on them, biting their tongue, or trying to poke out an eye? It's certainly unpleasant stuff, but so is sexual assault, rape, and murder.

It's important for me to be able to justify physical violence even as a method of self-defense because I've tried to become a non-violent person, in thought, speech, and action. One justification I use is that it can be better to stop a person from doing an evil against me, even better for them because actually trying and doing it is more soul-destroying than merely trying to do it.

And I bet that this is not a thought process unique to women, I'm sure many would-be pacifists have tried to wade through these waters.

Do women condition themselves this way or does the village do it to them and women reinforce it in themselves to gain approval from the group?  I don't consider myself a violent person, but I have no problem with using the force needed to defend myself.  Maybe because as a pre-teen the use of poking an eye out, or biting any part of an attacker, the damage that can be done by a spiked heel were all discussed in regards to self defense.  But then I was dropped off every morning at school from 7th on with "give em hell yiri!" 

Edited June 2, 2016 by Yirgacheffe
typos

[Meadowchik]

20 hours ago, Yirgacheffe said:

Do women condition themselves this way or does the village do it to them and women reinforce it in themselves to gain approval from the group?  I don't consider myself a violent person, but I have no problem with using the force needed to defend myself.  Maybe because as a pre-teen the use of poking an eye out, or biting any part of an attacker, the damage that can be done by a spiked heel were all discussed in regards to self defense.  But then I was dropped off every morning at school from 7th on with "give em hell yiri!" 

Ha! It was about that age that I was unlearning the misconception that violence and fighting was a normal way to address emotions and conflict.  Much younger, I'd seen my older brothers fist-fight and my mother watching on, saying it was just part of their growth, and so I applied the concept to myself. When I became a mother I was at the other extreme, being reluctant to express any negative emotion, then I became more open.  Gradually over the years, and now, I'm still learning about balancing my own emotional state to relating with people with what I believe to be correct principles. I cannot say it is easy.

I'm a beginner in karate and one thing I've learned about the art is that while developing the physical ability to deliver a death blow in one motion, the master of karate is learning the more important lesson of self-mastery, which should be used to avoid conflict, to prevent harm. By learning how to use it, the karate expert learns how to not need it. Myself, as a clumsy debutante, I find it a very calming and centering activity.

[Yirgacheffe]

11 hours ago, Meadowchik said:

Ha! It was about that age that I was unlearning the misconception that violence and fighting was a normal way to address emotions and conflict.  Much younger, I'd seen my older brothers fist-fight and my mother watching on, saying it was just part of their growth, and so I applied the concept to myself. When I became a mother I was at the other extreme, being reluctant to express any negative emotion, then I became more open.  Gradually over the years, and now, I'm still learning about balancing my own emotional state to relating with people with what I believe to be correct principles. I cannot say it is easy.

I'm a beginner in karate and one thing I've learned about the art is that while developing the physical ability to deliver a death blow in one motion, the master of karate is learning the more important lesson of self-mastery, which should be used to avoid conflict, to prevent harm. By learning how to use it, the karate expert learns how to not need it. Myself, as a clumsy debutante, I find it a very calming and centering activity.

Physical violence was not tolerated in my home growing up, even spanking wasn't a thing at our house.  I guess we got "time outs" although that wasn't a phrase you heard at the time, and honestly none of us could last very long listening the conversation, laughter, TV while sitting alone, so soon we'd be out apologizing to get back in with everyone.  Kind of funny thing about our time outs during summers at Grandma's on the lake, the worst punishment was to have to sit quietly on the screened in porch with the adults while all the siblings and cousins were running around laughing and playing.  Yet it was a magical thing to sit quietly in the same place at the end of the night and not be sent to get ready for bed until everyone else was cleaned up and in bed, somehow the same action was a reward under different circumstances. 

[Tacenda]

11 hours ago, Meadowchik said:

Ha! It was about that age that I was unlearning the misconception that violence and fighting was a normal way to address emotions and conflict.  Much younger, I'd seen my older brothers fist-fight and my mother watching on, saying it was just part of their growth, and so I applied the concept to myself. When I became a mother I was at the other extreme, being reluctant to express any negative emotion, then I became more open.  Gradually over the years, and now, I'm still learning about balancing my own emotional state to relating with people with what I believe to be correct principles. I cannot say it is easy.

I'm a beginner in karate and one thing I've learned about the art is that while developing the physical ability to deliver a death blow in one motion, the master of karate is learning the more important lesson of self-mastery, which should be used to avoid conflict, to prevent harm. By learning how to use it, the karate expert learns how to not need it. Myself, as a clumsy debutante, I find it a very calming and centering activity.

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Edited June 4, 2016 by Tacenda