Lds Church Disciplinary Councils Involving Women

[Paloma]

On the very long thread regarding the Kate Kelly and John Dehlin upcoming disciplinary measures, I noted a comment or two that I wondered about, but didn't want to ask my question there and sidetrack the main thrust of the discussion.

 

 

I'm wondering if women who are called into disciplinary councils do so alone or if they are allowed to ask women friends and or advocates to attend with them.

 

If the woman is indeed the only woman in the room with the men who are part of the disciplinary team, does anyone amongst you LDS folk see that as problematic?

 

I'm thinking that perhaps the woman's husband may attend with her (??), but even so, she would still be a lone woman along with a group of men in the room.

 

 

I have been aware of such situations in non-LDS church contexts, and I do see it as unfortunate and lacking in empathy and consideration for the woman.  My observation is that this is happening less and less.

 

 

While some women may not be bothered by the situation at all whereas others would be uncomfortable and intimidated, it just seems to me that women should always be in the presence of at least one other woman, especially at such a personal and potentially wrenching time.

 

Conversely, I would consider it very important that a lone man should not be alone amidst a group of women in similar circumstances.  I've never heard of men being in such a situation, though.

[rongo]

Anyone can ask to have supporters, witnesses, etc. with them. This is subject to approval (people who are going to be disruptive won't be allowed, for example), but within reason people like husbands will almost certainly be likely to be allowed. In cases where women did have husbands, I *strongly* encouraged them to invite their husbands to be there with them. Some wanted them, and others didn't.

 

As to your last sentence, it can happen.  A couple was going through a divorce and was attending counseling. The husband asked me, "What's worse than a woman railing at you? Two women railing at you . . ." (the counselor was a woman, and he felt ganged up on) . . .

[Duncan]

My Mum was called in just to sit with a lady friend, it was up to the woman in question if she wanted to bring anyone and my Mom was sworn to secrecy. That's all I know I swear

[Paloma]

Thanks for the replies, rongo and Duncan.

 

It sounds as if a woman does not need to be alone surrounded by only men, but is welcome to have another woman or even women there with her.

 

Thanks!

 

 

Oh... another question (I want to say "while I have you on the line", but don't know if you're still there!  ... certainly, I've been out and about shopping since I first posted this!) ...

 

Assuming that you've participated in disciplinary councils, how common is it for women to request that other women accompany them.  Just curious!

Edited June 14, 2014 by Paloma

[Duncan]

Thanks for the replies, rongo and Duncan.

 

It sounds as if a woman does not need to be alone surrounded by only men, but is welcome to have another woman or even women there with her.

 

Thanks!

 

 

Oh... another question (I want to say "while I have you on the line", but don't know if you're still there!  ... certainly, I've been out and about shopping since I first posted this!) ...

 

Assuming that you've participated in disciplinary councils, how common is it for women to request that other women accompany them.  Just curious!

 

I've never participated in any but I remember my Mum talking about that one experience of hers, my Mom didn't seem upset by any of it or leave the Church or anything, what happened or who it was for I have no idea. She told me once some years ago she went to the Church for her family history calling and their was a baptism going on and she was like oh who's getting baptized? turns out it was a re-baptism for an exed member and she watched it and went about her business and didn't say anything to me anyways until years later

[rongo]

I don't know how common it is. In my firsthand experience, none requested that another woman be present. Some didn't even want their husband to be there.

[mfbukowski]

Anyone can ask to have supporters, witnesses, etc. with them. This is subject to approval (people who are going to be disruptive won't be allowed, for example), but within reason people like husbands will almost certainly be likely to be allowed. In cases where women did have husbands, I *strongly* encouraged them to invite their husbands to be there with them. Some wanted them, and others didn't.

 

As to your last sentence, it can happen.  A couple was going through a divorce and was attending counseling. The husband asked me, "What's worse than a woman railing at you? Two women railing at you . . ." (the counselor was a woman, and he felt ganged up on) . . .

I just want to second this as being correct. The prime concern is the person's privacy and confidentiality, but if they want to have others of their choosing in on the discussions, that is absolutely permitted. Husbands would probably not like to hear about even vague details about what happened, though- by "vague" I mean the number of incidents of infidelity and under what conditions they happened, the wife's mental state, and reasons for being unfaithful, etc. I would not want to go through that as a husband, and I can see that a woman may not want her friends to know those things either.

The objective here is to ATTEMPT to judge as Jesus would- so some details need to be discussed, including remorse and repentance, and what stresses led to the problem in the first place, etc. Christ could read minds- unfortunately Bishops cannot, so words need to be said and descriptions made.

It is tremendously difficult for all present.

[Paloma]

...

It is tremendously difficult for all present.

 

I can imagine that it must be very difficult for all!

 

Thanks for the reply.

 

And thanks to Duncan and rongo for the additional comments.