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Big Brother Called


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Just a little history ... My big brother is 4 years older than me, and when we were kids I always looked up to him. When I was in Junior High, the bully of the high school, who was two years older and massivly bigger than me decided he would focus all of his efforts on me. Typical bully crap, you know, stop you in the hallway, get in your face, fake punch, then real punch. Apparenty my mom noticed my grades dropping after 3 months of it. I didnt say anything, because I thought I could get through it and he would simply get bored. My big brother set me aside and demanded to know what was going on. I've never asked for anything from my brother ever. So I told him. My big brother was really big too! He said he would pick me up from school the next day .... in his '56 Studebaker President. I didnt realize what his plan was. He rolled up to the Junior High, drove right up to me, and aske me to get in. So I did. He then parked it and asked me were the bully was. I said I didnt really want hm to do anything. He said, "Shut up!, tell me where he is NOW!" Ok, So I pointed him out. He asked me to stay in the car. He got out and went directly to see him. Now, he was a good 60 yards away, and I dont know what was said, but he did get in his face, and pushed him back 5 feet, and the bully walked away. Mike came back and said, I know him, you'll never have a problem again. You can imagine how I felt.

Time forward to 15 years later. I was working for my brother and he stole some tires and wheels, a TV and $1000 worth of my salary. I quit the job and couldnt believe by big brother was now the bully. I havent talked to him since even though I have tried. Now I am 50 years old, and its another 10 years later. I get a call from him out of the blue and he left a voice mail wanted to know how I was doing.

What would you do?

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Hello Messenger...

That's a tough one... if it were me, and this is just my own reaction... first, I'd take to heart the words of your signature line below...

Second, I'd contact him and say that you were surprised to hear from him, and that you were doing fine and hoped he was also. I'd ask if there was a specific reason for his call since we hadn't been in touch for years. If he says he just wants to be in touch again, I would say fine, but first I feel the need for him to answer something that has been bothering me for years... and that is that it is important to you to know why he stole the tire items, and the money, and you need him to explain. If he hems and haws or offers some vague explanation, I'd tell him that while I never want to lose complete touch again, that I didn't see any type of regular relationship developing as long as he didn't really explain his actions.

That's my knee jerk reaction, Messenger... but, for one thing, perhaps he's ill and trying to make contact with you... or, on the other hand, I get an uneasy feeling about whether his call is heartfelt or does he have a more dubious motivation for contacting you, like borrowing money, etc.

How do you really feel inside about his call? Do you want to respond? Do you trust him? Based on your last experience with him, if you do contact him, I'd suggest it would be prudent to exercise caution until you can judge his intentions after all these years. Good luck.

GG

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Of course my first reaction is wrong I know.... My big brother who I looked up to in my youth is making amends. But Im sure that's not why he called. He knows I dont have the money like I did so many years ago, so Im sure he isnt asking for any. I suppose the family, who all sided with him, perhaps finally realizes I told the truth and are pressuring him to make amends. Of course I dont trust him. Its so wierd ,,,, I've been hated by my family for so many years its difficult to comprehend why this would happen now. I honestly have no idea. I suppose it will come to me in a few days.

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Messenger, act with trust in the Lord, and ask him what should be done.

What would the Lord do in this situation? That is what you should do =).

Sorry, I can't offer much more in advice... because I can at time be horribly wrong =P. But the Lord won't be =). Do what he wants of you to do... do it with all your heart... and that will be the best path for you.

Best of Wishes,

Your Friend,

TAO =)

Edited by TAO
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Families can be really wierd, very difficult, and wonderful. What would I do if my brother called after ten years and left a voice mail? Call him back, never mention the issue of of the stolen items; those things are meaningless when compared to your relationship with your brother. Tell him you missed him, that you are glad he called after so long and ask when you can get together.

I would not talk about the stealing unless he brought it up. If you haven't forgiven him already, then you need to do some repenting. There is no benefit to carrying that around for so long. It is long past time to let it go. Should he bring it up, let him now that you have forgiven him. Explain to him how much you looked up to him in your youth and that when he stole from you, you understood it was an aberation, yet it hurt you deeply. Had he asked, you would have given it to him. Tell him you love him.

Then when he turns around, when he is not looking, yank his underwear over his head until he promises never to do it again. Things really don't have to be so serious or heavy. We don't need to carry grudges and we all need to learn to forgive quickly. We have been forgiven by our Father too much, too often to do any differently.

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Families can be really wierd, very difficult, and wonderful. What would I do if my brother called after ten years and left a voice mail? Call him back, never mention the issue of of the stolen items; those things are meaningless when compared to your relationship with your brother. Tell him you missed him, that you are glad he called after so long and ask when you can get together.

I would not talk about the stealing unless he brought it up. If you haven't forgiven him already, then you need to do some repenting. There is no benefit to carrying that around for so long. It is long past time to let it go. Should he bring it up, let him now that you have forgiven him. Explain to him how much you looked up to him in your youth and that when he stole from you, you understood it was an aberation, yet it hurt you deeply. Had he asked, you would have given it to him. Tell him you love him.

Then when he turns around, when he is not looking, yank his underwear over his head until he promises never to do it again. Things really don't have to be so serious or heavy. We don't need to carry grudges and we all need to learn to forgive quickly. We have been forgiven by our Father too much, too often to do any differently.

Thanks for the input. I forgave him a long time ago. But, the real issue is trust. I will definately call him back, but just wanted to be prepared beforehand. Typically I dont let people in my inner circle unless they know me and I know them and the trust level is good. Thats not always possible with church callings when you are 1st or 2nd councilor to something. I'm running into that now. Typically I just try and ignore the hate, and do my best. Perhaps thats what I should do here. I've been hated for one reason or another all my life mostly because of some sort of stigma: Divorce, Convert, ADHD, and more. I even get hate PMs here! LOL. Ok, I think I got it.

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Just a little history ... My big brother is 4 years older than me, and when we were kids I always looked up to him. When I was in Junior High, the bully of the high school, who was two years older and massivly bigger than me decided he would focus all of his efforts on me. Typical bully crap, you know, stop you in the hallway, get in your face, fake punch, then real punch. Apparenty my mom noticed my grades dropping after 3 months of it. I didnt say anything, because I thought I could get through it and he would simply get bored. My big brother set me aside and demanded to know what was going on. I've never asked for anything from my brother ever. So I told him. My big brother was really big too! He said he would pick me up from school the next day .... in his '56 Studebaker President. I didnt realize what his plan was. He rolled up to the Junior High, drove right up to me, and aske me to get in. So I did. He then parked it and asked me were the bully was. I said I didnt really want hm to do anything. He said, "Shut up!, tell me where he is NOW!" Ok, So I pointed him out. He asked me to stay in the car. He got out and went directly to see him. Now, he was a good 60 yards away, and I dont know what was said, but he did get in his face, and pushed him back 5 feet, and the bully walked away. Mike came back and said, I know him, you'll never have a problem again. You can imagine how I felt.

Time forward to 15 years later. I was working for my brother and he stole some tires and wheels, a TV and $1000 worth of my salary. I quit the job and couldnt believe by big brother was now the bully. I havent talked to him since even though I have tried. Now I am 50 years old, and its another 10 years later. I get a call from him out of the blue and he left a voice mail wanted to know how I was doing.

What would you do?

Matthew 5:23-24

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Tao,

Thanks, sometimes I just need to type it out to get direction. I got it figured out. Thanks for your friendship.

Mark

Messenger, act with trust in the Lord, and ask him what should be done.

What would the Lord do in this situation? That is what you should do =).

Sorry, I can't offer much more in advice... because I can at time be horribly wrong =P. But the Lord won't be =). Do what he wants of you to do... do it with all your heart... and that will be the best path for you.

Best of Wishes,

Your Friend,

TAO =)

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I decided, after a lot of praying, that I was going to first simply add him to my Facebook account as family and see how it goes. I thought it was important to do this on my terms as its always been on his in the past - I do want to proceed with caution, this will allow him to see that is my intention. If he responds, then I will take the next step. If he does not, then I have my answer.

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Just a little history ... My big brother is 4 years older than me, and when we were kids I always looked up to him. When I was in Junior High, the bully of the high school, who was two years older and massivly bigger than me decided he would focus all of his efforts on me. Typical bully crap, you know, stop you in the hallway, get in your face, fake punch, then real punch. Apparenty my mom noticed my grades dropping after 3 months of it. I didnt say anything, because I thought I could get through it and he would simply get bored. My big brother set me aside and demanded to know what was going on. I've never asked for anything from my brother ever. So I told him. My big brother was really big too! He said he would pick me up from school the next day .... in his '56 Studebaker President. I didnt realize what his plan was. He rolled up to the Junior High, drove right up to me, and aske me to get in. So I did. He then parked it and asked me were the bully was. I said I didnt really want hm to do anything. He said, "Shut up!, tell me where he is NOW!" Ok, So I pointed him out. He asked me to stay in the car. He got out and went directly to see him. Now, he was a good 60 yards away, and I dont know what was said, but he did get in his face, and pushed him back 5 feet, and the bully walked away. Mike came back and said, I know him, you'll never have a problem again. You can imagine how I felt.

Time forward to 15 years later. I was working for my brother and he stole some tires and wheels, a TV and $1000 worth of my salary. I quit the job and couldnt believe by big brother was now the bully. I havent talked to him since even though I have tried. Now I am 50 years old, and its another 10 years later. I get a call from him out of the blue and he left a voice mail wanted to know how I was doing.

What would you do?

Just love him and call him.

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  • 5 weeks later...

Just a little history ... My big brother is 4 years older than me, and when we were kids I always looked up to him. When I was in Junior High, the bully of the high school, who was two years older and massivly bigger than me decided he would focus all of his efforts on me. Typical bully crap, you know, stop you in the hallway, get in your face, fake punch, then real punch. Apparenty my mom noticed my grades dropping after 3 months of it. I didnt say anything, because I thought I could get through it and he would simply get bored. My big brother set me aside and demanded to know what was going on. I've never asked for anything from my brother ever. So I told him. My big brother was really big too! He said he would pick me up from school the next day .... in his '56 Studebaker President. I didnt realize what his plan was. He rolled up to the Junior High, drove right up to me, and aske me to get in. So I did. He then parked it and asked me were the bully was. I said I didnt really want hm to do anything. He said, "Shut up!, tell me where he is NOW!" Ok, So I pointed him out. He asked me to stay in the car. He got out and went directly to see him. Now, he was a good 60 yards away, and I dont know what was said, but he did get in his face, and pushed him back 5 feet, and the bully walked away. Mike came back and said, I know him, you'll never have a problem again. You can imagine how I felt.

Time forward to 15 years later. I was working for my brother and he stole some tires and wheels, a TV and $1000 worth of my salary. I quit the job and couldnt believe by big brother was now the bully. I havent talked to him since even though I have tried. Now I am 50 years old, and its another 10 years later. I get a call from him out of the blue and he left a voice mail wanted to know how I was doing.

What would you do?

When I read your post, I became a little sad. That's a hard situation. And what's sad is the fact that the person who has protected you from the bullies way back high school also hurt you too. It's really a tough call but listen to your heart. No matter what happens, he's still your family. There may have been a point when he went the wrong direction in his life but give him another chance.

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Here are some updates: My brother and I are communicating on Facebook. I think we've sent back and fourth probably 4 or 5 messages. We havent talked about the past at all. It would seem that he's at a level that he's comfortable with. Apparently his wife thought he should take this step. So, its probably more about his own family politics than anything else. Now thats been done, I really dont think I'll be getting anymore communication from him.

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Here are some updates: My brother and I are communicating on Facebook. I think we've sent back and fourth probably 4 or 5 messages. We havent talked about the past at all. It would seem that he's at a level that he's comfortable with. Apparently his wife thought he should take this step. So, its probably more about his own family politics than anything else. Now thats been done, I really dont think I'll be getting anymore communication from him.

Well sometimes not talking about the past is good, especially when there has been some sort of negative history. But at least you are facebook friends. Let us leave everything to God. He has a plan for both of you. :)

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