Ahab Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 What do you think your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or just those of the opposite sex should know?A man should be in touch with his feminine side as much as his masculine side, and vice versa for a woman.... and I'm as sick of the worldly stereotypes that portray a "real" man as a totally macho type dude who doesn't cry or express any emotions which are supposedly supposed to be expressed only by women as I am to the worldly stereotypes that portray a "real" woman as someone who doesn't act like a man, sometimes.We all have both a macho side and a "feminine" side, and the more we become perfect the more we act like both men and women.Kindof a different take on the "there is no man without a woman nor a woman without a man in the Lord" scripture, huh.
volgadon Posted August 5, 2011 Posted August 5, 2011 Seriously, there are many intelligent people on this forum... but this thread is making me think there is plenty of emotional & self-reflective ignorance.I am glad that we could provide you with an opportunity for self-reflection.
Ariarates Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Why the heck is it so difficult to answer, "What do you wish your significant other understood?"What makes it difficult for me to answer the question in the way you want, is that I disagree with that way. There is no fundamental cognitive difference between the sexes so there is nothing that I think my wife should understand that I don't already think she does understand.
Calm Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 (edited) Why the heck is it so difficult to answer, "What do you wish your significant other understood?"It's not difficult to my "significant other" as he would know (and does know since if there is something I want him to understand, I discuss it with him until he does) the context and nuances of my comments. However, it would be relatively worthless to discuss it with relative strangers....and to what purpose? It doesn't help me at all to let someone besides my SO know what I want my SO to know, only if I let my SO know. And as I said since I do let him know when something comes up, there is nothing at this point that he doesn't understand that I wish he did. Edited August 6, 2011 by calmoriah
Calm Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 A man should be in touch with his feminine side as much as his masculine side, and vice versa for a woman.... and I'm as sick of the worldly stereotypes that portray a "real" man as a totally macho type dude who doesn't cry or express any emotions which are supposedly supposed to be expressed only by women as I am to the worldly stereotypes that portray a "real" woman as someone who doesn't act like a man, sometimes.We all have both a macho side and a "feminine" side, and the more we become perfect the more we act like both men and women.Kindof a different take on the "there is no man without a woman nor a woman without a man in the Lord" scripture, huh.I agree, the point is to act appropriately in whatever situation we find ourselves in.....
katherine the great Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Stormrider,THANK YOU for answering the question.Why the heck is it so difficult to answer, "What do you wish your significant other understood?"Seriously, there are many intelligent people on this forum... but this thread is making me think there is plenty of emotional & self-reflective ignorance.Well, if it makes any difference, I support your posting this. I think the OP nailed it in some very fundamental ways, and all I can say to people who don't fit the mold is: You are exceptional. Don't be insulted by it, just feel lucky. I think there are very distinct ways that men and women generally process information, and I believe it is related to our evolution. Men tend to compartmentalize so well because their primary purpose has historically been to provide food and protection for the group. That requires a single mindedness that has to be able to block out all other thoughts and concerns. Women's historical roles make multi tasking and emotional support for the group paramount. We tend to be very verbal since child rearing and cooperating with the other women we work with requires it. Communication for hunting and protecting requires more silence. There were, of course, always people who fell outside the status quo--the artists, the entertainers, the medicine men (or women), the spiritual leaders. Perhaps modern people who don't fall firmly on either side of the dividing line inherited those genes.My relationship with my husband is mostly very traditional. I think like a traditional woman and he thinks like a traditional men. One of the greatest things we've mastered in our marriage (25 years yesterday) is for me: Tell him what I am thinking (if I really want him to know) and for him: Tell me often how much you appreciate me and why (the greater the detail, the better!)
subgenius Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 .....What do you think your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend or just those of the opposite sex should know?nothing that they do not already know. Our differences are the best thing about all of us, whether by sex, culture, or individually.The real question is "what do you think you should know"
Ariarates Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 Congratulations on your wedding anniversary, Katherine, I hope you had a great day!
blueadept Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 A man should be in touch with his feminine side as much as his masculine side, and vice versa for a woman.IMO, the problem with this approach is that the goal posts occasionally get moved. The LDS counselor said that I needed to show my masculine side a little more often and that we both had a desire for my wife not to display her 'amazon women' so much.There's a happy balance for men and woman in regards to relationships. What's important is that one tries help each other to achieve that balance. The problem is that some people believe there is nothing wrong with they are at; therefore, the issue must be with the other one. Not much chance in balancing one another in this situation.
HeatherAnn Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 A man should be in touch with his feminine side as much as his masculine side, and vice versa for a woman.... and I'm as sick of the worldly stereotypes that portray a "real" man as a totally macho type dude who doesn't cry or express any emotions which are supposedly supposed to be expressed only by women as I am to the worldly stereotypes that portray a "real" woman as someone who doesn't act like a man, sometimes.We all have both a macho side and a "feminine" side, and the more we become perfect the more we act like both men and women.Kindof a different take on the "there is no man without a woman nor a woman without a man in the Lord" scripture, huh.That's a good take on it!Thanks for sharing your perspective.
HeatherAnn Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 I am glad that we could provide you with an opportunity for self-reflection.Reading & posting on forums has helped me learn about myself & many other concepts.And I do believe that we are able to spot weaknesses in others often because we have or still struggle similarily.However, Since I can remember, I've self-reflected...kept a journal & wrote goals since I could write.
HeatherAnn Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 What makes it difficult for me to answer the question in the way you want, is that I disagree with that way. There is no fundamental cognitive difference between the sexes so there is nothing that I think my wife should understand that I don't already think she does understand.Unbelievable that you & your wife understand each other perfectly!Even more reason to share your wisdom with those of us who don't!
HeatherAnn Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 It's not difficult to my "significant other" as he would know (and does know since if there is something I want him to understand, I discuss it with him until he does) the context and nuances of my comments. However, it would be relatively worthless to discuss it with relative strangers....and to what purpose? It doesn't help me at all to let someone besides my SO know what I want my SO to know, only if I let my SO know. And as I said since I do let him know when something comes up, there is nothing at this point that he doesn't understand that I wish he did.Along your line of logic, why should couples share their triumphs & challenges with a marriage councilor, bishop, or other couples who could use their advice?
HeatherAnn Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 Well, if it makes any difference, I support your posting this. I think the OP nailed it in some very fundamental ways, and all I can say to people who don't fit the mold is: You are exceptional. Don't be insulted by it, just feel lucky. I think there are very distinct ways that men and women generally process information, and I believe it is related to our evolution. Men tend to compartmentalize so well because their primary purpose has historically been to provide food and protection for the group. That requires a single mindedness that has to be able to block out all other thoughts and concerns. Women's historical roles make multi tasking and emotional support for the group paramount. We tend to be very verbal since child rearing and cooperating with the other women we work with requires it. Communication for hunting and protecting requires more silence. There were, of course, always people who fell outside the status quo--the artists, the entertainers, the medicine men (or women), the spiritual leaders. Perhaps modern people who don't fall firmly on either side of the dividing line inherited those genes.My relationship with my husband is mostly very traditional. I think like a traditional woman and he thinks like a traditional men. One of the greatest things we've mastered in our marriage (25 years yesterday) is for me: Tell him what I am thinking (if I really want him to know) and for him: Tell me often how much you appreciate me and why (the greater the detail, the better!)Katherine, thanks for sharing this.Congrats on your 25th anniversary!
HeatherAnn Posted August 6, 2011 Author Posted August 6, 2011 nothing that they do not already know. Our differences are the best thing about all of us, whether by sex, culture, or individually.The real question is "what do you think you should know"Our differences are great, yet if not understood & negotiated, they can also cause pain, divorce & family break-ups.Some may not even be aware of such potential problems, thus a purpose of this thread.My DH & I discussed this. He told me trusting his good intentions was important to him. I told him listening & sharing are important to me.
Ahab Posted August 6, 2011 Posted August 6, 2011 IMO, the problem with this approach is that the goal posts occasionally get moved. The LDS counselor said that I needed to show my masculine side a little more often and that we both had a desire for my wife not to display her 'amazon women' so much.There's a happy balance for men and woman in regards to relationships. What's important is that one tries help each other to achieve that balance. The problem is that some people believe there is nothing wrong with they are at; therefore, the issue must be with the other one. Not much chance in balancing one another in this situation.My "approach" includes the elements you mentioned, even though I may not have articulated my approach to convey that to you.Balance is the key, and I think a perfect man conveys his masculine side just as well as his feminine side, in balance, and vice versa for a perfect woman.
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