Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 After all of the jokes that GBH tells on himself and his fellow brethren, even in Conference? I didn't know that the eccentricities of the speaking styles of the Brethren were considered sacred material.President Hinckley at the recent dedication for the BYU building bearing his name said something along the lines of:â??This is a really big building to have the name of such a small man.â?
consiglieri Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 18. Wilford Woodruff: "As peanuts are, the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup was. As the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is, peanuts may become."All the Best!--Consiglieri (Italian for "Bulls-eyer")
Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Nephi: I will go and I will eat the Reeseâ??s I am commanded to eat, for I know that the L-rd will not give a man a Reeseâ??s without providing the way to eat it.Bill Keller: Reeseâ??s, show me your peanut butter!
California Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Comedy about single Mormons, or even missionaries (The Best Two Years is very enjoyable, and the actor's commentary special feature is hilarious), but General Authorities? i don't like the rock versions of primary hymns, or regular hymns on those soundtracks AT ALL, they annoy me, and I think that they take gorgeaus music and make it a joke.18. Wilford Woodruff: "As peanuts are, the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup was. As the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is, peanuts may become."All the Best!--Consiglieri (Italian for "Bulls-eyer")Shouldn't that be Lorenzo Snow???
ERMD Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Captain Moroni: In memory of our chocolate, our peanut butter, and candy; and our sweets, our confections, and our treats.
Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Ed Decker: I was a Mormon bishop at the time I was getting my second doctorate when I was in the top room of the Salt Lake City Temple. There, we would all take part in satanic rituals where we would symbolically extract the peanut butter from Reeseâ??s and then offer it up to our pantheon of gods. After this was done, we would discuss how to further remove all peanut butter from Reeseâ??s around the US in order to make the prophet into the president of the US, thusly keeping all peanut butter for the Mormon cult. This is why Mormons keep a one year supply of peanut butter.-------------Sandra Tanner: You can see from the following quote what Mormon leaders really taught:â??Ifâ?¦ weâ?¦ lookâ?¦ to theâ?¦ Reeseâ??sâ?¦ weâ?¦ will seeâ?¦ thatâ?¦ the Christiansâ?¦ eatâ?¦ Reeseâ??s inâ?¦ aâ?¦ wayâ?¦ thatâ?¦ is wrongâ?¦ In theâ?¦ endâ?¦ WEâ?¦ ARE NOTâ?¦ REESEâ??S EATERSâ?¦ ourâ?¦ Reeseâ??sâ?¦ DONâ??Tâ?¦ HAVE PEANUTâ?¦ BUTTER.â?Thus we see that the Mormon Reeseâ??s DOES NOT HAVE PEANUT BUTTER.
consiglieri Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 This is hilarious.(Psst, Consig, it's Lorenzo Snow.)D'oh!I knew it was one of those early Presidents we don't talk about much!I was working so hard on making the couplet fit the confines of candydom I blew the attribution.In fairness to you, though, I won't edit the original.All the Best!--Consiglieri
consiglieri Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Erik Johnson: "Mormons believe in a different Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, and will therefore melt like chocolate in hell forever."
Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Erik Johnson: "Mormons believe in a different Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, and will therefore melt like chocolate in hell forever." Aaronshaf: The Mormon Reeseâ??s was a practicing fruity Skittle in a previous life.
selek Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Aaronshaf: The Mormon Reeseâ??s was a practicing fruity Skittle in a previous life.Dagnabit Doc! Now I gotta wipe Twix crumbs off my monitor!Y'all stop that!
Chris Smith Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 LOL @ Bill Keller and Sandra Tanner.Dan Vogel: Joseph Smith didn't really have any Reese's. He may have made a makeshift deception out of tomato paste. The witnesses then experienced a group hallucination in which they thought they were eating Reese's, but they really didn't. David Whitmer later said he ate the Reese's with his spiritual mouth, not with his physical mouth.Bill McKeever: I am not anti-Reese's. I actually love Reese's-eaters very much, which is why I want them to stop their destructive habit. I'd hate to see them have to go to fat camp for all eternity.
Chris Smith Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 By the way, the parallel threads on MDB are also hilarious:http://www.mormonapologetics.org/discuss/v...opic.php?t=2503http://www.mormonapologetics.org/discuss/v...opic.php?t=2505
Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 [...]Dan Vogel: Joseph Smith didn't really have any Reese's. He may have made a makeshift deception out of tomato paste. The witnesses then experienced a group hallucination in which they thought they were eating Reese's, but they really didn't. David Whitmer later said he ate the Reese's with his spiritual mouth, not with his physical mouth.[...]Brilliant.
Thinking Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 David A Bednar: "Peanut butter and chocolate become a Reese's as they are prepared carefully. The peanut butter is formed then immersed in chocolate and placed in attractive packaging. This procedure requires time and cannot be hurried. The added preservative allows them to be stored and enjoyed for a long period of time."
Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Structurecop: Ezekiel lied about eating Reeseâ??s.
Thinking Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Brigham Young: "The penalty for anyone who is caught eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup is death on the spot."Later, after having tried a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, Brigham Young says, "I was speculating before. This is the real truth. The only men who become the sons of God are those who eat Reese's."
LifeOnaPlate Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 LOL @ Bill Keller and Sandra Tanner.Dan Vogel: Joseph Smith didn't really have any Reese's. He may have made a makeshift deception out of tomato paste. The witnesses then experienced a group hallucination in which they thought they were eating Reese's, but they really didn't. David Whitmer later said he ate the Reese's with his spiritual mouth, not with his physical mouth.blanking brilliant.
Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Joseph Smith: I told the brethren that a Reeseâ??s is only Peanut Butter and Chocolate when itâ??s acting as such.
Thinking Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Joseph Smith: "If any man eat a Reese's, and desire to eat another, and the first has been consumed, and they are both unopened, and have not been consumed by any other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit sin for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit sin with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else."
Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Blake Ostler: The standard misconception is that a Reeseâ??s must have acquired peanut butter and chocolate at some given time in order to be a Reeseâ??s. This is not necessary when we look at what is meant by peanut butter and whether or not Reeseâ??s is a descriptive or a title. I posit that a Reeseâ??s can be fully Reeseâ??s without necessarily having peanut butter or chocolate.
consiglieri Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Doctor Steuss: "I ate a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup once, and then I ran around and around, and then I ate another one, and then I ran around some more, and then I fell over."
Chris Smith Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Joseph Smith: "If any man eat a Reese's, and desire to eat another, and the first has been consumed, and they are both unopened, and have not been consumed by any other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit sin for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit sin with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else."lol.
Thinking Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Thinking: "I find it interesting the packaging of the Reese's peanut butter cup has changed over the past 15 years. I guess that means the Reese's itself was never a good candy, and never will be a good candy. Don't ask me to taste it again, after spending two years choking it down I couldn't stand to eat it anymore. But I can stand to keep talking about its problems, though, which I will do until the end of time and space."You misunderstood me. This is what I actually said: "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, and I ate Reese's like a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."
Doctor Steuss Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Doctor Steuss: "I ate a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup once, and then I ran around and around, and then I ate another one, and then I ran around some more, and then I fell over."Brilliant! I don't think there's anyway to top that. But, I've never been one to shy away from failure:Consiglieri: If we look to the Book of Enoch, we see that Enoch knew that beyond the layer of chocolate, the Reeseâ??s contained peanut butter. This was disclosed to Enoch by the angel Hersheylomidi and Enoch was commanded to write in a book. In the Book of Moses we find a similar parallel. The Enochic text that contains this tidbit was lost to Christianity and wasnâ??t discovered until 1983. Now, how exactly did Joseph Smith know that beyond the chocolate covering there was peanut butter?Proof that Joseph was a prophet? I say yesâ?¦ bulls-eye.All the Best!Consiglieri (Italian for â??Sloth Loverâ?)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.