Danzo Posted June 23, 2018 Posted June 23, 2018 4 minutes ago, JulieM said: Oh, of course not! We’ve openly talked to our kids about this too. For us, what we’re doing is working amazingly well and we have a very open and healthy relationship with them. If you don’t want to do it this way with your kids, you need to do what feels right for your family. But don’t judge others who choose a different approach (with the complete support of our leaders). The complete support of the leaders you don't trust with your children.
JulieM Posted June 23, 2018 Posted June 23, 2018 (edited) 24 minutes ago, Danzo said: The complete support of the leaders you don't trust with your children. Not true. It’s nothing personal and they know and support that. We love our leaders, but don’t want our kids alone with any adult behind closed doors or anyone discussing sex with our kids without our knowledge (we’re open with our kids on that topic too). That includes current adult leaders and future leaders (our kids know this too because we communicate with them about that). It’s for the same reason that many parents don’t allow sleepovers for their youth (even if it’s a church leader or friend’s home). Why are you so angry over this? I’m not telling you how to raise your kids and I think you should show me the same respect and courtesy. Edited June 23, 2018 by JulieM 2
ALarson Posted June 24, 2018 Posted June 24, 2018 16 hours ago, JulieM said: So could abuse. For us (and our bishop), this has been very positive and has actually opened up even better communication between us and our son. We have complete support from our leaders on this too (YM and bishopric). We are not the only parents doing this in our ward now either and I believe there will just continue to be more working with their youth in this manner. If it doesn’t seem right for you and your kids, I understand that too. Your experience mirrors many in our ward too. We are having more parents request that they be present for their youth's interviews. We fully support it and so far have seen it work well. My Bishop actually welcomes parents to be present. Our Stake President has the same feelings and believes things are evolving in a positive direction regarding youth interviews. We are seeing more and more parents stressing the importance of being a part of the interviews. I feel this is a protection for the church leaders conducting the interviews as well. Good for you.... 2
JulieM Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 (edited) 23 hours ago, ALarson said: Your experience mirrors many in our ward too. We are having more parents request that they be present for their youth's interviews. We fully support it and so far have seen it work well. My Bishop actually welcomes parents to be present. Our Stake President has the same feelings and believes things are evolving in a positive direction regarding youth interviews. We are seeing more and more parents stressing the importance of being a part of the interviews. I feel this is a protection for the church leaders conducting the interviews as well. Good for you.... Thanks. Doing this has really gone great for us so far (and we’ll do the same with our younger kids too). I was actually just talking about this yesterday with one of the YW leaders who I serve with and she said her husband has also put a request in with our bishop for this with their kids. So, I agree it will probably become more common to do (at least in some areas?). Edited June 25, 2018 by JulieM 1
HappyJackWagon Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 On 6/22/2018 at 6:57 PM, bluebell said: I agree it should be honored. Legally I'm sure it probably has to be honored. I'm just saying that statistically speaking, we can't trust parents to always have the best interest of their kids at heart and I feel like that needs to be acknowledged. Some people act like a child is likely to be abused by a bishop and that's why parents need to intervene. The truth is that a child is much much more likely to be abused by a parent. Remembering that helps to keep bishop youth interviews in perspective. Great- that was my main point. The difference between the bishop and parent comparison is that the bishop youth interviews are optional in that they are driven by church policies. Those policies could be changed to follow standard youth protection expectations. Parents are parents and therefore have legal rights. Comparing a bishop with parents is really not a great comparison IMO. Yes, parents can abuse their children. They have primary responsibility for their children and can abuse that responsibility. With bishops, that responsibility is being granted to them. It's not a legal right to meet one-on-one so when an optional meeting results in a negative consequence or creates unnecessary risk, it seems reasonable to question the necessity of the one-on-one interview behind closed doors. I don't think it's likely that a youth will be abused but it seems like a totally unnecessary risk. I have a nephew turning 12 soon. He went in for his bishops interview yesterday. It was a 45 minute interview. Parents were not inside so they don't know what was discussed. As is typical, the young man shrugged when asked what they talked about. 45 minutes one-on-one with an 11 year old behind closed doors. Seems absurd to me. And it's not just about the risk of that particular bishop to the youth. It can condition the child to believe that probing conversations with an adult about personal topics such as sx, p0rn and mstrbtion is okay. So while this bishop may be fine, there may be a predator down the line who benefits from that conditioning. 3
ALarson Posted June 25, 2018 Posted June 25, 2018 (edited) On 6/23/2018 at 3:41 PM, Danzo said: What will they do when when they suddenly turn 18 and they have to start dealing with adults without their parents to hold their hands? There are a lot of things parents should take precautions with regarding a child who is 8 years old or 12 years old or 14 and so on....that the'd allow an 18 year old son or daughter do on their own. For example, just because you don't allow your child to drive a car at the age of 8 or 12 doesn't mean they would not be able to handle doing that when they are 18. You may have strong feelings about this topic, but this type of reasoning makes no sense, IMO. Edited June 25, 2018 by ALarson 3
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