Robert F. Smith Posted August 30, 2015 Posted August 30, 2015 ........................................................................................................................... He's already quite the cynic, but also very good at what he does. ................................................................................................... During both his deployments, I was on edge all the time. I've never told him that. I guess it's good I at least recognized why I feel like I have an anvil on my chest. ...........................................................................................I have known a great many detectives, and here is my advice: You need to lighten up and be cheerful when your brother is around. He doesn't need to be surrounded by worry-warts when he gets a break from his Vice unit. His cynicism is a defense mechanism, and so is gallows humor -- which he will have in common with his fellow detectives. He will now belong to an elite brotherhood, and they do take care of each other. Whether he needs therapy is something that his supervisors constantly look for, and they will send him to psychologists who specialize in police. You don't need to recommend it. Just be normal when he is around you and your family. That is what he needs most. Most detectives are very smart, stable, nice but serious guys who manage their assignments well, and who enjoy their special status (and excellent pay).
Kenngo1969 Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 (edited) 18 years as a street cop (and still working). I have always used the church as my tool to defend my spirit from the dark side of mortality. I read my scriptures (sometimes in my patrol car), I pray for work related things before leaving for my shift every day, I have family prayer right before leaving, I pray at work as needed, I hang out with people outside of my profession instead of my co-workers. That one helps me remember how many good people are out there. I am active in my ward. I home teach regularly and have developed relationships with my families. I do as much as I can that is away from my job when I am not working as possible. I learned early on that hanging out with my coworkers is not healthy for me (and I think most of us) mentally. If your brother does these things he should be fine. Don't misunderstand that there is a price we pay for the profession we picked. I've seen some awful things. How deep those scars run is up to each of us. I combat it with the above attitudes. 18 years as a street cop (and still working). I have always used the church as my tool to defend my spirit from the dark side of mortality. I read my scriptures (sometimes in my patrol car), I pray for work related things before leaving for my shift every day, I have family prayer right before leaving, I pray at work as needed, I hang out with people outside of my profession instead of my co-workers. That one helps me remember how many good people are out there. [Emphasis added by Kenngo1969.] I am active in my ward. I home teach regularly and have developed relationships with my families. I do as much as I can that is away from my job when I am not working as possible. I learned early on that hanging out with my coworkers is not healthy for me (and I think most of us) mentally. If your brother does these things he should be fine. Don't misunderstand that there is a price we pay for the profession we picked. I've seen some awful things. How deep those scars run is up to each of us. I combat it with the above attitudes.Ding, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! "Tell him what he's won, Bob!" It's also worth remembering that even if the most reprobate of human beings who do the most reprehensible of deeds sometimes escape justice here, there's no way they'll escape justice in the hereafter. (What was that about millstones again ...?) Sometimes, angels don't have wings and halos: Sometimes, they have badges and guns! (And by the way, thank you for your service. ) Edited August 31, 2015 by Kenngo1969 2
MorningStar Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 I have known a great many detectives, and here is my advice: You need to lighten up and be cheerful when your brother is around. He doesn't need to be surrounded by worry-warts when he gets a break from his Vice unit. His cynicism is a defense mechanism, and so is gallows humor -- which he will have in common with his fellow detectives. He will now belong to an elite brotherhood, and they do take care of each other. Whether he needs therapy is something that his supervisors constantly look for, and they will send him to psychologists who specialize in police. You don't need to recommend it. Just be normal when he is around you and your family. That is what he needs most. Most detectives are very smart, stable, nice but serious guys who manage their assignments well, and who enjoy their special status (and excellent pay).Oh, I am. I'm very supportive of this when we talk, but on the inside I'm crying. When he told us on Thanksgiving that he was accepting the request to be deployed for a year again (it involved voluntarily cross training), I did everything I could not to start sobbing and just told him how great he was to do it. I feel the same way about this. How does one get that stuff out of their head after a day of arresting perverts?
Robert F. Smith Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Oh, I am. I'm very supportive of this when we talk, but on the inside I'm crying. When he told us on Thanksgiving that he was accepting the request to be deployed for a year again (it involved voluntarily cross training), I did everything I could not to start sobbing and just told him how great he was to do it. I feel the same way about this. How does one get that stuff out of their head after a day of arresting perverts? I understand, and his wife undoubtedly feels the same as you do. However, congrats for keeping a stiff upper lip. I have had to deal with many criminals of various types, and I have found that, in addition to being perverts, they have often been victims of perversion, violence, poverty, and poor education. They are quite human, even if the public only perceives a monstrous side. I hope that your brother doesn't lose his sense of humanity, empathy, and compassion when dealing with such people. A detective with such attributes will find it easier to obtain confessions, and may even be able to direct some of his suspects into therapy programs which can help them find a better way out than suicide.
mirkwood Posted August 31, 2015 Posted August 31, 2015 Ding, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! "Tell him what he's won, Bob!" It's also worth remembering that even if the most reprobate of human beings who do the most reprehensible of deeds sometimes escape justice here, there's no way they'll escape justice in the hereafter. (What was that about millstones again ...?) Sometimes, angels don't have wings and halos: Sometimes, they have badges and guns! (And by the way, thank you for your service. ) Thanks
Guest Posted September 1, 2015 Posted September 1, 2015 18 years as a street cop (and still working). I have always used the church as my tool to defend my spirit from the dark side of mortality. I read my scriptures (sometimes in my patrol car), I pray for work related things before leaving for my shift every day, I have family prayer right before leaving, I pray at work as needed, I hang out with people outside of my profession instead of my co-workers. That one helps me remember how many good people are out there. I am active in my ward. I home teach regularly and have developed relationships with my families. I do as much as I can that is away from my job when I am not working as possible. I learned early on that hanging out with my coworkers is not healthy for me (and I think most of us) mentally. If your brother does these things he should be fine. Don't misunderstand that there is a price we pay for the profession we picked. I've seen some awful things. How deep those scars run is up to each of us. I combat it with the above attitudes.Brother, depending on where you serve these days, careful while looking down to read those scriptures. Things are getting really bad these days! My prayers for your safety.
mirkwood Posted September 5, 2015 Posted September 5, 2015 Thanks. I work in Salt Lake County, so it isn't like some places, though we are seeing our problems too.
Bee Sweet Posted October 11, 2015 Posted October 11, 2015 My Dad being a police officer made him paranoid about us children. He constantly cautioned us, and why not, there's a lot of evil out there. 2
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