Something On My Mind: Marriage

[hammermil405]

If your sweetheart was recently baptized I would expectd that she is trying to do all she can to be a good Latter-day Saint. It is interesting that you would love a young lady that has chosen to join the Church of Jesus Christ. Do you respect her decision? If so, does that mean you would at least consider hearing about what she has committed herself?

If you love her, support her commitment to the Church, attending meetings, prayer, and scripture reading. Think about how you can support her in these endeavors. In doing so, your love for her will deepen and you will be closer to God. If it so happens that your relationship as a potential husband and wife disolves, then you will know that it was because there is someone else for both of you. However, if your mutual love grows and blossoms you will marry in the knowledge that she is a committed LDS and you, her husband, respect so much that you support her in her walk with God.

Consider going to church with her, praying with her, and reading the scriptures with her. Be comfortable talking about God. I would caution you that if you attempt to tear down her religion, she will probably drop you very quickly.

Lastly, know that our Father in Heaven knows you personally. He knows your heart and he knows what is best for you and her. Trust him to lead you. Find the faith to believe in him and trust him and you will find peace and happiness.

I have tried very hard and very much to talk to her about her path. When we do try to talk about it, in a non confrontational way, she closes down and sais i wont understand. I have asked her if there is some secret and she will not answer.

Yes i have, i have met with missionarys, my bishop, and the stake president. I have read the BOM 2 times and have prayed extensively. I have proposed many questions to the leaders of the ward and have never got an answer. I have had a vision from God. It was revield to me that this is not the truth.

To me, the vision from God and all the contradicitons in the Church are just to much to say I can join.

I love her more than life itself and will support her in any way till the end of time. However I KNOW. she is the only one for me. it is a feeling i have from outside of my mind, body, and soul.

I thank you for your advise and i will never tear down any religion. All I ever want is the truth... from all sides. If you only get one side how can you call it the truth?

[hammermil405]

You also need to be aware that interfaith marriages have a very high rate of failure. It is not easy to blend two people of different belief systems. You also need to be aware that to be a committed, devout LDS requires a lot of time and if you choose to marry, you will need to work hard at not being resentful of time and resources she will want to devote to her faith. There is also the issue of children and how they will be raised. Honestly I don't know of any very happy marriages where the wife is LDS and the husband is not. In all of the cases I've known personally the husband has ended up demanding she give up most of her Sundays to spend with him instead of at church, argued about her paying tithing and other commitments she has made and she has ended up resenting him, leaving neither happy with the result. OTOH I have heard of a few cases where the wife has decided she wants a temple marriage and when her husband does not convert, she leaves him (if this is the sole reason then it is against the Church's teachings, but it unfortunately happens).

I am not trying to desuade you from marrying her, just that if you two are going to make it work you need to be realistic, plan ahead as muchnas possible and be honest with each other...if you really aren't going to convert you need to make this clear to her as she needs to be honestvwith you whether or not she believes you will eventually convert and how she will reactnif you don't.

I thank you for your words. As far as childern. She cant have any nor can I. I do love her more than life itself. And i will support her in anyway, shape, or form it requires.

[Garden Girl]

Yes i have, i have met with missionarys, my bishop, and the stake president. I have read the BOM 2 times and have prayed extensively. I have proposed many questions to the leaders of the ward and have never got an answer. I have had a vision from God. It was revield to me that this is not the truth.

To me, the vision from God and all the contradicitons in the Church are just to much to say I can join.

I'm sorry that you have not been able to resolve your questions... I can't imagine what questions you have that can't be answered... you might not agree with the answers, but answers there are.

You've received some good thoughts from others here... I married a wonderful, but non-LDS man and eventually slipped into inactivity (he did not try and influence me... it was just that he wanted to do things on our weekends and I wanted to do things with him also as we both worked very hard during the week, so weekends were ours). Anyway, for years I was inactive, but through the years I'd get promptings about returning to Church... I had told my husband I was feeling the need to return to Church and he encouraged me to do so. I had been inactive for over 30 years. Finally, when my mom died it was very traumatic for me, and sent me running back to the Church, and I started all over again.

My husband would not participate with me although he was very supportive of whatever I wanted to do, but when I would attend even social functions I was always alone. When I'd go to the temple and see the couples there, holding hands as they walked to the endowment room to participate in a session, sitting and talking quietly together in the Celestial Room... I was filled with a deep sorrow because I did not have my husband with me. It was always an ache I felt even though my husband loved me and was supportive of me in every way. There's just something different about being a devout LDS and not being able to share with the person you love as your life mate.

You may be able to convince your lady that you will always be supportive, which I don't doubt for a minute that you would be... but that will not ease the emptiness she will feel as she sits in the temple alone, without you.

You both have to be clear on this... being a committed LDS affects how you think and your perspective on life in general. Can your lady be happy with you, knowing she will probably never have the joy of sitting with you in the temple and sharing a view of her hopes for her eternal life with you as her eternal companion? Is that fair to her? She's still new in the gospel and her testimony is still growing. After I reactivated my testimony grew stronger and stronger and as it did, that's when my sorrow grew deeper.

Something to think about.

I do send you every good wish... just be sure you, and she, understands just what she would be giving up should she choose to make the same choice I did many years ago.

from the beach on a beautiful fall sabbath day...

GG

[ERayR]

I have tried very hard and very much to talk to her about her path. When we do try to talk about it, in a non confrontational way, she closes down and sais i wont understand. I have asked her if there is some secret and she will not answer.

Yes i have, i have met with missionarys, my bishop, and the stake president. I have read the BOM 2 times and have prayed extensively. I have proposed many questions to the leaders of the ward and have never got an answer. I have had a vision from God. It was revield to me that this is not the truth.

To me, the vision from God and all the contradicitons in the Church are just to much to say I can join.

I love her more than life itself and will support her in any way till the end of time. However I KNOW. she is the only one for me. it is a feeling i have from outside of my mind, body, and soul.

I thank you for your advise and i will never tear down any religion. All I ever want is the truth... from all sides. If you only get one side how can you call it the truth?

I don't want to sound hard hearted but with this attitude how can you support her in her church activity? Yes she will want to be active and fill callings in the church. This sometimes will be quite time consuming. What will your conversations on theology be like. How do you plan on keeping your disapproval of her religious choices from your conversations. It is not as easy as you have imagined it. Or, are you thinking that once you are married you can convince her to change her mind?

You have some serious questions to answer to yourself before you should even think of getting married to her. I can pose the questions and a few more but you have to find the answers.

Edited October 16, 2011 by ERayR

[Calm]

When you ask her if there is a secret, what do you have in mind? That she had a vision like you or something else?

Edited October 16, 2011 by calmoriah