california boy

I do like this a lot. It does come across as you making a very sincere effort to try and correct the reasonable interpretation of your original intent. I think something that you might consider is to have your wife paint something that is not directed at them from a religious perspective, but directed on something that would be special to each one of them, rather than a narritive that you wanted to direct at them. I am not a big LGBT flag waiver, don't own anything that use any clothing or art or anything that uses the LGBT colors, but if I received something painted from one of my siblings that did incorporate those colors, it would truly be something I would cherish. It could be something very simple like a painting of a box of crayons with 6 colors of the flag, or a vase with the flowers that are each of the colors or even a sunset of a city using the LGBT colors in the sky. Just my thoughts. ETA: Looks like you have already done some of my suggestions. I really feel the big effort you are making. In the end that is really what is important.

Making a wound so deep it will never heal. But maybe opening up the wound so it won't continue to fester is something to consider. Maybe some things do need to be said. I will think about this more. Thanks.

This is so right on. Especially this part.

I am so sorry you are feeling outcast from your family. I don't think that others might even understand that kind of hurt. When I first came out to my dad, it did not go well. Honestly I thought that there was a good possibility that I may never speak to him again. My sister was with me when I told my father. I left and not in a good way. She came running out to my car before I left and told me that this is just very emotional and things can change. Then she said that there was one good thing that came out of this, she was no longe the black sheep of the family.. You see, she was dating this guy for a while. He joined the church because he knew he would never be able to marry her if he didn't. Her bishop strongly encouraged her to marry him sooner than later in a civil marriage and then wait the year for a temple marriage. She didn't really think that was really the best option for her, but obediently did what the bishop asked. The guy ended up being a real jerk. After two children from that marriage she divorced him. The whole family was so happy for her. But my father felt like she had shamed the family and unbeknownst to me, he really treated her terribly. Yeah, being gay definitely trumps being divorced. She is the one sibling that has shown me nothing but love from the very beginning of this journey. She is the first one to welcome my partner into her home. And she is the one that leveled with me about what was really going on trying very delicately to not say anything hurtful about any of my siblings. Live your life honestly and truthfully. There is nothing shameful about trusting yourself and your own personal relationship with God. I think there is a very good possibility that the experience you are having will be a blessing to someone else who feels rejected by your family as my sister has been for me.

This is definitely what I would love to do, but I know it would just bring harder feelings and is not really in my nature. But thanks for letting me fantasizing about this anyway.

I just want to thank you all for your words of love, encouragement and advice. (sorry I didn't include each and everyone of you that replied. I haven't figured out how to add quotes from multiple pages) But I just want you to know that I read every single one of your posts multiple times these past days and I appreciate so much this community that we have here. It is very special. Partly the reason I didn't respond quicker is I really needed to take some time and think about this. I guess where I am right now is I believe the only behavior I can control is my own. I will continue to live my life as I have been, with honesty and love. Even if that love is something they can not accept. It is still what brings me happiness and joy. Their approval is never going to do that for me even if I tried to change my life to fit their expectations. It is just too exhausting. I tried that for many years. It just depressed me and made me make decisions that were very wrong for me. So I guess I will continue as I have been doing for the past 25 years. When invited to family activities, I will show up and try to show love to each and every one of my siblings. But I probably won't initiate anything with those that really don't want me around. When I am excluded from family events, while it hurts, it is not nearly as big of hurt as it would be to give up everything about my life as it is. I can live with that. I know I have responded in a very personal and honest way. But maybe in some way, it will help others to understand that pressuring your children into doing what might very well be right for you and your life is not always the best for them and their lives. Hugs to all of you, especially those that are struggling with this issue.

I know that quite a few of you know my struggles with my family over the years. For 13 years they wanted nothing to do with me. Never invited to a baptism or ordination, or family reunion, or family dinner. Nothing. That all changed when my father finally met my partner. It seemed like he was giving permission for my siblings to have some kind of relationship with me. And for the past number of years, I have been invited to family events. Sadly my father passed away at 100. Recently my siblings organized a sibling/spouse trip to Florida. They rented a. big house and all stayed together for a week doing various activities around the area. Every single sibling and their spouses went. I was not invited, nor was my partner. Some, not all, really objected to me being included. Now I know that these past 10 years that I have been invited to family events, there were some who really didn't want me there. So knowing that not all my siblings want me around, I feel like I don't really want to go to family events. I am exhausted trying to make them happy. I really can't live my life trying to make other people happy with who they want me to be rather than who I actually am. And I have plenty of friends in my life who actually like me the way I am. They aren't looking for me to change before they can have me a part of their lives. Maybe my situation will help others see how we on the outside feel. Maybe you have some suggestions on how I should handle my siblings. Cause I got no more answers to that question,.

I have to say, some members are so clueless as to what is appropriate to "give as a gift" to those that have no interest in the Church. You really think that inviting someone to church who no longer wants anything to do with the Church is a good idea and can't figure out why that is pretty offensive? What would you think if your sibling gave you a needle and drugs in hopes that you would get high with them? Or a Book of Mormon as a "gift" as if the person receiving it has never heard of the Book of Mormon or how to get one if they want it. Would you be grateful if those that left the church in your family told you how much they love you and have offered to you the CES letter in hopes that you will pray over it and find the real truth about Mormonism? Would you feel loved if everything your children visited you they brought up points they felt would help you from the CES letter? Would you like it if they testified of the truthfulness of the things contained in the CES letter? How about constantly asking if you were still going to that looser church or if you have finally seen the light and it is all made up. My dad used to send me letters when I first came out to him quoting scriptures and hoping that by writing these letters that basically said I was going to hell would entice me back into the Church. He would always sign the letter with Love from Dad. Not feeling any love there, just a strong message of judgement and total lack of understanding about who I actually am. He even suggested that maybe I should find some woman and that would straighten me out. As if the reason why I am gay is because of my wife???? And not considering that I taught seminary for 6 years and probably could quote way more scriptures than he could. My hope is, you will see this reply as aggressive and maybe even a bit judgmental towards you. If I can get you to have those feelings, then you will start to see how your children/relatives see your actions. Not a lot of love there, but lots of judgement.

This is exactly how I felt. Since the Church told me that if I choose to fall in love and have a relationship with someone I love, then I could never be redeemed in the Celestial Kingdom. So if that is how I choose to live my life, then what difference would it make for me to break any other commandments. I was already damned. Can anyone give me a good reason why I should ever keep any of the commandments? Because there is absolutely no way I want to live eternally with a woman. That seems like a far worse punishment than not being in the Celestial Kingdom. I have never once regretted the decision I made. It is definitely the right decision for me. My life has been so enriched and I value my companionship with my partner more than anything else in the world.