My wife needs prayers…

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

My wife, who I met 48 years ago, next month we will be married for 48 years, is wearing herself out. In the last six months, I have been hospitalized twice, and she would spend her nights with me, and then do all she had too during the day. These stories about my health issues, I have shared. What I did not share, is what our youngest daughter is going through. She was hospitalized with a life threatening infection, at which time, she moved back home with us. In those six months after she was realized from a downtown Atlanta hospital, she has lived here. But she has had two more local hospital stays, which have amounted to over two months in the hospital. Due to this, she has been spending as many hours as she can with our daughter, Alicia. All while caring for our eighth month old granddaughter. My wife is 67 years old, as of December 1st, and still cares for all but two of our nine grandchildren. Because of the age gap of our oldest and youngest grandchild, she has cared for our grandchildren, from their mother’s returning back to work, until they began school. This means, she has been the daycare of our grandchildren, for 20+ years. In short, we have one on a mission, and one just learning to crawl. 
 

Since my backbreaking accident, on May 21, 2012, I have helped as best as I am able. We both love it, and it helps us build a wonderful bond, between our grandchildren, our years are now taking a toll. No matter how you do the math, before our youngest enters preschool, we will both be 70+ years of age. Her commitment to all of those she loves, will not ever allow her to say; NO. Even Sunday Supper after Church, every single Sunday, feeding 18+ people, she won’t even ask for help. She is in great health, always smiling, at Church events, when family is around, she is a Saint. However, when the event is over, or when everyone goes home, I can see how exhausted she is, as she tells me, “I don’t know how much longer, I can keep this up”? So, I will call all my daughters, be it spouses, our my two daughters, and tell them, “you have got to help her”! Their replies are always the same, “we ask her all the time, what do you need us to do”, and her reply is always the same, “can you pick up bread, or chips and some dip”, in “short she asks us to do things that require no work at all”.

How do I save this Saint, from the inevitable collapse that will one day come. I can already see, the exhaustion in her beautiful blue eyes, in the beautiful lines (which I love) on her face. Sometimes, in the tears she tries to hide, until she is no longer able, when she sees my blood sugar, rise to dangerous levels, or when she calls out, and finds it so low, and why I did not answer. She is besieged on every side, and has to wonder, is there is any safe harbor? 
 

So, prayers please, for the woman I love, and seldom deserve, prayers please for Pamela Lee! 

[Tacenda]

2 hours ago, Bill “Papa” Lee said:

My wife, who I met 48 years ago, next month we will be married for 48 years, is wearing herself out. In the last six months, I have been hospitalized twice, and she would spend her nights with me, and then do all she had too during the day. These stories about my health issues, I have shared. What I did not share, is what our youngest daughter is going through. She was hospitalized with a life threatening infection, at which time, she moved back home with us. In those six months after she was realized from a downtown Atlanta hospital, she has lived here. But she has had two more local hospital stays, which have amounted to over two months in the hospital. Due to this, she has been spending as many hours as she can with our daughter, Alicia. All while caring for our eighth month old granddaughter. My wife is 67 years old, as of December 1st, and still cares for all but two of our nine grandchildren. Because of the age gap of our oldest and youngest grandchild, she has cared for our grandchildren, from their mother’s returning back to work, until they began school. This means, she has been the daycare of our grandchildren, for 20+ years. In short, we have one on a mission, and one just learning to crawl. 
 

Since my backbreaking accident, on May 21, 2012, I have helped as best as I am able. We both love it, and it helps us build a wonderful bond, between our grandchildren, our years are now taking a toll. No matter how you do the math, before our youngest enters preschool, we will both be 70+ years of age. Her commitment to all of those she loves, will not ever allow her to say; NO. Even Sunday Supper after Church, every single Sunday, feeding 18+ people, she won’t even ask for help. She is in great health, always smiling, at Church events, when family is around, she is a Saint. However, when the event is over, or when everyone goes home, I can see how exhausted she is, as she tells me, “I don’t know how much longer, I can keep this up”? So, I will call all my daughters, be it spouses, our my two daughters, and tell them, “you have got to help her”! Their replies are always the same, “we ask her all the time, what do you need us to do”, and her reply is always the same, “can you pick up bread, or chips and some dip”, in “short she asks us to do things that require no work at all”.

How do I save this Saint, from the inevitable collapse that will one day come. I can already see, the exhaustion in her beautiful blue eyes, in the beautiful lines (which I love) on her face. Sometimes, in the tears she tries to hide, until she is no longer able, when she sees my blood sugar, rise to dangerous levels, or when she calls out, and finds it so low, and why I did not answer. She is besieged on every side, and has to wonder, is there is any safe harbor? 
 

So, prayers please, for the woman I love, and seldom deserve, prayers please for Pamela Lee! 

Oh my, I hope that there will be more times you reach out to your children and get them to do more for her. Being the caretaker of so many, will bring her down fast, as you are seeing now. I hope you figure out a way to get her to listen to take time for herself. She shouldn't have to raise others' kids. Or her grand kids. I heard the other day from a grocery clerk while being there with my granddaughter and being exhausted from just one child, say....that is why the young have children. 

I hope she listens to all of you. Taking care of children, is very tiring, IMO. It may be rewarding, but it's nice to send them home. But sounds like she had them on a daily basis, I know I could never do that. I only watch my granddaughter one day a week, now for four years. And each week on that day, I'm exhausted.

I hope your wife's great health, will be spent on some time for herself, now. It's her turn. 

ETA: Maybe I'm exhausted after having her and my furgranddog for the last several days. But I cannot even imagine serving dinner ever Sunday for 18 people. That would kill me! I do as your wife does and only ask them to bring something easy, but this may not always be a good thing. I was thinking of a monthly family get together that my mother in law would have at her house. She would always do the main meal and ask each of us to bring a side. This helped me learn how to cook! I did make flat rolls and runny jello but it was a learning curve. Maybe we're denying our children a chance to learn how to make these sides. I'm very guilty of this. I stress so much though, and I don't have them over that often.

I will say a prayer in my heart that she will be self preserving so she can enjoy these years, that she so deserves. I guess it might be difficult to stop the tending because I'm sure she or your grandchildren's parents might worry they won't get as good as care. But it's not always the case. But at least they can start making more sides or the main meal, and just tell your wife they are bringing something that takes work, no if's, and's or but's about it! 

Edited December 12, 2023 by Tacenda