Questing Beast Posted April 1, 2013 Author Posted April 1, 2013 ...It's true that for your son his greatest obstacle may be an awareness of his challenges and acceptance of them (and for you, too, as a family member), because we are much more comfortable to discussing choices (entitlement mentality or whatever we think the choice problem is) and we feel that using an illness model (my son is sick) is somehow a failure or insufficient on whatever level (and which is why I normally use the word "challenge" instead of "sick" because I prefer not to give that word to it either). Awareness and acceptance is necessary, of course, before being able to address issues further towards healing.Of course, even if everything I say accurately applies to your son--the question still becomes, is that any of your concern as another adult (parent) and even if willing, what could you possibly do about it if he wasn't inclined to hear about this and help himself?To give just one of the telling reasons I see in your description of your son as experiencing non-functional mental or emotional challenge is because that no human being would choose to live in an SUV. It's not a choice problem. There's something actually blocking his function that does not permit him to have the ability to change his circumstance.I think it highly likely that "learning disability", which we his parents knew of at an early age, does translate into "non-functional" at some level. Yet he made the grade and served a full stint with the Marines. He professes to enjoy living on his own, i.e. not beholden to landlords and suchlike, yet without a permanent location. This house, his childhood home, is his permanent location. And thus the potential problem we have....
Ahab Posted April 1, 2013 Posted April 1, 2013 I think it highly likely that "learning disability", which we his parents knew of at an early age, does translate into "non-functional" at some level. Yet he made the grade and served a full stint with the Marines. He professes to enjoy living on his own, i.e. not beholden to landlords and suchlike, yet without a permanent location. This house, his childhood home, is his permanent location. And thus the potential problem we have....The potential problem being what, exactly, in your eyes?If you both worked out some sort of an arrangement together, would it bother you if he lived with you for the rest of his life? If not then it's just a matter of working out some sort of arrangement that both of you could be satisfied with. If you want him out no matter what, though, then that's another issue.
Questing Beast Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 I want him to be as whole and happy as possible. If that means living at home with his aging parents, so be it. But I am not ready to concede that yet....
Stone holm Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 I want him to be as whole and happy as possible. If that means living at home with his aging parents, so be it. But I am not ready to concede that yet....Man. We have been hoping one of our married kids with kids would move back in my wife would be frigging ecstatic.
Questing Beast Posted April 2, 2013 Author Posted April 2, 2013 Our son is single and likely to remain so. His married siblings are all currently getting along fine with their independent married with children (and expecting) lives....
Ahab Posted April 2, 2013 Posted April 2, 2013 (edited) Our son is single and likely to remain so. His married siblings are all currently getting along fine with their independent married with children (and expecting) lives....I know several families that have made it work to the satisfaction of all. Some have a home with a basement set up as a separate living area... with a kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, and media room... and some have a separate house on their property out in the country, where the child is as close as a regular neighbor would be in most urban areas. Maybe it's just a matter of finding a situation that works well for all of you. If you have a small house and he's right there in the same room with you while he's just goofing his life away I can see how that would annoy you, but maybe it would be better for him to still have some of your influence around him than to be goofing off in some other place where he is more by his lonesome. If he didn't have a roommate of some kind that's probably how it would be for him, you know.p.s. Now is a great time to get a new house too, btw. I moved out to the country when I and my wife became empty nesters, and I love it, although my wife would like it if my sons would also move out to the country with us. They like more of the city life, though, so country life isn't for them, except for visiting. If they did want to move out to the country with us, though, I'd just build them a guest house, and maybe even one for each of them. It wouldn't have to be big, as long as it was big enough. Edited April 2, 2013 by Ahab
Questing Beast Posted April 3, 2013 Author Posted April 3, 2013 (edited) "Greeeeen Acres, is the place for me!" I wish you happiness, and family visiting often.I agree, that my son "goofing off" is better with someone nearby rather than alone. Other considerations are about possible healing that needs to take place. He is a most silent, closed man. But not an unpleasant one, if you simply take him how he is. I am going to let this go for a while and see what happens. His mother is more impatient than I am, and her father more impatient still, to the point of advising us to not let him live here. I ignore that kind of opinion. Time will reveal, hopefully, what our son gains from being home more. If it is worth it, then I will adjust my intrinsic views on "squatting", or a.k.a. entitlement mentality. Not the principles defining it, but how they apply to our son.... Edited April 3, 2013 by Questing Beast 1
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