Don Bradley'S Return To The Church

[Tacenda]

bubb, Tacenda isn't on here way out of the church, okay?

She may not be keen on all of the doctrines and such, but she's not going twoards apostacy, nah.

Thanks Tao. I'm hoping to stay.

[bcuzbcuz]

No you couldn't more wrong about me. I'm active in the church, TR holder, VT but no other calling. I don't tell anyone of my faith problem now. In the past only my bishop and a couple of people knew of my feelings on polygamy. It would be so difficult to leave especially for my family and extended family. I was putting out my feelers to see what you thought I should do, walk or stay. I'm surprised you pretty much said walk. So is there a place for those like me? Because I know there are many who struggle out there. But want to stay for various reasons.

I appreciate your open and straightforward descriptions of the struggle you have with polygamy. The mother to my six children, now deceased, talked openly with our Bishop, of the time, and with me and with several of her fellow sisters from Relief Society. She only shared her thoughts with those she felt could understand her dilemma or who would provide information and not just comfort. She sought out members in long standing and some who were related or offspring from Mormon polygamous families.

I had a personal library of the writings of Brigham Young and the early official church history as well as two volumes of stories written by the wives of polygamous Utah Mormons (I no longer have these books nor remember who compiled them). None of any of this consoled my wife. She fasted, read the scriptures, thoroughly, many times, and together we prayed and discussed this issue. My own stance was one of disengagement. I felt and stated that, since polygamy was no longer practiced, that it was not currently relevant and pushed the whole issue to a back-burner in my mind. Finally, though, she just stated that she could no longer attend church meetings and that she wanted to create a little distance between herself and the emotions that this issue caused. I remember her, at one point, intensely and repeatedly, asking me to promise by all that we held holy that, should she die, that I would not re-marry and definitely never be sealed to anyone else.

We laughed about this in the years that followed, but after her sudden death, her words stayed with me. It wasn't until more than 15 years after her death that I re-married.

From a practical standpoint polygamy, to me, is abhorrent. Why anyone would even want to share a household with two or more women as wives is beyond my comprehension. Members who get misty-eyed and rapturous about the idea that one day polygamy will return are to my mind as guilty of lust after the flesh as any adulterous person. It's worse than pornography because it shields lustful thoughts in a cloak of divinity. It truly creeps me out.

[Tacenda]

I appreciate your open and straightforward descriptions of the struggle you have with polygamy. The mother to my six children, now deceased, talked openly with our Bishop, of the time, and with me and with several of her fellow sisters from Relief Society. She only shared her thoughts with those she felt could understand her dilemma or who would provide information and not just comfort. She sought out members in long standing and some who were related or offspring from Mormon polygamous families.

I had a personal library of the writings of Brigham Young and the early official church history as well as two volumes of stories written by the wives of polygamous Utah Mormons (I no longer have these books nor remember who compiled them). None of any of this consoled my wife. She fasted, read the scriptures, thoroughly, many times, and together we prayed and discussed this issue. My own stance was one of disengagement. I felt and stated that, since polygamy was no longer practiced, that it was not currently relevant and pushed the whole issue to a back-burner in my mind. Finally, though, she just stated that she could no longer attend church meetings and that she wanted to create a little distance between herself and the emotions that this issue caused. I remember her, at one point, intensely and repeatedly, asking me to promise by all that we held holy that, should she die, that I would not re-marry and definitely never be sealed to anyone else.

We laughed about this in the years that followed, but after her sudden death, her words stayed with me. It wasn't until more than 15 years after her death that I re-married.

From a practical standpoint polygamy, to me, is abhorrent. Why anyone would even want to share a household with two or more women as wives is beyond my comprehension. Members who get misty-eyed and rapturous about the idea that one day polygamy will return are to my mind as guilty of lust after the flesh as any adulterous person. It's worse than pornography because it shields lustful thoughts in a cloak of divinity. It truly creeps me out.

Your story touched me in ways I can't explain. You didn't condemn me or try to change my mind about my feelings. But shared this story of your deceased wife. Which I'm so sorry that you had to have happen and you were a widower with 6 children. I can't even imagine. The thought that you held out for 15 yrs. before marrying is amazing. Most men I know would have needed to have the support of a wife for his family. Thank you!

[volgadon]

See why I've not really needed my Savior? I've done works all my life, working my way along. Holding callings until now, trying to follow the guidelines etc.

Absolutely none of this means that one doesn't need the Saviour, his help, his support, his love, his grace. Comments like the one I've quoted speak to attitude more than anything. Take, for instance, guidelines. Should we not have them? What happened to "if ye love me, keep my commandments." A rabid anti-Mormon and avid fan of Jericho Road that I know from facebook was never able to find a good answer to that.

[Tacenda]

Absolutely none of this means that one doesn't need the Saviour, his help, his support, his love, his grace. Comments like the one I've quoted speak to attitude more than anything. Take, for instance, guidelines. Should we not have them? What happened to "if ye love me, keep my commandments." A rabid anti-Mormon and avid fan of Jericho Road that I know from facebook was never able to find a good answer to that.

Well I believe the first two commandments being kept are all that is needed. Because if you kept them you wouldn't break the rest of them. But my statement that you quoted probably came off badly. I believe good works are definitely needed. I just think I felt like I was doing ok. And didn't think of myself as a sinner. Not like some non LDS Christians, they seem to think the minute we're born we are sinners because of the Garden of Eden and what took place there. Unlike the LDS who believe that we are not held accountable for Adam's transgression. Therefore their need for the Saviour is even more so. Does this make sense? I've been wrong in my thinking I believe. I'm a sinner no matter what I do. Because we are mortal beings....this brings up a thought for me. What about all the commandments like keep the Sabbath day holy. If we break that then we're doomed according to this scriptureJames 2:10 Whoever breaks one commandment is guilty of breaking them all. For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all. What is the LDS thought about this?

[TAO]

Thanks Tao. I'm hoping to stay.

No prob.

[bcuzbcuz]

Well I believe the first two commandments being kept are all that is needed. Because if you kept them you wouldn't break the rest of them. But my statement that you quoted probably came off badly. I believe good works are definitely needed. I just think I felt like I was doing ok. And didn't think of myself as a sinner. Not like some non LDS Christians, they seem to think the minute we're born we are sinners because of the Garden of Eden and what took place there. Unlike the LDS who believe that we are not held accountable for Adam's transgression. Therefore their need for the Saviour is even more so. Does this make sense? I've been wrong in my thinking I believe. I'm a sinner no matter what I do. Because we are mortal beings....this brings up a thought for me. What about all the commandments like keep the Sabbath day holy. If we break that then we're doomed according to this scriptureJames 2:10 Whoever breaks one commandment is guilty of breaking them all. For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all. What is the LDS thought about this?

I must truly thank you for your response and your discussion. This most recent post reminded me of a memory not re-visited very often about the sabbath. My now deceased wife, mother of my children, who bore me six children in seven years, who loved with a cheerfulness and energy the 54 months of pregnancy but hated her own shortcomings when she reacted harshly to their boisterousness and tomfoolery had a problem with the sabbath. She reflected, once we had stopped attending church on a regular basis, that Sunday had never been a day of rest. It was her busiest day of the week.

Getting shirts washed and pants pressed, dresses cleaned and hair combed and braided, teeth cleaned, shoes ready, beds made, chores done for six, very active, very playful children who seldom remained clean up to the time I rushed home from priesthood meeting to taxi everyone to Sunday School entailed planning and work from Saturday evening until Sunday morning. It, of course, didn't stop there. My wife was often busy breast feeding, changing diapers and all the while trying to engage her mind on the lessons of the day. After Sunday School it was a rush home, where we prepared Sunday dinner, ate and then it was back to Sacrament meeting. Once again my wife was busy breast feeding, changing diapers and trying to keep the older children in check while I sat up on the podium. No wonder she was totally exhausted once we got home. Sunday was not a day of rest.

Did my wife love her role as a mother, nevertheless? When our oldest boy announced at the age of 18 that he was moving out to an apartment of his own she immediately had a serious case of 'empty nest syndrome'. Within a month we had taken a multiply handicapped baby into our home as a foster child...."just so we'd have something to do". (But by this time we had been inactive for more than 10 years)