Coming Out Of The Closet - I Love A Gay Man

[KevinG]

A letter to a friend. I'm sure this will ruffle some feathers but keep it nice - we're in the social hall.

- - -

[Name Removed],

I have wrestled with some thoughts about our friendship for years and never found a good way to express them. In light of your gift and kind words recently I've been pondering our longtime friendship even more. It is time I said some things I probably should have said a long time ago.

I know that it was difficult for you to see me embrace a very dogmatic religion like the Mormons. After voicing some initial fear of what it would do to our relationship or the risk of me going all "church lady" on you (isn't that nice) - to your credit you embraced my growth down this divergent path without letting it negatively affect our relationship. As I added to my family you have loved us all. Your status as Uncle [Name Removed] is beloved and cherished. I just wish we could really jump into a leer jet and visit when we wanted as I joke about when you post about a new exhibit or concert.

[Name Removed] - I never really addressed your sexuality as a topic of conversation - preferring to treat it as just part of who you are. I want you to know I accept and love every part of who you are and love your partner [Name Removed] for being half of your whole. I wish I could get to know him better. I love him for caring for you so well.

Regarding my religion and feelings about others who are different from me. I feel that a man's beliefs or religion are best practiced on himself and not others. That means I don't expect you to be me or act like me in order for you to find favor with our creator. I found myself online the other day defending the position that I would be happy to attend a "Gay wedding" and celebrate your happiness. I was saddened to hear bigoted and narrow opinions from some of my fellow religionists in response. Some people place rules in front of friends and I don't think that is very Christian or a genuine friendship.

Perhaps the awkwardness regarding or beliefs and practices has always been mine and you have not felt it. I just wanted to open up my thoughts to you and let you know I love you unconditionally as I would any brother or child. It is not my job as a friend to counsel you - it is my job to celebrate who you are and love you for who you are. I want you to know that is the case and always has been the case.

As my children are old enough to know what sexuality means they often pick up on the fact that Uncle [Name Removed] has a male partner. We discuss how your partnership is different from Mom and Dad's but that we love you for who you are and do not place conditions upon your happiness. Frankly they accept this more easily than adults. I have hope for our future. In a good way this makes it easier for them to support and love friends who are struggling with their own identity at a young age be it sexual, religious or other…

I will continue to make dumb jokes on Facebook as your Mormon, American friend. I will continue to want to be a part of your life even if that means watching you on video or appreciating your photos. Please tell [Name Removed] we love him too and want to visit someday to share hugs and stories of our lives.

I love you [Name Removed]. You have always been a great brother. A very cool World Travelling artsy fartsy guy who I admire. Most of all you are my best friend and one my life is richer for knowing.

OK I'm going on and on… I'd rather have this conversation face to face and know if I'm saying anything stupid. If I have been offensive at all in my naiveté I apologize. I really wanted you to know I appreciate you keeping me a part of your life and that you are always a part of my family.

Your friend - Kevin

[JosephSmithJr]

Hey dude congrats con coming out!

Regarding my religion and feelings about others who are different from me. I feel that a man's beliefs or religion are best practiced on himself and not others. That means I don't expect you to be me or act like me in order for you to find favor with our creator. I found myself online the other day defending the position that I would be happy to attend a "Gay wedding" and celebrate your happiness. I was saddened to hear bigoted and narrow opinions from some of my fellow religionists in response. Some people place rules in front of friends and I don't think that is very Christian or a genuine friendship.

well, when you are part of a club that has certain Ideas, it would have been strange if they HADN"T had those views. Find a better club.

You will have to choose another screenname before posting again. Inform mods what name you want.

[KevinG]

Hey dude congrats con coming out!

well, when you are part of a club that has certain Ideas, it would have been strange if they HADN"T had those views. Find a better club.

If I find a better club I will join it. I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints not the Church of discussion board people who debate what it means to be Mormon.

[Storm Rider]

Kevin, thank you for writing that letter. Too often we LDS get caught up in the rules rather than Spirit of things. Your letter is an excellent example of valuing the person and loving him rather than berating them for being a sinner.

Cheers and God bless you,

Mike

[Log]

Regarding my religion and feelings about others who are different from me. I feel that a man's beliefs or religion are best practiced on himself and not others. That means I don't expect you to be me or act like me in order for you to find favor with our creator. I found myself online the other day defending the position that I would be happy to attend a "Gay wedding" and celebrate your happiness. I was saddened to hear bigoted and narrow opinions from some of my fellow religionists in response. Some people place rules in front of friends and I don't think that is very Christian or a genuine friendship.

It's inappropriate to post criticisms of your brothers and sisters in the Social hall.

[KevinG]

Alright then move it to the forum mods.

[Ares]

This is not an excuse for a brawl. Watch yourselves.

[KevinG]

I got a response from my friend. Things are good and some of my fears were founded. We both hesitated to speak of some things because of our fears of how it would affect each other.

Here's the ironic part. He told me he's not an especially religious person so the whole marriage debate doesn't interest him. He did report that the Mormons he knows are some of the loveliest people he knows.

I'm not saying much more to honor his privacy- but I was happy we could love each other as brothers while retaining some significant differences in our belief systems. Respect is possible and I think it will bring both of us to Christ quicker than condemning each other over our practices and beliefs.

[KevinG]

It's inappropriate to post criticisms of your brothers and sisters in the Social hall.

You have no clue which people I was referring too. Some of the responses were downright nasty. I was shocked into wanting to contact my friend and let him know while I disagree with his practices I can have Christian love and understanding for his struggles.

[Log]

You have no clue which people I was referring too. Some of the responses were downright nasty.

It doesn't matter.

I was shocked into wanting to contact my friend and let him know while I disagree with his practices I can have Christian love and understanding for his struggles.

Christian love is charity - charity covereth a multitude of sins, which sin-covering - overlooking - seems incompatible with your letter being posted here.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Log

[KevinG]

Bro, for me to respond to this would be to use Social Hall for something other than light topics and camaraderie.

Bro Log,

So its moved... just don't use that as an excuse to be a jerk. You or anyone else.

I don't support a homosexual political agenda, I support the right of Churches to define marriage as they see fit. Just not for those outside of their church. I do support my homosexual friend and pray for his happiness now and eternally.

To do less would deny me the blessings for forgiveness and patience when it comes to my own gospel shortcomings.

[KevinG]

Christian love is charity - charity covereth a multitude of sins, which sin-covering - overlooking - seems incompatible with your letter being posted here.

List your sins please so I can condemn you to hell in the name of love.

I made it very clear to my friend (and he's no dummy) that we differ on our beliefs. I don't condone homosexuality but it is not my position to counsel him. He in turn respects my religion even though he doesn't agree with all our precepts.

Nothing is being covered here. Not his homosexuality or my belief that it is a sin. What I won't do is deny him friendship or make my love conditional.

I can rejoice in the support his partner gives him as much as I rejoice in the camaraderie of my quorums or my sons service without condemning all that is good because of the sexual attraction and acts. I am mature enough to separate the two.

Edited April 9, 2012 by KevinG

[Log]

I don't have a problem with your letter. I don't have a problem that you sent it. I had a problem in that you targeted people on this board in that letter and posted it in Social Hall. Now that it's out of Social Hall, the targets may respond to your criticism if they wish, so my problem is solved.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Log

[why me]

You have no clue which people I was referring too. Some of the responses were downright nasty.

We live in a shock and awe world. But when we do the shock and awe, we can expect a reaction that may not be too pleasant. The shock and awer needs to learn to wait until people digest the idea and allow it to be thought about by the people concerned. What reaction did you expect from people? Christian love? Of course this is ideal but in a shock and awe situation this may not be the first reaction since human nature has many opposites.

I always try not to respond too quickly when I am being shocked and awed.

[KevinG]

I don't have a problem with your letter. I don't have a problem that you sent it. I had a problem in that you targeted people on this board in that letter and posted it in Social Hall. Now that it's out of Social Hall, the targets may respond to your criticism if they wish, so my problem is solved.

Would you like me to cover the sins (by your own logic) of those being narrow and bigoted?

How quick we are to scorn others weaknesses but excuse our own. I don't like it when someone condemns me to hell for my religion and I'm not about to let my fellow people of faith (Mormons or not) slide by making judgements about others they have no right to make.

I may disagree with my friends beliefs but I will not stand by and let him be slandered or hurt by those who profess righteousness, even if they are my fellow brethren and sisters. And condemning a man to hell is not our job or our calling.

Edited April 9, 2012 by KevinG

[why me]

I know that it was difficult for you to see me embrace a very dogmatic religion like the Mormons.

Your friend - Kevin

Dogmatic can have negative connotations. I would call mormonism dogmatic. I would call it conservative. This word is milder in connotation. Dogmatism refers to something that is closed, unchanging, and inflexible.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dogmatism

[Log]

Would you like me to cover the sins (by your own logic) of those being narrow and bigoted?

Yes. You see them as you are and not as they are. When you can see them as God sees them, with true charity, then, perhaps, you can judge them righteously.

As it is, I expect better from my brothers and sisters in the Church. It hurts my feelings when they judge me wrongly. I expect it hurts most people's feelings.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Log

[KevinG]

I always try not to respond too quickly when I am being shocked and awed.

You are wise and perhaps I should disengage.

[KevinG]

Yes. You see them as you are and not as they are.

Funny I've never projected the desire to see someone in hell for their sins on anyone. Did you actually read some of those responses?!

[KevinG]

Dogmatic can have negative connotations. I would call mormonism dogmatic. I would call it conservative. This word is milder in connotation. Dogmatism refers to something that is closed, unchanging, and inflexible.

http://www.merriam-w...onary/dogmatism

I stand corrected. I did not mean for that to have a negative connotation. Conservative- comprehensive- peculiar. All these can be used and I would be fine with it. From his standpoint it was scary and I can understand that.

[KevinG]

You are wise and perhaps I should disengage.

But I'm not wise right now.

[why me]

Regarding my religion and feelings about others who are different from me. I feel that a man's beliefs or religion are best practiced on himself and not others. That means I don't expect you to be me or act like me in order for you to find favor with our creator. I found myself online the other day defending the position that I would be happy to attend a "Gay wedding" and celebrate your happiness. I was saddened to hear bigoted and narrow opinions from some of my fellow religionists in response. Some people place rules in front of friends and I don't think that is very Christian or a genuine friendship.

Your friend - Kevin

People who disagree with you may not be narrow-minded or bigoted. They just have a different idea. In our day and age, the most common attack toward people who still hold traditional understandings is that they are narrow and bigoted. The use of these words can distort because they are used to stifle discussion by placing people in a box. Now of course, some people are bigoted and narrow but these two words have been overused nowadays for many situations or ideas that have nothing to do with the traditional use of the words.

[KevinG]

I see this is all about proof writing.

[why me]

You are wise and perhaps I should disengage.

I am not referring to this thread but to shock and awe situations and of course, your letter may be a shock and awe for some on this board. But in the real world of face to face, the shock and awe can be overwhelming for some. This is also try for people who write a letter to mom and dad saying that they are leaving the church. When they get a shocked and awed response they seem surprised. Why be surprised? It is only human reaction that is quite natural.

[Log]

Kevin,

Can you look into their hearts?

I read the responses. I read differently than you, and I feel differently about things. I'm content to let people reveal themselves through their words, and learn both about and from them thereby. I haven't a need to call them bigoted, narrow, ignorant, racist, homophobic, carnal, sensual, devilish, and a whole host of other things. I try - often unsuccessfully - to present reasons that I think ought to persuade some to see things my way. But in the end, I really want unity. So do those you were talking about, I bet, if you were to see into their hearts.

But then, I think everyone really wants peace, community, and harmony. Maybe I'm wrong.

Edited April 9, 2012 by Log