Outlandish Anti Theories

[jason e.]

I was recently a patron of the little book shop in the LDS Museum at Temple Square -- and I saw

there for sale some rather unconvincing little plastic replicas of the Liahona. Seeing that oddity, I

ventured to ask the sales clerk if they also had any plastic golden plates.

She took me totally seriously and called in some elderly elder, who scratched his head and suggested

that I contact the manufactures of the plastic liahonas, to see if they also made fake golden plates.

I kid you naught....

UD

.

this is my all time favorite post thus far.

[jason e.]

I sort of appreciate the footnote; "this is not meant to say all anti's believe all anti material." Now that we have that out of the way, do you have a funny one to contribute that makes you roll your eyes? From an "anti" point of view, do you have any examples that make you say "now THAT is ridiculous!"

Thanks!

i remember my youth pastor told me that mormon means "gates of hell" in chinesse.

[LifeOnaPlate]

i remember my youth pastor told me that mormon means "gates of hell" in chinesse.

But this thread is for things that aren't true...

[captain-jack]

I'm seriously offended that I haven't had someone ask me if we have Borg in the Temples. I would thoroughly try to convince them we did, and it's part of my mission, aside from exploring the galaxy and dating a woman who can read my mind, to fight against them.

[Homestar Runner]

I've had non-lds folks joke with me about the horn thing, but nobody was serious. The only think I have personally experienced, is a co-worker honestly thought mormons didn't believe in Christ. Can't fault anyone for hearing stuff like that.

*Funny Story*

My wife is friends with a lady who is also our pet-sitter. After the friendship had grown for a few months, she found out we were mormon. She got this despondant, borderline horrified look in her eyes, took half a step backward, and said "oh, no!". My wife eventually calmed her down enough to discover that she always thought mormons couldn't have non-mormon friends, and she thought she had just lost a friend.

She's a fun person and quite a hoot, and the friendship allows for a little good-natured teasing. After one vacation, my wife met her to pay for the pet sitting. This dear lady wanted to drop the price, because one of our dogs had escaped and went missing for about 6 hours. My wife put on a serious face, and said "Well, I'm glad she came back, because it's against our religion for you to lose our dog." For about one and a half seconds, she was completely hooked. Then it dawned on her, and they had a good laugh.

HSR

[Homestar Runner]

Oh wait - I have personally encountered something else. This was back in the days of personalizable Yahoo chatrooms, when the tragic Elizabeth Smart story was in the news. I think skooterpie and jlcf were both critics.

anskelll (3/17/03 8:27:26 PM): I CHALLENGE THOSE WHO INTERVIEW THE SMART FAMILY, THOSE WHO WILL ONE DAY INTERVIEW ELIZABETH SMART, BRIAN DAVID MITCHELL, AND WANDA EILEEN BARZEE TO QUESTION THEM ABOUT THEIR MORMON FAITH AND THE ROLE THAT IT PLAYED IN THESE EVENTS. I CHALLENGE LAW ENFORCEMENT AND THOSE IN THE LEGAL COMMUNITY THAT HANDLE THIS CASE TO UNDERSTAND THE ROLE THAT MORMONISM PLAYED. WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND THE MORMON CULT, YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE ELIZABETH SMART CASE! I love you and care about you so much. My goal today is to not only expose the "lie" of Mormonism, but to encourage you in your daily walk with the God of the Bible, with the Jesus of the Bible. Mormonism and other cults are growing fast as Paul said in 2 Timothy chapter 3 said would happen in the days before Christ returns.

skooterpie97 (8:28:04 PM): lol teh role mormonism played

HSR (8:28:06 PM): lol anskell. We all know that mormons get kidnapped more than other religions.

skooterpie97 (8:28:11 PM): hahahaha

skooterpie97 (8:28:13 PM): like this is an lds thing

rhonrush (8:28:15 PM): bye anskell welcome to iggyland

jlcf80 (8:28:19 PM): someone has been smoking somethign

exmormontracey (8:28:20 PM): well the Mormons did a hell of a job trying to find her

ldsdon2001 (8:28:21 PM): Anskelll your in the wrong place to make the challenge

[LifeOnaPlate]

Oh wait - I have personally encountered something else. This was back in the days of personalizable Yahoo chatrooms, when the tragic Elizabeth Smart story was in the news. I think skooterpie and jlcf were both critics.

haha good stories indeed.

[Loquacious Lurker]

I sort of appreciate the footnote; "this is not meant to say all anti's believe all anti material." Now that we have that out of the way, do you have a funny one to contribute that makes you roll your eyes? From an "anti" point of view, do you have any examples that make you say "now THAT is ridiculous!"

Thanks!

...erm...um...hmm... (thinking)

I dunno; I suppose I've not really listened to many of them...plus, they've probably been mentioned already on this thread, but, uh, how about the one where there are/were blood sacrifices in the Salt Lake temple? OH! Wait! I remember one! This one is really stupid: the steeples on LDS chapels are pointing skyward to block Jesus when he descends on Judgement day. I don't know anyone who believes that one.

Sorry. I don't even know that many. I try to stick with verifiable facts where possible.

[Marmonboy]

What about the steeples on zillions of other churches--what are they there for? Sheesh.

[LifeOnaPlate]

What about the steeples on zillions of other churches--what are they there for? Sheesh.

Specifically, I believe it was an Ed Deckerism, saying that the spires of the SL Temple would be used to somehow re-crucify Jesus at the 2nd coming.

[cdowis]

Archaeology is another science that has much to say about the Mormon idea that Mesopotamians and Israelites came to America around 3000 and 600 B.C.E., respectively, and originated the cultures and populations of the New World. When Joseph Smith saw how easy it was to pull people's legs, he made up an incredible story about Jaredites escaping from the Tower of Babel in Mesopotamia, building barrels which were more barrels than boats, and floating to America in these sealed vessels - after "the Lord caused stones to shine in darkness, to give light unto men, women, and children, that they might not cross the great waters in darkness" (Ether 6:3).

When Smith's disciples swallowed this story without a smile, Smith stretched their legs further. The kingdom founded by the Jaredites - I'm not making this up - was known as "the land of Moron."

http://www.mormoncurtain.com/topic_bomgeography.html

[Anijen]

Job interview in Alaska (mind you I was a 16 year old smarty pants back then).

Interviewer; Hello

me; Howdy

Interviewer; Howdy? where are you from?

me; Utah (drag it out like Utaaar)

Interviewer; really, are you Mormon? (totally illegal question but it was asked)

me; why yes ma'am I am.

Interviewer; How many moms do you have?

me; (said boastfully) Three, my pa didn't have enough cows for four.

And I never said I was kidding, my bad?

[captain-jack]

Job interview in Alaska (mind you I was a 16 year old smarty pants back then).

Interviewer; Hello

me; Howdy

Interviewer; Howdy? where are you from?

me; Utah (drag it out like Utaaar)

Interviewer; really, are you Mormon? (totally illegal question but it was asked)

me; why yes ma'am I am.

Interviewer; How many moms do you have?

me; (said boastfully) Three, my pa didn't have enough cows for four.

And I never said I was kidding, my bad?

Which one did he pay the most cows for?

[cjcampbell]

There is a fairly widespread belief in some countries that the Church has close contacts with the CIA and that missionaries actually double as CIA agents. A pair of missionaries was actually arrested in the Philippines for 'spying' when they took photos of a local police station. Usually things like that are quickly resolved with a visit to the police from local church leaders. Sometimes someone from the mission office has to intervene. And then there are the members who actually believe they are working for the CIA. Seriously. We had a guy who enthusiastically believed his reports on local NPA activity were being forwarded to the CIA. I had a police officer in one area ask me for CIA help in rooting out communist guerillas holed up outside his town. He said that his superiors would not believe they were there.

The guerillas were there, though -- our missionaries were being harassed and finally the mayor of Abulug was assassinated. The mission president and a local district president stumbled into a firefight one day near Abulug -- an attack on a police outpost. First thing they saw was the two cars in front of them suddenly spun around and go tearing back the other way, then the pop-pop-popping of automatic weapons fire, people running all over, President Guillermo shouting "It is an encounter! It is an encounter!" They also did a 180 and got out of there fast as they could. It eventually reached a point where the local branches had to cancel things like branch picnics because they had become too dangerous. That was a big hardship -- branch social gatherings are frequent and popular. Eventually the police regained control of the area and things went back to normal.

Working in a mission office gave us a front row seat to some of the oddest things... I don't know how people come up with some of the stuff they do.

[Uncle Dale]

There is a fairly widespread belief in some countries that the Church has close contacts

with the CIA...

I've heard that also -- with specific reference to some of the priesthood at the Silver Spring, Maryland

LDS branch (now a ward, I believe).

Is there any truth in the report that several men there work for "lettered agencies" and that a number

of them are also employed by LDS Church Security -- working both in the DC area and in Utah?

Is it true that the CIA openly posts recruiting advertisements on BYU bulletin boards, seeking RMs

with foreign language skills -- and that the recruiters who do the interviewing for "The Company" in

Provo are themselves former "lettered agencies" employees who now work for Church Security?

If these reports are NOT true, here is the place to provide an official denial, and now is the time for

such notions to be put to rest forever.

Uncle "Dr. Deon Greer of the Geography Dept. of Weber State was also identifed as such a recruiter" Dale

.

[Marmonboy]

It is true that lettered agencies like to recruit RMs, due to thier foreign language skills and general reputation of honesty and discretion. But to put some kind of sinister motive behind it is dumb, to say the least

[Uncle Dale]

It is true that lettered agencies like to recruit RMs, due to thier foreign language skills and

general reputation of honesty and discretion. But to put some kind of sinister motive behind

it is dumb, to say the least

So much for the RMs -- now, as to the active missionaries in the field.

I earlier mentioned Dr. Greer at Weber State in Ogden. It is no secret that he served his LDS mission

in a sparsely inhabited, Russian-speaking region of Finland, close to the Soviet border.

It is also no secret that there were no LDS members then in that area and that the making of

converts there was most unlikely. Consultation of this missionary's baptism record will, if I am

correctly informed, show only two conversions -- both near Helsinki, and not in the Russian-speaking

area to which he was assigned. Inspection of this LDS missionary's training will also show that he

received language instruction in Salt Lake City, and then also in Virginia, before being sent to Finland.

It is a federal crime to "out" a CIA agent -- whether they be an LDS missionary or not -- so I will

not here make the specific charge that the man in question was employed by that lettered agency

while on his mission in Finland. I will, however, refer readers to M____ S____ -- also LDS --

also trained in Russian -- also a missionary -- also a student of Dr. Greer -- for further details.

Let the topmost LDS leaders simply issue the official statement, saying that no Mormon missionary

has ever gathered intelligence for the CIA, while on an overseas mission -- and this is settled.

Right?

UD

[[added: -- How quickly the personal message reply came, in this case! I have removed the fellow's name.

And I agree that this is indeed a "murkey area" of discussion, in which "board rules" ought to be clarified. I

will also say that I consider myself to be a patriot and have never turned down any "request" by the "powers

that be" to serve my country -- whether in my photogrammetric days or while overseas. My being in Lahaina

in the summer of 1974, in conjunction with the anchorage of the Glomar Explorer there, was no accident -- but

that's enough said about such "murkey" topics -- I cheerfully bow out of further discussion of this subject.]]

Dale R. Broadhurst

.

[LifeOnaPlate]

Black Suburbans - By Bishop Allen

Here come the black Suburbans

One, two, and three

Here come the black Suburbans

Looking after me

And I see myself reflected in the tinted windows

And I smile

I feel so safe when they're around me

I really hope they stay awhile

They got the secret numbers

They got the skeleton key

They got a tap on my telephone line

Finally someone who listens to me

And every night I hear 'em as they crawl around inside of my walls

I guess I must have been suspicious or I'd never tipped 'em off

And if you're feeling lonely

Like just another so-and-so

Write a letter to anyone

They're be looking through your mail, you know

Here come the black Suburbans

One, two, and three

Here come the black Suburbans

Looking after me

And I see myself reflected in the tinted windows

And I smile

I feel so safe when they're around me

I really hope they stay awhile

[cjcampbell]

I've heard that also -- with specific reference to some of the priesthood at the Silver Spring, Maryland

LDS branch (now a ward, I believe).

Is there any truth in the report that several men there work for "lettered agencies" and that a number

of them are also employed by LDS Church Security -- working both in the DC area and in Utah?

Is it true that the CIA openly posts recruiting advertisements on BYU bulletin boards, seeking RMs

with foreign language skills -- and that the recruiters who do the interviewing for "The Company" in

Provo are themselves former "lettered agencies" employees who now work for Church Security?

If these reports are NOT true, here is the place to provide an official denial, and now is the time for

such notions to be put to rest forever.

Uncle "Dr. Deon Greer of the Geography Dept. of Weber State was also identifed as such a recruiter" Dale

.

Of course those reports are true. Where else are you going to find large numbers of college educated kids who don't have criminal backgrounds, anything to hide, or drug problems, and who also tend to speak foreign languages? The Moonies can only provide so many...

I want to start a rumor that we can all shoot flames out of our fingertips.

[LifeOnaPlate]

I want to start a rumor that we can all shoot flames out of our fingertips.

Yeeaaah...a rumor...

[Calm]

here is the place to provide an official denial

Now that is funny.

[cjcampbell]

Now that is funny.

I categorically deny that we can shoot flames out of our fingertips.