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Outlandish Anti Theories


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I was reading a thread yesterday which linked to a few sites discussing some genuinely left field theories about the LDS Church, including Mexical drug money and President Hinckley assassinating other church leaders. Thes claims ranked up among my most insane LDS conspiracy theories, and so I thought a thread dedicated to the most outrageous [perhaps more uncommon] accusations leveled against the Church. I'm not talking about your run-of-the-mill stuff like plural marriage and money digging; I'm talking Ed Decker-level creativity. Even really lame attempts to "debunk" the Church are welcome here, but the more outlandish the better.

An example: Ed Decker's claim that the Washington D.C. temple has a replica of the Oval Office inside for when the Mormons take over the United States and establish a president there.

Second, a really lame attempt at explaining away Moroni's promise in Moroni 10:3-5.

On my mission my companion and I visited a 7th Day Adventist church meeting. They were one very cordial and invited us to stay after the meeting for their potluck. I was impressed that no one was trying to Bible bash, and I certainly wasn't intending to. Then a pony-tailed gentleman came and sat next to me and immediately started in. I could tell he was making the other people uncomfortable, but I tried to answer some questions in a genial fashion. Then he brought up his big argument: that the Book of Mormon itself says that it is a false book. "Moronikah," as he called him, told people "somewhere in the book" to ask God if the Book isn't true, to which God answers "yes," but this confuses people and then they think it is true. I opened to the verses and read them. He insisted the words "ask if these things are not true" meant that "Moronikah" was telling us that the God would affirm that the book isn't true. It's difficult to argue against that kind of reasoning.

Anyone else have strange, dumb, rare, outlandish, or all of the above examples of anti-Mormon propaganda?

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I heard that we have all non-LDS contained in pink gelatin encased cells where we harvest their body heat for energy while they are all plugged into a computer program to make them think they have a choice and are not LDS. But they can only escape from their mental prisons when they convert.

Here is a great one though.

PROVO, UT—A team of physicists from Brigham Young University announced yesterday that they have succeeded in converting a tiny particle of matter into the truth and sanctity of the Book of Mormon.

"This opens up a new world of possibilities for the Church," said Zebulon Calhoun, a particle physicist and Priest of the Melchizedek Order. "We can now conceive of a time in the near future when we will be able to proselytize cheaply, cleanly and efficiently."

The breakthrough occurred at the Joseph Smith Particle Accelerator, a giant, hollow tube buried 90 feet below the Bonneville Salt Flats. The tube was unearthed in 1986 by Mormon archaeologists after the President of the Church beheld a vision of a "splendiferous airy ring submerged by the Nephites as a final tabernacle before the great cataclysm."

To trigger the matter-to-Mormonism conversion, a microgram of the element strontium is ordained by the doctrine and arcana of the Urim and Thummim, then bombarded by a high-energy photon traveling at four-fifths the speed of light.

Strontium was chosen for the project because "of all the elements it is the most unstable and therefore the most likely to react strongly to common-sense teachings."

According to Calhoun, though the conversion was invisible to the naked eye, subatomic "fingerprints" left by the collision reveal that for a brief period, the neutrons and protons in the nuclei of the atoms were actually fused together by faith in Jesus Christ and his Gospel as restored through his latter-day prophet, Joseph Smith. Though the Mormon Church has acheived great success with its missionary work in the past, the Joseph Smith Particle Accelerator is expected to revolutionize its recruitment efforts.

"Within 50 years," Calhoun said, "the Mormonism contained in the atoms of just a single glass of water will be enough to convert a city the size of St. Louis."

Despite widespread enthusiasm, many Church Elders remain cautious.

"When you're dealing with a high-tech religious converter like this, you always run the risk of a terrible accident," Gadzekiel Foley said. "The last thing we need to worry about is a possible Mormon meltdown."

"I don't think we will ever find a replacement for good old-fashioned missionary work," agreed Gad Jones, Church Elder and president of BYU's Overseas Studies Program. "In terms of spreading goodwill and interest in our faith, all the atoms in the world still can't do what was once done by a little bit of country and a little bit of rock 'n' roll."

With its new converter, the Mormon Church should leap well ahead of its religious competitors. Catholic scientists are still experiencing technical problems with their guilt-fusion reactor, a device critics say requires such high levels of devotional prayer to reach operating temperature that it may never be cost effective.

The Lutheran Church has struggled as well, as its Missouri Synod Project, once touted as the forgiveness generator of tomorrow, has yet to produce its first high-energy, room-temperature Lutheran.

Only Hinduism has been able to keep pace with the Mormons, maintaining its longtime dominance in the field of Reincarnatronic technology.

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I can tell you that the DC temple was my temple when I was a Mormon, and I know that we were told by our bishop that there was a room in the upper levels of the temple which was designed to be an exact replica of the Oval Office in the White House from which a future prophet could rule over the USA.

Due to temple content, I can't provide a link. Needless to say, it's from the website of that piller of honesty: Mr. Decker.

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I feel -- call it "inspired", to say, that, whilst being an "anti", not even *I* believe these outlandish theories that surface from time to time. Nor, I think, do most other "antis".

There is quite suffcient to keep us occupied simply reading Church sources.

I sort of appreciate the footnote; "this is not meant to say all anti's believe all anti material." Now that we have that out of the way, do you have a funny one to contribute that makes you roll your eyes? From an "anti" point of view, do you have any examples that make you say "now THAT is ridiculous!"

Thanks!

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the dumbest one i've heard (and experienced first hand) is that mormons have horns that we file down-

Anyone who's actually believed that should be embarrassed.

:P

I either wear a hat constantly or else I carefully part my hair to hide my horns. I've been hearing that one for some time.

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Anyone else have strange, dumb, rare, outlandish, or all of the above examples of

anti-Mormon propaganda?

Well, there was the old tale, that the secret Council of Fifty had conspired to enter into clandestine

cooperation with the (then) Republic of Texas, to start a conflict with Mexico --- with the eventual

intent of joining elements of the Nauvoo Legion with the Texas militia in a bid to take over part of

the Mexican land holdings in the West.

When, as a young fellow, I asked my RLDS superiors about this sort of thing, the answer given was:

1. There never was any such secret council in the Church.

2. The Nauvoo Saints had absolutely no intentions of occupying any territory west of Iowa.

3. Joseph Smith, Jr. was a man of the gospel and not a man interested in political power.

That seems to have put the lid on the old story ---- any others?

UD

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I either wear a hat constantly or else I carefully part my hair to hide my horns. I've been hearing that one for some time.

Heard this in church the other day; A friend of a member I go to church with, believed we had horns. She asked if he wanted to feel them, he said yes. He began rubbing her head she asked dont you feel them? He said no I feel nothing she then told him he should be feeling really stupid by this time... Haha

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I was reading a thread yesterday which linked to a few sites discussing some genuinely left field theories about the LDS Church, including Mexical drug money and President Hinckley assassinating other church leaders. Thes claims ranked up among my most insane LDS conspiracy theories, and so I thought a thread dedicated to the most outrageous [perhaps more uncommon] accusations leveled against the Church. I'm not talking about your run-of-the-mill stuff like plural marriage and money digging; I'm talking Ed Decker-level creativity. Even really lame attempts to "debunk" the Church are welcome here, but the more outlandish the better.

An example: Ed Decker's claim that the Washington D.C. temple has a replica of the Oval Office inside for when the Mormons take over the United States and establish a president there.

Second, a really lame attempt at explaining away Moroni's promise in Moroni 10:3-5.

On my mission my companion and I visited a 7th Day Adventist church meeting. They were one very cordial and invited us to stay after the meeting for their potluck. I was impressed that no one was trying to Bible bash, and I certainly wasn't intending to. Then a pony-tailed gentleman came and sat next to me and immediately started in. I could tell he was making the other people uncomfortable, but I tried to answer some questions in a genial fashion. Then he brought up his big argument: that the Book of Mormon itself says that it is a false book. "Moronikah," as he called him, told people "somewhere in the book" to ask God if the Book isn't true, to which God answers "yes," but this confuses people and then they think it is true. I opened to the verses and read them. He insisted the words "ask if these things are not true" meant that "Moronikah" was telling us that the God would affirm that the book isn't true. It's difficult to argue against that kind of reasoning.

Anyone else have strange, dumb, rare, outlandish, or all of the above examples of anti-Mormon propaganda?

My favorite conspiracy theory (Well, "favorite" might be the wrong word.) is that the LDS Church is sitting on top of tons of classified documents that reveal untold skeletons in the LDS closet. I think this is an element in virtually all conspiracy theories. At one point I remember suspecting the same thing myself, although it didn't take me too much time studying to figure out that LDS history is pretty much a matter of public record.

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Heard this in church the other day; A friend of a member I go to church with, believed we had horns. She asked if he wanted to feel them, he said yes. He began rubbing her head she asked dont you feel them? He said no I feel nothing she then told him he should be feeling really stupid by this time... Haha

Yes, I heard of the same dialoge on my mission, and it has since lost its credibility with me. It may have actually happened, but I wish I knew the origin of the story.

Also, on a bus in Milwaukee on my mission a girl told me he already knew all about the mormons, who don't believe in "technology," and that in Salt Lake City there are no cars. They all still use horse and buggy. That sounded strangely familiar.

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Yes, I heard of the same dialoge on my mission, and it has since lost its credibility with me. It may have actually happened, but I wish I knew the origin of the story.

Also, on a bus in Milwaukee on my mission a girl told me he already knew all about the mormons, who don't believe in "technology," and that in Salt Lake City there are no cars. They all still use horse and buggy. That sounded strangely familiar.

It did sound a bit contrived but since it was the first time I heard it thought Id share. It is funny though. Ya mean you guys in Utah have cars?

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Yes, I heard of the same dialoge on my mission, and it has since lost its credibility with me. It may have actually happened, but I wish I knew the origin of the story.

Also, on a bus in Milwaukee on my mission a girl told me he already knew all about the mormons, who don't believe in "technology," and that in Salt Lake City there are no cars. They all still use horse and buggy. That sounded strangely familiar.

When my father-in-law was on his mission, he was checked for horns a few times at homes he visited. He served in southern Ohio and part of Virginia, in an area he recalls was pretty backwater.

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that the LDS Church is sitting on top of tons of classified documents that reveal

untold skeletons in the LDS closet...

Letmeseehere .... well, then -- humph --

Merging your posting with mine, we seem to have reached the perfectly logical conclusion, that if

there never was a secret Council of Fifty within the Church, then there is no way on earth that the

private documents collection of Joseph F. Smith (as housed in the vault of the LDS First Presidency)

could possibly contain the "Minutes Book" of the Cof50 and "associated" Cof50 documents, right?

So -- in coming months, when the political opponents of Gov. Romney's bid for the U.S. Presidency

bring up the matter of secret Mormon political plots within the Cof50, the topmost Mormon leaders

can truthfully deny that their vault holds any such historical materials -- right again?

Problem solved -- just deny that such potentially disturbing (or damaging) LDS political documents

even exist.

UD

.

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if such documents really don't exist-then what other course of action can one take?

:P

Well, the First Presidency could bring legal action against people like Mike Quinn for alleging

what was in the vault -- or against others who have made reference to such shelf lists of the

contents, without actually producing the documents, to prove that they are really there.

On the other hand, should anybody actually produce Council of Fifty documents from that vault,

the First Presidency could then bring stiff leagal action against them for violation of intellectual

property rights, or worse yet, for theft.

That should cover all bases -- and keep those tax and spend Democrats off the Saints' back.

Uncle "I'd be happy just to see the transcribed Cof12 discussions of the Howard Hughes Will" Dale

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I've got one from another thread "Does the church membership figures stack up?" Apparently some believe that the Church falsifies it's membership statistics it gets from MIS. They count deceased and ex-members on the rolls just to impress people with the numbers! Unfortunately I am not making this one up check out the thread. :P

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The Big Bang proves that Mormonism violates "the Law of Relativity". He was boasting how he had found a new argument against Mormonism.

He got abit upset when I couldn't stop laughing. Ever time I tried to ask him a question on his "discovery", I began to giggle.

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The same bookstore that you can purchase a translation of the sealed plates.

I was recently a patron of the little book shop in the LDS Museum at Temple Square -- and I saw

there for sale some rather unconvincing little plastic replicas of the Liahona. Seeing that oddity, I

ventured to ask the sales clerk if they also had any plastic golden plates.

She took me totally seriously and called in some elderly elder, who scratched his head and suggested

that I contact the manufactures of the plastic liahonas, to see if they also made fake golden plates.

I kid you naught....

UD

.

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There was a thread similar to this last year on Eric Snider's website. The best one I from that thread at that time was as follows:

All Mormon children are sent to the Salt Lake Temple to be raised by priests. Once they turn 19, they go on a mission. After their missions, they return to the Temple and receive a number of wives equal to the number of people they baptized. And of course, all future children created by that husband and his wives, are sent to the Salt Lake Temple to continue the cycle.

And one I've heard first hand in various permutations: Part of the temple rites includes sexual intercourse on the altars (either with the priest or with one's spouse, depending on the source of the story).

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