Putting Love First

[Bernard Gui]

It is important to note that in the parable that the son at the very least came home. Sometimes they never return.

There are Lamans and Lemuels. Not every prodigal returns, not every Alma becomes a prophet, not every Saul becomes a Paul. We must be prepared for that outcome. In the meantime, all we can do is live the gospel the best we can, pray and trust in our covenants, and be ready to run to them and kill the fatted calf if and when they return..

Edited August 26, 2015 by Bernard Gui

[Bernard Gui]

That's encouraging. I have children who have left the church. I have expressed my love to them; I continue to text, FB message, call, etc. as I did prior to their departure from the church. However, they don't respond, and one of my children who has not officially "left" but is very inactive and lives a different lifestyle tells me that contact is "uncomfortable" and makes her feel awkward, even though I don't talk about the church or religion in any way when we are able to talk. I'm sure it is because they were raised in my home--they know that the Savior and His teachings are at the center of my life, my actions, my choices, and my thoughts; they believe that cuts them out. It is not true, of course, but it is my children's choice (to my deep heartbreak) to minimize our relationship and keep me at a distance because they are so uncomfortable with anyone (yes--anyone includes friends they cut off) who sees living the gospel as the only way to be true to themselves and God. 

You are not alone. Our stake president has given permission for Sister Gui and me to form a support group much like the family addiction support groups for members in your (and our) situation. It can be very rough.

[Mars]

This thread got moved to the Social Hall after those posts took place.

 

ah - my mistake.

 

i apologize, teancum.

[Guest]

My wife and I have kept in touch with some former neighbors in Utah, whom we have known for many years. About 3 years ago, their oldest daughter contacted me on Facebook (we knew her pretty well, also). I told her that I thought (and still do) that her parents are two of the finest people I've ever known. That led to her opening up about how her relationship with her parents had become almost nonexistent over her having left the LDS church, which made me very sad. I'm not going to get into the specifics save to say there was fault and hurt feelings on both sides. I thought it was tragic that I had more contact with her parents than she did and more contact with her than her parents did. About a year ago, the daughter told me that she had made a concerted and sustained effort to patch things up with her parents. Her mother responded well, and they managed to put things right, though the relationship with her father is still strained. Over the weekend, her mother suddenly passed away, and she expressed to me how grateful she was that they had both made an effort to forgive and to love each other, no matter what. 

 

It's very easy for families and friends to get torn apart over such religious differences, but I'm convinced that, as long as we love each other and put our relationships first, we can and must salvage the relationships that matter to us.

Not just that John, as our children grow up, parents still view them the same, and have the same dreams for their welfare. Also the same thing happens when a child rejects the faith of the parents (and the faith of their forefathers) when they choose different lifestyles or educational pursuits, marry someone parents don't approve of, or even sexual orientation. What happens is a grieving process where (and it differs with each issue) the parents mourn the loss of the child that existed within their hearts and minds of minds, while they learn to accept the child they have. Often times the strained relationship is based on a since of loss, and usually it is the mother who can overcome their feelings easier than men or fathers, because men fix things and they find it harder to deal with the reminder that some things cannot be fixed the way they want. He father will come around when he gets through the five stages of grief. No matter the issue, "loss is loss". I have had to go through this process and learned to love the child I have. There is still loss, but love can help us see what is good and be in prayer for the bad choices are being made. The sad part is all react differently and forgivenesses can take too long in many cases. But forgiveness must come to both the injured and those causing the injury, as neither may be forgiven...even in a non-believer hatred and being unwilling to forgive retards the growth of all parties affected. Animus is a cancer that must be cut out and cut off from the source.