This Is No Harm ~ Marvin J. Ashton

[MorningStar]

I swear, there are so many good talks by this guy!  This is No Harm.  I was just talking to a friend about lying, being deceived, etc.  I have heard from countless people who have been hurt and betrayed by a close loved one in some way that the lying was the worst part - the most damaging.  They agree that it would have been so much better to hear a truth that they would rather not hear.

 

For example, if a husband lies about his pornography use and the wife discovers it, though he might be trying to hide it to spare her feelings, the lying hurts much more than the actual behavior.  And then he's frustrated because he might not be able to convince her that he didn't also have an affair.  She'll say, "That's what you said about pornography."  It also affects how one feels not just towards the liar, but many other people.

It is a sin to lie. It is a tragedy to be the victim of lies. Being trapped in the snares of dishonesty and misrepresentation does not happen instantaneously. One little lie or dishonest act leads to another until the perpetrator is caught in the web of deceit. As Samuel Johnson wrote, “The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.”

 

 

 

Are there good reasons to lie?  One example I thought of is the teacher who saved her students' lives by lying and telling the shooter they were in the gym when they were really hiding in the closets and cupboards.

 

We lie when we don't want to hurt feelings.

 

We lie when we just want to avoid a conversation where the other party isn't going to be happy.

 

We lie because we want to escape consequences.

 

I have a friend who shared this story openly.  No one worried more about money than her husband.  When he was laid off, she decided to open a daycare, but she needed start-up money.  The state requires certain kinds of toys, a climbing play structure in a fenced in backyard, she needed to buy some things for organizing, sleeping pads for nap time, cubbies to separate their things, etc.  She didn't want to stress her husband out by telling him she needed to take money out of savings to do this, so she didn't tell him.  She thought she would be able to put the money back in soon enough.

 

She wasn't able to put it back as quickly as she thought, so she got a cash advance on a credit card to put the money back in savings, then balances were transferred, and decisions were made based on the fact that her husband thought they had plenty of money.  "Let's rent a cabin.  Let's buy plane tickets instead of driving."  To cover up the fact that they didn't really have the money, she put those things on the credit card.  Then one day her husband flipped out when he did a credit check and thought someone had stolen their identifies.  She sobbed and confessed everything.  She sobbed when I happened to call their house.  They were over $20,000 in debt all because of her good intentions in the beginning and her fear of having that conversation with her husband.  And just like an addict's spouse would react - he wondered what else she was capable of.  Was she on drugs?  Did she have a boyfriend?  Of course not!  But then he never thought she would drive them into debt in secret either.  He was surprised when the bishop said, "This is just a speedbump in your marriage."  Well it was a BIG DEAL to him.  This is probably the worst thing you could ever do to him because he constantly fixates on their finances.  Amazingly, they were able to get out of debt pretty quickly and they are still together.  She tells this to others as a cautionary tale, although she's not proud of it.  I said, "Ohhhhhhhhhhh ....... That's why you always ran to the mailbox!"  We would be mid-conversation and as soon as she saw the mailman, she ran out and grabbed the mail, nervously shuffling through it.  That's because she was hiding the credit card statements her husband didn't know about.  The situation had obviously become a huge burden on her.

 

Do you have an stories to share?  Any examples of being blessed for telling the truth?  One of my early memories was playing with my aunt's camera and accidentally exposing the film.  I didn't know anything about cameras and quickly closed it.  My aunt later figured out it had been opened and asked who did it.  I was terrified to tell her, but I did. She said, "Thank you for telling the truth."  But she still looked heartbroken that her film was ruined. I didn't see any immediate benefits for telling the truth, but I think long term my aunt knew she could trust me.

Edited July 22, 2015 by MorningStar

[Duncan]

We had a sister missionary here last year who was a pathological liar. She lied about everything. I can't even believe it, she even told us that her sister had died-which wasn't the case. She was sent home. Funnily enough it seemed that everyone knew she lied and she was crushing big time on this elder. Well, he knows she lied and why she got sent home and now they are dating, I can't  believe he's dating her. How can he trust anything she says? I wonder if for her she felt the need to compete with others and make up all these ridiculous stories. I know some feel insecure and "one up" people and feel they have to compete for attention and I had a comp. who one upped people all the time and it irritated me to no end.

Edited July 22, 2015 by Duncan

[MorningStar]

Duncan, I have an insane missionary story that is almost unbelievable, but that would turn this thread into a crazy missionary thread.  In short, he got a mission shut down for a while due to his actions . My husband served in the same mission and said the guy was legendary for a good while.  One family that loved him the most later caught him burglarizing their home after his mission.  I think he was a con artist and the whole experience was just a free 2 year vacation for him. 

[Duncan]

Duncan, I have an insane missionary story that is almost unbelievable, but that would turn this thread into a crazy missionary thread.  In short, he got a mission shut down for a while due to his actions . My husband served in the same mission and said the guy was legendary for a good while.  One family that loved him the most later caught him burglarizing their home after his mission.  I think he was a con artist and the whole experience was just a free 2 year vacation for him. 

 

 

PM me I must know this! hahahha!

[thesometimesaint]

i always told my kids "Just tell me the truth. I may not like it, but we together can solve any problem you have if we know the truth".