Looks like I'll a divorced 30 something in the church

[mmmcounts]

So my wife came home after Christmas for about 2 weeks and then left again. This time she said it was permanent. She wants me to just put together a dissolution. I will have custody of the child and she will come see her until I can move closer then she wants to make other arrangements. So it looks like I will be making the transition to single father with a 2 yr old. Something I never wanted to be and I have no idea where to even begin or go from here. I am in Ohio where not only are members scarce but single adults are scarer. I Can't move anywhere because of my daughter. I took a look at a few dating sites just to see what they were about and they look dismal. Any suggestions on how I make this transition without breaking down?

Thanks

Oh boy. I'm sorry, man. I'm not a 30-something yet, but I know it's a completely different dating world from when you're in college or somewhere else in your 20's. You'll have a lot less availability, and when you do run into some available women around your age, the likelihood of serious baggage is pretty high. And I'm not talking about kids as if they're baggage- I'm talking about baggage like things that will legitimately make you not want to be with them.

If you're still wondering what I could possibly be talking about, let me give you a "could be worse" scenario- it's not as if you're a divorced 30-something dad who just found out he has herpes. That get your spirits up? I don't know if it necessarily should, because honestly, if you changed your dating profile by swapping out "LDS in Ohio" for "I have herpes," it's entirely possible that you'd have an easier time meeting someone.

Realistically, your situation is bad in a lot of ways. In many aspects of your life, there's not much you can do about it. That unpleasant combination is going to make you feel bad. You won't like it. Who would?

So focus on the things you can improve, enjoy, do well in- whatever the case may be. Ideally, you'd like to be reconciled to your wife. I'm sure you tried to make that happen, though, and it's not happening. A lot of things in that situation are out of your control. So in the meantime, focus on doing what's right within the less-than-ideal situation and be the best ex-husband you can possibly be. I don't know exactly how that plays out, but I'm sure you can do something with that.

Another area is your dating life. Ideally, you'd like to meet someone at some point. But in your situation, it's kind of unlikely. So do what you can, but if nothing turns up for awhile, nothing turns up. In the meantime, be the best, most godly single man you can possibly be. Odds are good that you'll be single for awhile, and God actually does need single people to serve Him, too. So figure out what God wants for your life as a single person- at least for as long as you're single. You don't have to wait for the singleness to stop in order for you to do what God wants- keep that in mind.

The last major area that I can think of for you to focus on is your 2 year old daughter. Again, you're stuck with a single-parent situation that is less than ideal, but on the positive side, you're not alone and you have someone else that you can focus on. Yes, it's less than ideal, and she won't get the kind of two-parent care that you want for her. But as long as you have her, just focus on being the best single dad that you can be. Maybe you can think of your daughter as extra motivation for you to avoid breaking down. You can't break down. She needs you. And if you can do a good job of making sure her situation is taken care of to the greatest extent possible, you can ensure that the next 10 years of her life are not as bad as yours. There is a pretty good chance that your foreseeable future will be more unpleasant than what you'd planned for, and it makes sense for you to be sad and disappointed about a life situation that is sad and disappointing. That's going to happen. But what doesn't have to happen is a foreseeable future for your daughter that is sad and disappointing. To whatever extent you can work with your ex in order to make things right for her, you should focus on that. As of right now, it's the only major thing that you can have some control over. The only way it completely falls apart is if you completely fall apart, so focus on this one thing more than anything else and make sure you do what it takes.

Other areas of your life will probably come together later on down the road, but while you're waiting for that to happen, this is what you focus on. This is what keeps you from breaking down. That's my advice, give or take.

[emeliza]

Another area is your dating life. Ideally, you'd like to meet someone at some point. But in your situation, it's kind of unlikely.

I beg to differ with that. I think in time he will find someone. There are a lot more single members in their 30s even in the Midwest than you would realize and not all of them have lots of 'baggage'. Just take it slow and easy and worry about yourself and your daughter.

[LDS Guy 1986]

So my wife came home after Christmas for about 2 weeks and then left again. This time she said it was permanent. She wants me to just put together a dissolution. I will have custody of the child and she will come see her until I can move closer then she wants to make other arrangements. So it looks like I will be making the transition to single father with a 2 yr old. Something I never wanted to be and I have no idea where to even begin or go from here. I am in Ohio where not only are members scarce but single adults are scarer. I Can't move anywhere because of my daughter. I took a look at a few dating sites just to see what they were about and they look dismal. Any suggestions on how I make this transition without breaking down?

Thanks

I am sorry to hear of this tragic situation.

My best advice is much prayer and fasting for strength and faith to weather this trial. This must seem like there is nothing good that could ever come of this but remember the trials of Job! Hold strong to the faith and you will receive your reward.

Remember the words of Christ given to Joseph Smith when he was illegally detained in Liberty Jail, "My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes" (D&C 121:7-

This trial is but a small moment and if you hold to the iron rod and put your full faith in Jesus Christ, God will pull you through this and make you stronger and better then you were before!

I am sorry to hear of your situation!

[mmmcounts]

I beg to differ with that. I think in time he will find someone. There are a lot more single members in their 30s even in the Midwest than you would realize and not all of them have lots of 'baggage'. Just take it slow and easy and worry about yourself and your daughter.

You're right, I worded that badly. I'm sure he can meet someone in time; it's just really difficult to make it happen immediately. It'll take time, but in some ways, that can be for the best. Gives you some space to heal and actually make it through the mess of the divorce.

[rodheadlee]

You're right, I worded that badly. I'm sure he can meet someone in time; it's just really difficult to make it happen immediately. It'll take time, but in some ways, that can be for the best. Gives you some space to heal and actually make it through the mess of the divorce.

A single father is a chick magnet, take your daughter grocery shopping with you. Maybe it's harder in the church but he could find a future convert. Love doesn't always follow a script. I know a lot of you are BIC and all but my wife had Mormon qualities before she was a Mormon. Most converts just need to be made aware of the Church of Jesus Christ- LDS.

[ERayR]

You're right, I worded that badly. I'm sure he can meet someone in time; it's just really difficult to make it happen immediately. It'll take time, but in some ways, that can be for the best. Gives you some space to heal and actually make it through the mess of the divorce.

It should not be happening immediatly. He has taken a serious injury and his child has taken an even bigger one. He should spend a considerable amount of time thinking of his child. His time should be devoted to her. She has basically been abandoned by one parent she needs his full undivided attention for a year or two. Once her wounds get somewhat healed there will be plenty of time to bring someone else into the picture.

[Biz]

Be patient and a faithful honorable dad. Hang in there God will take care of you if you take of your daughter.