An Insider'S View Of Kishkumen'S Origins

[DonBradley]

I am well qualified to speak on Kishkumen. I have known him since nearly the beginning of my adult life, and our connection goes back even further. As children we lived in the same state and, at non-overlapping times, attended the same ward. In fact--and I am not making any of this up--he went to high school with the girl I had a crush on in Second Grade. I can verify this when I locate her, assuming she still has the necklace I gave her while my mom sold Avon.

Having established my qualifications, let me now give you the facts about Kishkumen.

1) Rumor has it that Kishkumen has assumed a false name.

2) Kishkumen belongs to a race believed by scientists to descend from lower primates, reptiles, and, ultimately, bacteria.

3) Just to show what kind of family these Kishkumenites are...his ancestors left entirely respectable lives across the ocean to join a polygamous commune in the American desert.

4) Kishkumen attended a western university that uses a vicious carnivore for a mascot.

5) In all the years since we met, I have never once seen him show kindness to a bunny rabbit.

6) Kishkumen is one of the many children of Mormondom led into the academy by the pipes of the infamous Dr. Hugh Nibley. It was Nibley who, like Socrates corrupting the youth of Athens, suggested Kishkumen's disciplinary path.

7) Kishkumen has a strange fixation on people who lived hundreds--and even thousands--of years ago. Dead people!

8 ) He has been known to speak in phrases that sound suspiciously like the spells from Harry Potter, and actively encourages others to do so.

9) He has misrepresented the truth regarding the Book of Mormon by deliberately adopting the spelling "Kishkumen" despite having been previously warned by proper authority (viz., me) that the original and correct spelling was "Kishcumen."

10) Despite the urban legend started by Grant Palmer, Kishkumen never actually smoked The Golden Pot. (The same accusation may not, however, be made to stick against Palmer, as evidenced by his theory of Book of Mormon origins.)

11) Recent stylometric analysis of Kishkumen's posts demonstrates that 40% of their material derives from Nomad and the remaining 60% from the Reverend Solomon Spalding. Hence the Spalding-Nomad theory that Kishkumen is a sock puppet of Nomad, who draws most of his puppet script from the lost Spalding manuscript.

12) Most disturbingly, this man has been known to haunt Internet message boards.

Don

Edited March 18, 2013 by DonBradley

[escott3564]

This is awesome! LOL

[Darren10]

Classic!!!

[Questing Beast]

Well I'll be swizzled!...

[nealr]

Don,

I'm so glad you have come forward to tell us the truth about Kishkumen. I know this must have taken a lot of courage, so thank you for your bravery! The Kishkumenites will likely be after you now, but remember: the truth will set you free!

[DarkScythe]

Kishkumen is one of those evil shape changing reptile aliens

[Daniel Peterson]

I have creepy secret informants who have supplied me with dossiers of information confirming everything Don Bradley has said here.

And, like Don, not a single one of them has every witnessed Kishkumen treating a bunny rabbit with kindness or respect.

[DonBradley]

I hereby certify that I have made the above statement of my own free will and choice and not--I repeat, not--because anyone's cruel minions are holding my cat hostage.

Don Bradley

P.S. I miss you, Twinkie.

[DonBradley]

Thanks, Neal. But it isn't *my* freedom I'm worried about!

Don

[wenglund]

Don,

As good a guy as you are, I am afraid you can't rightly consider yourself an "insider" unless you spent years teaching the gospel of Kishkumen without believing a word.

There is nothing that says "insider" better than outside beliefs.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Edited March 18, 2013 by wenglund

[DarkScythe]

I have creepy secret informants who have supplied me with dossiers of information confirming everything Don Bradley has said here.

And, like Don, not a single one of them has every witnessed Kishkumen treating a bunny rabbit with kindness or respect.

is it the same ones that I have been working with?

Well Kishkumen often eats bunny rabbits. He is an reptilian Alien with an fondness of live meals.

[Louis Midgley]

I think that this love affair with Kish is misplaced. All of these amusing comments are really about his Dr. Scratch invention, and the bizarre "intel" he launches when Kish is not opining.

[Daniel Peterson]

It is striking, I think, that, when Kishkumen is most engaged and posting up a storm, Scratch tends to disappear.

I don't know what to make of that, exactly, but I've noticed it. And not just once.

The things that get Kishkumen exercised tend to be, very precisely, the same things that preoccupy Scratch. Yet, when the one is really busy, the other vanishes. On the very issues that interest him most.

[Mola Ram Suda Ram]

It is striking, I think, that, when Kishkumen is most engaged and posting up a storm, Scratch tends to disappear.

I don't know what to make of that, exactly, but I've noticed it. And not just once.

The things that get Kishkumen exercised tend to be, very precisely, the same things that preoccupy Scratch. Yet, when the one is really busy, the other vanishes. On the very issues that interest him most.

So you don't suppose they one is a sock puppet of the other?

Maybe the whole thing is a giant game. Done nothing but for giggles.

[wenglund]

So you don't suppose they one is a sock puppet of the other?

If one is a sock puppet of the other, it would make the man-crush between Kish and Scratch all the more creepy.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[wenglund]

I think that this love affair with Kish is misplaced. All of these amusing comments are really about his Dr. Scratch invention, and the bizarre "intel" he launches when Kish is not opining.

I really don't think the name "Dr. Scratch" or "Kish" and the word "intelligence" ever belong in the same sentence.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Edited March 20, 2013 by wenglund

[Louis Midgley]

“Scratch” has hunches, and lots of bilge and bile, but, as far as I can see, no independent reality. “Scratch” has been a useful name under which wild, unfounded speculation which he calls his so-called “intel,” often announcing a qualification on his speculation that he is not really sure if he has it right. Kish actually has a name and his identity and portions of his career are rather easily known. I agree that it seems that when Kish is busy opining up a storm, that “Scratch” tends to disappear, and when “Scratch” is engaged in wild speculation (sometimes called “intel”), then Kish is dark.

[Mayan Elephant]

I really don't think the name "Dr. Scratch" or "Kish" and the word "intelligence" ever belong in the same sentence.

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

that was so clever and cute.

Thanks, -Mayan Elephant-

[DonBradley]

While Kishkumen may be a repitlian alien, I can tell you that he is not Dr. Scratch.

As much as the OP was a joke of the sort Dan requested in his thread "More Kishkumen Threads Please", it's actually true that I've known him since nearly the beginning of my adult life. And a few years back I was privy to some of his conflicts with Scratch by private message. Scratch, so far as I can tell, has been as mysterious a figure to Kishkumen as to just about anyone.

I'm personally much more concerned with the alien connection, since I know that a member of his family once had a particular and surprising connection to the subject. And, again, while my tongue is planted firmly in my cheek in how I'm framing this, part of the fun of it is that the underlying fact is quite true.

Don

[DonBradley]

If one were really interested in the subject one could check the impression that Kishkumen and Dr. Scratch are the same person by examining the actual timing of many of their respective posts on MDB. Also, there's a chat room there, and I believe that Dr. Shades and others could confirm that they've chatted with Scratch and Kishkumen at the same time.

IOW, I think one can do more than speculate on apparent patterns. The actual data is there at MDB.

Don

[wenglund]

IOW, I think one can do more than speculate on apparent patterns. The actual data is there at MDB.

If in our spoofs of Kish and MDB we cared about the data, then our spoofs wouldn't be realistic or believable.

(More cleverness and cuteness for ME's benefit)

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[DonBradley]

Wade,

Trudat!

Have you ever been in MDB Chat with Kishkumen and Scratch at the same time?

Don

[sethpayne]

I really don't think the name "Dr. Scratch" or "Kish" and the word "intelligence" ever belong in the same sentence.

I know Kishkumen is a professor and knows some dead languages. That takes intelligence.

[wenglund]

Wade,

Trudat!

Have you ever been in MDB Chat with Kishkumen and Scratch at the same time?

Don

No. However, that may be because I have never been on the MDB chat. I haven't even been to MDB in over a year.

But, maybe Scratch's "intel" network can advise us on the possibility of simultaneously logging into the chat room under two ID's. And, if so, we can get the STMC to look into the matter. LOL

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

[wenglund]

I know Kishkumen is a professor and knows some dead languages. That takes intelligence.

Do you know the difference between joking and being serious?

And, can I take your silence about Scratch as a tacit admission to what I said? LOL

Thanks, -Wade Englund-

Edited March 21, 2013 by wenglund