Good Faith Discussion Deux

[probablyHagoth7]

11 hours ago, Maestrophil said:

1.  Should I be offended?  Why or why not?

No. Regardless of whether offense was intended, learning not to take offense is a very empowering, grace-filled habit. I highly recommend Eldar Bednar's talk on that from several years ago. Changed my life dramatically.

11 hours ago, Maestrophil said:

2. Should I reply at all, or let it go unanswered?  If I should answer, how?

Being that it bothered you for 24 hours, you basically have the choice between changing what you associate pain/pleasure with (which is surprisingly easy), or wading in and ask *him* to change (which is a risky rope-pushing minefield), or choosing neither, which is a choice to be bothered for another 48 hours before coming back to the same decision tree. (FWIW, when given a choice, the best outcomes have generally been where I opted to be the one to change.)

11 hours ago, Maestrophil said:

3. What would lead someone (I am especially interested here in honest feedback from post-member atheists) to reply to their son in that manner...?

Hard to say. Nowhere near atheist, but as the youngest child in a house full of several teenagers and their friends, I was raised on leftovers, hand-me-downs, teasing, and sarcasm. (Where I still knew that I was deeply loved/treasured.) So I developed a thick skin, and simply rolled with it. Served me well later when patiently extracting important things from challenging settings where I otherwise might have had little tolerance to remain and complete my role there.

Some are raised to interpret a jab/tease as a playful/friendly thing. Others are raised to view it as a rude affront. Neither/either/both are true, hinging on your preferred take on life/people. I would suggest for your peace of mind and for your relationship with your father that you simply opt to interpret it as playful-friendly banter and decide not to take offense.

11 hours ago, Maestrophil said:

4. Do some of you who have left the church have problems lashing out when discussing topics with members, or are easily offended?

Left the church? I left it last night...And will leave it and another church Sunday. So my sarcasm extends equally to believers and unbelievers. Such an approach usually goes OK...except with one temperament type that operates under the assertion that no True Scotsman should utilize sarcasm/teasing/banter.

For the benefit of such people, which apparently includes yourself, I honestly do need to learn to engage w/o the sarcasm.

11 hours ago, Maestrophil said:

5. Would you read this as a jab at me directly, or LDS people generally?

Neither.

11 hours ago, Maestrophil said:

6.  Any other advice or insight would be welcome.

Tony Robbins had some awesome audio training years ago that helped me rapidly learn how to recondition what I associate pain and pleasure with...the things that define whether we deem ourselves "happy" and that can help us rechart our motivations/results. Very empowering stuff. If memory serves, it was appropriately called something like Personal Power.

Edited May 11, 2017 by probablyHagoth7

[Maestrophil]

13 hours ago, probablyHagoth7 said:

No. Regardless of whether offense was intended, learning not to take offense is a very empowering, grace-filled habit. I highly recommend Eldar Bednar's talk on that from several years ago. Changed my life dramatically.

Being that it bothered you for 24 hours, you basically have the choice between changing what you associate pain/pleasure with (which is surprisingly easy), or wading in and ask *him* to change (which is a risky rope-pushing minefield), or choosing neither, which is a choice to be bothered for another 48 hours before coming back to the same decision tree. (FWIW, when given a choice, the best outcomes have generally been where I opted to be the one to change.)

Hard to say. Nowhere near atheist, but as the youngest child in a house full of several teenagers and their friends, I was raised on leftovers, hand-me-downs, teasing, and sarcasm. (Where I still knew that I was deeply loved/treasured.) So I developed a thick skin, and simply rolled with it. Served me well later when patiently extracting important things from challenging settings where I otherwise might have had little tolerance to remain and complete my role there.

Some are raised to interpret a jab/tease as a playful/friendly thing. Others are raised to view it as a rude affront. Neither/either/both are true, hinging on your preferred take on life/people. I would suggest for your peace of mind and for your relationship with your father that you simply opt to interpret it as playful-friendly banter and decide not to take offense.

Left the church? I left it last night...And will leave it and another church Sunday. So my sarcasm extends equally to believers and unbelievers. Such an approach usually goes OK...except with one temperament type that operates under the assertion that no True Scotsman should utilize sarcasm/teasing/banter.

For the benefit of such people, which apparently includes yourself, I honestly do need to learn to engage w/o the sarcasm.

Neither.

Tony Robbins had some awesome audio training years ago that helped me rapidly learn how to recondition what I associate pain and pleasure with...the things that define whether we deem ourselves "happy" and that can help us rechart our motivations/results. Very empowering stuff. If memory serves, it was appropriately called something like Personal Power.

Thanks, Hagoth.  All great points to consider.  And for the record, I do have a pretty thick skin for the most part - but in this case, I admit reframing my expectations has been helpful.