Is Church'S Anti-Porn Video An Accurate Representation Of The Issue?

[William James]

Here's the video, narrated by anti-porn hawk (and I have to even privately speculate sometimes, whether he might have a problem with it himself, because he "protesteth too much"), Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. (Note: I am not accusing him of being a hypocrite, and I disclaim any knowledge of his private life- I am merely struck by how vehemently he attacks porn, and it causes me to suspect that he may likely have some personal traumatic experience on the subject. In fairness, I do believe Holland is an apostle of God, and that he is a good man generally.)

In characteristic fashion, this video propogates the commonly-held stereotype in the LDS Church that the typical porn user is a man:

(1) who has a hot, loving, and sexually available and interested wife;

(2) who choses porn in place of sex with his hot, loving, and sexually available and interested wife, leaving her rejected;

(3) who abandons his adorable family of his own volition because of his sinful addiction.

It's time we get honest and fair about this, and set the record straight. I think a few critical points are in order here, including, without limitation:

(1) I believe that the scenario presented in the video is extremely atypical, and virtually all real-life situations are far more complex and nuanced;

(2) The majority of active, believing LDS men are probably looking at porn, but are simply not getting caught (and though they may privately be racked with unspeakable guilt, many continue to function well in their marriages and daily responsibilities);

(3) Even LDS men who do not look at porn are generally still having pornographic fantasies in their minds (and keep them to themselves);

(4) The "porn destroys families" argument fails to adequately account for the many couples in which porn is not taboo, and is accepted and/or viewed by both partners. This ought to prompt us to ask the question, "Does porn inherently destroy marriages, or is it possibly the insecurity and/or needless offense taken at it which causes the discord?";

(5) The video's scenario ignores the critical and widespread issue of what men in sexless marriages are supposed to do- de-facto celibacy would only be imposed by a cruel God which is utterly inconsistent with the loving God I believe in;

(6) It is a gross mischaracterization to assume that the average porn user is turning down their willing-and-available spouse for intercourse in order to substitute porn for real sex;

(7) Turning down an opportunity to play with your kids so that you can look at porn needs to be viewed in context. There are all kinds of reasons a parent would turn down chances to play with their kids, including: (a) to have sex with their spouse; (b) to work; © to sleep; (d) to use the restroom; (e) to fulfill church callings; etc. Yet there is no condemnation for any of these other activities. The issue is NOT whether it would be possible to spend a few more minutes of your time with your family if you would abstain from looking at porn- the issue is, are you maintaining a reasonable life balance and generally fulfilling your responsibilities? If so, then I don't see the problem. Put another way: Bishop hardly sees his kids because he is always working or fulfilling church calling? No problem. Man spends 15 minutes looking at women in lingerie? Problem. I don't think that's very consistent or reasonable.

I don't expect my post will do much to help TBMs contemplate these issues thoroughly. But I feel a duty to speak my mind, as it may help at least some open-minded people re-think this. I sincerely believe that the LDS Church's overbroad condemnation of pornography destroys more LDS families than use of porn itself ever did.

[altersteve]

Pornography destroys families because it keeps them apart in the life to come, even if it doesn't do that in this life. It's really that simple.

[William James]

Pornography destroys families because it keeps them apart in the life to come, even if it doesn't do that in this life. It's really that simple.

I don't see any reason why it should keep them apart in the life to come. This sounds to me like circular reasoning. It's wrong because it keeps families apart, and it keeps families apart because it's wrong.

[cinepro]

(1) I believe that the scenario presented in the video is extremely atypical, and virtually all real-life situations are far more complex and nuanced;

Wait, you're looking for "nuance" in a Church video? Seriously?

That being said, I think that our Church leaders have a very different perspective on things because of their positions. They travel all over the world and meet with local leaders and get to hear the worst and most exceptional stories from these areas. So, over time, I wouldn't be surprised if their view of things is shaped by this "bias" in reporting.

And, as you point out, the majority of LDS men and women who view porn probably aren't talking to their Bishops about it, so even at a local level I suspect the Bishops are most familiar with the "train wreck" cases of marriages affected by pornography. If the Church conducted a reliable, anonymous survey that showed a high percentage of LDS adults viewing pornography but being satisfied with their spiritual lives and marriage relationships with only a minority devolving into black-and-white YouTube-worthy melodrama, what would that mean?

I've asked the question before, and I still honestly wonder what the future of the Church and pornography is. Will the Church find an overwhelmingly effective way to stop the youth and adults from finding out that they really, really like to look at naked people? As pornography becomes more and more accepted in the culture at large, how will the Church change its strategies for fighting against it?

Edited October 17, 2011 by cinepro

[KevinG]

From personal experience as a man, as a member of the Bishopric and as a friend to others struggling... You are dead wrong. The video portrays some very accurate and frightening prospects.

It is destructive and like any addiction it can take over someones normal patterns and desires.

It has nothing to do with a substitute for sex or even an attractive spouse. It has everything to do with instant gratification and excape behavior.

Do yourself a favor and look up internet or pornography addiction from a neutral third party. You may be surprised at how spot on these examples are.

[Nomad]

Here's the video, narrated by anti-porn hawk (and I have to even privately speculate sometimes, whether he might have a problem with it himself, because he "protesteth too much"), Elder Jeffrey R. Holland.

So because an apostle feels prompted to speak out against the plague of pornography, it's because he has "a problem with it himself"?

What a bunch of bunk!

[Ares]

Don't slander the General Authorities. Don't advocate for pornography.

Take a time out.