Lds And Co-Dependency

[blueadept]

I understand and sympathize with your unhappy situation.

May God bless your efforts to rebuild your life.

Bernard

If I'm following what the Lord wants of me through my rededication to Him, I don't believe it will be unhappy. It's just a bit different from the LDS perspective that believes in eternal marriage is all. We all have our crosses to bear in this life but it will be worth it if we perservere in serving God to the best of our abilities.

[HeatherAnn]

We did see an LDS counselor for most of our marriage. She was tired of it and didn't see the point at the end. Oh well. Counseling always fitted my personality type better than hers which is not how it is in most marriages...

I respect that you tried.

If I'm following what the Lord wants of me through my rededication to Him, I don't believe it will be unhappy. It's just a bit different from the LDS perspective that believes in eternal marriage is all. We all have our crosses to bear in this life but it will be worth it if we perservere in serving God to the best of our abilities.

You have a positive attitude & want to do what's best (in serving God) - that is most important, I think.

[CARPE DIEM]

We've beaten to death the subject of addiction. Let's take a look at co-dependency

and how it is viewed in the Church.

I have found that most people haven't heard the term "Co-Dependency". Most have to go through some type of dysfunctional relationship and then it is mentioned and explored!

Edited August 7, 2011 by CARPE DIEM

[HeatherAnn]

I have found that most people haven't heard the term "Co-Dependency". Most have to go through some type of dysfunctional relationship and then it is mentioned and explored!

There's no better teacher than experience! But there's also no more painful way either!

I would love church curriculum (esp. for adults, & maybe youth to an extent)... to include more info on mental health.

Psychology is "the study of the soul" - of course the way it's practiced these days, doesn't seem to be defined that way.

I'd like to see a healthy combination of spirituality & psychology since in essence, they're practically one & the same.

Edited August 7, 2011 by HeatherAnn

[mercyngrace]

Mrs. Gui and I learned about co-dependency while doing

what we called the "crazy dance of addiction."

When there's an addict in the house, everyone does the

dance, but with different beats, rhythms, and steps.

For a while, we thought being co-dependent was something

disgraceful and to be ashamed of. What we learned is that

it is what happens when one lives with an addict. Co-dependent

behaviors obtained in childhood can persist unrecognized into

adulthood. We think that's just "the way we are," when in truth

we are and can be very different.

In our experience, various family members took on

the following roles:

The Family...

Detective, constantly searching for evidence in diaries, closets, beds

Policeman, enforcing ever- stricter rules and cosequences

Victim, moping around wondering why this had to happen to them

Puritan, always indignant and put out by the addict's capers

Sad Sack, withdrawn and depressed

Peace Maker, "can't we all just get along?"

Enabler, "if I buy him the iPod, he'll love me again."

Denier, Addict? What addict? It's just a normal stage.

Penitent, If we just had had more Home Evenings....."

Hand Wringer, What will everyone think of us?

Macho Man, suffers in manly silence, but inside is a boiling cauldron.

What we had in common was,

If the addict was doing ok, then we were doing ok.

If the addict was miserable, we were miserable.

even if he/she moves out, gains sobriety, or is incarcerated or dies,

the crazy dance continues. Your lives really got messed

up and you may not even have noticed the change

because you were so fixated on the addict.

Mrs. Gui and I learned we had co-dependent behaviors

learned as children in our parents' families. It's the

gift that keeps on giving.

That, gentle readers, is a family of co-dependents.

Bernard

Wow. This is so tragically familiar. My FIL is an addict. My MIL can't remember "normal" and my husband and his siblings have spent a lifetime trying to fight the demons of co-dependency. Addiction is like a tornado that sucks in everyone nearby and leaves wreckage in its wake.

On the other hand, adversity is often our greatest teacher and provides the most profound opportunities for drawing close to God and acquiring godly attributes. Some of the most spiritual people I've known have overcome situations of addiction, abuse, and dysfunction to become holy men and women.

Ultimately, it's not the addiction or the co-dependency but how you respond to it that matters.

Edited August 8, 2011 by mercyngrace