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My oldest son has been married for 8 years. They have a five year old with autism. They are getting a divorce. She waited for him on his mission and they got married in the temple. We didn't know that she got a hold of anti-mormon sites and people in faith crisis at BYU-I. She finished her degree, but stopped going to church at school. It got even worse when she did a one year master's degree at another institution. This was all while he was on his mission and the few months after he came home. We did know that she sent explicit pictures to him before his mission and he almost couldn't go. The bishop and stake president recommended that he stop writing to her while he was on his mission. It was actually a shock when we picked him up and his mission president mentioned that there was a special girl waiting for him. She seemed determined that she was going to marry him and we did our best to try and work with the situation. It's hard to tell your 22 year old kid how to live their life. So they went to BYU-I and went inactive almost immediately. I don't know how he got an ecclesiastical endorsement while at school or her a temple recommend and endorsement herself. There was a lot of lying and hiding things. We sort of figured this all out after they had been married a couple of years. Her mom was part of this in that she hoped that if she just married in the temple with a returned missionary that things would be okay. The mother opened up about her daughter`s faith crisis and lying. She knew about the pictures her daughter had sent, but still egged her on that she was going to marry our son. Our son had his own problems before his mission, so we were really happy when he chose to go on a mission and just wanted him to have a good experience. Just telling this all hurts quite a bit. So, they moved close to us about 6 years ago and had a baby. He is a very cute boy, but started acting aloof and not meeting your eye gaze when he was two and a half. He was diagnosed with autism and it has been a hard ride since then. They can be sweet pleasant people, but won't have anything to do with the Church. Their life just seems to have disintegrated. Our son can be lazy and self absorbed. She is manipulative and lies. They both lie and don't face hard choices and consequences until they are really bad. That's what seemed to happened to their marriage. They waited until it was really broken to do anything. It seems to be beyond repair. Now we don't see our grandson much and it is usually when they need last minute child care. He gets quite a bit of therapy, but he is regressing and becoming more withdrawn as his parents go through this divorce. They are both working parents, so he hasn't`t gotten potty trained. We worked with him and he was pretty close, but our daughter in law wouldn'`t maintain any consistency. Almost no day care or program will take a child that old that still needs his diapers taken care of. He is a huge kid, so changing him is really a two person job. I tried to talk about this with his mother and she just cries and gets defensive. My son doesn't pull his weight, so there is quite a bit on her. They could have gotten therapy to help with dealing with their son, but they kept putting it off. They can't seem to get to a support group and it just seems that our grandson isn't going to do well. We had helped support them and done quite a bit for them, but they were becoming dependent and weren`t very grateful. It seemed to be time for them to get on their own. We took away the financial support and unless we were making something for them to eat they just didn't really have much to do with us. Even then, they never helped with the dishes or really stayed around very long afterwards. Mostly disengaged and it is hard to talk to politically correct millennials who are over the top in support of social causes, especially LGBT causes. This is probably therapy as much as anything, but this all seems like it would have gone so much better if they had stayed engaged in the Church. They don't really have friends they can count on. There are a few marginally active and inactive couples they knew from BYU-I in the area, but some of them have been toxic for them. We pray for them and want to do what is the best for them. Especially our grandson. Her mother is actually the most toxic and I think she really poisons our daughter in law against our son. Not that he is innocent. This all seems like watching two cars come to an intersection and knowing they are going to crash, but there is nothing that you can do. How hard do we try to help our grandson? We can't talk about it much with his parents without them being defensive and with them both working they don't have a lot of energy to put to it. I see him once a month for an hour or so and they live fifteen minutes away. It is good to get this out, but it is so painful. I just don't know what to do and am resigned to watching it happen. My wife and I seem to care more than they do-a recurring thing in dealing with our son.