Saw This on Reddit r/latterdaysaints

[Kenngo1969]

Here's my response.  (Apparently, it's too long.  In any event, it wouldn't post to Reddit.)  I'm sure this poster would appreciate constructive feedback.  And if you can let me know why Reddit doesn't like me, that'd be good, too!  

Quote

 

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I apologize in advance for the extensive use of the first person here, but I can speak only to what I know. (This may or may not apply to you: You have to make that decision.) Although, often, I hesitate to say that I know what you're going through, or what anyone else is going through, because it seems trite and "cheap" (that is, "Yeah, Ken, it's easy for you to say that!") I am a 55-year-old, never-married, childless bachelor in a family church, so I might (and I emphasize might) have some idea. I do have a back-of-mind worry (and occasionally, a front-of-mind worry) about what might become of me as I continue careening rapidly through middle age toward geezerhood with a somewhat-limited support system.

I know this might be cold comfort for you, and for that, again, I apologize. I certainly don't mean it to be, but while being alone might not always be a choice (in fact, I'll go out on a limb and say that, often, it isn't) being lonely always is a choice. With respect to various aspects of my life that have not (as yet) worked out as I would have hoped they might (an Eternal relationship, along with children and everything else that implies being just one of several such aspects), I can only say, in the immortal words of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, formerly (until his passing) of the Twelve (and of his wise, sainted mother), "Come what may, and love it."

I do have, I believe, a lot of things going for me. I think I would be a real asset in the life of some other individual and to our relationship. But, as the old saying goes, "It takes two to tango." It takes two to make that sort of a mutual decision. Gladly will I own up to any of my own failings (and, surely, those are legion! Thank God, particularly at this Easter season, but, indeed, all day, every day, and in every season, for the Atonement of His Son!). However, what I will not do is hold myself accountable for any decision(s) someone(s) else has (have) made. In addition to our sins, another thing that Christ died for is our agency. It is their right to use their agency as they see fit. Given that the best blood that ever lived was spilled to allow them that opportunity, who would I be to question that?

Do I relate to a lot of my Brethren at Church? Even those who, due to "now-empty nest" or widowerhood, are in situations that are similar to mine at least have progeny and have had spouses, while I do not and have not. But, as nice as it is to nurture my relationships with other people at Church, that's not the primary reason I go to Church: I go to Church (and do other devotion-related things, such as prayer, studying scriptures word, and so on) to nurture my relationship with God. Are there people, there and anywhere else, who look down on me because [they believe] I'm this "middle-aged weird guy"? ("Obviously, there's something wrong with him! What's his problem?") Actually, they've got it backward: My relationship with God is a matter that is between God and me, and no one else. Anyone else's relationship with God is a matter that is between God and that person, and no one else.

I don't know why God has seen fit, as yet, to withhold various blessings I have sought earnestly (again, an Eternal Relationship being only one such blessing). "Lord, why hast Thou dealt with me thus?" But I do have faith that God does know what He's doing, and in His timetable. And I take the Brethren at their word when they have said that, in time and in Eternity, no blessing will be denied those who are faithful. And I know that there are no Second-Class Citizens in the Church of Jesus Christ, and especially not in the Kingdom of God. Have you ever gone to a three-act play? Act I is the setup. It introduces us to the characters and sets the scene for all of the conflict and turmoil that will occur in Act II. Often, it seems, Act II is where all of the chaos happens, and viewers are left wondering, "How in the world will all of this be resolved?" Only as Act III unfolds do things finally begin to make sense. Mortality is that three-act play: Due to a veil of forgetfulness, we don't remember Act I (premortality). Often, part of the reason Act II (mortality) is so bewildering is because we don't remember Act I, but, eventually, those memories will be restored. But it is only only after Act III (in the hereafter), that most of the things that so bewildered us in mortality begin to make sense.

As for your negative experience in the Temple, I wouldn't make too much of that, either. There are those who might say accusingly, "You brought him there." While, often, I have found the Temple to be an oasis of spirituality in a sea of something that is anything but, still, there is no escaping the fact that even Temples are located in this fallen world. Satan is a wily, cunning being. He willl [try to] get us wherever and whenever he can. You might benefit from the guidance of a caring, competent clinician who appreciates the Latter-day Saint outlook. Talk to your Bishop (and whether you choose to talk to anyone else, you should talk to him in any event).

I wrote this a few years ago on another forum:

https://greatgourdini.wordpress.com/2013/10/31/on-being-single-male-and-lds/

 

It wouldn't allow me to post this directly to Reddit, but I posted my Reddit response here, then posted a link to the response that I posted here successfully on Reddit.  (If that makes any sense!)

Edited May 2 by Kenngo1969

[JVW]

I think your comment is very thoughtful and thank you for sharing it with the forum.

My comment would be don't go back to the temple until you can declaratively say that you know Jesus Christ is your personal Lord, Savior, and Redeemer. I get panic attacks when I go to the temple, every time. Even during my first time doing baptisms in my mid-twenties I asked the person next to me in the queue if Satan was allowed in the temple because if he wasn't either me or God was making me feel like crap being there. I haven't been to the temple in a couple years because of these feelings. And what I've come to believe is that my religious focus was wrong. I was focused more on passing the temple recommend interview questions and less on my personal testimony of Jesus.

I say this because because dude says "I feel like I've done everything right in the church..."

[rpn]

4 hours ago, JVW said:

My comment would be don't go back to the temple until you can declaratively say that you know Jesus Christ is your personal Lord, Savior, and Redeemer. I get panic attacks when I go to the temple, every time.

The question is whether he/she can answer the questions correctly, not whether they know or do this or that.    If we all needed to have perfect knowledge that Jesus is our Savior, temples wouldn't have many participants.   

And a  TR does not require that members be free of mortal health conditions, either.

[JVW]

1 hour ago, rpn said:

The question is whether he/she can answer the questions correctly, not whether they know or do this or that.    If we all needed to have perfect knowledge that Jesus is our Savior, temples wouldn't have many participants.   

And a  TR does not require that members be free of mortal health conditions, either.

We plant the seed of faith, nurture it, it grows into a tree of life, we take the fruit, check to see if it's good and ripe, then give it to others so they can plant their own trees. How do we tell if our fruit is good? The temple recommend interview is a description of good fruit. However, that description can apply at a surface level, or it can be a cause for deep introspection and self-reflection. It is so easy for anyone to lie to themselves or exaggerate or minimize various things in order to feel better about their life. This is especially true in the TR interview. Do I really believe in the First Presidency and Quorum of the 12? Do I really believe that Jesus Christ rose from the dead? etc. These are hard questions, but the culture of the Church makes it easy to be almost absent minded when answering them. The goal of the interview shouldn't be to tick all the boxes, it should be to reflect on how the relationship is between the interviewee and the Lord.

[The Nehor]

Hello Darkness my old friend.

Sounds a little like me about a decade ago. I could get dates and attention. Just not from women in the church. When I did get a date I had a poison pill that would kill off that relationship every time.

[Robert F. Smith]

On 5/2/2025 at 8:14 AM, Kenngo1969 said:

.........................

Here's my response.  (Apparently, it's too long. .........................

Being prolix is not necessarily a virtue.  Keep it short and sweet.

What this guy really needs is psychotherapy, which he likely will not seek.  So, maybe finding a guru who teaches meditation is the best we can hope for.

[blackstrap]

passport - bro  ????

A neighbor 's wife passed away after 50 years of marriage. Within a couple of years he had married a lady from Thailand I think. He was about 80 yo at the time. Poor girl . Culture shock was one thing but climate shock was much worse. 

[Chum]

I offer myself as the worst possible person to address this brother's concerns. 

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I’m a single guy in my thirties, and feeling extremely lonely in the church and in general ... I decided to attend the temple to get some spiritual enlightenment or relief. ... there were several large weddings happening and it put me in a very odd and resentful mood.  ....  
I feel like I’ve done everything right in the church, honored my callings and priesthood, attended regularly, and attended social gatherings.
I don’t like going to elders quorum because I can’t relate to the other guys in their 20s that are married with 5 kids.

My wife was lapsed when I met her.  I met her at the drug house she was hanging out at; I had been hunting a guy who owed me money.  I knocked her up and we moved up in the hills. We tried to live clean; birthed at home. Knocked her up again and 9mos later married her and joined the Church.

As a reprobate, I had blessings handed to me. But I really did want to honor them. After baptism and for the next 20years, I was fully active.  I was everywhere I needed to be, did all that needed doing - in Church and with my family. I was super dad and husband.  I got a degree but couldn't get hired so worked for myself. 

Somewhere in there cause & effect broke down. Life stopped improving and slowly began unwinding. No rededication or rethinking or revamping helped. We slid into survival mode and stayed there for a very, very long time.  After 20+ years, Church and marriage had became unsustainable and I stopped sending my energy there.  It was more years before I really let them go, but that was when my life finally turned around. 

What advice would I give this brother? 1) Don't listen to me and 2) Whatever you do, don't mine my life for examples. There's nothing there that will make sense of God's plan.