Going to see mom for the last time.

[Pyreaux]

I'm making my second trek to see my mom for the last time before she dies. Cathy Sue Craycraft's lungs are filling up with liquid, she's oxygen hungry, she can't sit up and sit still to extract it, they have to sedate her to keep her face mask on, her heart failure is getting worse. This might be it. She's a candidate for hospice care, if she goes, she'll be dead in a week. I need the prayers of everyone I know. I would love for her to get better, but Iguess what I really want is to talk to her one last time to ask her 30 questions before I never can ask her again. If she can't talk, what other things I can do? Spiritually, she hasn't been to church for decades, she been very ill and dependent. What should I do?

[MustardSeed]

I’m sorry.  That’s hard. Maybe, Tell her you love her and that when she’s ready you’re ready, even if you’re not sure she can hear you. 

[bluebell]

33 minutes ago, Pyreaux said:

I'm making my second trek to see my mom for the last time before she dies. Cathy Sue Craycraft's lungs are filling up with liquid, she's oxygen hungry, she can't sit up and sit still to extract it, they have to sedate her to keep her face mask on, her heart failure is getting worse. This might be it. She's a candidate for hospice care, if she goes, she'll be dead in a week. I need the prayers of everyone I know. I would love for her to get better, but Iguess what I really want is to talk to her one last time to ask her 30 questions before I never can ask her again. If she can't talk, what other things I can do? Spiritually, she hasn't been to church for decades, she been very ill and dependent. What should I do?

That is so hard.  I'm so sorry.  I'll be praying that she'll be able to speak, and if not, that somehow you will find some peace being there with her.

[Tacenda]

1 hour ago, Pyreaux said:

I'm making my second trek to see my mom for the last time before she dies. Cathy Sue Craycraft's lungs are filling up with liquid, she's oxygen hungry, she can't sit up and sit still to extract it, they have to sedate her to keep her face mask on, her heart failure is getting worse. This might be it. She's a candidate for hospice care, if she goes, she'll be dead in a week. I need the prayers of everyone I know. I would love for her to get better, but Iguess what I really want is to talk to her one last time to ask her 30 questions before I never can ask her again. If she can't talk, what other things I can do? Spiritually, she hasn't been to church for decades, she been very ill and dependent. What should I do?

Be in her space, be where she's been, maybe just hold her hand and ask her the questions even though she may not be able to answer. If she can hear you I think that alone will express the love for her because she'll know of her importance she is to you. 

[Jeanne]

Prayers for you and yours.  Moms are so special.  Hold her hands and speak from your heart.

[JVW]

On 3/26/2025 at 8:23 PM, Pyreaux said:

I'm making my second trek to see my mom for the last time before she dies. Cathy Sue Craycraft's lungs are filling up with liquid, she's oxygen hungry, she can't sit up and sit still to extract it, they have to sedate her to keep her face mask on, her heart failure is getting worse. This might be it. She's a candidate for hospice care, if she goes, she'll be dead in a week. I need the prayers of everyone I know. I would love for her to get better, but Iguess what I really want is to talk to her one last time to ask her 30 questions before I never can ask her again. If she can't talk, what other things I can do? Spiritually, she hasn't been to church for decades, she been very ill and dependent. What should I do?

My mom died this last December from stage 4 lung cancer. She was 61. My mom had to get a catheter in her lungs and was draining a liter of fluid per day for several weeks before pockets started to form and she couldn't drain anymore. She stayed in a hospice facility for about a month before she passed, and at the end we just had to have faith that she could hear any of us because she couldn't speak or open her eyes or move. She looked like a corpse for the last week of her life. It was so sad. The room felt similar to being in the room when my wife was in labor. Sacred but solemn instead of exciting. My mom dying felt like she was in labor to accomplish something so I just encouraged her and told her she was doing a good job and that all of the pain would be worth it in the end. I was asleep by her side when she went and was blessed to have a private moment with her before the coroner's came.

It sucks. There is no solution. You just have to bend over and take it and somehow believe that what is happening to your mom is the most loving thing that God can do because God is love and if healing her was more loving He would have done it. Over the course of my mom's deterioration, her denial of her condition, flying out once a month and spending thousands of dollars and time away from kids and a pregnant wife to try and live with no regrets ... I had words with God. I've screamed at Him and cried to Him. The only thing that changed as a result of my raw prayers was my heart. Which is, perhaps, an even bigger miracle than if God did heal my mother and give her another 20 years of life.

I'm sorry that you and your mother have to go through this. I'm sorry that we are all born with a mortal condition. I hope that you will take the pain and turn to Christ for healing instead of to the internet or to addiction or whatever else people do to numb out. I believe that, because death is God's purview, that He is intimately close with all of those involved. Your mother is probably feeling a lot of peace and love from God as she struggles at the end. And although I'm the only one who believes in God amongst my five siblings, I've seen Him help each of them deal with this pain.

As far as advice on what to do. Say whatever you want and do whatever you want. Live with no regrets. I've had some loved ones die who I didn't put effort into and I still have regrets years later thinking that I should have said or done something different. It sucks to feel that way. Whatever is past is past, but with your last visit, be honest and focused on getting out whatever your heart feels. The result of speaking the truth is always good.

[Raingirl]

On 3/26/2025 at 5:23 PM, Pyreaux said:

I'm making my second trek to see my mom for the last time before she dies. Cathy Sue Craycraft's lungs are filling up with liquid, she's oxygen hungry, she can't sit up and sit still to extract it, they have to sedate her to keep her face mask on, her heart failure is getting worse. This might be it. She's a candidate for hospice care, if she goes, she'll be dead in a week. I need the prayers of everyone I know. I would love for her to get better, but Iguess what I really want is to talk to her one last time to ask her 30 questions before I never can ask her again. If she can't talk, what other things I can do? Spiritually, she hasn't been to church for decades, she been very ill and dependent. What should I do?

My mom died in 2016, and it was the hardest loss.  Talk to her, even if she can’t respond. We kept talking to Mom until the end. Sending hugs. 

[Tony uk]

I lost my mother 7 years ago, after a long illness. She was sent home from the hospital at the end of life. Surrounded by those who loved her, and she loved equally. It is not an easy time, watching some close, like this. Just be there for your mother, and tell her how much you love her.

 You are in my prayers at this difficult, and very sad time 

[Rain]

Just thinking of you and hoping you found what you could do and that you have peace.

[rodheadlee]

On 3/26/2025 at 5:23 PM, Pyreaux said:

I'm making my second trek to see my mom for the last time before she dies. Cathy Sue Craycraft's lungs are filling up with liquid, she's oxygen hungry, she can't sit up and sit still to extract it, they have to sedate her to keep her face mask on, her heart failure is getting worse. This might be it. She's a candidate for hospice care, if she goes, she'll be dead in a week. I need the prayers of everyone I know. I would love for her to get better, but Iguess what I really want is to talk to her one last time to ask her 30 questions before I never can ask her again. If she can't talk, what other things I can do? Spiritually, she hasn't been to church for decades, she been very ill and dependent. What should I do?

I'm sorry you're going to lose your Mom. I lost mine 4 years ago, April 27th. It was a similar ending. But Mom was very active until she got her 2nd covid shot. Then she was gone in a week. I was amazed they let us all in, in pairs to say goodbye due to  covid. I'll send my prayers, you'll see her again. Be happy her struggles are over.

Much love,

Rod.

 

[Pyreaux]

Well, she was off the cipap machine and was lucid! Everything I wanted, I got all my questions answered. Praise God! But something went wrong. We all caught Covid. We gave mom covid. She was breathing okay, but now she is getting pneumonia. So, we put a halt on Hospice talks. We discovered disturbing hospital practices have continued. My mom I was told a decade ago was the longest living person with chronic pancreatitis, and the only treatment is pain management, a rather notorious "medication" that is extremely addictive. She's been on it for longer than any one and still be living. She could take enough to kill a rhino. My sister whined her off, once she was a bit bedridden, but then could go bowling, remains an addict. She "doctor shops", complains of pain, sends herself to the hospital to get "medicine", they always give it to her behind our backs. We are pretty certain the very long time on "medication" is actually detrimental to her health. The cycle is she gets the "medication", she declines in breathing, we say she's an addict, take her off, they obey, she recovers. This cycle is established.

They are ignoring the chart, ignore her daughter (the Power of Attorney). I went down there twice when they gave her that "medication". When we caught them, the doctor gave every excuse, "I'm the doctor! I didn't know I needed your permission! Was I supposed to call any hour?!" They ignore the history and the chart and the Power of Attorney, and push that medication, against what I understand was their legal obligation not to administer narcotics without permission. If I didn't know better, they might be trying to kill her... So, now with covid, we are now really curious if she's off the "medication", if she can survive Covid, and if she does, we'll consider changing hospitals, see if they obey, and if she lives. If she dies, we were prepared, maybe a bit guilty that we might have killed her, but we'll also be wondering if they killed her.

Prayers. Blessing to heal Cathy's covid and pneumonia, and heart failure. Cursing to opioids and doctors who misuse them.

[Calm]

3 hours ago, Pyreaux said:

If I didn't know better, they might be trying to kill her

They just may have seen patients in extreme pain and assume she is being honest about it.  Sorry to hear about the addiction issues.  I am surprised they are so easily giving it to her as that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.  I have to get a new prescription each month, the government tracks it here and it’s impossible to get it even a day early.  The pain doctors require pills to be counted each month, etc.  And I hear Utah is on the more lenient side.  

Edited April 10 by Calm

[Pyreaux]

13 hours ago, Calm said:

They just may have seen patients in extreme pain and assume she is being honest about it.  Sorry to hear about the addiction issues.  I am surprised they are so easily giving it to her as that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen.  I have to get a new prescription each month, the government tracks it here and it’s impossible to get it even a day early.  The pain doctors require pills to be counted each month, etc.  And I hear Utah is on the more lenient side.  

They had motive. The state is paying for all her bills, she is chronically ill, the hospital is full, she's annoying to staff calling every 10 mins about everything including pain, but no other signs of pain, the doctor didn't read the chart or disregarded it, call us recommending hospice care while secretly giving her what will kill her, a substance that restricts the breathing of someone who was having trouble with getting oxygen. They changed her intern doctor the instant they were caught. Have head nurses call with nothing to say other than, "we're really sorry". We are 80% sure what they did was illegal.

Edited April 10 by Pyreaux

[Tony uk]

I can appreciate where you are coming from. There were issues i found with my mother's hospital treatment, in the months before she died. The only comfort, was my mother coming home for her remaining time.

[Pyreaux]

Oh, my sister said said Cathy "coded" twice recently, but they brought her back. I don't know if she'll pull-through the night. They called her today to ask her how long they should defibrillate her to bring her back... Is that odd? More prayers.

[bluebell]

16 minutes ago, Pyreaux said:

Oh, my sister said said Cathy "coded" twice recently, but they brought her back. I don't know if she'll pull-through the night. They called her today to ask her how long they should defibrillate her to bring her back... Is that odd? More prayers.

In the instances that I know of where death is inevitable because of advanced age or some kind of disease, most places will ask the family or the person if they want to put a do not resuscitate order in place, since those kinds of things are often painful and intrusive.  In end of life cases they aren't going to change the ultimate outcome, but they can provide more time.   

If that was similar to what they were asking, that doesn't sound very odd to me personally.

Prayers.  💕

[Calm]

2 hours ago, Pyreaux said:

Oh, my sister said said Cathy "coded" twice recently, but they brought her back. I don't know if she'll pull-through the night. They called her today to ask her how long they should defibrillate her to bring her back... Is that odd? More prayers.

I just happened to see a FB post by a doctor that mention the issue of needing to continue resuscitation on patients who they believe/know aren’t going to make it when DNRs or other instructions aren’t available and his position was ER doctors often see it as unnecessary suffering as the defibrillation shocks are quite painful, so I don’t see it as unusual, but rather considerate.

Edited April 17 by Calm