JVW Posted December 16, 2024 Posted December 16, 2024 On 12/6/2024 at 11:42 AM, Tony uk said: I've allowed the trauma of my mother's death, and also work related issues get to me. It is something that I need to deal with, and alcohol is not the answer. Far from it, issues are only made worse because of it. I've been going through similar struggles. My mother passed away 10 days ago after a fight with cancer at the age of 61. I've been doing my best not to numb out and experience the full range of emotions and mourning, but it's been difficult to do so. As a lifelong addict in some capacity or another (for example, by some miracle I can refer to myself as an ex-smoker) I can say that attending 12 step program meetings every week has been very nice. It helps me recenter my life and refocus on my commitments to what matters most to me. I tend to spend time during 12 step meetings writing in my journal and listening to others share their stories. I have been attending the LDS church sponsored one which is very much centered on Jesus Christ, but have been encouraging my alcoholic sister to attend traditional AA meetings. I have attended non-religious 12 step meetings and have enjoyed those as well. Even during periods of my life when I'm rarely acting out, I still am very happy to stay plugged into the addiction community. Here is a link to the LDS 12 step meetings if you are interested in finding a local one to attend, it would also be a good opportunity to learn more about the LDS faith because most of the people who attend are members and everyone who attends is trying to be vulnerable about their personal views. https://addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org/?lang=eng&meetingTypes=&genders=menAndWomen,menOnly,womenOnly,ysaMenAndWomen,ysaMenOnly,ysaWomenOnly,couples,wives&groupTypes=all 4
Tony uk Posted December 16, 2024 Author Posted December 16, 2024 1 hour ago, JVW said: I've been going through similar struggles. My mother passed away 10 days ago after a fight with cancer at the age of 61. I've been doing my best not to numb out and experience the full range of emotions and mourning, but it's been difficult to do so. As a lifelong addict in some capacity or another (for example, by some miracle I can refer to myself as an ex-smoker) I can say that attending 12 step program meetings every week has been very nice. It helps me recenter my life and refocus on my commitments to what matters most to me. I tend to spend time during 12 step meetings writing in my journal and listening to others share their stories. I have been attending the LDS church sponsored one which is very much centered on Jesus Christ, but have been encouraging my alcoholic sister to attend traditional AA meetings. I have attended non-religious 12 step meetings and have enjoyed those as well. Even during periods of my life when I'm rarely acting out, I still am very happy to stay plugged into the addiction community. Here is a link to the LDS 12 step meetings if you are interested in finding a local one to attend, it would also be a good opportunity to learn more about the LDS faith because most of the people who attend are members and everyone who attends is trying to be vulnerable about their personal views. https://addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org/?lang=eng&meetingTypes=&genders=menAndWomen,menOnly,womenOnly,ysaMenAndWomen,ysaMenOnly,ysaWomenOnly,couples,wives&groupTypes=all Many thanks for the link JVW. It is something will look into. After my mother passed away 6 years ago. My family doctor was concerned about the effect it would have on me. Not so much the grief, but more the frustration of not being to do anything to control the situation. Especially at the end of life, when my mother came home to spend her final days, and the impact of watching her pass away knowing there was nothing I could physically do. The drinking of alcohol on my part, fortunately, for the want of a better word. Have been occasionally, bad enough, to in away vent my frustration. I have never been a big drinker, never had the capacity for it. However, when I have done it, it has been noticeable. I have seen the damage alcohol has done to people around me, both health and behavioural. It is a path I do not wish to go down. I feel fortunate in away to have found this dialogue. The people I am coming in to contact with. Along with the help, advice and support that I have received has been better than I expected. From people such as yourself and the others who I am coming in up contact are absolutely amazing people. 1
Tacenda Posted December 16, 2024 Posted December 16, 2024 (edited) 1 hour ago, JVW said: I've been going through similar struggles. My mother passed away 10 days ago after a fight with cancer at the age of 61. I've been doing my best not to numb out and experience the full range of emotions and mourning, but it's been difficult to do so. As a lifelong addict in some capacity or another (for example, by some miracle I can refer to myself as an ex-smoker) I can say that attending 12 step program meetings every week has been very nice. It helps me recenter my life and refocus on my commitments to what matters most to me. I tend to spend time during 12 step meetings writing in my journal and listening to others share their stories. I have been attending the LDS church sponsored one which is very much centered on Jesus Christ, but have been encouraging my alcoholic sister to attend traditional AA meetings. I have attended non-religious 12 step meetings and have enjoyed those as well. Even during periods of my life when I'm rarely acting out, I still am very happy to stay plugged into the addiction community. Here is a link to the LDS 12 step meetings if you are interested in finding a local one to attend, it would also be a good opportunity to learn more about the LDS faith because most of the people who attend are members and everyone who attends is trying to be vulnerable about their personal views. https://addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org/?lang=eng&meetingTypes=&genders=menAndWomen,menOnly,womenOnly,ysaMenAndWomen,ysaMenOnly,ysaWomenOnly,couples,wives&groupTypes=all Thanks, I'll encourage my brother, who sits in jail, to attend again. Good for you to be actively going after the problem. My brother keeps saying he can't change, not in those words but like he's resigned to it being how it is. ETA: I forgot to say what I intended to, I'm sorry for your loss. I pray that you can find peace. But that's not easy. She was so young, it's devastating. But at any age we hurt so much to lose our parents. Edited December 16, 2024 by Tacenda 3
Dario_M Posted December 16, 2024 Posted December 16, 2024 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Tacenda said: Thanks, I'll encourage my brother, who sits in jail, to attend again. Good for you to be actively going after the problem. My brother keeps saying he can't change, not in those words but like he's resigned to it being how it is. Being in jail is just horible. I do sympathise with your poor brother. 🫂 I can't imagine that your brother did something to desirve jail time. I also know that in the United States you will quickly end up in jail if you do something wrong. Faster then here in the Netherlands at least. Here in the Netherlands you need to push it really hard if you want yourself end up in jail. Edited December 16, 2024 by Dario_M
Tony uk Posted December 16, 2024 Author Posted December 16, 2024 11 minutes ago, Tacenda said: Thanks, I'll encourage my brother, who sits in jail, to attend again. Good for you to be actively going after the problem. My brother keeps saying he can't change, not in those words but like he's resigned to it being how it is. ETA: I forgot to say what I intended to, I'm sorry for your loss. I pray that you can find peace. But that's not easy. She was so young, it's devastating. But at any age we hurt so much to lose our parents. I hope your brother can turn his life around. It must be very sad for you to see him in this position. I hope he finds the strength to come through this and change his life around 2
Tony uk Posted December 16, 2024 Author Posted December 16, 2024 1 hour ago, JVW said: I've been going through similar struggles. My mother passed away 10 days ago after a fight with cancer at the age of 61. I've been doing my best not to numb out and experience the full range of emotions and mourning, but it's been difficult to do so. As a lifelong addict in some capacity or another (for example, by some miracle I can refer to myself as an ex-smoker) I can say that attending 12 step program meetings every week has been very nice. It helps me recenter my life and refocus on my commitments to what matters most to me. I tend to spend time during 12 step meetings writing in my journal and listening to others share their stories. I have been attending the LDS church sponsored one which is very much centered on Jesus Christ, but have been encouraging my alcoholic sister to attend traditional AA meetings. I have attended non-religious 12 step meetings and have enjoyed those as well. Even during periods of my life when I'm rarely acting out, I still am very happy to stay plugged into the addiction community. Here is a link to the LDS 12 step meetings if you are interested in finding a local one to attend, it would also be a good opportunity to learn more about the LDS faith because most of the people who attend are members and everyone who attends is trying to be vulnerable about their personal views. https://addictionrecovery.churchofjesuschrist.org/?lang=eng&meetingTypes=&genders=menAndWomen,menOnly,womenOnly,ysaMenAndWomen,ysaMenOnly,ysaWomenOnly,couples,wives&groupTypes=all Cancer is a terrible disease, both our mother's being taken with this. I think we become used to the mother always being there for us regardless of our age, the one person that is always there for us. And we also share being ex smokers. For myself, 1 January 1998, was the day I broke away from the habit. 3
Tacenda Posted December 17, 2024 Posted December 17, 2024 18 hours ago, Dario_M said: Being in jail is just horible. I do sympathise with your poor brother. 🫂 I can't imagine that your brother did something to desirve jail time. I also know that in the United States you will quickly end up in jail if you do something wrong. Faster then here in the Netherlands at least. Here in the Netherlands you need to push it really hard if you want yourself end up in jail. It's his alcoholism. This time he was found in the mountains passed out sitting in his wrecked truck by a DNR officer. He'd intended on ending his life. But the judge has decided to look at his past DUI's all the way back twenty or more years nearly and saw a pattern, even though he had served some time for them. Today he'll know what is going to happen when he sees the judge again. This sounds bad, but at least we know where he is and he isn't drinking. 2
Tony uk Posted December 17, 2024 Author Posted December 17, 2024 14 minutes ago, Tacenda said: It's his alcoholism. This time he was found in the mountains passed out sitting in his wrecked truck by a DNR officer. He'd intended on ending his life. But the judge has decided to look at his past DUI's all the way back twenty or more years nearly and saw a pattern, even though he had served some time for them. Today he'll know what is going to happen when he sees the judge again. This sounds bad, but at least we know where he is and he isn't drinking. Sometimes, to resolve a problem, or a personal issue. Drastic action maybe needed. Although far from perfect. Maybe this could be used for the start of your brother's recovery process. 1
Dario_M Posted December 17, 2024 Posted December 17, 2024 (edited) 3 hours ago, Tacenda said: It's his alcoholism. This time he was found in the mountains passed out sitting in his wrecked truck by a DNR officer. He'd intended on ending his life. But the judge has decided to look at his past DUI's all the way back twenty or more years nearly and saw a pattern, even though he had served some time for them. Today he'll know what is going to happen when he sees the judge again. This sounds bad, but at least we know where he is and he isn't drinking. Oh i'm so sorry. I don't think jail is the best place for him though. I don't understand that judge. To me it sounds like your brother need some help. And jail is not help. Jail is punishment. If he wanted to end his life i can completaly understand how he must have felt on that very moment. Because i also have tried it several times. But yeah... at least you know where he is right now. That's indeed true. 🫂 Edited December 17, 2024 by Dario_M
Calm Posted December 18, 2024 Posted December 18, 2024 9 hours ago, Dario_M said: Oh i'm so sorry. I don't think jail is the best place for him though. I don't understand that judge. To me it sounds like your brother need some help. And jail is not help. Jail is punishment. If he wanted to end his life i can completaly understand how he must have felt on that very moment. Because i also have tried it several times. But yeah... at least you know where he is right now. That's indeed true. 🫂 Tacenda has talked about him before and depending on the jail, it might not be a bad idea if it keeps him off the addiction for awhile as iirc he has gone to rehab and has relapsed multiple times…though honestly I don’t know if an extended stay in jail and therefore longer off the alcohol makes a difference. 2
Tony uk Posted December 18, 2024 Author Posted December 18, 2024 4 hours ago, Calm said: Tacenda has talked about him before and depending on the jail, it might not be a bad idea if it keeps him off the addiction for awhile as iirc he has gone to rehab and has relapsed multiple times…though honestly I don’t know if an extended stay in jail and therefore longer off the alcohol makes a difference. Hopefully, there can be something out there that can be of help to him. It must be sad for all concerned to see all this happening.
Dario_M Posted December 18, 2024 Posted December 18, 2024 (edited) 5 hours ago, Calm said: Tacenda has talked about him before and depending on the jail, it might not be a bad idea if it keeps him off the addiction for awhile as iirc he has gone to rehab and has relapsed multiple times…though honestly I don’t know if an extended stay in jail and therefore longer off the alcohol makes a difference. He has an addiction. Why does he need to be punished for that? That's not what jail is for. Jail is for people for who committed a serious crime. Good that it keeps him away from the booze. But there are more ways for him to achieve that goal. Not perse the hard way. And besides... jail can also be a dangerous place to be in. Mostly you don't find the most gentle type of people in jail i would say. Edited December 18, 2024 by Dario_M
Calm Posted December 18, 2024 Posted December 18, 2024 18 minutes ago, Dario_M said: He has an addiction. Why does he need to be punished for that? That's not what jail is for. Jail is for people for who committed a serious crime. Good that it keeps him away from the booze. But there are more ways for him to achieve that goal. Not perse the hard way. And besides... jail can also be a dangerous place to be in. Mostly you don't find the most gentle type of people in jail i would say. Yes, it is probably not a great place.
Dario_M Posted December 18, 2024 Posted December 18, 2024 (edited) 1 hour ago, Calm said: Yes, it is probably not a great place. Yeah. In the Netherlands you don't end up in jail as fast as in the United States. I don't believe it's right for those police officers to arrest people for only a trifle. But yeah that's just a difference in culture i geusse. Oh my. Edited December 18, 2024 by Dario_M
Tony uk Posted December 18, 2024 Author Posted December 18, 2024 22 minutes ago, Calm said: Yes, it is probably not a great place. 1 minute ago, Dario_M said: Yeah. In the Netherlands you don't end up in jail as fast as in the United States. I don't believe it's right for those police officers to arrest people for only a trifle. But yeah that's just a difference in culture i geusse. Oh my. A jail is not a very good place to be. I just hope, has he is there. He may get whatever help and support maybe there, to be of help to him once outside the jail, he can continue with the help and support. He doesn't need to go to jail for this. I was just thinking, that as he is there, then possibly a start could be made to turn things around. All people need most of the time is some help and support to get out of the situation they find themselves in. 1
Dario_M Posted December 18, 2024 Posted December 18, 2024 21 minutes ago, Tony uk said: A jail is not a very good place to be. I just hope, has he is there. He may get whatever help and support maybe there, to be of help to him once outside the jail, he can continue with the help and support. He doesn't need to go to jail for this. I was just thinking, that as he is there, then possibly a start could be made to turn things around. All people need most of the time is some help and support to get out of the situation they find themselves in. I hope it so for him. This must be though. He wanted to commit suicide. That means that he is emotional a bit unstable on the moment. I know this because i have been there as well. And...his prison mates can take advantage of him because of his delicate situation.
Stargazer Posted December 18, 2024 Posted December 18, 2024 On 11/20/2024 at 5:55 PM, Tony uk said: Hello I am new to this forum. Although not a Mormon, I am a Church attending Christian. And the am interested in the Church of Jesus of Latter Day Saints. I hope this forum can help me in my potential journey. Welcome to the forum! I see you've been here for a couple of months, and have a good number of posts already. I took a holiday from the board, so didn't notice you! I'm an "ancient of days," as it were, being a 73 year old American now living in the UK (due to marriage), and am recently a new citizen of the UK! I live in Sussex. I've actually lived here before, when my father worked as a quality assurance representative for his US employer back in the early 1970s. We lived in Cheltenham, GLOS at that time. I attended the local grammar school and even came away from England with a couple of A-levels. I didn't expect to ever make it back to England, but after my wife passed away I happened to meet a lovely British widow online, and we hit it off. Since she was still working, and I was near to retirement, I came to the UK to be with her instead of the other way around. I've been a member of the church since 1966, served as a full-time missionary in Germany in the mid-1970s, and also served in the US Army in Germany in the early 1980s. 2
Tony uk Posted December 19, 2024 Author Posted December 19, 2024 8 hours ago, Stargazer said: Welcome to the forum! I see you've been here for a couple of months, and have a good number of posts already. I took a holiday from the board, so didn't notice you! I'm an "ancient of days," as it were, being a 73 year old American now living in the UK (due to marriage), and am recently a new citizen of the UK! I live in Sussex. I've actually lived here before, when my father worked as a quality assurance representative for his US employer back in the early 1970s. We lived in Cheltenham, GLOS at that time. I attended the local grammar school and even came away from England with a couple of A-levels. I didn't expect to ever make it back to England, but after my wife passed away I happened to meet a lovely British widow online, and we hit it off. Since she was still working, and I was near to retirement, I came to the UK to be with her instead of the other way around. I've been a member of the church since 1966, served as a full-time missionary in Germany in the mid-1970s, and also served in the US Army in Germany in the early 1980s. Firstly, welcome to the UK. Although I see you have been here previously. I am up in the North, Lancashire, born and raised. I have a very mixed British ancestry behind me. As you are an "Ancient of Days", there will be a lot of experience and knowledge that goes with age. I am fifty five, although sometimes my body on a cold morning feels, a hundred and five.
Stargazer Posted December 19, 2024 Posted December 19, 2024 12 hours ago, Tony uk said: sometimes my body on a cold morning feels, a hundred and five. You and me both, mate! 1
Tony uk Posted December 25, 2024 Author Posted December 25, 2024 Hep. I came to this diogue recently with the genuine intent of learning, and put myself up front for my weaknesses. Ahsiam inputyself before you all, a weak, self centered individuals. I've allowed alvoyto get the better of me. Please advice me.The LDS I have come to redpey 2
Calm Posted December 25, 2024 Posted December 25, 2024 (edited) 1 hour ago, Tony uk said: Hep. I came to this diogue recently with the genuine intent of learning, and put myself up front for my weaknesses. Ahsiam inputyself before you all, a weak, self centered individuals. I've allowed alvoyto get the better of me. Please advice me.The LDS I have come to redpey Is there something specific you would like advice on? (I think I have deciphered the typos…I get lots of practice with family ) In general if you are up to it, getting involved with some kind of community with a shared interest is always a good idea, whether it’s a faith or a volunteer community or even one with a shared hobby. Edited December 25, 2024 by Calm 2
manol Posted December 25, 2024 Posted December 25, 2024 1 hour ago, Tony uk said: Hep. I came to this diogue recently with the genuine intent of learning, and put myself up front for my weaknesses. Ahsiam inputyself before you all, a weak, self centered individuals. I've allowed alvoyto get the better of me. Please advice me.The LDS I have come to redpey Hi Tony, You are among friends here. I don't understand what you need, but please reply to @Calm's post when you are able to. Prayers for you my friend. 2
Tony uk Posted December 26, 2024 Author Posted December 26, 2024 I found myself at a low point, spirituality, mentally and generally. On this Dialogue, I found people, who are genuine and non judgemental. Telling me things that I need to hear. Since the death of my mother. I admit that I have struggled. Occasionally, I have reacted in ways that not considered the correct way. I have been fortunate, I have found this forum. You are all magnificent people, your support has been beyond what I expected. For this I am truly grateful. 3
Tony uk Posted December 26, 2024 Author Posted December 26, 2024 13 hours ago, Calm said: Is there something specific you would like advice on? (I think I have deciphered the typos…I get lots of practice with family ) In general if you are up to it, getting involved with some kind of community with a shared interest is always a good idea, whether it’s a faith or a volunteer community or even one with a shared hobby. 13 hours ago, manol said: Hi Tony, You are among friends here. I don't understand what you need, but please reply to @Calm's post when you are able to. Prayers for you my friend. I am most glad that I found this Duologue. The people that I have come across here are the the most warm friends that I have found. For this I am grateful. 2
Tacenda Posted December 27, 2024 Posted December 27, 2024 18 hours ago, Tony uk said: I am most glad that I found this Duologue. The people that I have come across here are the the most warm friends that I have found. For this I am grateful. Through the web, we feel a very decent and loving person on the other end and that is you Tony, God bless you. 1
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