I WEPT ALONE

[let’s roll]

I wrote this a few years ago as a thought exercise to stimulate conversation when I led discussions on prayer.  A view of prayer from the perspective of both the supplicant and God.  I’m  interested in your thoughts.

There’s a fourth, more hopeful, stanza that I don’t share until after a discussion of comments on the first three since I don’t want to narrow the breadth of the comments.  I may share it once comments have been shared

I WEPT ALONE

I went to the door and knocked

My anger raged, it craved validation 

My pity deepened and fueled my rage

I waited for an answer, none came.

I wept alone.

 

[God]
I heard a knock and opened

And saw one turned inward, and unaware

Consumed with anger and self-pity

My voice and touch unnoticed 

I wept with him

 

I went to the door and knocked

My life suddenly and needlessly broken

It must be fixed, and quickly, I’ve suffered enough

I waited for an answer, none came

I wept alone

 

[God]
I heard a knock and opened

And saw one, in the midst of trial

Blinded by fear and the desire to escape

Whispers of the trial’s lessons unheard

I wept with her

 

I went to the door and knocked

Worn down by life, I am reluctant

Doubt casts a long shadow over hope

I waited for an answer, none came

I wept alone

 

[God]
I heard a knock and opened

And saw one who wouldn’t see me

His petition a habit, not a quest

His doubts muffled my invitations 

I wept with him

 

[Senator]

FOURTH STANZA

 

I stopped knocking....

[let’s roll]

4 hours ago, Senator said:

FOURTH STANZA

 

I stopped knocking....

Sadly, true in far too many cases.

[The Nehor]

3 hours ago, let’s roll said:

Sadly, true in far too many cases.

Because it is the logical response. If God needs a sanctified soul to be able to communicate at all what is the point of praying before you are sanctified?

[Dario_M]

I also have the feeling that prayers are only effective when your vibrations are high. Because if your vibs are high you will get a better connection with God then if your vibs are low. 

[JVW]

This poem resonates with me right now. I have been experiencing a myriad of painful feelings for the last few months. Some nights I go to bed at a normal time and then wake up at 2 or 3AM fully awake which makes for long days. I've said some very raw prayers to God as a result. One thing that I've sarcastically complimented Him on is that He is very good at doing nothing, just watching and listening. Surprisingly, as time has gone on and my prayers have become more honest and vulnerable my heart has been changing and God has been responding. I've been learning that in order to have a good relationship with God I need to follow the same principles that I do in order to have a good relationship with anyone. One of those principles is that in order to be close to someone I need to open up and express my true self. Be vulnerable and willing to experience the pain of being hurt by the one I'm in a relationship with.

There is an old "Mormon Message" on YouTube for Chris Williams whose pregnant wife and 2 of his four kids were killed in a car accident from a teenage drunk driver. He talks about his journey through life after the event while his two surviving children were in the ICU and how he came to forgive the perpetrator. He expresses what I'm trying to say in a much more elegant way, and I agree with every word of the below quote, 

"For the first few months after the accident, I felt, I think, it was just the initial shock that such a huge part of my life was now gone. And that's a very difficult thing to go through, to kneel down and desire to speak to my Father in Heaven when I'm so lonely or when I'm so anguished. It's an interesting conversation to have. He doesn't immediately try and make it better, He listens to me first. And I thought that was very helpful. He allowed me to get that anger off my chest. But inevitably, He would always come back and teach me about His son, Jesus Christ. When I did feel anger or there was just a deep sense of loneliness, I didn't direct that at the person that had caused this. It directed itself at the Savior"

Christ has graciously received my anger, and God has been teaching me about the most awful decision that He's ever made: the sacrifice of His only begotten Son. It's been a great and terrible thing to experience learning what He's been teaching me.

[Senator]

13 hours ago, let’s roll said:

Sadly, true in far too many cases.

 yet, understandable.....correct?

I will be interested to hear how you conclude the poem.

Edited July 25, 2024 by Senator

[LoudmouthMormon]

I remember back a long time when I experienced an unmistakable spiritual impression that solidified my knowledge of God and set my life on it's track as a disciple.  A sensation vaguely related to peaceful, joyous, affirming floating, coupled with a sensation I can't really describe, other than "I am receiving information".

My first thought was "Oh my heck, I'm feeling the spirit!  It's true!"
My second thought was "Oh my heck, I've felt this before and totally missed it!"

I remembered one or two events of years past, when I was in various despairing low spots.  There seemed to be so many.  The same sensation had been there. I had written up the experiences off.  "A weird head rush from standing up too quickly", even though I hadn't stood up.  Gave it no thought, because I was overcome with my own misery, and divine aid was nowhere on my radar. The radar wasn't even on.

Reflecting further over the rest of the day, it dawned on me that I had just had a firsthand experience of the cheezy "footprints in the sand" poem.  I gave a little sarcastic snort about the irony of having such a powerful and life-changing experience, match the goofy bumper-stickers I'd seen on the cars owned by folks I had assumed were mere lowbrained feel-good emotion-driven fools.   It helped me be just a tad less unrighteously judgmental.  Just a tad.

[let’s roll]

13 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Because it is the logical response. If God needs a sanctified soul to be able to communicate at all what is the point of praying before you are sanctified?

My experience has been that receiving Divine guidance has had less to do with my current state of worthiness than my current state of openness…no agenda, no demands, just willingness.

[let’s roll]

5 hours ago, JVW said:

This poem resonates with me right now. I have been experiencing a myriad of painful feelings for the last few months. Some nights I go to bed at a normal time and then wake up at 2 or 3AM fully awake which makes for long days. I've said some very raw prayers to God as a result. One thing that I've sarcastically complimented Him on is that He is very good at doing nothing, just watching and listening. Surprisingly, as time has gone on and my prayers have become more honest and vulnerable my heart has been changing and God has been responding. I've been learning that in order to have a good relationship with God I need to follow the same principles that I do in order to have a good relationship with anyone. One of those principles is that in order to be close to someone I need to open up and express my true self. Be vulnerable and willing to experience the pain of being hurt by the one I'm in a relationship with.

There is an old "Mormon Message" on YouTube for Chris Williams whose pregnant wife and 2 of his four kids were killed in a car accident from a teenage drunk driver. He talks about his journey through life after the event while his two surviving children were in the ICU and how he came to forgive the perpetrator. He expresses what I'm trying to say in a much more elegant way, and I agree with every word of the below quote, 

"For the first few months after the accident, I felt, I think, it was just the initial shock that such a huge part of my life was now gone. And that's a very difficult thing to go through, to kneel down and desire to speak to my Father in Heaven when I'm so lonely or when I'm so anguished. It's an interesting conversation to have. He doesn't immediately try and make it better, He listens to me first. And I thought that was very helpful. He allowed me to get that anger off my chest. But inevitably, He would always come back and teach me about His son, Jesus Christ. When I did feel anger or there was just a deep sense of loneliness, I didn't direct that at the person that had caused this. It directed itself at the Savior"

Christ has graciously received my anger, and God has been teaching me about the most awful decision that He's ever made: the sacrifice of His only begotten Son. It's been a great and terrible thing to experience learning what He's been teaching me.

Thanks for this.  I agree prayer can have a number of purposes…there’s an element of venting in one of the stanzas.  But when we’re seeking more than a listening ear, counsel from God rather than counseling God, my experience has been that direction comes when I am spiritually present and quiet/still.

[let’s roll]

Thanks to all for the thoughtful discussion.  The fourth stanza is below.  When I tried to pinpoint for myself the underlying cause of the heavens seeming to be closed to me for periods of time, two thoughts came to mind.  The first was I felt like I was in a fog.  The second was that I was focused on me…what I wanted and how I thought I could get what I wanted.  In writing the last stanza, the phrase “the fog of my insistence” came into my mind…it remains the best description for the cause of my spiritual droughts.

Fourth Stanza

I went to the door and knocked

My way had failed, and failed again

The fog of my insistence lifted, a light revealed

It became my answer, my quest

I wept for joy

[God]
I heard a knock and opened 

My child, wounded but spiritually present

Direction sought; no demands made

My invitation for communion headed

We wept for joy

[The Nehor]

2 hours ago, let’s roll said:

Thanks to all for the thoughtful discussion.  The fourth stanza is below.  When I tried to pinpoint for myself the underlying cause of the heavens seeming to be closed to me for periods of time, two thoughts came to mind.  The first was I felt like I was in a fog.  The second was that I was focused on me…what I wanted and how I thought I could get what I wanted.  In writing the last stanza, the phrase “the fog of my insistence” came into my mind…it remains the best description for the cause of my spiritual droughts.

Fourth Stanza

I went to the door and knocked

My way had failed, and failed again

The fog of my insistence lifted, a light revealed

It became my answer, my quest

I wept for joy

[God]
I heard a knock and opened 

My child, wounded but spiritually present

Direction sought; no demands made

My invitation for communion headed

We wept for joy

And still no answer?

[The Nehor]

11 hours ago, Dario_M said:

I also have the feeling that prayers are only effective when your vibrations are high. Because if your vibs are high you will get a better connection with God then if your vibs are low. 

Is it respectful to approach God with a vibrator on any setting?

[let’s roll]

25 minutes ago, The Nehor said:

And still no answer?

My invitation would be that when you feel like your willing spirit has lifted the fog, focus first on feeling Divine love…bask in that love, let it increase your willingness, and then a simple ask, e.g. I know you have a work for me to do, bless me to recognize it and give me the strength to aid in bringing to pass your will.

 

 

[Dario_M]

8 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Is it respectful to approach God with a vibrator on any setting?

Omg i was not talking about a vibrator. 

[The Nehor]

1 hour ago, Dario_M said:

Omg i was not talking about a vibrator. 

I know, I was kidding.

[The Nehor]

9 hours ago, let’s roll said:

My invitation would be that when you feel like your willing spirit has lifted the fog, focus first on feeling Divine love…bask in that love, let it increase your willingness, and then a simple ask, e.g. I know you have a work for me to do, bless me to recognize it and give me the strength to aid in bringing to pass your will.

Tried that a few times, generally it didn’t go very well.

I don’t really trust God much anymore.

[LoudmouthMormon]

7 hours ago, The Nehor said:

16 hours ago, let’s roll said:

My invitation would be that when you feel like your willing spirit has lifted the fog, focus first on feeling Divine love…bask in that love, let it increase your willingness, and then a simple ask, e.g. I know you have a work for me to do, bless me to recognize it and give me the strength to aid in bringing to pass your will.

Tried that a few times, generally it didn’t go very well.

I don’t really trust God much anymore.

I find this one of the most transparently honest and relatable posts this forum has had to offer.  

@The Nehor, we might be forever at each other's throats on this forum until one of us keels over, but I can respect your answer and the journey that preceded it.   You're ok in my book.

[let’s roll]

1 hour ago, LoudmouthMormon said:

I find this one of the most transparently honest and relatable posts this forum has had to offer.  

@The Nehor, we might be forever at each other's throats on this forum until one of us keels over, but I can respect your answer and the journey that preceded it.   You're ok in my book.

Amen.

[Dario_M]

21 hours ago, The Nehor said:

I know, I was kidding.

I know. It was a bit inappropriate though. 

Edited July 27, 2024 by Dario_M

[The Nehor]

11 hours ago, Dario_M said:

I know. It was a bit inappropriate though. 

What? Using a vibrator to massage knots out of your shoulders while praying is pretty irreverent but I don’t think I would call it inappropriate.

 

[manol]

On 7/25/2024 at 6:14 AM, Dario_M said:

I also have the feeling that prayers are only effective when your vibrations are high. Because if your vibs are high you will get a better connection with God then if your vibs are low. 

This has been my experience as well.

As the risk of oversimplifying, it seems to me that pretty much everything we encounter or experience is an opportunity to align ourselves to a vibration, or spiritual energy level, or state of awareness.   This includes our memories - as we choose which memories to put our attention on, we are choosing to align ourselves to the vibration, or spiritual energy, or state of awareness associated with that memory. 

And when we deliberately choose the highest vibration, or spiritual energy level, or state of awareness that we can in the moment - and sometimes this can require enormous effort! - imo we are choosing to have a better connection with God.  Ime the more difficult and challenging the circumstances, the greater the opportunity for progress by making the effort to deliberately choose the highest vibration, or spiritual energy level, or awareness that we can in the moment. 

 

Edited July 27, 2024 by manol

[Dario_M]

10 hours ago, manol said:

This has been my experience as well.

As the risk of oversimplifying, it seems to me that pretty much everything we encounter or experience is an opportunity to align ourselves to a vibration, or spiritual energy level, or state of awareness.   This includes our memories - as we choose which memories to put our attention on, we are choosing to align ourselves to the vibration, or spiritual energy, or state of awareness associated with that memory. 

And when we deliberately choose the highest vibration, or spiritual energy level, or state of awareness that we can in the moment - and sometimes this can require enormous effort! - imo we are choosing to have a better connection with God.  Ime the more difficult and challenging the circumstances, the greater the opportunity for progress by making the effort to deliberately choose the highest vibration, or spiritual energy level, or awareness that we can in the moment. 

 

This. 👍