Jump to content
Seriously No Politics ×

Eve excelled over Adam in wisdom?


Recommended Posts

2 hours ago, bluebell said:

the hating of Mother's Day Sunday in particular is a main and constant theme being discussed since I was in my 20s and noticed it (I'm 46 now).  I know more than one woman who refuses to go to church on Mother's Day because they hate the 'pandering" talks so much.

Same here and I am 64

Link to comment
58 minutes ago, Durangout said:

I have heard women express their dislike for Mother’s Day.  I absolutely love Father’s Day.  It’s easily my favorite Sunday all year.

Please help me understand why women hate “their” day so badly.

Some basic reasons I have heard over 45 years…some were more common in the past…there are more, but got to go…there are also more complicated ones but I don’t have time to get into them 

1) Because it feels fake, forced, which makes any praise patronizing in any situation (my guess is most people know how that feels, praise that is done by the numbers rather than what actually is going on emphasizes the speaker’s neglect or lack of awareness rather than highlighting the person’s value)

2) because in the past it was one day where the rest of the year the same stuff was mostly ignored and the yearly spotlight just made the neglect stand out more; the example of neglect often given was on “her day” Mom gets to go back home and spend hours making the feast and then hours cleaning up in the kitchen while the men “celebrate her” in the other room.  Also men seemed to think that one day’s breakfast in bed earns them the right to do nothing for meals for the rest of the year, including thanking his wife or mother for the efforts.  Or that men were expected to be praised for their one day of gratefulness while she was just expected to provide that type of care for them the rest of the year; iow, Mother’s Day felt more like it was about men wanting to be praised for being good husbands rather than being about the women getting recognition for what they were doing

3) previously only mothers were ever celebrated or held up as the ideal, single or childless women were reminded again they weren’t really seen by others in the Church.  This one is a hard one to get the balance right on. Easy to come across as patronizing. The only way to really deal with it is to include single or childless women in the manuals, the talks, etc. Make it natural for them to be seen as an essential and recognized part of the membership and not an afterthought or pitied as having their lives on hold while they wait for the blessings that give women value in the Church, marriage and motherhood

4) since Primary often did the Mother’s Day stuff with the kids, it was just weird for some as Primary was primarily women leaders…women were being required to do the work to celebrate them, similar to how Mom makes the feast that others enjoy to celebrate her…or like Mom being given money and told to buy herself a nice gift rather than Dad bothering to make the effort and yet Dad thinks Mom should feel appreciated 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Durangout said:

I have heard women express their dislike for Mother’s Day.  I absolutely love Father’s Day.  It’s easily my favorite Sunday all year.

Please help me understand why women hate “their” day so badly.

Usually it's one or two reasons.  The woman is struggling with fertility issues or otherwise never had children and being in a place that is hyper focused on celebrating motherhood is painful.  And/or, the woman hears all the great things being said about wives and mothers and she does not believe she measures up so she feels like a failure (or it causes her to focus on her perceived failures in those areas, even if she doesn't feel like a failure overall).

Women often take things very personally, tend to lead with our weaknesses, and are generally very introspective.  This combination seems to produce people who are fault-focused.  The more praise is heaped upon women the more those perceived faults and failures become highlighted in some women's minds.

Men don't seem to be built that way.

To some extent it can also be an issue of having the "it's your day!!" shoved in your face while it not actually being our day at all.  This is especially true for moms with little kids.  Mother's day and Father's day are often celebrated quite differently, with wives often treating it as a day off for the husbands while husbands sometimes don't do the same for their wives.  That doesn't really have much to do with going to church but it can add to why some women would rather skip the day than not.

Link to comment

I should add a lot of women would be dismissive of their own feelings, saying this is how they felt about Mother’s Day, their gut response, but they knew their husbands value them so they did not see reality as that way and they might feel guilt even they weren’t gushing in gratitude (ah, those were the days 🤮 ) about feeling that way though others did feel there was quite a bit of reality in those feelings and hearing the stories, they had a right to.

There was one awful case when I was a teen where they had the whole family (large one, the youngest child was my age, all very active and devout) speak on Mother’s Day and while they all extolled mothers in general, they pretty much only personalized it by making jokes about their own mother/wife who was the type who was slowly killing herself to serve her family, very dismissive of her as a person. It was very sad. 

Edited by Calm
Link to comment
5 hours ago, pogi said:

It is the day were women hear about how extra special and more spiritual they are (the "pandering" bluebell talks about).   That is harmful for all the reasons that have been mentioned.  I was asked to speak on Mother's day several years ago.  Little did the 1st counselor know that it has always been a painful day for us (my wife would skip church that day) due to infertility issues.  I wrote a talk for all the other reasons it is a difficult day for many, besides the reasons mentioned above.   I have never received as much positive feedback for a talk as I did this one.  If you are interested:

 

 

When I wrote this talk, Penny Lane was not a reality - but she is now :)  

😍 What an inspiring talk pogi! I'm so happy for Oliver and Penny that they have parents like you and Emily!

Edited by Tacenda
Link to comment
3 hours ago, Calm said:

I should add a lot of women would be dismissive of their own feelings, saying this is how they felt about Mother’s Day, their gut response, but they knew their husbands value them so they did not see reality as that way and they might feel guilt even they weren’t gushing in gratitude (ah, those were the days 🤮 ) about feeling that way though others did feel there was quite a bit of reality in those feelings and hearing the stories, they had a right to.

There was one awful case when I was a teen where they had the whole family (large one, the youngest child was my age, all very active and devout) speak on Mother’s Day and while they all extolled mothers in general, they pretty much only personalized it by making jokes about their own mother/wife who was the type who was slowly killing herself to serve her family, very dismissive of her as a person. It was very sad. 

Oh how awful, and how the mother must have felt.  :( The closest I have to this is a talk many years ago by a young woman speaking about her mom and saying she had the "mean" mom. But turns out she mean't just really strict and that she's grateful now that her mother was so strict and how it helped her eventually. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...