Can a Man be called as Bishop if he abandoned family and committed adultery?

[prairiegirl123]

Can a Man be called as Bishop or Branch President if he abandoned family and committed adultery? I don't know if there was ever a disciplinary counsel as I was never contacted. All I know is that he is returned to church after he remarried me and very soon had a recommend. A few years later he moved to another part of the country and was soon called as Branch President. 

If he had repented I never knew about it because I never received an apology and he continued to bash me in front of my children. 

 

[bluebell]

1 minute ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Can a Man be called as Bishop or Branch President if he abandoned family and committed adultery? I don't know if there was ever a disciplinary counsel as I was never contacted. All I know is that he is returned to church after he remarried me and very soon had a recommend. A few years later he moved to another part of the country and was soon called as Branch President. 

If he had repented I never knew about it because I never received an apology and he continued to bash me in front of my children. 

 

If he has repented, and there was no abuse, then, yes, I believe so. There would be no record that he had ever been disciplined for anything.

And he might not have been required to apologize to you to receive forgiveness from the church, it’s hard to say.

Depending on how you are involved in the case, I don’t know if it was unusual that you were not contacted.

[prairiegirl123]

26 minutes ago, bluebell said:

If he has repented, and there was no abuse, then, yes, I believe so. There would be no record that he had ever been disciplined for anything.

And he might not have been required to apologize to you to receive forgiveness from the church, it’s hard to say.

Depending on how you are involved in the case, I don’t know if it was unusual that you were not contacted.

Unless abandoning pregnant wife and telling children many lies about their mother both in emails and at "family counsels" is abuse. 

[bluebell]

18 minutes ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Unless abandoning pregnant wife and telling children many lies about their mother both in emails and at "family counsels" is abuse. 

I would consider it abuse, and I think that the vast majority of bishops I’ve ever known would also consider it sinful, but they would have to have proof that that happened. Because they can only judge on the information they’re given.

It also might be helpful to know that they do not forgive the person of sins, they declare whether or not a person is right with the church. Whether or not someone is forgiven, is between them and the Savior.

So a person might be forgiven by a bishop or a stake president, and go on and live an outwardly awesome life, as if they were completely worthy of all church blessings, but that doesn’t mean that any of that is true. If they are living a lie, or if they have unrepentant sins that needed to be disclosed that never were, then there will be a reckoning someday.

Sometimes justice doesn’t come till the next life. But that doesn’t mean that that’s easy to accept. If this man was cruel to you, then, I am so sorry that you had to suffer through that.

[The Nehor]

1 hour ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Can a Man be called as Bishop or Branch President if he abandoned family and committed adultery? I don't know if there was ever a disciplinary counsel as I was never contacted. All I know is that he is returned to church after he remarried me and very soon had a recommend. A few years later he moved to another part of the country and was soon called as Branch President. 

If he had repented I never knew about it because I never received an apology and he continued to bash me in front of my children. 

 

Did you mean to say “he remarried” instead of “he remarried me” because the way this is written it sounds as if he is your husband again?

[Calm]

2 hours ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Can a Man be called as Bishop or Branch President if he abandoned family and committed adultery? I don't know if there was ever a disciplinary counsel as I was never contacted. All I know is that he is returned to church after he remarried me and very soon had a recommend. A few years later he moved to another part of the country and was soon called as Branch President. 

If he had repented I never knew about it because I never received an apology and he continued to bash me in front of my children. 

 

Do you know if his church leaders are aware of the history? He could have lied about it.

[Pyreaux]

There are several missing specifics to your case. Bluebell covered he can lie his way through the church, the best you can do to calmly tell your story to the Stake President, who you should assume doesn't know. In a branch, any and every random "worthy" priesthood holder could be called to be a Branch President, if you are a priest in a small Branch with only 3 priests, you'll end up a Bishop at some point. 

However, an adultery that occurs while within the church is grounds for excommunication, especially if he was married in the Temple, or maybe disfellowshipped if he was not, and neither can hold callings, give talks or say an opening prayer, while under a disciplinary council. However, if he has been through it, and he came out from under it; say he was excommunicated, but stayed active and kept talking to the Bishop, he might be able to be rebaptized within a year. They might be aware, they might not, so make sure they know. They may not act on it, but give them a chance to think twice each and every time they call him over anyone else.

[rpn]

First, Branch Presidents are not bishops and are supervised differently than bishops.   Beyond that, feel free to identify his Stake President --- your existing bishop will help you do that and tell them what you have told us, particularly the facts around the TR question about any obligations to former family members that they haven't take care of, and any sins that haven't been taken care of by priesthood authority (the adultery --- though you should know that sexual sins can be tough to prove by two witnesses if one of the two involved refuses to confess or does confess but refuses to give the bishop authority to share the confession with the SP/disciplinary counsel).    If he remains BP, then send the info and any response you get to your communication with the MP or SP who supervises to the area presidency and then send your that correspondence to the First Presidency. 

It may not change anything for him, but at least you will have provided the necessary information to his priesthood leaders so they can make informed decisions in the matter.

[bluebell]

3 hours ago, Pyreaux said:

There are several missing specifics to your case. Bluebell covered he can lie his way through the church, the best you can do to calmly tell your story to the Stake President, who you should assume doesn't know. In a branch, any and every random "worthy" priesthood holder could be called to be a Branch President, if you are a priest in a small Branch with only 3 priests, you'll end up a Bishop at some point. 

However, an adultery that occurs while within the church is grounds for excommunication, especially if he was married in the Temple, or maybe disfellowshipped if he was not, and neither can hold callings, give talks or say an opening prayer, while under a disciplinary council. However, if he has been through it, and he came out from under it; say he was excommunicated, but stayed active and kept talking to the Bishop, he might be able to be rebaptized within a year. They might be aware, they might not, so make sure they know. They may not act on it, but give them a chance to think twice each and every time they call him over anyone else.

I just wanted to add that the bold isn't true.  I think it used to be, but they've eased mandatory discipline some on this subject over the years.  It's possible for an active, endowed man who committed adultery to go through the repentance process and not be excommunicated.

[Bill “Papa” Lee]

7 hours ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Can a Man be called as Bishop or Branch President if he abandoned family and committed adultery? I don't know if there was ever a disciplinary counsel as I was never contacted. All I know is that he is returned to church after he remarried me and very soon had a recommend. A few years later he moved to another part of the country and was soon called as Branch President. 

If he had repented I never knew about it because I never received an apology and he continued to bash me in front of my children. 

 

Sorry, but due to my early childhood, where my biological father abandoned my Mother and his three children, no way! It is true that such flawed men can seek forgiveness, but I pray only to serve very closely monitored callings, would, could or should, EVER become a EQP, or Bishop; Stake High Counsel member. 

[webbles]

I knew a man called as branch president who had never paid tithing.  Adultery is quite a bit worse than not paying tithing, but if he was called to be branch president and the branch was really small and desperate, then I guess it might be possible.

[prairiegirl123]

6 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Did you mean to say “he remarried” instead of “he remarried me” because the way this is written it sounds as if he is your husband again?

Grrr. How can I correct that? New cellphone and it keeps throwing in me, my, and other words and random letters, spaces and numbers. 

[bluebell]

4 minutes ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Grrr. How can I correct that? New cellphone and it keeps throwing in me, my, and other words and random letters, spaces and numbers. 

Once you hit 25 posts you'll be able to edit.

[Rain]

8 minutes ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Grrr. How can I correct that? New cellphone and it keeps throwing in me, my, and other words and random letters, spaces and numbers. 

You won't be able to till you have 25 posts.  It's a new person thing.  After that you can come back and edit.  I know it doesn't help you now

[The Nehor]

3 minutes ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Grrr. How can I correct that? New cellphone and it keeps throwing in me, my, and other words and random letters, spaces and numbers. 

I think you have to have a certain number of posts first before you can edit them. Anyone reading down though will see this.

 

As others have said most branches are hurting for leadership because (by definition) they don’t have a lot of Priesthood holders. In general things like previous adultery and sometimes even divorce can disqualify someone from being a bishop. There are exceptions.

I am sorry for what you endured and I expect you feel he is “getting away with it” and I know that feeling can hurt. It feels like they were able to move on and put it behind them and you are still stuck with it.

[prairiegirl123]

6 hours ago, Calm said:

Do you know if his church leaders are aware of the history? He could have lied about it.

Heavy sigh! This happened years ago but because of his lies he has caused a rift between my daughter and me. I know it's in the past but I just needed to get a validation for my peace of mind. 

Yes, I spoke with numerous church leaders and was always told it's between him and the Lord. This saddens me, because there are many sisters who don't have a strong testimony and are driven away from the church because their leaders don't take them seriously and let husbands off the hook. 

I could be wrong but considering the chain of events and how much my ex lies, I am certain that when he came back to church a few years later and now married to his mistress, he probably left out the important detail of having committed adultery because he had his recommend back very soon after returning. I'm certain he also didn't mention being behind in child support payments. 

Then when he moved across the country, nobody knew him or his history and it's there that he was called as a branch president and he accepted that calling. 

My relationship in the church is with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

[prairiegirl123]

6 hours ago, Calm said:

Do you know if his church leaders are aware of the history? He could have lied about it.

 

8 hours ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Can a Man be called as Bishop or Branch President if he abandoned family and committed adultery? I don't know if there was ever a disciplinary counsel as I was never contacted. All I know is that he is returned to church after he remarried me and very soon had a recommend. A few years later he moved to another part of the country and was soon called as Branch President. 

If he had repented I never knew about it because I never received an apology and he continued to bash me in front of my children. 

 

Ignore "me" after remarried, my phone throws random words in to irritate me.

[prairiegirl123]

6 hours ago, Calm said:

Do you know if his church leaders are aware of the history? He could have lied about it.

I'm  certain he lied about it. That is how he rolls

 

[prairiegirl123]

8 minutes ago, The Nehor said:

I think you have to have a certain number of posts first before you can edit them. Anyone reading down though will see this.

 

As others have said most branches are hurting for leadership because (by definition) they don’t have a lot of Priesthood holders. In general things like previous adultery and sometimes even divorce can disqualify someone from being a bishop. There are exceptions.

I am sorry for what you endured and I expect you feel he is “getting away with it” and I know that feeling can hurt. It feels like they were able to move on and put it behind them and you are still stuck with it.

He won't "get away" with much longer, the time will come that he will be standing in front of Heavenly Father and he will no longer be able to lie about anything.

[webbles]

37 minutes ago, prairiegirl123 said:

Heavy sigh! This happened years ago but because of his lies he has caused a rift between my daughter and me. I know it's in the past but I just needed to get a validation for my peace of mind. 

Yes, I spoke with numerous church leaders and was always told it's between him and the Lord. This saddens me, because there are many sisters who don't have a strong testimony and are driven away from the church because their leaders don't take them seriously and let husbands off the hook. 

I could be wrong but considering the chain of events and how much my ex lies, I am certain that when he came back to church a few years later and now married to his mistress, he probably left out the important detail of having committed adultery because he had his recommend back very soon after returning. I'm certain he also didn't mention being behind in child support payments. 

Then when he moved across the country, nobody knew him or his history and it's there that he was called as a branch president and he accepted that calling. 

My relationship in the church is with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

Wow. I thought bring behind on child support is a disqualifier for a recommend.  Isn't it explicitly asked in the interview?  Sounds like he is lying.

[prairiegirl123]

39 minutes ago, webbles said:

Wow. I thought bring behind on child support is a disqualifier for a recommend.  Isn't it explicitly asked in the interview?  Sounds like he is lying.

Long history of lying.

[Calm]

1 hour ago, prairiegirl123 said:

My relationship in the church is with my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. 

That is what it has to be given the fallibility of humans. I personally believe God allows leaders to make whoppers in order to push people to seek God for their anchor rather than the Church or its leaders. 
 

I am sorry about the distance between you and your daughter. That must hurt a lot. 

[Pyreaux]

Stay strong sister. If you think he is a current liar, not honest in his daily dealings via not paying child support, say that first, relay your history and fears of what you feel he might be capable of. Say those words as short and to the point, directly to the one who issued the calling in writing or on the phone. If unsatisfied, go over his head, all the way up to the Presidency.

Edited February 23, 2023 by Pyreaux

[bluebell]

9 hours ago, Pyreaux said:

Stay strong sister. If you think he is a current liar, not honest in his daily dealings via not paying child support, say that first, relay your history and fears of what you feel he might be capable of. Say those words as short and to the point, directly to the one who issued the calling in writing or on the phone. If unsatisfied, go over his head, all the way up to the Presidency.

Agreed. Usually with situations like this, which can be a lot of he said/she said, just stick with the facts that you can prove. Don’t elaborate and don’t bring up a lot of history.

that at least gives the leader, something concrete to go off of.

[bsjkki]

3 hours ago, bluebell said:

Agreed. Usually with situations like this, which can be a lot of he said/she said, just stick with the facts that you can prove. Don’t elaborate and don’t bring up a lot of history.

that at least gives the leader, something concrete to go off of.

This is very good advice. It's amazing how much people dismiss people when they get emotional or try and 'convince' someone of a wrongdoing. Stick to facts and don't get defensive or emotional and your credibility increases. It's very unfair because victims are emotional and damaged and want to be believed. They do get defensive. All of this is 'normal' but at the same time reduces credibility. It's sad and why the bullies/abusers win because they are expert manipulators and liars. 

Edited February 23, 2023 by bsjkki