I have become a Mormon 3 weeks ago.

[Dario_M]

4 minutes ago, MustardSeed said:

I’m glad you are so open with us Dario.  You’ve become a sweet part of our community on this board. ❤️

Yes i am. I just want you guys to know this. In my church i am not that open offcourse because i don't wanna get in problems. But here i don't find it a problem to share this information with you guys. 

Btw...🥰.....I find you also very sweet dear MustardSeed. ❤🧡❤🧡❤🧡

And this forum is amazing. 🌈🌈🌈

Edited January 23, 2023 by Dario_M

[bluebell]

2 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

I am not mocking God. I just wanted to get baptized. And wanted the holy ghost. 🫂

Dario, I think it would be a really good idea for you to go in and see your Bishop and talk to him about all of this. One of the responsibilities of a bishop is to help people repent of serious sins.

I think that it’s very good that you wanted to be baptized and have the Holy Ghost in your life so badly, but at the same time, because you knowingly lied to receive those blessings, you haven’t been worthy of them.. You need to go in and talk to your Bishop and get right with God, so that you have access to those blessings that you so desperately want.  Those blessings were dependent upon you following God’s commandments. You can’t pretend to follow the commandments and still receive them.

God is merciful and He loves us, and He understands our weaknesses, but He does not ever turn a blind eye to our sins. And He cannot bless us when we knowingly try to deceive Him. Or are knowingly making choices that go against His commandments. 

[Dario_M]

8 minutes ago, bluebell said:

Dario, I think it would be a really good idea for you to go in and see your Bishop and talk to him about all of this. One of the responsibilities of a bishop is to help people repent of serious sins

Maybe one of my missionaries has allready told the Bishop that i am gay. 

And uhm.... do you find it a serious sin that i strugle with the law of chastity? 

 

8 minutes ago, bluebell said:

I think that it’s very good that you wanted to be baptized and have the Holy Ghost in your life so badly. 

 

Yes that whas a good choice. ✝️

Edited January 23, 2023 by Dario_M

[bluebell]

6 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

Maybe one of my missionaries has allready told the Bishop that i am gay. 

And uhm.... do you find it a serious sin that i strugle with the law of chastity? 

 

 

Yes that whas a good choice. ✝️

In our religion, breaking the law of chastity almost always requires confession to the bishop to be fully repented of. Being gay is not a sin. But breaking the law of chastity is.

[Dario_M]

57 minutes ago, bluebell said:

In our religion, breaking the law of chastity almost always requires confession to the bishop to be fully repented of. Being gay is not a sin. But breaking the law of chastity is.

Well... it is a bit uncomfortable to tell this to my bishop don't you think? 🎭 

And it is also not that practical to go to my bishop everytime when i have broken the law of chastity. I believe the bishop has more important things on his mind then me. And i also don't wanna get kicked out of the church either. Not that i believe i would get kicked out of the church for something like this but still. It is just embarrassing to talk about it.  

Edited January 23, 2023 by Dario_M

[bluebell]

17 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

Well... it is a bit uncomfortable to tell this to my bishop don't you think? 🎭 

And it is also not that practical to go to my bishop everytime when i have broken the law of chastity. I believe the bishop has more important things on his mind then me. And i also don't wanna get kicked out of the church either. 

Yes it will be uncomfortable, but as a "judge in israel" it's what he's there for.  There literally isn't anything more important for him to be doing because there is nothing more important than for you to be right with God and be worthy to receive the blessings that you want so badly.  That's what the bishop wants for you and that's what God wants for you, but you don't have those things right now because of the choices you are making.  

And yes, you'll need to decide if you are willing to live by the standards of the gospel.  If you aren't, then spiritually speaking, it is better for you to not be a member.  You can't receive blessings through deception (this includes the gift of the Holy Ghost) and that is important to realize, but it's also important to realize that continually trying to deceive God is actually hurting you spiritually.  

 

 

[MustardSeed]

I see it *slightly* differently than bluebell has written here in just one way.  I believe strongly that even though you are being dishonest about this part of your life, I do believe that you are genuinely feeling Greater connection with the Savior because of your decision to draw closer to him. The church is your vehicle of choice. We are all flawed, And many of us are even flawed by choice as you describe yourself to be.  I think when we are flawed by choice, There is a ceiling to our spiritual connection to God.

 

we don’t know you very well. I get the impression that your life has been very difficult and that the church and the gospel provides a light to you have never felt. I believe that even your dishonesty does not block you from feeling that level of light that you have never felt before. Please know that the dishonesty, particularly it being intentional, will ultimately limit your spiritual journey.

when you are ready to face this, please keep this in mind. Your bishop deals with morality issues weekly if not almost daily. It is normal for him. It’s just another day. He has the capacity to love you incredibly deeply and his love for you will supersede personal judgment for your struggles. Now I cannot speak for your bishop because I know that Bishops are not perfect however, The responsibility and authority given him Generally tend to lead Bishops to an extraordinary capacity for love and compassion. Please set aside your shame when you are ready for a higher level of spirituality and grant yourself the right to pursue your needs and not concern yourself with the judgment of the bishop.
I am a therapist and sometimes couples will come to me and resist talking about their sex lives. They are embarrassed. I remind them, we are all just human beings, having a human experience, and I’m here to help you and not judge you. I’m very comfortable with the topic even though you are not.. You do not have to take care of me or concern yourself with what I think of you. I’m just here to help. This often helps couples get comfortable in my office talking about tender and sexual issues.  Perhaps this will help you down the road. Blessings to you

[Dario_M]

25 minutes ago, bluebell said:

Yes it will be uncomfortable, but as a "judge in israel" it's what he's there for.  There literally isn't anything more important for him to be doing because there is nothing more important than for you to be right with God and be worthy to receive the blessings that you want so badly.  That's what the bishop wants for you and that's what God wants for you, but you don't have those things right now because of the choices you are making.  

And yes, you'll need to decide if you are willing to live by the standards of the gospel.  If you aren't, then spiritually speaking, it is better for you to not be a member.  You can't receive blessings through deception (this includes the gift of the Holy Ghost) and that is important to realize, but it's also important to realize that continually trying to deceive God is actually hurting you spiritually.  

 

 

I am gay. And lonely. What do you expect me to do?

The people in my church who know that i am gay probably allready have figured out that i am struggling with this law. 

On this point i don't see the blessings anyway. Even if God would make me a millonair it wouln'd make me happy. That is just how it is. Every blessing that is comming my way is an empty blessing for me. Because i am unhappy. 

Edited January 23, 2023 by Dario_M

[MustardSeed]

1 minute ago, Dario_M said:

I am gay. And lowenly. What do you expect me to do. The proeple in my church who know that i am gay also know that i am struggleling with this law. 

On this point i don't see the blessings anyway. Even if God would make me a millonair it wouln'd make me happy. That is just how it is. Every blessing that is comming my way is an empty blessing for me. Because i am unhappy. 

I don’t envy your position.  God loves you, always remember that, and always remember there are enough people in the world who can love you too. ❤️

[Dario_M]

5 minutes ago, MustardSeed said:

I don’t envy your position.  God loves you, always remember that, and always remember there are enough people in the world who can love you too. ❤️

Thanks. ❤ Sorry for my spellingmistakes. I have allready edit them the right way. 

Thank you for saying that. You are being so sweet. God bless you for your kind words. ✝️✝️✝️✝️🙏

I am just... have a hard time on the moment. I hope i will get some kind of relieve soon. 

Edited January 23, 2023 by Dario_M

[MustardSeed]

Just now, Dario_M said:

Thanks. ❤ Sorry for my spellingmistakes. I have allready edit them the right way. 

Thank you for saying that. You are being so sweet. God bless you for your kind words. ✝️✝️✝️✝️🙏

I am just... have a hard time on the moment. I hope i will get some kind of releave soon. 

✌️Peace

[bluebell]

14 minutes ago, Dario_M said:

I am gay. And lonely. What do you expect me to do?

The people in my church who know that i am gay probably allready have figured out that i am struggling with this law. 

On this point i don't see the blessings anyway. Even if God would make me a millonair it wouln'd make me happy. That is just how it is. Every blessing that is comming my way is an empty blessing for me. Because i am unhappy. 

I echo what MS said.  God loves you and I certainly don't know what you are going through and will never pretend to.  

But I just wanted to clarify that by blessings I'm speaking of spiritual blessings:  Peace, comfort, a deeper relationship with God, constant access to the gift of the Holy Ghost, forgiveness, etc.

What do you have to lose by going in to speak to your bishop?  You've already said that despite continuing to seek out physically relationships you are still lonely, and unhappy.  It's not bringing you any joy so why not try to find that connection and peace and happiness a different way?

Your bishop cares about you and can be a guide to helping you find that peace and joy you are looking for, that you've said you still don't have despite being baptized. 

You've made promises to God but you made them under false pretenses and haven't been able to keep them yet.  That can be a roadblock.  Work towards removing the roadblock and who knows what God has in store for you.   

[Dario_M]

47 minutes ago, MustardSeed said:

I see it *slightly* differently than bluebell has written here in just one way.  I believe strongly that even though you are being dishonest about this part of your life, I do believe that you are genuinely feeling Greater connection with the Savior because of your decision to draw closer to him. The church is your vehicle of choice. We are all flawed, And many of us are even flawed by choice as you describe yourself to be.  I think when we are flawed by choice, There is a ceiling to our spiritual connection to God.

 

Yeah that is also how i see that. I do care. A lot. Because otherwise i wouldn't get baptized and everything. Yes i have lied but i had no choice if i would be honest the whole time i still would be on the same level i whas last year. Not baptized. Still a stranger in the LDS church.

In the beginning i whas honest you know. I made it really clear that i just hated the law of chastity. Because of my situation (gay, not planning to marry anyone (A man) yet, i just have stept out from a bad 9 year old relationship that whas also hard) In my case the law of chastity would mean that i would have no sex at all anymore. For the rest of my life. Because i don't wanna (can not) marry a woman. And i may not marry a man. But actually i don't wanna have a marriage at all anyway. But i still have those feelings for the same sex though. I can not stop that. 

Edited January 23, 2023 by Dario_M

[Dario_M]

21 minutes ago, MustardSeed said:

✌️Peace

Peach for you too dear MustardSeed. ❤❤❤✌

[Dario_M]

15 minutes ago, bluebell said:

 

What do you have to lose by going in to speak to the bishop?   

And what will i gain with it?? It propably will get embarrassing. And i allready know what the bishop will tell me and advice me. And what i need to do after God have forgiven me. 

I know that you mean it well bluebell. But things are just hard. And offcourse i am not the only one that strugle with this. That is also something that i am aware of. 

God bless you. ✝️✝️✝️💜

Edited January 23, 2023 by Dario_M

[bluebell]

Just now, Dario_M said:

And what will i gain with it?? It propably will get embarrassing. And i allready know what the bishop will tell me and advice me. And what i need to do after God have forgiven me. 

What do you believe you can gain by being honest with God and asking for forgiveness/being forgiven for your sins?

Sure, it might be embarrassing but it's worth it.  I've been in to talk with a bishop before, and what got me there was realizing that nothing was more important to me than my relationship with Him.  Embarrassment (and it's really not as embarrassing as satan tries to convince you it will be) is a tiny price to pay for that kind of peace and love and joy.

[Dario_M]

4 minutes ago, bluebell said:

What do you believe you can gain by being honest with God and asking for forgiveness/being forgiven for your sins?

Sure, it might be embarrassing but it's worth it.  I've been in to talk with a bishop before, and what got me there was realizing that nothing was more important to me than my relationship with Him.  Embarrassment (and it's really not as embarrassing as satan tries to convince you it will be) is a tiny price to pay for that kind of peace and love and joy.

The bishop will not ask me what i did exactly on that moment i had broken the law of chastity right? 

[Dario_M]

1 hour ago, bluebell said:

 

What do you have to lose by going in to speak to your bishop?  You've already said that despite continuing to seek out physically relationships you are still lonely, and unhappy.  It's not bringing you any joy so why not try to find that connection and peace and happiness a different    

And how things are looking for me right now that will continue for a while. I don't need a glasse sphere to figure that out. 🔮

When i have sex i actually injoy it (mostely) a lot. And afterwards i feel as if some weight has fallen of from my shoulders. Offcourse that feeling doesn't last forever. But that counts for every happy moment i get. If i go to church i feel also happy and peachfull. For as long as i am in that situation. And afterwards i feel relieved as if a weight has fallen of from my shoulders. But that feeling doesn't stay forever. 

When i am having an appointment with my missionaries i finaly feel less lonely. So i feel happy again. Yes!!🥳 I can finaly talk with 2 nice young man who are friendly and seem to understand me and i can complain about everything that is bothering me and they listen te me. As if they are my friends. Afterwards they even tell me that they care about me. How good do you think that feels??? For somebody that feels mostely lonely and worthless?? 

But for everything is a time and a place. And after a while they need to go because they are bussy and need to talk with more people. I understand that. And i still feel that nice feeling for a while though. As if i am not lonely anymore. But that feeling also goes away, when i realise i actually am lonely. 

If i take my medicine than: (same storie etc) 

My point is... It doesn't really matter what i do for type off fun (bad fun or good fun, sin or not sin) The good feelings that i get from it are always the same and always temporarily. It never stays long. 

And so it will also be if i would speak with my Bishop. And than i can do another promisse (covenant) to him. Maybe i will feel a bit of relieve. But that feeling will not stay long the moment i realise i may not have sex ever again in my life. Plus less social contact because now i need to stay away from those contacts (man) for pleasure i had. I will feel more lonely as well. As if i whas not allready lonely enaugh. 

 

Edited January 23, 2023 by Dario_M

[Calm]

8 hours ago, bluebell said:

breaking the law of chastity almost always requires confession to the bishop to be fully repented of.

Depends on what is meant by law of chastity.  These days it is a less specific instruction guide, imo, than it once was.  I think somethings were once taught needed confession which are seen as fine to go to the Lord first and only go to a leader if it remains a concern.

 If Dario has any concerns based on the below, then it may be a good idea for him to talk to the bishop about them (I agree that he should speak to the bishop about lying at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later because it will in my view remain a barrier to his feeling he completely belongs there until the lie is removed).  
 

This below is for youth, but applies to adults as well…though perhaps going to parents may not apply.  The Spirit is the best source, but sometimes it may be more effective to combine listening to the Spirit with talking to our bishop.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/for-the-strength-of-youth/06-body?lang=eng

Quote

Keep sex and sexual feelings sacred. They should not be the subject of jokes or entertainment. Outside of marriage between a man and a woman, it is wrong to touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body even if clothed. In your choices about what you do, look at, read, listen to, think about, post, or text, avoid anything that purposely arouses lustful emotions in others or yourself. This includes pornography in any form. If you find that situations or activities make temptations stronger, avoid them. You know what those situations and activities are. And if you aren’t sure, the Spirit, your parents, and your leaders can help you know. Show your Father in Heaven that you honor and respect the sacred power to create life.

Also:

Quote

Sexual feelings are an important part of God’s plan to create happy marriages and eternal families. These feelings are not sinful—they are sacred. Because sexual feelings are so sacred and so powerful, God has given you His law of chastity to prepare you to use these feelings as He intends. The law of chastity states that God approves of sexual activity only between a man and a woman who are married. Many in the world ignore or even mock God’s law, but the Lord invites us to be His disciples and live a standard higher than the world’s

Quote

Living the law of chastity brings God’s approval and personal spiritual power. When you are married, this law will bring greater love, trust, and unity to your marriage. Obeying this law will make it possible for you to progress eternally and become more like your Heavenly Father. Your confidence will grow as you live as a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Quote

I am attracted to people of my same sex. How do these standards apply to me? Feeling same-sex attraction is not a sin. If you have these feelings and do not pursue or act on them, you are living Heavenly Father’s sacred law of chastity. You are a beloved child of God and a disciple of Jesus Christ. Remember that the Savior understands everything you experience. Through your covenant connection with Him, you will find strength to obey God’s commandments and receive the blessings He promises. Trust Him and His gospel

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/for-the-strength-of-youth/06-body?lang=eng&id=13#p13

Edited January 24, 2023 by Calm

[Calm]

6 hours ago, Dario_M said:

And so it will also be if i would speak with my Bishop. And than i can do another promisse (covenant) to him. Maybe i will feel a bit of relieve. But that feeling will not stay long the moment i realise i may not have sex ever again in my life. Plus less social contact because now i need to stay away from those contacts (man) for pleasure i had. I will feel more lonely as well. As if i was not already lonely enough

If you are having sex outside of marriage, that is definitely something that in time you will need to confess to the bishop.  And being married in a same sex relationship is considered a sin in our faith, so you are right, a covenant to abide by the law of chastity means for you never having sex again.  
 

I am not going to promise you that if you give up the sexual companionship and pleasure that you seek now to relieve your loneliness and do all the right things, you will never feel lonely again.  Even in a great marriage that has lasted over 40 years and appears to be permanent, I have had tons of lonely times so marriage isn’t a cure all for loneliness, so I believe loneliness is a natural attribute of mortality that is never going to go completely away.  I am not even going to promise that if you commit to God, you won’t feel lonely anymore because you will have the only companionship that isn’t temporary.  I know faithful members with a closeness to God that is wonderful who still struggle with loneliness.  
 

I also know your depression and maybe even some of your medications can make it so difficult to feel the Spirit at times, I know this from personal experience.  But I can tell you getting right with God and putting yourself in his hands is more likely to get you to being able to know he is there, always, no matter what…which is something that can only be found with him.  And that can help so much with the other forms of loneliness.  God is the only one that will ever truly understand us and know who we are with no filters on and he still loves us; no other relationship can fill that need to be known and loved so well in my experience.  So when you are ready to take that leap of faith, do what you can to remove barriers between you and God, whatever they are.  Lies to others and ourselves, sexual choices, feelings of anger and dislike towards others, selfishness, pride, and so many other things make us pull back away from him…maybe because we are embarrassed, maybe because we are afraid of letting go of our crutches that get us through each day of struggle.  When you can, lean on others because sometimes that means you can make bigger steps getting closer to God.
 

The biggest thing is to never say never, that you can’t do something because it s just too hard.  Instead say to yourself “I will be ready some day”, keep yourself open to the help God will send you.  Just like he sent the missionaries, there will be other chances to come closer to him though sometimes it will be painful.  You don’t have to do the big stuff now, work on what you can handle right now.  Don’t choose not to do anything just because you can’t do something big.  Maybe even try and look at something that feels big and break it into smaller stuff.  Going to talk to the bishop about chastity issues probably feels so uncomfortable and embarrassing right now, so think of something small instead that you can do…maybe even just going to shake his hand on Sundays is what you could do now.  
 

As far as what to do about the loneliness that leads you to break the law of chastity, your health is a huge burden for you and you should look on learning to cope with your depression and other health issues as a full time job and give yourself the respect for the effort you are making here in whatever ways.  Again, try to break the big tasks into little ones that you can do today, just one or two.

This is how I mange my life these days….

Yesterday my chosen achievement for the day was putting an easy app for easy habit tracking on my phone and putting into it 20 small things that will be helpful for my health and my opinion about myself.  The fact that I didn’t do more than two out of 20 of those want to be habits isn’t a failure because that wasn’t my goal yesterday. I had a great success yesterday even though I did very little on my list of needed habits because I did a little thing that helped me get closer to doing them.  And today my goal is to do 4 of those 20 habits…have only done one so far, but still have plenty of time and they seem easier to do in my head because I have a tracker now reminding me instead of having to pull it up in my own muddled brain. I just need to remember to check the tracker several times a day.  Going to set some alarms for that tomorrow, I think.

My best suggestion to you is to pray as much as you can, long or short prayers, what works for you, asking God to help you in a way you feel comfortable asking him to help.  Maybe just pray that you will learn how to ask him for help in a way that works best for you.  Do that for awhile and then when you feel it is right, start asking him to help you with things you are slightly uncomfortable with asking for help.  The Spirit is your best source of knowing what to do and when to do it, but that knowledge may come to you in different ways and you need practice to figure that out.

Daughter is calling me to dinner, so I guess that means I have written enough.  Hope it makes sense.

[Dario_M]

9 hours ago, Calm said:

If you are having sex outside of marriage, that is definitely something that in time you will need to confess to the bishop.  And being married in a same sex relationship is considered a sin in our faith, so you are right, a covenant to abide by the law of chastity for YOU NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN.  

Yeah i know. But i won't allow that to happen. Not in this life at least. 

9 hours ago, Calm said:

 

I am not going to promise you that if you give up the sexual companionship and pleasure that you seek now to relieve your loneliness and do all the right things, you will never feel lonely again.  Even in a great marriage that has lasted over 40 years and appears to be permanent, I have had tons of lonely times so marriage isn’t a cure all for loneliness,

No kidding. I am comming from a 9 year relationship. (not quite the same as 40 years but okay) So.... i know what you are talking about believe me. 

9 hours ago, Calm said:

 

so I believe loneliness is a natural attribute of mortality that is never going to go completely away.  I am not even going to promise that if you commit to God, you won’t feel lonely anymore because you will have the only companionship that isn’t temporary.  I know faithful members with a closeness to God that is wonderful who still struggle with loneliness.  
 

I also know your depression and maybe even some of your medications can make it so difficult to feel the Spirit at times, I know this from personal experience.  But I can tell you getting right with God and putting yourself in his hands is more likely to get you to being able to know he is there, always, no matter what…which is something that can only be found with him.  And that can help so much with the other forms of loneliness.  God is the only one that will ever truly understand us and know who we are with no filters on and he still loves us; no other relationship can fill that need to be known and loved so well in my experience.  So when you are ready to take that leap of faith, do what you can to remove barriers between you and God, whatever they are.  Lies to others and ourselves, sexual choices, feelings of anger and dislike towards others, selfishness, pride, and so many other things make us pull back away from him…maybe because we are embarrassed, maybe because we are afraid of letting go of our crutches that get us through each day of struggle.  When you can, lean on others because sometimes that means you can make bigger steps getting closer to God.
 

The biggest thing is to never say never, that you can’t do something because it s just too hard.  Instead say to yourself “I will be ready some day”, keep yourself open to the help God will send you.  Just like he sent the missionaries, there will be other chances to come closer to him though sometimes it will be painful.  You don’t have to do the big stuff now, work on what you can handle right now.  Don’t choose not to do anything just because you can’t do something big.  Maybe even try and look at something that feels big and break it into smaller stuff.  Going to talk to the bishop about chastity issues probably feels so uncomfortable and embarrassing right now, so think of something small instead that you can do…maybe even just going to shake his hand on Sundays is what you could do now.  
 

As far as what to do about the loneliness that leads you to break the law of chastity, your health is a huge burden for you and you should look on learning to cope with your depression and other health issues as a full time job and give yourself the respect for the effort you are making here in whatever ways.  Again, try to break the big tasks into little ones that you can do today, just one or two.

This is how I mange my life these days….

Yesterday my chosen achievement for the day was putting an easy app for easy habit tracking on my phone and putting into it 20 small things that will be helpful for my health and my opinion about myself.  The fact that I didn’t do more than two out of 20 of those want to be habits isn’t a failure because that wasn’t my goal yesterday. I had a great success yesterday even though I did very little on my list of needed habits because I did a little thing that helped me get closer to doing them.  And today my goal is to do 4 of those 20 habits…have only done one so far, but still have plenty of time and they seem easier to do in my head because I have a tracker now reminding me instead of having to pull it up in my own muddled brain. I just need to remember to check the tracker several times a day.  Going to set some alarms for that tomorrow, I think.

My best suggestion to you is to pray as much as you can, long or short prayers, what works for you, asking God to help you in a way you feel comfortable asking him to help.  Maybe just pray that you will learn how to ask him for help in a way that works best for you.  Do that for awhile and then when you feel it is right, start asking him to help you with things you are slightly uncomfortable with asking for help.  The Spirit is your best source of knowing what to do and when to do it, but that knowledge may come to you in different ways and you need practice to figure that out.

Daughter is calling me to dinner, so I guess that means I have written enough.  Hope it makes sense.

I would be more then happy to have god into my life. Why do you think i have done all the effort to get my way into the church? 

But this is what i don't understand. Why have god made me gay if i may not do anything with it? What is the purpose then of being gay if i can not do anything with it? Because i have not chosen to be like this. This has never been a choise of mine. It makes no sense. 

I know it is difficult for you guys to understand and you find that i just need to suck this up and just go with the Mormon flow. But in the meanwhile i am being miserable. Is that okay then??

As if i am not feeling allready miserable enough about some things. My friends my ex my family my health. It all has collapsed.

i don't think i can take more then what i am doing right now. It have to be this way. At least for now. 

Edited January 24, 2023 by Dario_M

[BlueDreams]

6 hours ago, Dario_M said:

Yeah i know. But i won't allow that to happen. Not in this life at least. 

No kidding. I am comming from a 9 year relationship. (not quite the same as 40 years but okay) So.... i know what you are talking about believe me. 

I would be more then happy to have god into my life. Why do you think i have done all the effort to get my way into the church? 

But this is what i don't understand. Why have god made me gay if i may not do anything with it? What is the purpose then of being gay if i can not do anything with it? Because i have not chosen to be like this. This has never been a choise of mine. It makes no sense. 

I know it is difficult for you guys to understand and you find that i just need to suck this up and just go with the Mormon flow. But in the meanwhile i am being miserable. Is that okay then??

As if i am not feeling allready miserable enough about some things. My friends my ex my family my health. It all has collapsed.

i don't think i can take more then what i am doing right now. It have to be this way. At least for now. 

I can't speak for everyone else but from what you mentioned I wouldn't expect you to suck this up and just go with the mormon flow. I moreso just think that hiding things and living dishonestly can hinder happiness and peace. It's a universal thing to me, not just a mormon one. Being honest about where you're at and what you can and can't do to those around you/yourself makes your life more congruent and difficulties easier to manage. 

I tell that to my clients a lot too (I'm a therapist). That basically those who have poor results from therapy tend to try to BS their way through it in one way or another. And I explain that BS is minimizing, half-truthing, straight lying, omitting details, etc. That usually ends up with something really blowing up for them. A client who was struggling to figure their sexuality fully out while in a poor marriage ignored this warning. They also had a close "friend" that everyone assumed was more than just a friend. They denied it to me and I accepted it because I didn't see the point in pressing them. But then things began to really fall apart. Marriage wise, spiritually wise, "friendhip" wise, etc. And they felt more alone than ever, which meant their mental health completely fell apart. At that point they opened up about what was really happening in their life and it took a lot of emotional pain on their part to scrape their health back together. 

I don't say that to scare you into being a stalwart member of the church. I don't care if you are. That's not in and of itself what's needed to be happy. I care that you can be honest and open with the people around you and through that feel more long term connection and care, because people truly know you. Whether that means you attend church but still sexually test out things and just don't participate in certain ordination/callings, whether it means taking a break from sexual activity and working through some of these questions and concerns that I won't pretend as a straight married woman to have an answer to, or whether that means taking a step back all together from church. As long as it is done honestly and congruently, that's where peace and greater connection to God and people begins IMHO. 

 

I wish you luck in all your journeys no matter what!

With luv,

BD 

Edited January 24, 2023 by BlueDreams

[BlueDreams]

Also I really like this podcast called "questions from the closet." It's hosted by two gay men who ID as LDS. They also interview others connected to the church or questions people often have in the church around LGBTQ+ topics. It's also really good. Currently one is dating a man and one has decided to stay single. It may help you know you're not alone and there isn't just one answer to what it looks like to be LDS or believe in God and be gay. It's in english....their older episodes have transcripts if that's preferable: https://questionsfromthecloset.com/

I can't emphasize enough that I really hope and pray you can find a path that can allow you to move with more peace, even if there are moments in it that loneliness creeps in. 

 

With luv,

BD

[Dario_M]

1 hour ago, BlueDreams said:

I can't speak for everyone else but from what you mentioned I wouldn't expect you to suck this up and just go with the mormon flow. I moreso just think that hiding things and living dishonestly can hinder happiness and peace. It's a universal thing to me, not just a mormon one. Being honest about where you're at and what you can and can't do to those around you/yourself makes your life more congruent and difficulties easier to manage. 

 

I don't wanna get excommunicated from the church if you don't mind. 🎭

1 hour ago, BlueDreams said:

I tell that to my clients a lot too (I'm a therapist). That basically those who have poor results from therapy tend to try to BS their way through it in one way or another.

 

I am not BSing annything i just don't wanna tell my church about this. And btw... some of them allready know that i am gay. Look how honest! Do you not see how honest i am actually? 👏

1 hour ago, BlueDreams said:

And I explain that BS is minimizing, half-truthing, straight lying, omitting details, etc. That usually ends up with something really blowing up for them. A client who was struggling to figure their sexuality fully out while in a poor marriage ignored this warning. They also had a close "friend" that everyone assumed was more than just a friend. They denied it to me and I accepted it because I didn't see the point in pressing them. But then things began to really fall apart. Marriage wise, spiritually wise, "friendhip" wise, etc. And they felt more alone than ever, which meant their mental health completely fell apart. At that point they opened up about what was really happening in their life and it took a lot of emotional pain on their part to scrape their health back together. 

My health is bad because something else. It has started from the moment i had the first time corona. So i assume it has something to do with that. More people have it and complain about the same exact kind of symptoms. I am not the only one. 

1 hour ago, BlueDreams said:

I don't say that to scare you into being a stalwart member of the church. I don't care if you are. That's not in and of itself what's needed to be happy. I care that you can be honest and open with the people around you and through that feel more long term connection and care,

Okay but people don't need to know everything about me anyway. Some things are just private. 

1 hour ago, BlueDreams said:

 

because people truly know you. Whether that means you attend church but still sexually test out things and just don't participate in certain ordination/callings,

I wanna wait with the priesterhood you see that right. 

1 hour ago, BlueDreams said:

whether it means taking a break from sexual activity and working through some of these questions and concerns that I won't pretend as a straight married woman to have an answer to, or whether that means taking a step back all together from church. As long as it is done honestly and congruently, that's where peace and greater connection to God and people begins IMHO. 

I don't wanna take a step back from church. 

1 hour ago, BlueDreams said:

 

I wish you luck in all your journeys no matter what!

With luv,

BD 

God bless. 

[Dario_M]

1 hour ago, BlueDreams said:

Also I really like this podcast called "questions from the closet." It's hosted by two gay men who ID as LDS. They also interview others connected to the church or questions people often have in the church around LGBTQ+ topics. It's also really good. Currently one is dating a man and one has decided to stay single. It may help you know you're not alone and there isn't just one answer to what it looks like to be LDS or believe in God and be gay. It's in english....their older episodes have transcripts if that's preferable: https://questionsfromthecloset.com/

I can't emphasize enough that I really hope and pray you can find a path that can allow you to move with more peace, even if there are moments in it that loneliness creeps in. 

 

With luv,

BD

Thank you very much. I will listen to the podcast. Sweet of you to post that special for me.