Taking a break from Church.

[Thinking]

I recently found out that a nephew of mine and his wife are "taking a break from Church." As I understand it, they want to see what their lives are like without the Church. Both were raised by very active parents and they have known nothing but life in the Church. I don't know if this is a cover for "we don't believe anymore."

Do any of you know somebody who "took a break from the Church?" Did they come back or stay away?

[Tacenda]

3 minutes ago, Thinking said:

I recently found out that a nephew of mine and his wife are "taking a break from Church." As I understand it, they want to see what their lives are like without the Church. Both were raised by very active parents and they have known nothing but life in the Church. I don't know if this is a cover for "we don't believe anymore."

Do any of you know somebody who "took a break from the Church?" Did they come back or stay away?

I know of many that say that as a soft way of saying they aren't attending for now if the subject comes up with family/friends/neighbors/ward members. I'm on a FB private group called "Faith Journeys" and this is often what they'll say when they quit attending. 

[bluebell]

18 minutes ago, Thinking said:

I recently found out that a nephew of mine and his wife are "taking a break from Church." As I understand it, they want to see what their lives are like without the Church. Both were raised by very active parents and they have known nothing but life in the Church. I don't know if this is a cover for "we don't believe anymore."

Do any of you know somebody who "took a break from the Church?" Did they come back or stay away?

I've known some who come back and some don't.

I think this kind of thing actually makes sense, in that people who grow up in the church and have always tried to do what was right sometimes have no real sense of the gospel being anything special.  It's just regular life.  

 

[Stormin' Mormon]

"Taking a break from Church" could mean a couple of different things.

It could mean taking a break from meetings, callings, attendance, but continuing to live the standards.  This is what most of the worldwide church membership did through much of 2020 and 2021.  Our ward is still doing Youtube streams, so we still have a few members of our ward who are doing this.  This is a softer break, and I doubt it portends a more permanent break in the near future. 

Or it could mean a harder break.  Breaking with the Word of Wisdom, tithing, sabbath observance, etc. I think this kind of break could easily lead to a more permanent severing of ties. 

I suspect that if the individuals in the OP wanted to take the first type of break, they would have had their fill over the last couple of years.  I'm not one to question motives, but the timing on this break leads me to believe that it might be the second kind of break.  Had it come a few years earlier or a few years later, I prolly wouldn't be assuming that or jumping to this unfair conclusion.

 

[longview]

Being baptized into the Body of Christ and being active in good  faithful service are all important.  Remaining steadfast and enduring to the end of mortality is also important.  But they are all individual choices for which everyone one of us will answer to the Great Jehovah at the last day.

[rongo]

I think it's bad sign that they're so open about it --- with a name for what they're doing and everything. To me, this doesn't bode well for their return after the ostensible "experiment." 

Many people go inactive, but it's more of a gradual, incremental slide that surprises (those who eventually come back) that they ended up there. Weeks are missed, then more weeks,but the "soft" intent isn't for it to be constant and permanent. Until it is.

To intentionally announce "taking a break" with the intent to test the waters and experiment indicates to me that they are already most if the way to making it permanent. Time will tell.

The sad thing is that being engaged bears self-perpetuating fruit. When people aren't feeling that, I understand not wanting to put in the time and effort. I wouldn't if it didn't bear fruit.

[Pyreaux]

I've taken small breaks. Skip a day, and in the blink of an eye it unintentionally becomes 3 or 4. Pure laziness on my part, inactivity can be tempting. But I'll go back, get back in the groove and it becomes refreshing. I can usually appreciate the advice that each Member needs a friend and a calling to stay active. You need reason to show up, you start thinking no one is going to miss me, surely they'll find a way to get by. They probably won't even notice.

Anyways, no worries, they'll never escape our tentacles. We're following them in the street. We're listening to their phone calls. We're watching them while they sleep. Once we catch them alone, it will be time for another round of rehabilitation treatment in the temple basement. You'll be re-assimilated into the morgbot collective. You will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.

Edited June 13, 2022 by Pyreaux

[morgan.deane]

I wrote a presentation that I did at the singles conference about "taking a break." My concept of it is a little different. I use the fainted stripling warriors to look at combat stress with the intention of people returning. My title is fainted but not fallen: http://mormonwar.blogspot.com/2022/03/fainted-but-not-fallen-learning-from.html

Here is the conclusion from the talk: 

Quote

 

 I tried to offer a theory based on the Stripling Warriors and likened that story to combat or just plain stress, and the great emotional pain of being single in a church. I then gave advice about how to be fainted without fallen by giving yourself time to heal. This involved two major imperatives: You want to remove the pain at the same time you struggle not to betray the cause and disappoint God. Hopefully I given you some good advice that addresses both imperatives. 

    The modern member who is fainted but not fallen might not look like a traditional member of the church for awhile. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t faithful, they don’t care about the fight, and they aren’t trying their hardest to rejoin the fight as soon as possible. They are attending to their combat wounds by increasing their mental health. They might be staying active in nontraditional ways. Because they care about their mental health, they are likely far more sensitive to their fellow warriors who might seem ready to faint, but are unnoticed by any of their church leaders. 

    As you do these things you will be granted greater calm. Like the Stripling Warriors in Alma 58:11 they could feel God’s Spirit speak peace to their souls. As you heal, eventually you’ll be able to rejoin the fight and be a member that is considered no less faithful than the fainted Stripling Warriors. 

 

You should read the whole thing, but because I know LDS thought very well I address some of the major complaints of people who say attendance is mandatory: 
 

Quote

 

 I’ve lived this so I know it well, but Mormons are really good at putting pressure on themselves instead of recognizing their own mental health needs.  In other words, you are really good at prioritizing the second imperative, the notion that you are Saturday’s warrior and can’t give up the fight, instead of the first notion, that the pain is too much and you need some rest and recovery before you have a mental breakdown or leave the church for good.  

    As a result, you end up being the combat stressed soldier, that no one ever treats for stress. You already know why that is, because you’ve internalized the mantras to the point that you probably hate yourself for even feeling point number one, or the desire to get away from the pain. The mantras include: You don’t have enough faith; you don’t try hard enough to make meeting memorable. You don’t have a positive attitude for the lame singles activity. There are no boring meetings only boring people. You have to endure to end and return with honor.  I could go on. 

    Yet, the Stripling Warriors were allowed were enough space to feel both. They exited the battle, its true, but remained faithful. Allied soldiers were fighting Hitler, and they were allowed a break from the battle. You are a beloved child of Heavenly Father, Jesus died for you, you can give yourself a break too. 

    And the techniques for dealing with combat stress aren’t that complicated. One British officer summarized it pretty simply: for emotional cases, unless they are very bad…give him a rest at the aid post if necessary and a day or two’s sleep, [hot shower, and warm food, then] go up with him to the front line, and, when there, see him often, sit down beside him and talk to him about the war and look through his periscope and let the man see you are taking an interest in him.

    Put simply, they let the soldier go to the rear areas. In most cases, it was only a couple miles from the front.  Sometimes simply a warm meal, shower, and good night’s sleep for a couple days was enough to get them battle ready. The leaders cared about the soldier’s life and emotional wellbeing. So, a short break from the combat relieved imperative number one, to get away from the pain, and some self help with the expectation that their break was temporary, was enough to get them back into battle and obviate imperative number two, the feeling that you are letting down your fellow soldiers and country. 

    It isn’t an exact comparison, but we can make some spiritual points here that are very clear. Most singles are good soldiers, but there comes a point when the battle pains effect every faithful member.  The Stripling Warriors showed you don’t have to feel split in two by denying either of them. 

 

Every situation is different. I was discussing those that still want to be members but need some healing but it applies in this discussion still.  Spending time being alternately bored and in pain at church doesn't help many people and can actually make things worse. Its important for people to work on their spiritual AND mental health. And I think it says a good deal about the quality of the church meetings that so much growth and healing often happens outside of it. Improving the experience can be a whole thread on its own.  The OP sounds like they aren't ready to resign, but they aren't staying orthodox. I wish them the best. Everyone needs to have more patience with themselves and others as they make their own spiritual journey.  

 

[bsjkki]

19 minutes ago, morgan.deane said:

I wrote a presentation that I did at the singles conference about "taking a break." My concept of it is a little different. I use the fainted stripling warriors to look at combat stress with the intention of people returning. My title is fainted but not fallen: http://mormonwar.blogspot.com/2022/03/fainted-but-not-fallen-learning-from.html

Here is the conclusion from the talk: 

You should read the whole thing, but because I know LDS thought very well I address some of the major complaints of people who say attendance is mandatory: 
 

Every situation is different. I was discussing those that still want to be members but need some healing but it applies in this discussion still.  Spending time being alternately bored and in pain at church doesn't help many people and can actually make things worse. Its important for people to work on their spiritual AND mental health. And I think it says a good deal about the quality of the church meetings that so much growth and healing often happens outside of it. Improving the experience can be a whole thread on its own.  The OP sounds like they aren't ready to resign, but they aren't staying orthodox. I wish them the best. Everyone needs to have more patience with themselves and others as they make their own spiritual journey.  

 

I can relate to this. Sometimes it's necessary to take a mental health break. This can look different for different people. Maybe, not accepting a calling for a minute or attending another ward. Sometimes, people need to remove themselves from painful situations or negative atmospheres and get church back to 'neutral.' Sometimes, it does require a 'break' to heal up. Being in leadership positions is not for the faint of heart these days. 

[smac97]

5 hours ago, Thinking said:

I recently found out that a nephew of mine and his wife are "taking a break from Church." As I understand it, they want to see what their lives are like without the Church. Both were raised by very active parents and they have known nothing but life in the Church. I don't know if this is a cover for "we don't believe anymore."

Do any of you know somebody who "took a break from the Church?" Did they come back or stay away?

Back in 2015 Jana Riess did this: A year off from Mormonism

We talked about the above article on this board: Taking A "sabbatical" From Activity In The Church

For myself, I find the notion of "taking a break" from one's covenants to be inherently problematic.  I could no more blow off my obligations to God than I could blow off my obligations to my wife and children.  I mean, I guess I could do that, but that would materially diminish me, particularly if I were to do so in a calculated way.  In the immortal words of Marilla Cuthbert (of Anne of Green Gables fame) : "God does not want you for a fair-weather friend."  We are, instead, commanded to be vigilant and constant in our devotions:

• "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."  (Galatians 6:9)
• "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.  Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days."  (D&C 6433-34).
• "Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy."  (James 5:11)
• "And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb."  (1 Nephi 13:37)
• "Behold, I am the law, and the light. Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life."  (3 Nephi 15:9)
• "And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."  (D&C 14:7)
• "And as many as repent and are baptized in my name, which is Jesus Christ, and endure to the end, the same shall be saved."  (D&C 18:22)
• "But blessed are they who are faithful and endure, whether in life or in death, for they shall inherit eternal life."  (D&C 50:5)
• "Now this was a great trial to those that did stand fast in the faith; nevertheless, they were steadfast and immovable in keeping the commandments of God."  (Alma 1:25)
• "And he also spake unto Lemuel: O that thou mightest be like unto this valley, firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord!"  (1 Nephi 2:10)
• "And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint."  (Luke 18:1)
• "To them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, eternal life."  (Romans 2:7)
• "If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation."  (D&C 6:13)
• "And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day; For verily this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy devotions unto the Most High; Nevertheless thy vows shall be offered up in righteousness on all days and at all times; But remember that on this, the Lord’s day, thou shalt offer thine oblations and thy sacraments unto the Most High, confessing thy sins unto thy brethren, and before the Lord."  (D&C 59:9-12)
• "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."  (Mosiah 2:17)
• "So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."  (Revelation 3:16)

I have known many people who have returned from inactivity, but I have known many more who have not.

Thanks,

-Smac

Edited June 13, 2022 by smac97

[bluebell]

1 hour ago, morgan.deane said:

I wrote a presentation that I did at the singles conference about "taking a break." My concept of it is a little different. I use the fainted stripling warriors to look at combat stress with the intention of people returning. My title is fainted but not fallen: http://mormonwar.blogspot.com/2022/03/fainted-but-not-fallen-learning-from.html

Here is the conclusion from the talk: 

You should read the whole thing, but because I know LDS thought very well I address some of the major complaints of people who say attendance is mandatory: 
 

Every situation is different. I was discussing those that still want to be members but need some healing but it applies in this discussion still.  Spending time being alternately bored and in pain at church doesn't help many people and can actually make things worse. Its important for people to work on their spiritual AND mental health. And I think it says a good deal about the quality of the church meetings that so much growth and healing often happens outside of it. Improving the experience can be a whole thread on its own.  The OP sounds like they aren't ready to resign, but they aren't staying orthodox. I wish them the best. Everyone needs to have more patience with themselves and others as they make their own spiritual journey.  

 

We tend to have a very martyr mentality when it comes to the gospel and to church.  Many members seem to think that we are supposed to suffer for our faith, and that if there is an easy way and a hard way, the hard way is always the correct choice.

I think that sometimes the spirit leads people away from the church (but not the gospel) so that they can heal or grow and eventually come back whole and able to be converted.  

[Scott Lloyd]

And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day;

— Doctrine and Covenants 59:9

I don’t see much leeway in this commandment from Christ for “taking a break from church.”

Edited June 13, 2022 by Scott Lloyd

[Meadowchik]

4 minutes ago, bluebell said:

We tend to have a very martyr mentality when it comes to the gospel and to church.  Many members seem to think that we are supposed to suffer for our faith, and that if there is an easy way and a hard way, the hard way is always the correct choice.

I think that sometimes the spirit leads people away from the church (but not the gospel) so that they can heal or grow and eventually come back whole and able to be converted.  

I deeply relate to the paradigm that I was personally meant to suffer to live the gospel. And then when those close to me were suffering in life, it also seemed acceptable. God would brook the gaps at some point.

I regret that mentality now, not just for myself but for my loved ones.

[ttribe]

Sounds like code for - "We're not happy here and might be on our way out."

[bluebell]

4 minutes ago, Meadowchik said:

I deeply relate to the paradigm that I was personally meant to suffer to live the gospel. And then when those close to me were suffering in life, it also seemed acceptable. God would brook the gaps at some point.

I regret that mentality now, not just for myself but for my loved ones.

I think it's one of the reasons that members are sometimes not very good at mourning with those that mourn.  We have a very short list of things that people are allowed to mourn or be hurt by.  A very short list.

And anything not on that mental list is not an acceptable reason to be hurt, so mourning with them doesn't apply.

 

 

 

[Meadowchik]

45 minutes ago, bluebell said:

I think it's one of the reasons that members are sometimes not very good at mourning with those that mourn.  We have a very short list of things that people are allowed to mourn or be hurt by.  A very short list.

And anything not on that mental list is not an acceptable reason to be hurt, so mourning with them doesn't apply.

 

 

 

Yup. I see that in myself. Honestly I am grateful that the most grievous loss so far in my life occurred after I left and felt freer to mourn. 

Ftr, everyone reacts differently. My tbm brother basically said that despite his hope for seeing our mom gain, right now losing her hurts horribly and he mourns her. I am immeasurably grateful that that is the tone he helped create at her memorial. 

I think I would have been somewhere in between inadequate mourning and his stance. Perhaps because as a woman in the church in some ways I'd always been resigned to give up a bit more than he has.

 

Edited June 13, 2022 by Meadowchik

[Pyreaux]

As a member of Toastmasters, and an ambition to become a Freemason if I ever get a friend willing to invite me. I think we fail to fully exploit the benefits of our membership in our respective fraternities. The greatest benefit of joining any Fraternity should be Networking. The ability to do great things as a group of like minded people. Sure the Relief Society does okay, but the Priests are unintentionally self focused when its not Sunday. You pray for a utopia to fall out of the sky and do little to make it happen beyond the boundaries of their homes. There are few group projects that are taken on, usually with gusto, in response to a need. Why aren't we making community gardens or something? Network more with other people in your chosen fields, or maybe teaching skills to others that are not. We once had a Spanish Class and a one-day Karate Class. We even gone down hill when it come to doing anything "cultural" in the "culture" hall. Its been a few years since I've seen anyone use that stage. The church has a whole official book on how to make a production or play, people don't even know that book exists.

[bluebell]

1 minute ago, Pyreaux said:

As a member of Toastmasters, and an ambition to become a Freemason if I ever get a friend willing to invite me. I think we fail to fully exploit the benefits of our membership in our respective fraternities. The greatest benefit of joining any Fraternity should be Networking. The ability to do great things as a group of like minded people. Sure the Relief Society does okay, but the Priests are unintentionally self focused when its not Sunday. You pray for a utopia to fall out of the sky and do little to make it happen beyond the boundaries of their homes. There are few group projects that are taken on, usually with gusto, in response to a need. Why aren't we making community gardens or something? Network more with other people in your chosen fields, or maybe teaching skills to others that are not. We once had a Spanish Class and a one-day Karate Class. We even gone down hill when it come to doing anything "cultural" in the "culture" hall. Its been a few years since I've seen anyone use that stage. The church has a whole official book on how to make a production or play, people don't even know that book exists.

Our ward has a community garden and it's failing miserably.  We have one family who oversees it (and they love gardening and all that and are there all the time in the summer) but no one else seems to want to have anything to do with it.

We don't have much community anymore, so community activities are the first casualty.

[Tacenda]

1 hour ago, bluebell said:

Our ward has a community garden and it's failing miserably.  We have one family who oversees it (and they love gardening and all that and are there all the time in the summer) but no one else seems to want to have anything to do with it.

We don't have much community anymore, so community activities are the first casualty.

I spoke the other day with a former neighbor from my ward before now and she is over sports in the stake young women's. She said out of 43 young women in her (my former ward), she was only able to get two of them to show up for a volleyball game. She had to put them with other wards so they could play. That seems really drastic! Not even the Beehives??? Maybe the two were Beehives!

Edited June 13, 2022 by Tacenda

[HappyJackWagon]

4 hours ago, Thinking said:

I recently found out that a nephew of mine and his wife are "taking a break from Church." As I understand it, they want to see what their lives are like without the Church. Both were raised by very active parents and they have known nothing but life in the Church. I don't know if this is a cover for "we don't believe anymore."

Do any of you know somebody who "took a break from the Church?" Did they come back or stay away?

I've known a lot of people who have taken a break. Whether or not they go back completely depends upon how much loss they feel from not attending; loss of fellowship/friendship, loss of spirituality, loss of direction etc.

If they leave and there is no loss then they naturally question why bother going back. 

[bluebell]

48 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

I spoke the other day with a former neighbor from my ward before now and she is over sports in the stake young women's. She said out of 43 young women in her (my former ward), she was only able to get two of them to show up for a volleyball game. She had to put them with other wards so they could play. That seems really drastic! Not even the Beehives??? Maybe the two were Beehives!

Stake sports is a joke here in my stake.  It's not a part of any program--not a part of YW's for example--and it's just a "hey if you want to come play show up at this time!" thing.  Kids are busy, and most of them don't want to have one more thing to do.

The younger one's can't drive themselves and sometimes stake buildings are farther away than the ward building, meaning parents can be less than excited to get a kid to a stake activity and then pick them up again when it's over as well.

Edit to add:

I love the idea of it, and I think it can serve a great purpose, but I feel sorry for the people who have it as a calling because they are usually very much trapped in a "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" situation.  They can make sure the event is scheduled, the equipment is available, and that the building is open, but they can't force the youth to participate.

And that means that often you will get some kids to show up but not enough to do much of the sport that is scheduled, and sometimes you won't have anyone show up and it will be hard not to resent the time and energy (and time away from your family) that spent trying to make it work.

Edited June 13, 2022 by bluebell

[Scott Lloyd]

2 hours ago, smac97 said:

Back in 2015 Jana Riess did this: A year off from Mormonism

We talked about the above article on this board: Taking A "sabbatical" From Activity In The Church

For myself, I find the notion of "taking a break" from one's covenants to be inherently problematic.  I could no more blow off my obligations to God than I could blow off my obligations to my wife and children.  I mean, I guess I could do that, but that would diminish me, particularly if I were to do so in a calculated way.  In the immortal words of Marilla Cuthbert (of Anne of Green Gables fame) : "God does not want you for a fair-weather friend."  We are, instead, commanded to be vigilant and constant in our devotions:

• "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."  (Galatians 6:9)
• "Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.  Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days."  (D&C 6433-34).
• "Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy."  (James 5:11)
• "And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end they shall be lifted up at the last day, and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb."  (1 Nephi 13:37)
• "Behold, I am the law, and the light. Look unto me, and endure to the end, and ye shall live; for unto him that endureth to the end will I give eternal life."  (3 Nephi 15:9)
• "And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."  (D&C 14:7)
• "And as many as repent and are baptized in my name, which is Jesus Christ, and endure to the end, the same shall be saved."  (D&C 18:22)
• "But blessed are they who are faithful and endure, whether in life or in death, for they shall inherit eternal life."  (D&C 50:5)
• "Now this was a great trial to those that did stand fast in the faith; nevertheless, they were steadfast and immovable in keeping the commandments of God."  (Alma 1:25)
• "And he also spake unto Lemuel: O that thou mightest be like unto this valley, firm and steadfast, and immovable in keeping the commandments of the Lord!"  (1 Nephi 2:10)
• "And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint."  (Luke 18:1)
• "To them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, eternal life."  (Romans 2:7)
• "If thou wilt do good, yea, and hold out faithful to the end, thou shalt be saved in the kingdom of God, which is the greatest of all the gifts of God; for there is no gift greater than the gift of salvation."  (D&C 6:13)
• "And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day; For verily this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy devotions unto the Most High; Nevertheless thy vows shall be offered up in righteousness on all days and at all times; But remember that on this, the Lord’s day, thou shalt offer thine oblations and thy sacraments unto the Most High, confessing thy sins unto thy brethren, and before the Lord."  (D&C 59:9-12)
• "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."  (Mosiah 2:17)
• "So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth."  (Revelation 3:16)

I have known many people who have returned from inactivity, but I have known many more who have not.

Thanks,

-Smac

I posted my quote from Doctrine and Covenants 59 before I saw you had included the selfsame passage in your superb post above. But yeah, I encounter considerable dissonance when I see Church members being so cavalier about ignoring their covenants. 
 

Incidentally and coincidentally, I watched “Anne of Green Gables” again last night for the umpteenth time when my daughter put it on the DVD player. I was reminded of and struck again by the “fair-weather friend” remark voiced by the Marilla Cuthbert character. 
 

Thanks in general for your sensible posts, Smac. You are in large measure my motivation to still hang around these parts. 

[Scott Lloyd]

1 hour ago, bluebell said:

Stake sports is a joke here in my stake.  It's not a part of any program--not a part of YW's for example--and it's just a "hey if you want to come play show up at this time!" thing.  Kids are busy, and most of them don't want to have one more thing to do.

The younger one's can't drive themselves and sometimes stake buildings are farther away than the ward building, meaning parents can be less than excited to get a kid to a stake activity and then pick them up again when it's over as well.

Edit to add:

I love the idea of it, and I think it can serve a great purpose, but I feel sorry for the people who have it as a calling because they are usually very much trapped in a "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" situation.  They can make sure the event is scheduled, the equipment is available, and that the building is open, but they can't force the youth to participate.

And that means that often you will get some kids to show up but not enough to do much of the sport that is scheduled, and sometimes you won't have anyone show up and it will be hard not to resent the time and energy (and time away from your family) that spent trying to make it work.

Maybe it’s time to recognize that stake sports leagues are a relic of a bygone era in the Church. Youth treks, For the Strength of Youth conferences and Young Women camps seem to be by design far more inclusive than sports programs ever were. And for those whose interests are in the area of sports, there are city and county rec leagues to fill the need. 

Edited June 13, 2022 by Scott Lloyd

[rodheadlee]

5 hours ago, Pyreaux said:

I've taken small breaks. Skip a day, and in the blink of an eye it unintentionally becomes 3 or 4. Pure laziness on my part, inactivity can be tempting.

This is so true. I skipped a few weeks to move and now it's been years. We still believe and tithe but it's hard to go back. We have moved through 4 zones since then.

[Fly Fisherman]

6 hours ago, Thinking said:

I recently found out that a nephew of mine and his wife are "taking a break from Church." As I understand it, they want to see what their lives are like without the Church. Both were raised by very active parents and they have known nothing but life in the Church. I don't know if this is a cover for "we don't believe anymore."

Do any of you know somebody who "took a break from the Church?" Did they come back or stay away?

Yes a family in my ward who lives down the street from me used that exact phrase: "taking a break from the Church". They resigned from the Church a year or so later.