psyche/wellness advice.

[poptart]

Thought I would ask here, when you go through something really traumatic in life then after enough time passes is it common for the feelings of rage to give way to alienation, isolation and trying to find where you fit in?  The latter is interesting, discovering now that many people I knew have kids or are settled, it's not the same.   It's not bad, it's priorities.  I'm still active, play sports when I can and live a slight variation of my old life.  That and the bad stuff took me years to deal with, events and coming to terms included.  Kinda at the point where I ask myself, now what?  I have a ways to go before my body fails (hopefully...) And this nagging question mark.  It's either that or my single friends who are video game addicts and in some cases borderline alcoholics.  It's kind of a weird feeling of limbo, I literally survived hell and here I am.  Solitude isn't a bad thing but something feels off.

[Chum]

29 minutes ago, poptart said:

Thought I would ask here, when you go through something really traumatic in life then after enough time passes is it common for the feelings of rage to give way to alienation, isolation and trying to find where you fit in?  The latter is interesting, discovering now that many people I knew have kids or are settled, it's not the same.   It's not bad, it's priorities.  I'm still active, play sports when I can and live a slight variation of my old life.  That and the bad stuff took me years to deal with, events and coming to terms included.  Kinda at the point where I ask myself, now what?  I have a ways to go before my body fails (hopefully...) And this nagging question mark.  It's either that or my single friends who are video game addicts and in some cases borderline alcoholics.  It's kind of a weird feeling of limbo, I literally survived hell and here I am.  Solitude isn't a bad thing but something feels off.

Post trauma, it's fairly common to feel at least some isolation. I believe one reason is because society doesn't handle pain well. Mentioning something as benign as a routine mental health issue can trigger fits of shoe-gazing.

What to do? Volunteer. Find a need and fill it.

[bluebell]

I do think it's normal.  Doesn't make it easy though.

I like Chum's idea of volunteering.  I think that sometimes that can help a lot.  I started volunteering at my county animal shelter and have fallen in love with it.  I just hang out with cats and bunnies and then take a dog on a walk around the trails up by the center a couple times a week.  It's very fulfilling but it doesn't drain my batteries like dealing with people does (being an introvert and all).

 

[Tacenda]

2 minutes ago, bluebell said:

I do think it's normal.  Doesn't make it easy though.

I like Chum's idea of volunteering.  I think that sometimes that can help a lot.  I started volunteering at my county animal shelter and have fallen in love with it.  I just hang out with cats and bunnies and then take a dog on a walk around the trails up by the center a couple times a week.  It's very fulfilling but it doesn't drain my batteries like dealing with people does (being an introvert and all).

 

Cool, I showed up last year to volunteer at the animal shelter and they said they didn't need any volunteers at that time. Made me feel kind of bad. But I probably would not be a good fit, since some big dogs scare me. But good for you!!

[Tacenda]

1 hour ago, poptart said:

Thought I would ask here, when you go through something really traumatic in life then after enough time passes is it common for the feelings of rage to give way to alienation, isolation and trying to find where you fit in?  The latter is interesting, discovering now that many people I knew have kids or are settled, it's not the same.   It's not bad, it's priorities.  I'm still active, play sports when I can and live a slight variation of my old life.  That and the bad stuff took me years to deal with, events and coming to terms included.  Kinda at the point where I ask myself, now what?  I have a ways to go before my body fails (hopefully...) And this nagging question mark.  It's either that or my single friends who are video game addicts and in some cases borderline alcoholics.  It's kind of a weird feeling of limbo, I literally survived hell and here I am.  Solitude isn't a bad thing but something feels off.

I get in those moods quite often, and then thankfully good days compensate the bad ones. Also, this time of year is difficult for so many. Be it the lack of sun/daylight or the holidays. I hope you get back to a happy place. I'm in a funk because I'm turning 60 this month, and everything is going down hill fast. I get feelings of wishing I'd done more with my life while I was young. Take care Poptart, your input is always very welcome!

[bluebell]

3 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Cool, I showed up last year to volunteer at the animal shelter and they said they didn't need any volunteers at that time. Made me feel kind of bad. But I probably would not be a good fit, since some big dogs scare me. But good for you!!

You sign up online for the Davis Co one and you never have to be with the dogs is you don’t want. You have complete control. You should try again!

[Stargazer]

7 hours ago, Tacenda said:

I get in those moods quite often, and then thankfully good days compensate the bad ones. Also, this time of year is difficult for so many. Be it the lack of sun/daylight or the holidays. I hope you get back to a happy place. I'm in a funk because I'm turning 60 this month, and everything is going down hill fast. I get feelings of wishing I'd done more with my life while I was young. Take care Poptart, your input is always very welcome!

60? That's nothing!  Just wait until you turn 70!

I definitely have feelings of wishing I'd done more with my life when I was young. My health is still OK, however, so I have perhaps ten to twenty years left wherein I can get some things done. Or at least stay useful to society.

I think that it is more useful to one's self to consider what positive contributions one did make, rather than dwell upon what one could have done, if only. 

[rpn]

Yes I think that fallout is not infrequently the aftermath of trauma.  

[poptart]

I find myself falling back on childhood things, mostly from mom.  I heard a while ago you become your parents, my older brothers always kept to that side.  With how things in the USA are nowadays as well as what I hear from a widow aunt here in the mainland I find sticking to that culture for the best.  I dunno, seems like when I do talk to relatives here I get to hear about the non stop family distinction and infighting my poor widow aunt has it up with for years.  Moms side isn't perfect but geez, personal responsibility, accountability and caring for your elders is a thing.  Between what I do for work and everything else I can say I tried, much more than I can say for the other side.  Mom made sure my father had a Christian funeral, something his side would have never done, as they are now anyway.

At the point where I don't feel regret anymore, just disgust and a feeling of let God take care of it, I did my part.

I'll add this, big surprise the ones here that are a half member family are great.  Hardly anyone drinks, they're family oriented and the non members get along with everyone.  Helps mom went to byuh. What really makes me smile, they're smarter too.  A lot of people on the not so nice side think they're "simple" Lol I know better.  Amazing how dumb "educated" People can be.

 

Edited December 28, 2021 by poptart