How do I stop viewing incel boards through the spirit?

[MatteoBehnke]

I am 16, half-hispanic, and have autism, I am also Mormon and am trying to apply to a math academy and doing Rosetta Stone so I can get into and pay for a Spanish school in Mexico and study there, so I can get my Mexican citizenship and live in Mexico.

However, I have hit a huge rut, and I only believe I can get out of it through the spirit, all other solutions haven't worked, such as trying to see perspectives of equal rights groups, none of them had any solutions for me or believed in me, they were just trying to recruit me and they felt like the adversary.

The only person keeping me motivated is my 19 year old cousin Daliana who is Mormon, she lives in Mexico and wants to go to BYU-Hawaii, I want her help, so I can become a better person and reach my goals, and pray, read the Book of Mormon.

I feel awful and imperfect for not being able to avoid masturbation and porn, I feel its only led to more of my problems and caused me to get recruited into viewing these bad incel boards on Reddit, and it just screws up my perceptions of relationships.

As for the incel boards, I am trying to turn to Mormonism and ask advice here to avoid viewing them as majority of them hate 50% of the world's population and are extremely sexist and racist, hate religion.

I feel like I genuinely need to turn to God and the spirit in order to get rid of these feelings and talk with my cousin more and increase my activity, so I can find my path in life to live in Mexico.

Does anyone think my plan will work and will I be able to overcome the adversary through my solution and stop viewing incel boards on Reddit? Its starting to affect me for the worse and I feel the need to turn to the holy spirit, and my parents think so too.

I'm in a not-so-positive place right now and need encouragement, do any of you guys have advice for how to move forward? Should I talk to someone I know about my problems or people who is in the church like my cousin and my parents or the missionaries? Give some advice.

[The Nehor]

Good on you for trying to make things better.

I would get out of politics and civil rights questions. Not because it is not important but because your involvement seems to be with toxic people. The incel community has become a cause leading guys into committing mass shootings and other forms of terrorism. As you said they also hate women and are deeply racist. They also turn on each other. Their community ridicules and ostracizes those who come out against incel orthodoxy and those trying to leave it.

I recommend unplugging for a bit except for things that keep you in contact with people who you genuinely care for or care about you. Find some hobbies or focus on existing ones that are morally positive or at least neutral.

In regards to porn and giving up toxic message boards the best cure is to want something else more. The male brain’s reward system is rewarding you for what you are doing. Seek out other methods of getting those endorphins going. One of the best is physical activity. Find something physical to do that wears you out and gives you a feeling of accomplishment. This can be anything from running to hiking to sports to bird-watching. As trite as such a thing might sound make finding something you do not hate in this area a priority.

I don’t know the people around you well enough to know if sharing these struggle with them will help. In an ideal situation I would say you should but I don’t know how ideal your situation is.

Don’t fall into the habit of hating yourself. This is your brain feeding itself on self-pity to continue what it is comfortable with. Figure out ways to trick it into doing what you want. I don’t know what those are for you but the key to mastering your own brain and body often involves more trickery and cleverness than it does brute willpower.

If you are coping with a lot of depression and/or lack of energy it might be worth looking into if there is some physical cause.

Good luck!

Edited August 22, 2021 by The Nehor

[Robert F. Smith]

8 hours ago, MatteoBehnke said:

............................

I'm in a not-so-positive place right now and need encouragement, do any of you guys have advice for how to move forward? Should I talk to someone I know about my problems or people who is in the church like my cousin and my parents or the missionaries? Give some advice.

You are only 16, so don't expect too much of yourself.  You are still in a transitional age, still learning and maturing.  I would suggest getting into group therapy with your county mental health department, or ask your bishop to get you into group therapy.  I have seen individuals and families go into therapy and come out so much better and happier.  A few years ago, I had a bishop who paid for a family to go into therapy with LDS Family Services.  It was all confidential, and worked out very well.  The only reason I knew about it was because, as ward financial clerk, I prepared the checks.   Such problems are far more common than you might think.

[rpn]

1)  You are and always will be a beloved child of Heavenly Parents who created your spirit body and sent you to earth to get the mortal body you need (and wanted before you came to earth) and learn how to have your spirit control its parts, passions and appetites in submission to Their will so you can learn to become like Them and return to Them with honor.  (They also sent Jesus to be your Savior and through the atonement close any gap between personal best  and quick repentance of actual sin, and objective perfection.)    Sexual appetites are strong to help you want to get married and have children when you are an adult because families are the basic governmental unit of heaven.   Think of these issues as not yet teaching your body to follow your spirit.   (Satan has long encouraged mortals to misuse sexual desire because he knows how easy it is get messed up and to thwart Their Plan that calls for all children to be born to married mother and father who try to follow  Their teachings.)    Remember always that your Heavenly Parents and your Savior know you intimately and well in every moment of your life.  They are rooting for your success in becoming like Them.   They love you even when you are struggling to follow Them, or don't want to follow Them because you want to do something you know They won't approve of.    In order to be further away from Them, YOU have to move.

You can rid yourself of porn and masturbation.   It may take cold and 1 min showers,  a stripped down phone that goes on the counter when you get home (or maybe for a while no electronics at all), different clothing, or sleeping  where you are without privacy, or quit walking by a particular store front, or some other change in the environment.   Experts will tell you that if you want to replace a habit, you should substitute some other activity.  Every.Time.Immediately.Until exhaustion.or.sleep.   Could be cleaning, singing, dancing, crocheting, pushups or running, writing in a journal, or something else.   But if you consistently substitute the new thing for the undesired thing for 30-45 days that may be enough to rid yourself of it, but if it takes you longer, just do it.

Sometimes masturbation has become a coping mechanism (even perhaps for something wholly unrelated to sex).  If you are one of those, you'll need a therapist to help you sort that out and figure out how to cope differently.

2)  Yes you can learn spanish and move to Mexico when you graduate from high school (or the equivalent where you are).   You'll want to identify the nearest Mexican consular office and ask them what the process for doing that would be.   I suspect you'll have the biggest opportunity if you get your education finished and have a marketable tech skill when you apply for that.   So focus on getting as much education and certified skills as you can between now and when you turn 18 (I'd suggest finish college too: there are colleges that have study abroad in Mexico to get a start.)

Edited August 23, 2021 by rpn

[rpn]

Oh, and incel doesn't/shouldn't apply to 16 year olds anyway, or anyone for that matter chooses to follow the commandments and wait for sex until they marry someone.   The term refers to involuntarily celibate, not "I'm smart enough to know that having sex when I'm sixteen not just violates the laws of God, but it also gets in the way of doing teenage developmental tasks of understanding how I and the world works.   Further sex at 16 or 18 or even 25 with someone other than my wife may be pleasurable, but can also create children who deserve to be born in stable circumstances.  I'm smart enough not to have sex that may mean I get diseases, break the hearts of women who think I care about them when I just want to get off, and get sidetracked from the experiences that will help me become my best self."

Some would argue that the current incel movement and/or posting sites are also about white supremacy --- and surely you're also smart enough to stay away from that.

Edited August 23, 2021 by rpn

[MustardSeed]

I never thought I could break free from Facebook but I did.  I had a horrible habit.  I replaced it with more wholesome activity.

Try not to simply eliminate behaviors, but rather to fill the hole left behind with something that will serve to manage the tension that you presently relieve with porn. 

 

I know its possible - I also know it's not easy.  But you're a big part of the way out - you see there is an imbalance.  You can do this. 

[Robert F. Smith]

6 hours ago, MustardSeed said:

I never thought I could break free from Facebook but I did.  I had a horrible habit.  I replaced it with more wholesome activity.

Try not to simply eliminate behaviors, but rather to fill the hole left behind with something that will serve to manage the tension that you presently relieve with porn. 

 

I know its possible - I also know it's not easy.  But you're a big part of the way out - you see there is an imbalance.  You can do this. 

That notion of replacement is right on point.  I recall chewing my fingernails all my life.  Just couldn't quit, even though my Mom put bad tasting lacquer on my nails.  Then at age 17 I found myself in Marine Corps boot camp.  Within a few weeks I had actual fingernails and had to begin using fingernail clippers for the first time in my life.  Have never chewed them since.  I had replaced fingernail chewing with focus on obeying orders and being a good Marine.  The Drill Instructor had my full attention.  😎

[MustardSeed]

In addition, shame - the belief, feeling, experience that you are not worthy or good enough fuels self destructive behavior.  Come to understand that the shame you likely feel is based on misunderstanding of your place in the world based on how you learned to cope with difficulties in childhood.  You no longer need those constructs.  You are worthy of love - 

The shame is a self fueling monster.  Your task is to interrupt the cycle.