Jump to content

How Do I Resign Without My Parents Knowing?


Recommended Posts

Hello! I am curious about how to resign without my parents finding out I resigned. I am an adult whose assigned ward and stake are different from my parents' (so the bishops will be different) but I am scared that my family will treat me poorly if they find out I resigned. I am curious what is the best way to resign from the church? Note: I may come back to the church but this is not a forum for people to convince me to go back as I have already decided this is the path I want to take. 

Link to comment

If you are in a different stake they won’t find out via the change in records unless they are VERY meticulous and/or are a clerk that looks at their record regularly and wonder why your name looks a little different than your other siblings. This is unlikely unless it is part of their calling. They won’t have access to your record unless they are in your ward but their record will have a list of family on it and, if you know what you are looking for, you can tell if a child or parent is a member or not.

If you request name removal the bishop and stake president will know. They may contact you to try to resolve any concerns you have. They are not required or advised to contact your parents to see if there is a problem that they can help with but they might. It would take them some digging and possibly a call to Salt Lake to get in touch with your parents though depending on how tech savvy they are. I doubt they would though.

Note that there are other ways they can find out if you don’t have a temple recommend to attend a wedding or they ask you to help bless a niece or nephew or something like that. I hope the worry about being treated poorly is more them trying to help in a way you find obnoxious and not actual contempt.

Link to comment

They will find out when they are invited at tithing settlement in December to check their records and your name is no longer listed along with your siblings.   If they aren't paying attention, it may not register.  

If your parents are believers, they will for sure be concerned, scared for you, possibly feel guilty that they are somehow at fault for your choice (though this kind of guilt is inconsistent with our understanding of agency, of course).   But if I were in their place, what would be worst of all is that you did it without giving them any chance to talk about your concerns and perhaps resolve them.   Those of us who've known members who considered or  done this know that sometimes the concerns CAN be resolved.   Sometimes the concerns are due to a misunderstanding of the expectations of members and the Atonement.  And sometimes even when they cannot be resolved, those who do not resign, but simply no longer attend church or participate in things do not cut the sealing ties and keep the gift of the Holy Ghost, both of which can help them and their families going forward.    Also, while it won't help the sting for parents, if you can tell them that you made an effort to understand and resolve and couldn't, AND if you can tell them what you still believe (That you have Heavenly Parents and a Savior who know you intimately and well in every moment of your life and who are rooting for you as Their beloved child to do what you wanted to do?   That God exists?  That you still want to do good and be good?  What they taught you that you intend to carry on as traditions?  or whatever) that will also  keep the connections that can be kept even if you are no longer a member.

(The mixed faith marriages that survive focus on what they both still share --- presumably resigning doesn't mean you no longer intend to be honest, or hardworking or ??????????.   It will be helpful when you talk with your parents about this if you can identify what you still share.)

 

 

Link to comment
23 minutes ago, rpn said:

They will find out when they are invited at tithing settlement in December to check their records and your name is no longer listed along with your siblings.   If they aren't paying attention, it may not register.  

90% sure this is not accurate. The names of children stay on the record even if they are not members. The difference in the system is that they won’t have a unit number next to them like member children would. If they review an ordinance summary they might see that their child has no original confirmation date but that may not change after name removal as it is the original confirmation date. Not sure there. Most people don’t go through that regularly and tithing time review of records is also not done as much as it used to be in many wards.

Link to comment
23 hours ago, bluedish123 said:

Hello! I am curious about how to resign without my parents finding out I resigned.

Change your name, move to another country, and never talk to them again.

Seriously, unless you plan on cutting off all communication with your parents it is going to come out eventually.

You might as well be asking how to get married / divorced without your parents finding out.

 

Quote

I am an adult whose assigned ward and stake are different from my parents' (so the bishops will be different) but I am scared that my family will treat me poorly if they find out I resigned.

If you think they are going to treat you poorly for leaving the church, how do you think they will treat you if they discover that you both left the church and lied to them about it?

 

Quote

I am curious what is the best way to resign from the church? Note: I may come back to the church but this is not a forum for people to convince me to go back as I have already decided this is the path I want to take. 

If you aren't completely closed off to the idea of returning to church someday then why bother with actually resigning your membership? Why not just slide into inactivity instead?

 

Edited by Amulek
Link to comment
On 7/28/2021 at 3:04 PM, bluedish123 said:

Hello! I am curious about how to resign without my parents finding out I resigned. I am an adult whose assigned ward and stake are different from my parents' (so the bishops will be different) but I am scared that my family will treat me poorly if they find out I resigned. I am curious what is the best way to resign from the church? Note: I may come back to the church but this is not a forum for people to convince me to go back as I have already decided this is the path I want to take. 

Why remove yourself from the records of the church? I’ve never been in a situation like this, but I have always been curious as to why people feel the need to take their name of the list.

Link to comment
19 hours ago, The Nehor said:

90% sure this is not accurate.

That's how I found out my son had resigned.   He doesn't show up any more on our records though his siblings do.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Fether said:

Why remove yourself from the records of the church? I’ve never been in a situation like this, but I have always been curious as to why people feel the need to take their name of the list.

Ones I have heard….

So as not to be bothered by contacts, even occasional ones; because they need mental and emotional distance; because they don’t want to be identified as Latter-day Saint; because they don’t want others to push them about covenants they don’t believe in; because even if they don’t believe the covenant itself they feel it appropriate to state they no longer promise to do ____; to make a social/political statement that they reject something about the church; because it feels like one less thing they have to think about, it is simplifying their life…

No doubt there are more reasons. 

Link to comment
31 minutes ago, rpn said:

That's how I found out my son had resigned.   He doesn't show up any more on our records though his siblings do.

Did you ever talk to him about it and find out why he didn’t tell you?  No need to share if you prefer not or if you think it is his story to share.

Link to comment

 

3 hours ago, rpn said:

That's how I found out my son had resigned.   He doesn't show up any more on our records though his siblings do.

That makes me feel better, because my one son who I thought might resign is still there. 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, The Nehor said:

Was that recent? They recently changed some of the forms.

It actually makes sense. How could they say they removed your name from the records if your name was still found in the records?

But the names are actually never deleted from the database. If a name-removed person wants to come back, they have to be able to find them -- the church does not simply allow name-removed and membership-revoked people come back in without jumping through certain hoops. If someone came back in as a convert, as soon as the new member record arrived at SLC they would no doubt match it with the name-removed record. Unless the person's name had changed, I suppose.  

Link to comment
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...