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So sorry Calm


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I want to apologize to Calm for blaming fair mormon for my loss of faith the past few days.  Last night I sat down and talked to my wife and she really helped see why I'm so upset at the church and feel like I've been let down. I will say that I still think the videos you guys put out last week a pure crap and will have the opposite effect of what your trying to achieve,  but if I gave you the impression that they were the only thing that caused me to lose my testimony then I'm truly sorry. I think the videos were the final straw for me because there's been events in the past few years that have been bubbling just under the surface and I guess you could say everything has erupted in the past days. Let me tell you a couple of the events that have really broken my testimony even though I didn't know it till    now Example 1.  I absolutely love the word Mormon! I defend it, I love it, I'm proud of it and it has always brought me comfort. Growing up when president Hinckley said we should take pride in being called mormon I believed him. He said to him the word mormon means more good and that's exactly how I feel. So when President Nelson basically asked us to remove that word from our vocabulary I was hurt and i didn't realize how much until now. 2nd example.  I've always been extremely uncomfortable attending weddings at the temple when family members have to stand outside and wait. The past 2 weddings have actually had nonmember family attend and even though my wife got extremely upset I stood outside at both weddings with the people waiting in the parking lot feeling like I was there to give them comfort. I couldn't go inside I was to upset. 3rd example.  I was a chaperone at a church dance and my daughter invited a friend from school. My daughter let her borrow a skirt because she didn't actually own one. Well, we get there and after about 30 minutes the 1st councilor goes up to my daughter's group of friends and actually pulls my daughters friend a few feet outside the group and ask her to go out into the hallway. Me and my daughter join them and he tries to measure her skirt by bending down and putting his fingers just below her skirt to see how far the skirt was above her knees. When she started to cry I had them go to the truck and wait, then I totally exploded on the guy. I've known him my whole life and know all his dirty life secrets and told him everything he had ever done wrong in his past. I even brought up that he was caught masturbating on a camping trip. It was bad and I regret it to this day. And finally I think the one that has hurt me for many many years. As a youth my uncle was called to be the bishop. He was the coolest guy i have ever met and he was no different once he became bishop. But I guess he was somewhat of a rebel because he would do activities like midnight basketball, he had a camping trip with both young men and young women sleep around the campfire, he got in huge trouble for that one. He put rootbeer in a keg and had a rootbeer party in the cultural hall. We absolutley loved the guy, but I guess there was some major turmoil brewing between him and the stake president because he was released after I think around 8 months. He didn't come to church for years and even now you can tell he's not fully comfortable attending. So that's what I'm dealing with inside, its not just your videos I hope I didn't give you that impression. 

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I may try and write more later...my brain isn’t the best these days and things fall out all the time, but board stuff usually sticks as I see it in writing and think it...

I wanted to say I never think something has only one case, humans are way too complicated for that. I am sorry about the burdens you have been carrying and if they got too much with what we have unintentionally added for you.  I hope you can resolve them enough so you can hold on to all the good you have had over the years in the Church. 

I think the Lord allows us leaders who make mistakes, sometimes big ones, so we learn to depend on him and no one else for our spiritual leadership. Doesn’t justify what people do, especially to the innocent, but it isn’t about them, God will handle the judging of them for us; it is about ourselves and learning what is important to ourselves, what we want to desire, what we want to cherish and protect. That you are angry or pained by these experiences means there is something in them that really speaks to you, protecting the innocence and joy, the light hearts in others might be an expression of you wishing you had more those qualities in yourself and your anger may be in part that you have lost them or haven’t been able to drag them out of the back rooms to dust off and live in as you wish. 

This is just an example that might have nothing to do with your situation. I just believe anger can be useful to both hide ourselves to avoid looking into our own depths when use negatively for self protection and to positive protect by helping to motivate us to dig deep because it gives us power and determination in strong doses. 

PS:  I am so grateful that the rule of having to wait a year to be temple married if civilly married first has been removed.  Been hoping it would happen for years.  I had made the decision to stay out side if the parents of my children’s spouses were not temple recommend holders, but they were active members so never had the chance to see if I was determined enough. :) 

And Covid has given us an opportunity to embrace that change by have a number of strong members choose to go for it since the other option was perhaps putting their marriage off for a year or possibly more. Two nieces had lovely garden weddings this past summer.

CFR Hopefully this means now much less, maybe even none stigma will be attached to the choice...though I also hope members don’t develop the overboard habit of elaborate, debt inducing, civil weddings thinking they deserve both the worldly and the sacred ceremonies.  I hope civil weddings will remain modest, simple and happy affairs for family to be together.  I always felt we were missing the joyous, community oriented, fun filled parts of weddings I see in traditional cultures weddings that I would like to see more of rather than the European heritage of turning the bride into a princess to be worshipped for a day.  I have always hated the idea that a wedding is the pinnacle of a woman’s life just like a mission will be the best two years of a missionary’s life...first off what happens if they are rotten days...it is so much worse than it needed be with high expectations. And what does it say about the meaning and fun of the rest of your life...is marriage, raising children, etc all just afterthoughts, never as valued as that one day or those two years.  It is a very foolish expectation to create. 

I rambled on...you opened up one of my Pet Peeves with your wedding remark. I could go on for hours but time to head back to sleep. Getting some nice rest today. 

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