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Are men staying single more nowadays?


poptart

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As in not getting married or not having a romantic partner at all?

Not getting married is on the increase:

https://www.bentley.edu/news/nowuknow-why-millennials-refuse-get-married

And here is a survey on singles:

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/

Quote

While about three-in-ten U.S. adults (31%) say they are single – that is, not married, living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationship – that share varies widely across demographic groups. The youngest and oldest Americans are the most likely to be single – 41% of those ages 18 to 29 and 36% of those 65 and older say they are single, compared with 23% of those 30 to 49 and 28% of those 50 to 64.

These age differences bely huge differences by gender. Among men, those younger than 30 are by far the most likely to be single: About half of men in this age group (51%) are single, compared with only 27% of those ages 30 to 49 and 50 to 64 and 21% of men 65 and older. Women, by contrast, are by far most likely to be single later in life – roughly half of women ages 65 and older are unpartnered (49%), while those ages 30 to 49 are the least likely to be single (19%). Roughly three-in-ten women ages 18 to 29 (32%) and 50 to 64 (29%) are single.

The fact that men and women tend to be single at very different stages of life reflects both men’s shorter life expectancy and their tendency to marry later in life than women.

Also:

https://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2020/05/27/as-millennials-near-40-theyre-approaching-family-life-differently-than-previous-generations/

Edited by Calm
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Would you be interested in jumping out of an airplane when the parachute only works 50% of the time? The gov't where I live already has reacted to less marriage by making living together , even for a short time, the equivalent of marriage when it comes to splitting assets etc. Marriage and family law is such now that it is a major disincentive for men to enter a long term relationship. 

Millennials are the children of divorce  but hopes springs eternal so they still try although reluctantly .

I personally am going to be married for 50 years soon.  I wonder what %age of folks will get there in the next 30 years? 

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54 minutes ago, Calm said:

That's interesting, thanks!

5 minutes ago, strappinglad said:

Would you be interested in jumping out of an airplane when the parachute only works 50% of the time? The gov't where I live already has reacted to less marriage by making living together , even for a short time, the equivalent of marriage when it comes to splitting assets etc. Marriage and family law is such now that it is a major disincentive for men to enter a long term relationship. 

Millennials are the children of divorce  but hopes springs eternal so they still try although reluctantly .

I personally am going to be married for 50 years soon.  I wonder what %age of folks will get there in the next 30 years? 

I'm LGBT so it's a tad bit different for me than many of you (I think).  Since there usually aren't children involved most of the LGBT couples I known.  What scares me with common law marriage and arrangements where there are children, getting stuck paying child support for children that aren't yours. 

We're not only the children of divorce, many of us grew up poor, miserable and ignored by society in general.  In return, we've turned our backs on the very society that did it to us when we were children.  One reason why I think we're seeing such a big pushback against religion and whats left of traditional family structure is we were denied it as children and live in a divided society where people do not care.  So long as people keep treating each other like this, it's going to keep getting worse.

Not many.  Only happily married people I know?  Their wives aren't from the USA.  almost all the guys I knew who married a while ago are all divorced, think about half of them were cheated on.

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19 hours ago, strappinglad said:

Would you be interested in jumping out of an airplane when the parachute only works 50% of the time? The gov't where I live already has reacted to less marriage by making living together , even for a short time, the equivalent of marriage when it comes to splitting assets etc. Marriage and family law is such now that it is a major disincentive for men to enter a long term relationship. 

Millennials are the children of divorce  but hopes springs eternal so they still try although reluctantly .

I personally am going to be married for 50 years soon.  I wonder what %age of folks will get there in the next 30 years? 

May I ask what country you live in?  Canada?

4 hours ago, juliann said:

Why do you think this is?

Just my two cents, take it for what it's worth I mean no offense by this.  Half the family I have is from Hawaii, my cousins speak Japanese and used to go to Japan a few times a year pre covid.  That side has problems like everyone else but nothing like we've seen here.  The women I have dated tended to be Asian because of mom and who I am deep down.  I didn't get to grow up in a nice WASP suburb like a lot of you (I'm guessing here....) and well, childhood spite over mom being treated like total garbage.  Not saying one type of woman/person is better, it's more like the values are more intact compared to people here anymore.  Even my brothers are the same, as fair as I am yet they tend to live with people from Hawaii.  Oldest brothers wife is from Vietnam, her parents are loaded. 

Like I said, this isn't petty judgement on any of you but yeah, my friends who do have foreign born spouses have had more or less the same experiences I have.  Even the friends I have from Europe aren't that different in that regard, they value family far more. 

I think what it is, it's not so much any one group of people being better, it's more like people here, especially my generation has really fallen far from grace.  I'm a cultural Christian at this point, anymore I'd say let the pope and your President/Prophet get together and spam the country with missions again, if it would matter.  It does seem like people here have thrived when the Christian religion did its thing, unlike other cultures it seems like they always need some moral authority to tell them what to do.  If it works, fine with me.  It's sad to see this country in the shape its in. 

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47 minutes ago, rpn said:

If you can all of the benefits of getting married, without any of the obligations, sure there are a whole lot of people who would take that.

I think marriage has it's benefits if the person on the other end comes from a good family (preferably with both parents married) has a job, is healthy and has his/her own life, bonus points if he/she likes sports.  If children are involved those things keep them in shape, usually encourage good nutritional/lifestyle habits and can help them get into college with a scholarship (if they're any good). 

That's how families grow powerful, through marriage of equal, strong adults.  Believe there's a phrase in the bible, be ye not equally yoked.  How many times in your faith have you seen some outsider marry one of your own, drag then down an unwholesome path and if there's kids make them (or try to) as bad as he/she is?  Sadly, I have seen it.  Something i'll give the Mormons, the ones i've seen are more willing than most to still treat them like one of their own.  That factors back into my view of marriage, good people see value in family.  If it wasn't for moms family i'd have been so screwed. 

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26 minutes ago, strappinglad said:

si

Ohh boy i've heard stories, how's that damaging things up there?  I've debated picking up nursing shifts up there when things calm down a bit.  Have an LGBT acquaitence who's LDS, apparently even men get screwed over in court.  With what's going on here I wonder how much longer it will be till those with skills just go elsewhere where the laws aren't so unfair.  Either that or if you keep backing people into a corner they'll lash out.  Over here unpaid child support can equal jail.  Also down here if you have a felony, good luck getting a job.  When I worked in claims, had the ocasional claim where an insured murdered his ex.  Sure, he's in jail for a while now but considering what his alternative is as well as the mental stress that all causes, well there it is.  A cornered animal is very dangerous, people are no different.

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On 11/22/2020 at 6:47 PM, poptart said:

Not many.  Only happily married people I know?  Their wives aren't from the USA.

That’s interesting. I had a student say something similar. He said American girls are crazy and he had to go to Europe for a bride. I know plenty of American men who are happy with their wives but I never forgot that comment. I’m not sure what his expectations were. 

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3 hours ago, katherine the great said:

That’s interesting. I had a student say something similar. He said American girls are crazy and he had to go to Europe for a bride. I know plenty of American men who are happy with their wives but I never forgot that comment. I’m not sure what his expectations were. 

Well, let's start with the easy stuff:  Is she breathing?  Does she have a ... pulse? ;)

:D:rofl::D

Sorry!  :huh:  Couldn't resist! :unknw:  Carry on!

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I don't believe marriage is at the top of the list of things to have in life. I think a single person can lead just as good a life. A single person can branch out and do amazing things in this life because they aren't having to take care of a spouse and children. They can branch out and solve the world's problems, they can be a help to others' with families. The list goes on. 

Marriage isn't the be all in life. Definitely not. I know that goes against the LDS teachings, but it's what I believe. Singles aren't boxed in a certain way of life or beholden to children and a spouse. Sometimes trapped if heaven forbid if that marriage is horrendous, that's a whole new take. 

My brother in law, loves adventure, hunting etc. His former wife had an affair on him, so that may have made him jaded. But he did like to do a lot of hunting and left her quite often. I guess she needed someone to show her affection, but that's no excuse. 

Several times he's been near marrying again, but something comes up like he'll say she won't let him put his deer antlers up or ? The latest girlfriend was so close they actually got engaged. And she'd even moved all of her stuff including furnishings into his home. It was so close but they postponed it a week before. My BIL wanted to make sure they got a good prenup which she was fine with. Well she made the mistake of mentioning she'd like to move to another home one day, she makes sixty thousand a year btw. And well, that didn't go over well and he broke off the engagement. And did I tell you she went out and bought a camouflage nighty? 

He is just too set in his ways, and not really able to bend I guess. Women like to decorate how they want. It's kind of their domain, usually. Too bad that she wasn't important enough to have let that go. His priorities are different I guess. And that is okay, it's okay to be single. But he has a vast amount of friends he's met through some meet up group or single's group that they go every weekend rappelling or hiking or you name it. 

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22 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

And did I tell you she went out and bought a camouflage nighty?

That’s very cute. It sounds like she’ll make someone a good partner some day. I agree that some people just aren’t cut out for marriage. Marriage is a lot of work and it requires sacrifice. Your brother-in-law sounds like a decent guy who just maybe isn’t well suited for marriage and isn’t willing  to make the changes necessary or hasn’t found a woman willing to be alone most of the time.

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27 minutes ago, katherine the great said:

That’s very cute. It sounds like she’ll make someone a good partner some day. I agree that some people just aren’t cut out for marriage. Marriage is a lot of work and it requires sacrifice. Your brother-in-law sounds like a decent guy who just maybe isn’t well suited for marriage and isn’t willing  to make the changes necessary or hasn’t found a woman willing to be alone most of the time.

Nailed it! For the most part, she did do a lot of hiking with his group and repelling! All, while looking fabulous, she had the perfect hair and makeup. We met her at a reunion and she was so awesome. She has 6 kids with her first husband who came out gay and they divorced. Then met another man who she married and he left her and another divorce. She's had a rough go darn it. 

Edited by Tacenda
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On 11/23/2020 at 9:48 PM, katherine the great said:

That’s interesting. I had a student say something similar. He said American girls are crazy and he had to go to Europe for a bride. I know plenty of American men who are happy with their wives but I never forgot that comment. I’m not sure what his expectations were. 

I think it's a good idea that I live in a different world compared to a lot of you.  Besides the most likely far more stable people I'm guessing you guys have in and out of church, there's also upbringing.  Point is, I'd wonder how you know the number of happily married people you do.  To be honest, half the family here is quite unstable and due to the father that came from that side, was not exposed to many decent people.  As an adult, after being burned as badly as I was, i've more or less written it off and stick with the other side.  Anyway, look at the divorce statistics, out of wedlock births, health etc.  I'm not one to pin it all on one gender, men are about as bad but from what I hear from hetrosexual male friends, it's a struggle.  Also yeah, I'd be curious what your students expectations were, that and I'm suprised he was that honest.  I keep a lot of things to myself IRL, especially nowadays. 

On 11/24/2020 at 7:55 AM, Tacenda said:

I don't believe marriage is at the top of the list of things to have in life. I think a single person can lead just as good a life. A single person can branch out and do amazing things in this life because they aren't having to take care of a spouse and children. They can branch out and solve the world's problems, they can be a help to others' with families. The list goes on. 

Marriage isn't the be all in life. Definitely not. I know that goes against the LDS teachings, but it's what I believe. Singles aren't boxed in a certain way of life or beholden to children and a spouse. Sometimes trapped if heaven forbid if that marriage is horrendous, that's a whole new take. 

My brother in law, loves adventure, hunting etc. His former wife had an affair on him, so that may have made him jaded. But he did like to do a lot of hunting and left her quite often. I guess she needed someone to show her affection, but that's no excuse. 

Several times he's been near marrying again, but something comes up like he'll say she won't let him put his deer antlers up or ? The latest girlfriend was so close they actually got engaged. And she'd even moved all of her stuff including furnishings into his home. It was so close but they postponed it a week before. My BIL wanted to make sure they got a good prenup which she was fine with. Well she made the mistake of mentioning she'd like to move to another home one day, she makes sixty thousand a year btw. And well, that didn't go over well and he broke off the engagement. And did I tell you she went out and bought a camouflage nighty? 

He is just too set in his ways, and not really able to bend I guess. Women like to decorate how they want. It's kind of their domain, usually. Too bad that she wasn't important enough to have let that go. His priorities are different I guess. And that is okay, it's okay to be single. But he has a vast amount of friends he's met through some meet up group or single's group that they go every weekend rappelling or hiking or you name it. 

Think you and the Catholic Church put a huge emphasis on hetrosexual marriage.  Here's my take, if you're born to a middle/upper middle class family that belongs to a faith like that, you're likely going to watch what you say and do because you figure out quickly that the USA doesn't have much of a safety net and people really aren't that nice.  I know LDS people who had fantastic childhoods that are all but unheard of for many.  A stable family, community, friends who will go out of their way to help you, boyscouts etc.  That kind of privilege is out of reach for many nowadays, if your good standing in a religion involves you at least saying publicly you agree with it, well, most would for those benefits alone, I would.  Then again I'm also a materialist.

Anyway, at least you're being honest.  Marriage isn't a priority for most anymore because so many of us had pretty bad childhoods.  As adults, besides not seeing the value, most of us aren't marriage material.  I would totally clash with most people here value wise, that and I don't put up with a lot nor believe in change.  I am who I am and that's that.  I know a lot of people who think just like I do, they're single for that reason.  Other reason, so many people after HS have kids and a lot of people don't like children.  Can argue till you're blue in the face about how selfish this is, you'd be correct, it is selfish, so what?  It's foolish and naive to expect someone who did not grow up in a family oriented enviroment to appreciate what a single parent goes through, in fact I think it can be quite dangerous.  There's a whole class of slimeballs out there who seek out and prey upon single parents, my father was one of them.  He made my half brothers lives a living hell and was far, far worse to me because he knew how to harm people via the courts.  No one, religious nor secular came to our rescue, we were on our own.  So many kids have to grow up that way and US society just sweeps them under the rug.  You look at all the homelessness, drug abuse and eventual elder abandonment that comes out of things like that.  I know a few men my age who did similar things my father did, they've caused so much harm on their ex's children it's sad.  I know a lot of people do have partners with children from previous relationships, it's been my experience most never consider the harm they cause when they opt for single parents because in some cases they're very easy to exploit.  Makes me sick.

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2 hours ago, poptart said:

I think it's a good idea that I live in a different world compared to a lot of you.  Besides the most likely far more stable people I'm guessing you guys have in and out of church, there's also upbringing.  Point is, I'd wonder how you know the number of happily married people you do.  To be honest, half the family here is quite unstable and due to the father that came from that side, was not exposed to many decent people.  As an adult, after being burned as badly as I was, i've more or less written it off and stick with the other side.  Anyway, look at the divorce statistics, out of wedlock births, health etc.  I'm not one to pin it all on one gender, men are about as bad but from what I hear from hetrosexual male friends, it's a struggle.  Also yeah, I'd be curious what your students expectations were, that and I'm suprised he was that honest.  I keep a lot of things to myself IRL, especially nowadays. 

Think you and the Catholic Church put a huge emphasis on hetrosexual marriage.  Here's my take, if you're born to a middle/upper middle class family that belongs to a faith like that, you're likely going to watch what you say and do because you figure out quickly that the USA doesn't have much of a safety net and people really aren't that nice.  I know LDS people who had fantastic childhoods that are all but unheard of for many.  A stable family, community, friends who will go out of their way to help you, boyscouts etc.  That kind of privilege is out of reach for many nowadays, if your good standing in a religion involves you at least saying publicly you agree with it, well, most would for those benefits alone, I would.  Then again I'm also a materialist.

Anyway, at least you're being honest.  Marriage isn't a priority for most anymore because so many of us had pretty bad childhoods.  As adults, besides not seeing the value, most of us aren't marriage material.  I would totally clash with most people here value wise, that and I don't put up with a lot nor believe in change.  I am who I am and that's that.  I know a lot of people who think just like I do, they're single for that reason.  Other reason, so many people after HS have kids and a lot of people don't like children.  Can argue till you're blue in the face about how selfish this is, you'd be correct, it is selfish, so what?  It's foolish and naive to expect someone who did not grow up in a family oriented enviroment to appreciate what a single parent goes through, in fact I think it can be quite dangerous.  There's a whole class of slimeballs out there who seek out and prey upon single parents, my father was one of them.  He made my half brothers lives a living hell and was far, far worse to me because he knew how to harm people via the courts.  No one, religious nor secular came to our rescue, we were on our own.  So many kids have to grow up that way and US society just sweeps them under the rug.  You look at all the homelessness, drug abuse and eventual elder abandonment that comes out of things like that.  I know a few men my age who did similar things my father did, they've caused so much harm on their ex's children it's sad.  I know a lot of people do have partners with children from previous relationships, it's been my experience most never consider the harm they cause when they opt for single parents because in some cases they're very easy to exploit.  Makes me sick.

Poptart, have you ever heard of the book called, "A Child Called "It"? His mother starting abusing him when he was around 7 or 8, can't remember, she was mentally ill, but back in the 60's or 70's the laws were a lot different and she was able to get away with severe abuse to him for several years until I believe 12 when teachers decided something had to be done. I got an audible of this and his other book of him being taken out of the home, and put in foster homes called, "A Man Named Dave: A Story of Triumph and Forgiveness". And how the struggles he endured made him an exceptional person because his need for survival, I believe. Not always happens I know, but there is hopefully a good ending too for these abused children, they sure deserve it. His abuse was so horrific I don't know how he survived it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Pelzer

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18 hours ago, Tacenda said:

Poptart, have you ever heard of the book called, "A Child Called "It"? His mother starting abusing him when he was around 7 or 8, can't remember, she was mentally ill, but back in the 60's or 70's the laws were a lot different and she was able to get away with severe abuse to him for several years until I believe 12 when teachers decided something had to be done. I got an audible of this and his other book of him being taken out of the home, and put in foster homes called, "A Man Named Dave: A Story of Triumph and Forgiveness". And how the struggles he endured made him an exceptional person because his need for survival, I believe. Not always happens I know, but there is hopefully a good ending too for these abused children, they sure deserve it. His abuse was so horrific I don't know how he survived it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Pelzer

I'll check that out, thanks!

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On 11/25/2020 at 11:59 AM, poptart said:

I think it's a good idea that I live in a different world compared to a lot of you.  Besides the most likely far more stable people I'm guessing you guys have in and out of church, there's also upbringing.  Point is, I'd wonder how you know the number of happily married people you do.  To be honest, half the family here is quite unstable and due to the father that came from that side, was not exposed to many decent people.  As an adult, after being burned as badly as I was, i've more or less written it off and stick with the other side.  Anyway, look at the divorce statistics, out of wedlock births, health etc.  I'm not one to pin it all on one gender, men are about as bad but from what I hear from hetrosexual male friends, it's a struggle.  Also yeah, I'd be curious what your students expectations were, that and I'm suprised he was that honest.  I keep a lot of things to myself IRL, especially nowadays. 

Think you and the Catholic Church put a huge emphasis on hetrosexual marriage.  Here's my take, if you're born to a middle/upper middle class family that belongs to a faith like that, you're likely going to watch what you say and do because you figure out quickly that the USA doesn't have much of a safety net and people really aren't that nice.  I know LDS people who had fantastic childhoods that are all but unheard of for many.  A stable family, community, friends who will go out of their way to help you, boyscouts etc.  That kind of privilege is out of reach for many nowadays, if your good standing in a religion involves you at least saying publicly you agree with it, well, most would for those benefits alone, I would.  Then again I'm also a materialist.

Anyway, at least you're being honest.  Marriage isn't a priority for most anymore because so many of us had pretty bad childhoods.  As adults, besides not seeing the value, most of us aren't marriage material.  I would totally clash with most people here value wise, that and I don't put up with a lot nor believe in change.  I am who I am and that's that.  I know a lot of people who think just like I do, they're single for that reason.  Other reason, so many people after HS have kids and a lot of people don't like children.  Can argue till you're blue in the face about how selfish this is, you'd be correct, it is selfish, so what?  It's foolish and naive to expect someone who did not grow up in a family oriented enviroment to appreciate what a single parent goes through, in fact I think it can be quite dangerous.  There's a whole class of slimeballs out there who seek out and prey upon single parents, my father was one of them.  He made my half brothers lives a living hell and was far, far worse to me because he knew how to harm people via the courts.  No one, religious nor secular came to our rescue, we were on our own.  So many kids have to grow up that way and US society just sweeps them under the rug.  You look at all the homelessness, drug abuse and eventual elder abandonment that comes out of things like that.  I know a few men my age who did similar things my father did, they've caused so much harm on their ex's children it's sad.  I know a lot of people do have partners with children from previous relationships, it's been my experience most never consider the harm they cause when they opt for single parents because in some cases they're very easy to exploit.  Makes me sick.

It’s funny how personal experience colors our perceptions. One thing I know. Everyone is broken. Everyone has challenges, whether of their own making, born with them, due to the actions of someone else or a combination thereof. You never know what a person or family is going through. Tragedy, mistakes and consequences aren’t limited to certain economic classes or certain races. Life is HARD. 
 

The Gospel provides a way for the broken to be healed. Forgiveness and mercy are in short supply these days among the general population. It’s all about justice and revenge. I’ll take mercy and leave justice to The Lord. 

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4 hours ago, sweetpotatoh said:

It’s funny how personal experience colors our perceptions. One thing I know. Everyone is broken. Everyone has challenges, whether of their own making, born with them, due to the actions of someone else or a combination thereof. You never know what a person or family is going through. Tragedy, mistakes and consequences aren’t limited to certain economic classes or certain races. Life is HARD. 
 

The Gospel provides a way for the broken to be healed. Forgiveness and mercy are in short supply these days among the general population. It’s all about justice and revenge. I’ll take mercy and leave justice to The Lord. 

Problem is that message is often tossed around by people causing the problems in society.  It's easy to spout flowery language when it's not you suffering.  Personally, I'll take justice and revenge.  According to my values and the many others who outnumber the privileged few, it's fair.

Edited by poptart
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On 11/25/2020 at 10:27 PM, Tacenda said:

Poptart, have you ever heard of the book called, "A Child Called "It"? His mother starting abusing him when he was around 7 or 8, can't remember, she was mentally ill, but back in the 60's or 70's the laws were a lot different and she was able to get away with severe abuse to him for several years until I believe 12 when teachers decided something had to be done. I got an audible of this and his other book of him being taken out of the home, and put in foster homes called, "A Man Named Dave: A Story of Triumph and Forgiveness". And how the struggles he endured made him an exceptional person because his need for survival, I believe. Not always happens I know, but there is hopefully a good ending too for these abused children, they sure deserve it. His abuse was so horrific I don't know how he survived it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave_Pelzer

That reminds me of the book "The Last Closet", by Moira Greyland, which tells the author's story of abuse at the hands of her parents. It was a painful read.

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On 11/27/2020 at 6:51 PM, Tacenda said:

I reread my post to you. I regret saying the mother was in fact mentally ill. I may have just jumped to that conclusion. Not sure if it is true. It could be.

I think that it is likely that anyone who abuses a child is, to some degree, mentally ill. It is so counter what seems to be the more natural tendency to want to protect children, even other people's children. 

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16 hours ago, Stargazer said:

I think that it is likely that anyone who abuses a child is, to some degree, mentally ill. It is so counter what seems to be the more natural tendency to want to protect children, even other people's children. 

Really?  No one seemed to care at all about how I was growing up, to all appearances I was the white trash kid who didn't matter.

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