Jump to content

When the Friend of My Enemy is My Friend


Recommended Posts

Has that "seek to understand before you seek to be understood" ring to it. Your friend seems like he was able to demonstrate a lot of that in this situation.

Edited by gav
  • Like 1
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
4 minutes ago, gav said:

Has that "seek to understand before you seek to be understood" ring to it. Your friend seems like he was able to demonstrate a lot of that in this situation.

Yes, he did, and he has given me a lifetime's worth of inspiration. I want to be more like him. My favorite part:

In The Art of War, Sun Tzu writes, “The enemy of my enemy is my friend.” Wars and conflicts throughout history readily demonstrate this truism, even if it only applies temporarily. I can see how it works. However, our friend showed us something better, something that is less visible in the fog of history and more difficult to accomplish. Being a peacemaker is more powerful and more valuable.

Link to post
26 minutes ago, Maestrophil said:

Why did your relationship with your neighbors go from friendship to so hurtful?

To answer simply, I think we just excessively trusted people who we barely knew. We should have gotten to know them more first, before making such permanent decisions. We later learned that the experience we had with them aligned with experiences their previous ward members had. I think they simply had too many issues to be able to have a good close relationship like we wanted.

  • Like 1
Link to post
1 hour ago, Meadowchik said:

To answer simply, I think we just excessively trusted people who we barely knew. We should have gotten to know them more first, before making such permanent decisions. We later learned that the experience we had with them aligned with experiences their previous ward members had. I think they simply had too many issues to be able to have a good close relationship like we wanted.

Years ago in another ward, everyone was pleased to welcome a new family into our ward.  Husband and wife, two kids.  Seemed like awfully nice people.  Some ward members invited them over for dinner, and everyone had nice time.  Later discovered that someone had raided their medicine cabinet in the bathroom -- took anything with opioid content.  Come to find out that the husband had an addiction, but by then the family had already moved on.  I felt so sad for the wife and kids.

He should have gone to our bishop, who sometimes paid for systematic counseling for individuals and families.  The man desperately needed rehab.  Of course he needed first to recognize his own problem and ask for help.

  • Like 1
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
3 hours ago, Meadowchik said:

To answer simply, I think we just excessively trusted people who we barely knew. We should have gotten to know them more first, before making such permanent decisions. We later learned that the experience we had with them aligned with experiences their previous ward members had. I think they simply had too many issues to be able to have a good close relationship like we wanted.

Something happened to my parents like that without the violence and they knew them for years at church.  (Leased their home with option to buy and moved into an apt they made out of the garage.  The tenants tore up the landscaping, renovated the inside without permission (did a good job there so parents speculated the trashed outside was to drive them away), and did a Jekyll Hyde impression where they refused to let the kids even acknowledged my parents’ existence where they were expecting they would continue to be treated like grandparents and only the husband would have any interaction with them.  And spread rumors at church my parents were the ones needing help and that is why the move.  My parents were traveling a lot then due to their parents’ health (their reason for agreeing to the lease), so it took them a bit to learn of the rumors and the previous fraudulent behaviour. 
 

And all might have been prevented except for Mormon Nice...don’t share bad experiences, rather forgive and forget...

 

Just saying sometimes more time to get to know people is not enough, you have to interact with them in intimate quarters over time. 

Edited by Calm
  • Like 1
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
1 hour ago, Robert F. Smith said:

Later discovered that someone had raided their medicine cabinet in the bathroom -- took anything with opioid content. 

Times have changed. You have opioids or anything recreational in the house, use a medicine safe.  Drugs shouldn’t be kept in the bathroom anyway, humidity breaks them down faster. 

Edited by Calm
  • Upvote 1
Link to post
6 hours ago, Calm said:

Something happened to my parents like that without the violence and they knew them for years at church.  (Leased their home with option to buy and moved into an apt they made out of the garage.  The tenants tore up the landscaping, renovated the inside without permission (did a good job there so parents speculated the trashed outside was to drive them away), and did a Jekyll Hyde impression where they refused to let the kids even acknowledged my parents’ existence where they were expecting they would continue to be treated like grandparents and only the husband would have any interaction with them.  And spread rumors at church my parents were the ones needing help and that is why the move.  My parents were traveling a lot then due to their parents’ health (their reason for agreeing to the lease), so it took them a bit to learn of the rumors and the previous fraudulent behaviour. 
 

And all might have been prevented except for Mormon Nice...don’t share bad experiences, rather forgive and forget...

 

Just saying sometimes more time to get to know people is not enough, you have to interact with them in intimate quarters over time. 

Yes, time  isn't enough either, on it's own!

That sounds like a nightmare for your parents.

Link to post
33 minutes ago, Meadowchik said:

Yes, time  isn't enough either, on it's own!

That sounds like a nightmare for your parents.

It was. They lost the house, but not their investment as Dad has been cautious about the contract and had the husband’s work guarantee the lease. They needed to move anyway as they needed to be closer to family and it was getting too expensive to live there, but to be forced to rather than take it in their own time and to have to leave with twisted feelings rather than fondness for their home of 20 years....

Link to post

"He knew that the only way for us to reconcile would be to expose ourselves to more abuse from the neighbor. So he went in for us. "

Sometimes we can do work for others which they cannot do themselves. And then be a critical part of improving their situation.

  • Like 1
Link to post
22 hours ago, Meadowchik said:

To answer simply, I think we just excessively trusted people who we barely knew. We should have gotten to know them more first, before making such permanent decisions. We later learned that the experience we had with them aligned with experiences their previous ward members had. I think they simply had too many issues to be able to have a good close relationship like we wanted.

So sorry to hear about your situation. I can't even imagine being punched like that. It seems that sometimes those who are the worst are the most initially charming.

I had to sue a ward member who took advantage of me financially after my husband died. When I moved, I bought a house in a cul de sac, the end of which had been moved into another ward. Come to find out that the previous homeowner couldn't let go of a dog biting her kid (who likely provoked it) and ended up suing the ward member. She lost, there was no real injury and like your story, I began to hear unpleasant stuff about her aside from that.  But in the meantime, she divided the ward by insisting they take sides with her. The ward boundaries were restored when they moved. The fun part is how many people burble all over me about how glad they are I moved in. It took awhile to figure out. LOL

 

  • Upvote 2
Link to post
1 hour ago, juliann said:

So sorry to hear about your situation. I can't even imagine being punched like that. It seems that sometimes those who are the worst are the most initially charming.

I had to sue a ward member who took advantage of me financially after my husband died. When I moved, I bought a house in a cul de sac, the end of which had been moved into another ward. Come to find out that the previous homeowner couldn't let go of a dog biting her kid (who likely provoked it) and ended up suing the ward member. She lost, there was no real injury and like your story, I began to hear unpleasant stuff about her aside from that.  But in the meantime, she divided the ward by insisting they take sides with her. The ward boundaries were restored when they moved. The fun part is how many people burble all over me about how glad they are I moved in. It took awhile to figure out. LOL

 

The beautiful thing at ugly times like this is people stepping in to help, like those who made you feel welcome. There are moments in life when it's critical.

I'm glad it worked out for you and I am happy that the ward found more peace with your arrival.

Edited by Meadowchik
Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...