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How Is the Current Vibe


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How are most members you know doing in the walk of faith. It is a bit of a loaded question but a real one. Do the men you know seem to have authentic testimony? How about the women? Kids? Likely there are as many different answers as there are ppl to answer.

What I would expect is that a few are really take all things about church and church life very serious. Other not as much. How do you see it, why? I recall many years ago to know a man that really seamed beyond reproach on almost any situation. Almost genuine perfect... but his claim was something different. He told that he did not really believe everything as dictated from leadership but that the model was good enough and it was better than not having it. In my opinion was one of the most humble and real men of God I ever met.

It has been my experience that ppl (men and women) usually live double or triple life. Where we place high value on showing ourselves in a way that is perfect yet make choices all day long that are far from perfect, many times only for the purpose to support the perfect look.

How do you manage the need to be perceived as good? To the men, how do your manage your wife's need to be perceived as perfect? To the women, how do you support your men to behave well?

Thanks. 

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25 minutes ago, CloudMist said:

To the men, how do your manage your wife's need to be perceived as perfect? 

Maybe you should phrase that "to the men, how do you manage if your wife has a need to be perceived as perfect"?

I, for one, have a major need to be perceived as imperfect.  Don't want anyone's false expectations laid on me.  Not a worthwhile burden.

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36 minutes ago, CloudMist said:

To the women, how do you support your men to behave well?

I only support him in what HE wants to do.  Anything else would be manipulative IMO.

 

37 minutes ago, CloudMist said:

Do the men you know seem to have authentic testimony? How about the women? Kids?

I take people at their word.  I think like me people have their journey and its rarely a straight line.

 

38 minutes ago, CloudMist said:

t has been my experience that ppl (men and women) usually live double or triple life. Where we place high value on showing ourselves in a way that is perfect yet make choices all day long that are far from perfect, many times only for the purpose to support the perfect look.

My opinion is that most people recognize that they are imperfect and are reasonably OK with that.  Doing the best they can.  Where we get in trouble is when we project the illusion of perfection on others, and feel a need to keep up.
No one is perfect.  Perfect people would be annoying.  IMO. Perfection is an unhealthy defense mechanism IMO. 

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2 hours ago, CloudMist said:

...................usually live double or triple life. .....................

We have been getting better attendance lately.  Don't know why.  People just come, with their families.

Hard to live double or triple lives, unless you're a sociopath or psychopath, and they often become serial criminals of some sort.  Kind of like this LDS missionary who was just arrested in Mountain View, California (which I am not allowed to provide the URL).

Most children can see their parents faults and love them anyway, and vice versa.   We are all flawed.  The main principal which saves us all is repentance.

Edited by Robert F. Smith
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23 hours ago, Calm said:

Maybe you should phrase that "to the men, how do you manage if your wife has a need to be perceived as perfect"?

I, for one, have a major need to be perceived as imperfect.  Don't want anyone's false expectations laid on me.  Not a worthwhile burden.

thanks,  I like the change of wording you made.    the like button doesn't seem to work for me,  maybe that is not enable for a new account.

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23 hours ago, MustardSeed said:

I only support him in what HE wants to do.  Anything else would be manipulative IMO.

 

I take people at their word.  I think like me people have their journey and its rarely a straight line.

 

My opinion is that most people recognize that they are imperfect and are reasonably OK with that.  Doing the best they can.  Where we get in trouble is when we project the illusion of perfection on others, and feel a need to keep up.
No one is perfect.  Perfect people would be annoying.  IMO. Perfection is an unhealthy defense mechanism IMO. 

thanks,   I can agree with your points.  It is nice to hear that someone else has same opinion.

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21 hours ago, Robert F. Smith said:

We have been getting better attendance lately.  Don't know why.  People just come, with their families.

Hard to live double or triple lives, unless you're a sociopath or psychopath, and they often become serial criminals of some sort.  Kind of like this LDS missionary who was just arrested in Mountain View, California (which I am not allowed to provide the URL).

Most children can see their parents faults and love them anyway, and vice versa.   We are all flawed.  The main principal which saves us all is repentance.

thanks for that.  I can agree.  Not exactly what I was thinking,  but spot on for what I wrote.

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On 3/6/2020 at 6:09 PM, CloudMist said:

It has been my experience that ppl (men and women) usually live double or triple life. Where we place high value on showing ourselves in a way that is perfect yet make choices all day long that are far from perfect, many times only for the purpose to support the perfect look.

How do you manage the need to be perceived as good? [...]

For a long time now, I have managed by just being honest and not really caring what other people think.

Ironically, this has not achieved the 'fly under the radar' results I was going for. 

 

 

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I would like to be realistically perceived.  There are some people who talk about what a wonderful person I am. There are some that are really bothered that I would have such and such of a viewpoint. Realistically, I'm somewhere in between a heathen and awesome. 

I do care how I am perceived, I think most people do. I just think people care about it from some people more than others and that when you get centered you realize that being right with God matters more than how you are perceived. 

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On 3/7/2020 at 11:58 PM, CloudMist said:

thanks,  I like the change of wording you made.    the like button doesn't seem to work for me,  maybe that is not enable for a new account.

I think you have to have 25 posts before the like button is enabled and before you can originate threads in the other forums. Of course, you can respond to the threads in the other forums.

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13 hours ago, Stargazer said:

I think you have to have 25 posts before the like button is enabled and before you can originate threads in the other forums. Of course, you can respond to the threads in the other forums.

ok,  thanks.   

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On 3/10/2020 at 11:39 PM, Amulek said:

For a long time now, I have managed by just being honest and not really caring what other people think.

Ironically, this has not achieved the 'fly under the radar' results I was going for. 

 

 

real honesty is something special.  

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On 3/12/2020 at 10:07 PM, Rain said:

 I just think people care about it from some people more than others

interesting,   can you explain this one more?   My initial impression is that this is something more and also deeper and relevant to the vibe.

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4 hours ago, CloudMist said:

interesting,   can you explain this one more?   My initial impression is that this is something more and also deeper and relevant to the vibe.

Non church example, but it was the first that came to mind. I'm a type one diabetic.  I don't drink sugared soda or punch (except if needed for low blood sugar) or eat much rice and often no rice because it doesn't appeal much to me and takes lots of insulin to cover it. I'm not so good with other carb heavy foods because I really like them.

When I eat out with someone and I don't eat the rice they often mention I control my diabetes so well. I sometimes tell them "in this thing, or I don't say anything or whatever. I want to be honest, but further conversation may not happen depending on the effort because I don't care what they think, but may care about educating people about diabetes.

With my doctor it is another story. I want him to understand the realistic whole story, not just because he needs it for my care, but if he perceives me as dishonest, non compliant, uneducated or not smart then it will affect how he treats me and the control he allows me to have. It also affects his advice given to me about what to do which can be totally wrong if he perceives I am one of those things when I am not. 

It's the same with church things. I don't care how people in general perceive me if I am doing what God wants of me in a particular thing, but if someone's perceptions affects my ability to do those things I want to be perceived well.

For example, I'm not fond of working with children yet I keep getting in callings with this.  I am very honest about my feelings with primary leaders because I don't want them to think I love it and I get stuck there.

Realistically I am a good teacher or cub scout leader though. I am dependable, can teach with different methods, am not "boring" most of the time. And while I don't often have love for any specific individuals in my life I do have a love for people in general and want to help them so people are often surprised I would love to be out of primary.  

And that's where it is different I want to be perceived correctly by the parents that I am a good teacher for their children.  Not because I want to be good in their eyes, but because the parents will work with me better, the children will learn better, the children may get something from it that helps them.  

Being perceived well isn't so much about "me" when you are trying to follow Heavenly Father, but about the whole process actually working.  I don't think that is something everyone thinks about, but most do have a good sense that it needs to happen for some reason.

Now, just to be clear, if you are not sure you are doing what Heavenly Father wants it isn't going to work the same way. I've noticed in my life that when I start "caring" about how other people perceive me it usually means my relationship with God is not in a good place. When I work on that relationship that goes away and only the desire to be perceived well for the process to work/others to be cared for remains. That may not hold true for others.

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On 3/15/2020 at 1:40 AM, Rain said:

Non church example, but it was the first that came to mind. I'm a type one diabetic.  I don't drink sugared soda or punch (except if needed for low blood sugar) or eat much rice and often no rice because it doesn't appeal much to me and takes lots of insulin to cover it. I'm not so good with other carb heavy foods because I really like them.

When I eat out with someone and I don't eat the rice they often mention I control my diabetes so well. I sometimes tell them "in this thing, or I don't say anything or whatever. I want to be honest, but further conversation may not happen depending on the effort because I don't care what they think, but may care about educating people about diabetes.

With my doctor it is another story. I want him to understand the realistic whole story, not just because he needs it for my care, but if he perceives me as dishonest, non compliant, uneducated or not smart then it will affect how he treats me and the control he allows me to have. It also affects his advice given to me about what to do which can be totally wrong if he perceives I am one of those things when I am not. 

It's the same with church things. I don't care how people in general perceive me if I am doing what God wants of me in a particular thing, but if someone's perceptions affects my ability to do those things I want to be perceived well.

For example, I'm not fond of working with children yet I keep getting in callings with this.  I am very honest about my feelings with primary leaders because I don't want them to think I love it and I get stuck there.

Realistically I am a good teacher or cub scout leader though. I am dependable, can teach with different methods, am not "boring" most of the time. And while I don't often have love for any specific individuals in my life I do have a love for people in general and want to help them so people are often surprised I would love to be out of primary.  

And that's where it is different I want to be perceived correctly by the parents that I am a good teacher for their children.  Not because I want to be good in their eyes, but because the parents will work with me better, the children will learn better, the children may get something from it that helps them.  

Being perceived well isn't so much about "me" when you are trying to follow Heavenly Father, but about the whole process actually working.  I don't think that is something everyone thinks about, but most do have a good sense that it needs to happen for some reason.

Now, just to be clear, if you are not sure you are doing what Heavenly Father wants it isn't going to work the same way. I've noticed in my life that when I start "caring" about how other people perceive me it usually means my relationship with God is not in a good place. When I work on that relationship that goes away and only the desire to be perceived well for the process to work/others to be cared for remains. That may not hold true for others.

thank you for the effort to tell that.  this explanation is really clear.

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