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Question on male/female relations here in the mainland US


poptart

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Thought i'd ask here,

 

With mom and myself slowly wrapping things up here and planning on moving on a few years i'm tying up loose ends.  One thing that's always been on the back of my mind after years of interracting with purely caucasian families here in the mainland, just how much do men here put up with?  Not trying to bully one gender over the other but when I was younger like every father I knew esp. if they had a daughter expected every guy who came into contact to treat her like royalty even if she was rotten to the core.  I see this with the caucasian relatives I have, their partners just walk all over them.  Don't get me wrong, the family I have who is married have wives who lay down the law.  Thing is, to me it's a bit more equal.  One of them has a Vietnamese wife, very pretty/feminine, educated, no children out of wedlock and well, kind of a model spouse if you look at it from an Asian perspective.  Ohh boy does she keep her husband in line.  Still, she takes care of him.  Meanwhile, what I do here from the caucasian side, the men just get stepped on and they put up with it.  I won't mention what I heard here, let me say if I was in the same situation i've have lost my temper so very long ago, I have a very low tolerance level for that kind of nonsense esp. when children are involved.  Older I get more I can see mom in me.  It's even more evident since all i've ever dated were men and Asian women, i've never had a serious relationship with a woman here and the older I get I can deffinetly see how it makes me stand out, at least in my mind.  This is also the other reason why i'm all for moving, moms getting old and most think she's either native or Asian of some kind.  I could see myself having issues as I get older especially as the USA continues to change in ways I cannot nor care to relate too.  You guys are cool, some of the older ones like Papa (who I have a ton of respect for) and Jane Doe (she gets cool Mormon status) and know what's up, mind sharing a bit?  I had a really messed up, complicated childhood and well, even as an adult I stuck with moms way of thinking since it was just her side who ever cared and did anything for me, the other side either died off or in the case of the younger ones are too distant and well, foreign. 

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1 hour ago, Robert F. Smith said:

So, you're planning to move to Hawaii-ne?  Not entirely clear what you are saying.

Had been planning it for a but after the bad family issues cleared up, didn't end well but that kind of stuff never does.  Think I'm just trying to make sense of family dynamics between the sexes.  Outside of the circle of people I know I really don't interact with a lot of families here, kind of always been that way mostly because of money when I was younger and now culture, when I do overhear what parents here have to go through raising children it blows my mind.  Geez, a few of em, esp the family I know here just get stepped on, even the people their kids date make me cringe.  I'd think it's just them but when I do run into actual middle class families it's a similar pattern.  Guy is lucky if the wife works, he works, deals with the kids, in some cases cooks the meals.  Most of the people I actually talk to on a more personal level are well, either gay, foreign or just single so all that stuff is well outside of my own personal bubble.  Are relationships/families as wack as they sound nowadays? 

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3 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

People are people.  Some are whack single, some are whack in relationships.  Some one spouse is a slacker.  Some one spouse is a nagger.  Some split things pretty equal.  

People are people.  That really doesn't change where you go. 

Yes. I see no US cultural norms with this. Just a variety of relationships.

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4 hours ago, poptart said:

Had been planning it for a but after the bad family issues cleared up, didn't end well but that kind of stuff never does.  Think I'm just trying to make sense of family dynamics between the sexes.  Outside of the circle of people I know I really don't interact with a lot of families here, kind of always been that way mostly because of money when I was younger and now culture, when I do overhear what parents here have to go through raising children it blows my mind.  Geez, a few of em, esp the family I know here just get stepped on, even the people their kids date make me cringe.  I'd think it's just them but when I do run into actual middle class families it's a similar pattern.  Guy is lucky if the wife works, he works, deals with the kids, in some cases cooks the meals.  Most of the people I actually talk to on a more personal level are well, either gay, foreign or just single so all that stuff is well outside of my own personal bubble.  Are relationships/families as wack as they sound nowadays? 

Not so much in Provo, Utah.  People here seem rather normal.  Glad I left L.A.

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In general, people who are raised in normal two parent households tend to be well-adjusted. 

One of the major problems in Western society is that the above pattern is not as prevalent as it used to be.  So more "abnormal" behaviors have assumed a prominent role.

Being married myself as well as having observed divorce within in my own immediate family, reinforces the conclusion that being raised "normally" ie. traditional two parent household is a major indicator of relationship success.

Edited by mrmarklin
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On 1/2/2020 at 7:07 PM, Jane_Doe said:

People are people.  Some are whack single, some are whack in relationships.  Some one spouse is a slacker.  Some one spouse is a nagger.  Some split things pretty equal.  

People are people.  That really doesn't change where you go. 

Anymore I'm glad I just keep to my own and do what I can to ignore how things are going here, I'm not thrilled with the rise in substance abuse and family disfunction.  At least I can avoid it...

On 1/3/2020 at 11:16 AM, The Nehor said:

I have not noticed women in the US being more controlling or abusive in the US than elsewhere.

There is a tendency to find it more shocking due to chauvinism where an equivalent male control freak or abuser would be seen as closer to normal though hopefully not normal.

I've seen both but that's me.  Agree on the abuser part, had to grow up around it and see the end result, it's really depressing.

20 hours ago, mrmarklin said:

In general, people who are raised in normal two parent households tend to be well-adjusted. 

One of the major problems in Western society is that the above pattern is not as prevalent as it used to be.  So more "abnormal" behaviors have assumed a prominent role.

Being married myself as well as having observed divorce within in my own immediate family, reinforces the conclusion that being raised "normally" ie. traditional two parent household is a major indicator of relationship success.

I agree 100% and have seen it with both sides of the family.  The ones here totally threw their values out the window, worst part was how one of my grand aunts grand kids ran her mouth off over her choice to co habbit out of wedlock.  Her predictions came true, 10 years later she's remarried and now has to deal with her step sons mother, drug felonies and all.  Moms side however is worlds better off and yep, it's all because of family stability.  Thing is, that's the Hawaiian/Asian cultural values.  Like you said, it's a major problem in western society.  My goal is to avoid it as much as possible and like a forest fire just watch it all burn.  Sometimes, the best way to deal with problems is like a fire, let it burn itself out.  Just my opinion...

On 1/2/2020 at 10:38 PM, Robert F. Smith said:

Not so much in Provo, Utah.  People here seem rather normal.  Glad I left L.A.

You know, been gaining an appreciation for CA.  Nurses and Doctors still go there for the wages and from what i've been learning the liability protection.  Here in CO thanks to all the transplants medical people are worked harder than ever, are sued even more and like the midwest wages here don't go up.  CO like a lot of the nation is doing a fantastic job of sueing medical out of the area and making the doctor/nurse shortage even worse.  I coined an expression, entitlement is expensive. 

Also, the Asian parts of CA are ok, something i've always admired about the Chinese, you mess with them enough and the mob gets involved.  Like the Russians, lots of Chinese mob types are former military and do a good job of keeping the scum out when push comes to shove.  Most of the transplants i've seen from CA are the typical, modern, rootless types who would rather exploit a local community then contribute.  I'll admit, I do have a bias about what I consider an ideal community, contemporary anglo american suburbs are towards the bottom of that list.

On 1/2/2020 at 10:20 PM, Rain said:

Yes. I see no US cultural norms with this. Just a variety of relationships.

Same, a lot of them far less stable than they used to be generations ago.

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