Ugh...

[Damien the Leper]

... rejoining the church is going to take soooo long.

[CV75]

1 minute ago, Valentinus said:

... rejoining the church is going to take soooo long.

For whom? And why?

[JLHPROF]

6 minutes ago, Valentinus said:

... rejoining the church is going to take soooo long.

? - usually only if there is a lot of repentance to be worked through.

[carbon dioxide]

8 minutes ago, Valentinus said:

... rejoining the church is going to take soooo long.

Not as long as not rejoining the church.

[Calm]

5 hours ago, Valentinus said:

... rejoining the church is going to take soooo long.

Which one?  You have been interested in several over the years.

And is the rejoining length due to a personal difficulty or an institutional one?

edited to add:  Serious question, in rereading it I realized it probably comes across as critical when I am just asking for clarification because Val has shared a lot about his journey over the years and I don't want to assume.

Edited June 16, 2017 by Calm

[RevTestament]

16 minutes ago, Valentinus said:

... rejoining the church is going to take soooo long.

It's worth it.

[Stargazer]

I'd guess Val means he still has fundamental disagreements with the Church, and that is why it's going to take a long time.

[Darren10]

1 hour ago, Valentinus said:

... rejoining the church is going to take soooo long.

Take your time but be constantly consistent in coming back. I think that's key.

[Kenngo1969]

3 hours ago, Valentinus said:

... rejoining the church is going to take soooo long.

Nothin' worth havin' ever comes easy, Val.  Trust me: I'm an expert on that.  As always, I wish you well.  

Edited June 16, 2017 by Kenngo1969

[Damien the Leper]

4 hours ago, Calm said:

Which one?  You have been interested in several over the years.

And is the rejoining length due to a personal difficulty or an institutional one.

The LDS church. I don't have faith but I have an idea. I'm not sure there is a God. I guess I'm hoping. I feel like my conscience is dragging me back to the church and I've been fighting it kicking and screaming. For real though...how does a person without faith feel the need to go back? I'm writing this here so I can get it out and stop thinking about it so much. I'm so angry and confused by these feelings but I can't help but also feel elation and a sense of calm. I'm really pissed off.

I need a therapist. 

[Calm]

Sounds quite interesting and makes me grateful for my relatively dull life.

I hope you come to a solid solution for yourself that satisfies all of you...and I hope that can be you gaining faith and coming back because that would be wonderful in my view.

[Scott Lloyd]

1 hour ago, Valentinus said:

The LDS church. I don't have faith but I have an idea. I'm not sure there is a God. I guess I'm hoping. I feel like my conscience is dragging me back to the church and I've been fighting it kicking and screaming. For real though...how does a person without faith feel the need to go back? I'm writing this here so I can get it out and stop thinking about it so much. I'm so angry and confused by these feelings but I can't help but also feel elation and a sense of calm. I'm really pissed off.

I need a therapist. 

Just reading between the lines here, but if you feel something dragging you back, maybe you have more faith than you think you do. 

[Damien the Leper]

1 hour ago, Scott Lloyd said:

Just reading between the lines here, but if you feel something dragging you back, maybe you have more faith than you think you do. 

 That makes this situation more annoying.

[3DOP]

Val...Hey...Be assured of my prayers. Which is also a way to say...I wish you well.

Rory

 

[Garden Girl]

Hello Val...

Let me encourage you... When I was inactive, the Spirit would pull at me from time to time (and I think that's what is happening to you)... until finally I told my husband that I was really feeling the need to return to Church, and he said... Then you should.  Thankfully, he encouraged me as I went through the process of reactivating... and regaining my full faith and testimony (if you remember, I was inactive for 34 years).  

So let me cheer you on... from someone who knows that feeling... who has been there and done that... 

All good wishes... GG

 

[mfbukowski]

8 hours ago, Valentinus said:

The LDS church. I don't have faith but I have an idea. I'm not sure there is a God. I guess I'm hoping. I feel like my conscience is dragging me back to the church and I've been fighting it kicking and screaming. For real though...how does a person without faith feel the need to go back? I'm writing this here so I can get it out and stop thinking about it so much. I'm so angry and confused by these feelings but I can't help but also feel elation and a sense of calm. I'm really pissed off.

I need a therapist. 

Lol I love it and love you, you knucklehead!

Reminds me of me.  There is no friggin way anyone was going to convince me that some farmers in Utah had the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

I mean I was a New Yorker.  I was an intellectual.   I was hot stuff!

And here these podunk farmers with their ridiculous golden plates had the gospel?  NO WAY

But the spirit kept nagging me.  It wouldn't quit.  And that stupid sense of peace and love just would not go away.  And yes, joy.   How ridiculous!!

True joy is a hard thing to reject.  

You have faith or you wouldn't be here.  Every thought of the future is a thought with faith behind it.  If there is anything you want in life, you have faith.

Edited June 17, 2017 by mfbukowski

[Damien the Leper]

Day 1...

I began my day with a trip to the gym. I know...day of rest...whatever. I enjoyed my protein shake, vegan I might add. I did some laundry and put dishes away. I decided that reading Mosiah, the best book in the BoM, was in order. Be quiet all you who protest my bias and favor...this is my MDDB blog entry. Get your own. Later, upon exiting my home, I was blasted by the blessed, infernal heat that is customary in the Valley of the Sun. I began to dutifully sweat upon entering my humble Chrysler whose AC went out a mere 36 hours earlier. At least that is what my heat delirium would allow me to think. Sweat trickled elegantly yet with fervor as I seek out the place of worship designated by the Church website. What were the authorities thinking? My oasis of solace was a grand 25 minutes from my home. There is literally another meeting house less than 10 minutes away! Fast forward to stepping into professed oasis. I am greeted by beautiful decor, a beautiful sofa and the stench of a recently soiled diaper. All reminders of a past love. Sacrament passes uneventfully with talks of fatherhood considering the day. Gospel Principles, mostly uneventful, was awash with discussion on the necessity of a Restoration. After closing prayer, a missionary from Highland, UT instigated a discussion on the Promised Land. A land he poorly asserts to be the entire state of Utah. I humbly rebuked his naivete by confessing that the Promised Land of Utah is solely limited to the Eden that is the University of Utah. Said missionary arrogantly attempts to rebuke my humble and divinely inspired proclamation. Said proclamation will be later found in the D&C as Section 287. You're welcome! We move on to Elder's Quorum. The occasion is one of celebration as a new EQ presidency is set apart. We begin with song and prayer...all in under 7 minutes. The Stake Presidency and Branch Presidency continue on with blessings longer than my Patriarchal Blessing...and my current Master's Thesis, I might add. Though forced to politely remain seated on metal chairs designed for torturing heretics of centuries long passed, I enjoy the kind, loving, astute (even if long winded) blessings pronounced upon these young men. Unfortunately, nearing close, I am overcome with the need to vomit. Initially, I thought it the lingering odor of the diaper upon arrival. However, searching my thoughts while knelt before a porcelain waste receptical, I am drawn to thoughts of luke warm sushi from my previous eve's antics. I made a haste exit to my loyal chariot. While en route to home, I am required by my stomach to relieve myself of further disease. No amount of a woman's morning sickness could compare to the heavy projectile waste I deposited. The demon in The Exorcist would have been impressed if not so jealous. I make it home to my air conditioner, water and comfortable bed. I indulge in the three so much so  I do not wake until the next day's morn.

Edited June 20, 2017 by Valentinus

[Okrahomer]

A truly memorable (if not auspicious) beginning.  I am so looking forward to further installments!

Stay cool and hydrated; and better to stay away from the sushi.  

[Calm]

It can only get better?

[Jeanne]

Just want you to be happy.  Follow your heart..your gut..and whatever makes you..you!  Hugs..Jeanne

Wishing you the very best.

[Damien the Leper]

4 hours ago, Calm said:

It can only get better?

I like how your comment is posed as a question. I can't say I hope this is a fluke. It was memorable and enjoyable. Well...until the end. That was bad. But overall, I wouldn't trade it for anything. It was a unique day.

[Storm Rider]

On 6/16/2017 at 5:58 PM, Valentinus said:

The LDS church. I don't have faith but I have an idea. I'm not sure there is a God. I guess I'm hoping. I feel like my conscience is dragging me back to the church and I've been fighting it kicking and screaming. For real though...how does a person without faith feel the need to go back? I'm writing this here so I can get it out and stop thinking about it so much. I'm so angry and confused by these feelings but I can't help but also feel elation and a sense of calm. I'm really pissed off.

I need a therapist. 

Val, in all seriousness, I truly enjoy your posts; it is not that we agree in all things, but that I appreciate your thoughts.  Those feelings of calm, elation and the desire to follow are faith.  What appears to be the conflict is that your mortal man is fighting against the spiritual individual that you are.  What is so wonderful is that you recognize it and in anger, confusion, you still take one step forward knowing that God is working in and through you.  The road is a short as the humble, broken heart saying, "Here am I; I would follow thee."  

[Tacenda]

If you don't mind me asking, what possessed you to want to attend church again? 

Sometimes I think I want to go back as well. It came home for me when a neighbor, young man, came by because he needed to borrow our hammock stand for a set-up to sell hammocks at a 4th of July town fair. 

I taught him years ago in primary, and I wasn't expecting his genuinely friendliness toward me, and really wasn't expecting the hug! In fact when he left I teared up because I missed that so much in the church, the loving people. No one in the ward has came to our house for a long time, including our HT'rs. Maybe that's why I was emotional about the hug, especially. 

Is that what led you back to attending that day? Just curious, because I know that would lead me back. Not too sure I believe all of it, but I would attend for the kinship. 

Good luck with whatever you do. And who's to say you can't just attend whenever you feel like it right?

[Damien the Leper]

10 hours ago, Storm Rider said:

Val, in all seriousness, I truly enjoy your posts; it is not that we agree in all things, but that I appreciate your thoughts.  Those feelings of calm, elation and the desire to follow are faith.  What appears to be the conflict is that your mortal man is fighting against the spiritual individual that you are.  What is so wonderful is that you recognize it and in anger, confusion, you still take one step forward knowing that God is working in and through you.  The road is a short as the humble, broken heart saying, "Here am I; I would follow thee."  

Mark 9:23-25. This is so much greater than any other. I don't know what to recognize. There are more questions than there are answers.

[Stargazer]

22 hours ago, Valentinus said:

Mark 9:23-25. This is so much greater than any other. I don't know what to recognize. There are more questions than there are answers.

I've discovered that for each answered question there are more delightful questions!  Until we come to a fulness I believe we can be constantly amazed by new truth.