Jump to content

Chastity thing about 25-year old lady living with single man who is Stepdad?


Recommended Posts

Single, 25, and after a year of being away, I'm heading home for several months for a job until my next run at school (one of the Y's).  Kinda starting over with no car, no phone, but trying to work it.

Mom's house is a little crowded, but she says I'll have my own room.


  • My dad - left when I was like 4 - he's out of the picture
  • StepDad - Mom remarried when I was 5, and divorced him when I was 17. Mom & Step-Dad raised me from when I was 5 to about 17 until they divorced.  
  • I lived with Mom while she was single for a few years, then off to school and work out of state.  The times I've come back have been to Mom's.
  • Mom just recently remarried a year ago, I met the new guy once when they got married (came back for that).  Mom seems real happy and the new guy seems real nice.  Both he and mom have written me every week since I've been gone and I talk to mom a lot...she's really been my rock.


So...StepDad says he just bought a house and I can live with him for these months, use a car, give me a phone, get me on my feet.  Mom says he's dangerous and I don't know the stories of why she left him.  

And my friend says that as a single LDS woman, I can't go living with a 50-year old single man, but what if he's my stepdad?



Link to comment

Hi Sandy,

Making yourself the subject or personal crisis topics are banned on the board.

I will say your situation seems innocent enough, but if your Mom says he's dangerous I'd be reconsidering.
As for Church policy - a similar discussion was had here previously -


Link to comment

I don't think you'll run into any problems living with your stepdad, but if you don't introduce him that way to HTers and VTers, the bishop may ask you about it.   But I would recommend that you get a lock for your door that he doesn't have a key for.   And I would suggest you keep a go bag in your car.   And do not accept food/drink that he has prepared for you and do not use any of his electronic devices (including wifi, since if he is using porn, or doing something else unlawful, and you also use the account, he may escape accountability or drag you into the investigation) or allow him to use yours. 

And it might be worth your while to consider alternatives so when you ask your step dad what your mother is talking about, you are not trapped if you don't like the answer.

Bottom line is that if the bishop objects, and tells you to move out or face discipline, you can do that.   

Link to comment

If it were me, I'd find out what Mom meant by dangerous--does he play with firearms or knives, use controlled substances, steal your debit card, or is he a violent sex offender? How you go into this situation depends on the answer. There are also databases where one can find out all kinds of details if he has any kind of criminal background.

Link to comment

When my mom died, I went down to my girlhood home and stayed with my step-dad for a month and helped him clean out mom's sewing room, etc.   It was during this time I reactivated in the Church... of course, I'm sealed to my step-dad and my mom, and have been since I was 14 years old... completely different scenario I realize... much depends on what your mom means by "dangerous."


Link to comment

So ask your mom what she is talking about and let her know you might be staying with him and if she wants to protect you, you need to know since you are having contact with him whether or not you move in.  And I would ask him as well and if you get any feeling of something being off, don't do it if you have any other options.   Go to the bishop and see if there is someone in the ward who needs a roommate etc.. 

It may be very difficult not to take him up on the offer, but ask yourself if it is worth the risk of being attacked (which is what I would assume if my mother told me someone was dangerous).  How much contact have you had with him since the divorce?

Link to comment

To the OP, he was your father for most of your growing up, I am sure you came to view him as you "father". Without a doubt, I am sure you do not view him sexually in any way, and unless he is without any morals he does not view you as anything other than a daughter. We're he to act inappropriately, or do anything inappropriate, that (under the law) is considered incestual, and we're he to touch you anyway in a sexual nature, he would be locked up accordanally. Now if your mom says he had problems with younger women...then the narrative changes, and your mother is right. 

Link to comment
This topic is now closed to further replies.
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Create New...