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Anger Management


Rivers

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8 minutes ago, Rivers said:

Elsewhere. I don't get angry on this board.  I'm talking about in real life. 

Yes, this board does get unreal sometimes. ;)

The best thing that I ever did for myself was to actually get psychological therapy. I had to learn how to think rationally. Once I gained a it self confidence and learned not to react immediately to negative events and words, my life, as in my emotions, smoothed out a lot. I had to make the old adage "sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" a reality.

Glenn

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6 hours ago, Rivers said:

Anybody have good anger management tips?  I need to learn to control my temper better. 

Anger is a passion which when used properly is of value. Some think that Jesus sinned because He exhibited anger when He turned over the tables of the money changers. But the record shows that He did not perform this act without due consideration. I recollect that He was doing some whittling or something similar. After this, with perfect control, He allowed His soul to feel righteous indignation over the sacrilege being done on the steps of His Father's House, and used the passion of anger as it is intended to be used when we are acting reasonably.

But anger can obviously be misused. Another way of expressing anger misused is to say that someone is "mad". This usually happens when one is taken by surprise and are not practiced in the habit of distrust of the passions, and gives way to a flare up of unreasonable anger. It is literally madness, a form of temporary insanity takes over where one cannot be reasoned with. It is a good sign when one has regret that this happens. It can motivate us to be always on our guard against being "taken by surprise".

When we come upon a circumstance that we recognize as having the potential to rouse our anger, we need not merely dismiss it. But we need to retire into ourselves, if only for a few moments, and make a decision. Are we, or are we not justified in exhibiting anger over a particular circumstance. God gave us the ability to be angry because there is great potential good to be angry on purpose. It can rouse us to acts of courage that we could not otherwise perform well. Authority figures such as police, parents, teachers, employers, or military officers can properly use anger with prudence, to help subordinates to a better understanding of how or why they need to observe a particular kind of conduct. But ordinarily, it is a fault to give way to anger every time it wants to make an entrance. Subordinates are seldom impressed with madness, whereas they will respect a well-measured and prudent use of righteous indignation.

Clearly, we all stumble, and will not be as perfect as our Lord was in using the passions, but He is our examplar, and anyone would do well to try to imitate Him.

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Anger is typically a secondary emotion, the underlying one being fear or pain or (I always forget the third, but lately I've been thinking shame?, but it might be grief).  And when it is exhibited, it typically is quick.   So the standard "count to ten, and do deep breathing" is wise advice.    Singing a song, shadowboxing with him or herself (though there is research that says that hitting a pillow or a punching bag or ripping up newspapers actually reinforced the anger rather than extinguishing it), doing pushups or other physical exercise until it goes away are all things that have been tried with some success.  

Psychs would tell you to identify the primary emotion that gives rise to the anger, and work on resolving that.

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Keep an anger log.  Write down the times when you get angry.  What was happening at the moment?  Were you hungry?  Already upset about something?  Worried?  Everyone in my old ward got to take turns going to parenting/marriage classes and the counselor said typically anger is "unmet expectations".  She taught us to use "HALTS".

Hungry (or hormonal)

Angry

Lonely

Tired

Sick (or stressed)

You are supposed to identify what's bothering you and see if you can fix it.  This could be about anger or it could be about an urge to act on an addiction.  For instance, if someone is addicted to pornography, they might find that eating or taking a nap causes the feeling to pass.

Anger is OK as long as you are using it to motivate yourself.  You might finally say or do something that needed to happen a long time ago.  I found that when I was pregnant, I got way better at setting boundaries with people because I was finally angry enough to be protective of myself (and my baby).  And rather than thinking, "Oh, that woman acted that way because she has PMS", chances are those are her real feelings.  She's just finally making them known.  Although maybe not in the most healthy way. 

Punching something might help or it might make you feel more angry that you are out of control.  Go for a brisk walk if you can.  My outlet is playing a fast song on the piano, listening to music, deep breaths, etc.  I hope something in there helps.  :)

 

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3 minutes ago, Tacenda said:

"When you get frustrated, it's hard to stop, but remember to think whether the people you're around should be expected to know what you're thinking." 

A quote by my awesome gay niece.

Good One!!!

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18 hours ago, Rivers said:

Anybody have good anger management tips?  I need to learn to control my temper better. 

 

Evaluate how you felt and reacted in anger and think about how you would like to behave. Evaluate the anger itself. Is it useful or not?  Anger can be held onto even after it is no longer needed.  Make a decision to let useless anger go, and then let it go.  

Prepare for how you want to behave and how you will practice letting the anger go. When you feel that anger coming on, stop and think of the plan you have prepared and use it and make the choice to behave differently.   It takes time and practice, and reevaluation and new preparation after each anger episode.

Better yet do a self evaluation every night, not with the intent to beat yourself up, but with the intent to look at how the day went.  What went well? What didn't go well? What went well can give you direction for planning how to address, in future scenarios and preparation for them, the things that didn't go so well. 

Center preparation on the Christian virtue of love and being a disciple of Jesus. Choose to forgive, others and yourself.  Pray for patience. 

Edited by saemo
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On June 19, 2016 at 1:10 PM, Rivers said:

Elsewhere. I don't get angry on this board.  I'm talking about in real life. 

Anger, comes from trying to control what we cannot. 

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On June 20, 2016 at 0:07 AM, saemo said:

 

Evaluate how you felt and reacted in anger and think about how you would like to behave. Evaluate the anger itself. Is it useful or not?  Anger can be held onto even after it is no longer needed.  Make a decision to let useless anger go, and then let it go.  

Prepare for how you want to behave and how you will practice letting the anger go. When you feel that anger coming on, stop and think of the plan you have prepared and use it and make the choice to behave differently.   It takes time and practice, and reevaluation and new preparation after each anger episode.

Better yet do a self evaluation every night, not with the intent to beat yourself up, but with the intent to look at how the day went.  What went well? What didn't go well? What went well can give you direction for planning how to address, in future scenarios and preparation for them, the things that didn't go so well. 

Center preparation on the Christian virtue of love and being a disciple of Jesus. Choose to forgive, others and yourself.  Pray for patience. 

Good advice

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